BigJimsWornOutTires
Kraken
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
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Some things people echo from others they know nothing about. For example, medical advice. Usually, they do it to make themselves look smart or caring. Although some do it for trolling effect—tiny hat tip to them. But overall, they're retarded. Then add arrogance to the fabricated intelligence of pharmaceutical salespeople who are protected by 'give two shits' insurance, we're just a meal ticket.
Ah, yes, another morning I awake to see my penis also waking up. I tell him, "Too early for this bullshit."
"Come on, Masa," he said. Of course, he can talk. Only big penises talk. He added, "Get me wrapped with some wet flesh."
"Not right now, feller," I assured him. "Let me get an energy drink in me first and a protein shake blending. Then, perhaps, we'll see about getting you some nourishment."
"Or you can take care of it, not like you haven't sucked me off before."
"Every time I do that," I explain to my penis, "I feel as if I'm sucking some guy's dick. I rather not do that again."
"Do you like buttery garlic mashed potatoes?" What a strange question my penis asked.
"Of course, I do," I reacted and smacked my lips.
"How about I never come back up, bitch? How do you like them buttery garlic mashed potatoes?"
Ugh, at that moment, I realized I had to get my nigga fed. So I went to my wife's room she shared with her boyfriend and went inside. They were asleep. Carefully, like a ninja, I climbed into bed behind her. The movement awoke him. As he sat up, her eyes opened. He saw that I was naked and whined, "Come on, man." He shook his head and added, "This was supposed to be a cuck relationship. You promised that I would be the man of the house, not you."
My wife gasped and tensed up. She grabbed his wrist tightly as I went inside her anus. I told him, "Just keep paying the rent and bills, and you can keep fucking her with your tiny pecker."
"Man, it's hurting her, stop," he volunteered a protest on her behalf as he watched her teeth clench and her eyes flood with tears.
"Those tears are pure joy," I said as I grabbed the back of her hair and pulled. "Isn't that right, Snoopy?" She nodded swiftly and smiled.
Later that day, he left us. He also left my messages on read. He never called her back; never texted her either. At that moment, I realized I needed to be medicated.
The next morning, I hooked up with a drug dealer by the name of Dr. Keith. After telling him about personal business and how women use me for my big penis, he suggested, "We have to find the right one that works well for you." He then patted my back like I was a dog... or a frightened naked Asian child at a private party with the hospital administration and investors.
The first dope he prescribed caused the jitters and stomach pains. "My hands won't stop shaking, doctor," I said to him on the phone. He told me to throw away the two-hundred-dollar bottle of pills and prescribed me another potion that cost $140.
"Many of my patients had great success with Buhbyesleepndic," he sold me on the sales pitch. However, the dope caused my nigga to limp. It also triggered insomnia. He later told me to throw them away and prescribed me a third one, which cost $280.
The following day, I couldn't think or even concentrate. I couldn't get comfortable or rest for too long. Also, an insomnia side effect kept me up for two days until I knocked myself out with a mason jar of pig ear moonshine. I called him and urged for emergency care, "Doctor, I almost burnt my house down because I forgot that I was cooking."
"Okay, check it," Dr. Keith said. "Throw those pills away and let's try you on two medications together." The new pills would cost me $400.
Ugh, it kept me tired all day and caused a car accident the next morning on my way to Starbucks. So the doctor increased the dosage of the first prescription and prescribed me a higher-strength pill for the second. "Trust me," he said. "This will work!"
The next morning, as I was using the bathroom, I passed out and split my head open over the countertop.
After two weeks in a hospital with brain damage they diagnosed me with mild retardation, the doctor told me to throw those meds away and prescribed me three new ones. They cost $750 total, not including the $13,475 hospital bill.
After taking the new cocktail, I sat down to watch a Dr. Phil marathon. An hour later, I became severely drowsy. Looking down at my exposed penis, it was shrunk. "Goodbye cruel world," my cock said. Everything went dark.
Two months later, I awoke in a hospital room. The nurse told me I had been in a coma. I reacted, "And why are you stroking my penis, nurse?"
She pulled her hair back and said, "It's hard as a rock." I nodded. She wrapped her ruby lips over the carriage and began sucking it. She licked it, too. Not only that, but she sucked on my balls. This lasted for several minutes. Finally, she stopped and warned me, "If you tell anyone I did this, I'll tell them you forced yourself on me, and I'll file sexual assault charges against you, motherfucker." She removed her scrub bottoms and climbed on top, her butt faced me. She reversed cowgirl my penis, bareback edition. Ten minutes later, I ejaculated my cum inside her vagina, if you catch my meaning.
"I would like to speak to Dr. Keith now," I said.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, boo," she replied as she wiped her vagina off with my bed sheet. She continued, "He's on a paid expense vacation in Figi for a drug maker convention."
She slid her legs off the bed and stood. Reaching down for her scrubs, she added, "At times I wonder if the drugmakers are the real boss."
Together, we both look at you with wide eyes. In harmony, we say, "Any questions?"
