got.daim
ᛋᛋ 𝕭𝖑𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝕭𝖞 𝕬𝖓𝖆 ᛋᛋ
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2024
- Posts
- 11,476
- Reputation
- 14,351
i wake up every day in the same bed same room same skin that never fit right and the ceiling says nothing back to me just stares blank like everyone else and yes im still here 28 years old never kissed never touched never even made eye contact that meant something and its not incel rage its deeper its rotted its fossilized shame and silence and yeah i live with my parents and yeah they pretend like its normal like im just “figuring things out” even though i been broken since the start autism add weird brain chemicals maybe even cursed maybe genetically engineered to fail i don’t know anymore i can’t do what normal people do i can’t hold a job i can’t hold a conversation i can’t hold anything except guilt and dirty dishes and all the years i wasted like receipts piling up in a drawer that no one opens i tried i swear i tried to be something to be someone i took the pills i read the books i listened to the noise they call advice i forced eye contact like they told me i practiced smiling in the mirror till it cracked and even then i kept smiling because i didn’t know what else to do you ever feel like a walking error message like your life is a software glitch that no one patched and now you’re just lagging through existence while everyone else renders in full HD with depth and color and meanwhile i’m in grayscale buffering in my childhood bedroom surrounded by posters that mock me with memories of people i thought i’d become i’m not looking for pity i’m not fishing for sympathy i’m just tired of pretending like this is normal like i’m one minor breakthrough away from fixing it when the truth is i was never designed to function in this world i’m a 404 in the shape of a man and every time someone says “just be yourself” i want to scream because i’ve been myself and it got me nothing but silence and confusion and a life spent watching other people live
