What if you contact old dates?!

[MoggerGaston]

I am severely mentally ill so I am in a situation in which I dated some girls I really vibed with years ago, attractive girls, had amazing dates with and them showing interest in me, but ended up ghosting them anyways due to insecurities.

not sure if contacting them again is cagefuel or not though. Like JFL at ghosting someone and then contacting them again years laters.

otherwise would have to start dating new girls again and those likely suck hard compared to those girls I dated in the past ngl.

I can already feel anxiety and insecurities taking control of me just by writing this idea of writing them again.

My mother has destroyed my ability to bond with women, have relationships, have sex, completely. By abusing me as a child.

 

[delonisliterallyme]

you can go back to the past but nobody is waiting there for you

 

[longjohnmong]

Nothing to lose, but having done this myself it always feels embarrassing, even when it was me who ghosted.

 

[Nick.Harte]

Never had one but nothing wrong in doing this if you had dates

 

[MoggerGaston]

you can go back to the past but nobody is waiting there for you

my thinking is that since I ghosted them despite us having such a great time together, they felt rejected. Like they weren't good enough, etc.
So me contacting them again would make them try to get my attention again since they felt so rejected by me the last time.

but at the same time it is embarassing as hell sice they prob think they are my second choice or something, yet in reality I am just too mentally ill which is way worse.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Nothing to lose, but having done this myself it always feels embarrassing, even when it was me who ghosted.

Yeah I wouldn't even know how to excuse myself honestly except for acting like nothing happened.
Ghosting them and nothing for 2 years just fucking lol.

 

[lurking truecel]

You go king

 

[MoggerGaston]

Never had one but nothing wrong in doing this if you had dates

I've gone on a lot of dates, chatted with a lot of women, and you get better at selecting women who are worth going on dates with and who aren't.

Generally I reject 95% of my matches before it gets to a date because I can already sense that here wouldn't be a vibe.
Getting a date with this based mentality of not wasting time on girls you don't vibe anyways, is hard.

It can take months before you find a single worthy woman. I could go again and try to find a girl again, but seems like such a waste when I still have girls from the past I discarded due to mental problems.
Also my mental issues are still unresolved, so I will yet again face these same issues anyways.

 

[Nick.Harte]

I've gone on a lot of dates, chatted with a lot of women, and you get better at selecting women who are worth going on dates with and who aren't.

Generally I reject 95% of my matches before it gets to a date because I can already sense that here wouldn't be a vibe.
Getting a date with this based mentality of not wasting time on girls you don't vibe anyways, is hard.

It can take months before you find a single worthy woman. I could go again and try to find a girl again, but seems like such a waste when I still have girls from the past I discarded due to mental problems.
Also my mental issues are still unresolved, so I will yet again face these same issues anyways.

Your looks are on point
Just fix your mental health and you should be fine
Keep looking for the girls in the meantime

 

[Deleted member 109485]

you can go back to the past but nobody is waiting there for you

God damn that is actually one of the realest shit i’ve seen

 

[Klasik616]

I never had a date

 

[Always Stay You]

Don't do it. When they reject you this time, your ego will take a huge hit. You've probably been riding the wave of being the "rejector" and not the "rejected" this whole time, either consciously or subconsciously.

I broke up with my ex and then got back in touch with her during a moment of weakness during a really difficult period in my life. I missed the presence of another human being after being completely alone my whole life. I wasn't ready to go back to that lifestyle...

Turned out she had already moved on and was in love with a new guy already. I wish I had never gone back. Not only did it hurt my little ego, but also made me realise the "good times" I associated with her, the experience of being "special" to someone, were a complete lie. Girls will just treat you nice as a product of their mental illness, and that same mental illness will result in them doing it to any chump. It was a very traumatising experience for me.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Just fix your mental health

easier for me to become a millionaire than fix this shit honestly.

the human brain is so fucking shit. If you had a shit youth, your brain is completely maladapted and so fucking hard to change whatsoever.

fuck the human organism.

 

[Nick.Harte]

If you had a shit youth, your brain is completely maladapted and so fucking hard to change whatsoever

This.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Don't do it. When they reject you this time, your ego will take a huge hit. You've probably been riding the wave of being the "rejector" and not the "rejected" this whole time, either consciously or subconsciously.

I broke up with my ex and then got back in touch with her during a moment of weakness during a really difficult period in my life. I missed the presence of another human being after being completely alone my whole life. I wasn't ready to go back to that lifestyle...

Turned out she had already moved on and was in love with a new guy already. I wish I had never gone back. Not only did it hurt my little ego, but also made me realise the "good times" I associated with her, the experience of being "special" to someone, were a complete lie. Girls will just treat you nice as a product of their mental illness, and that same mental illness will result in them doing it to any chump. It was a very traumatising experience for me.

I can understand your position and where you are coming from. Must be brutal, but I don't know the reason of why you rejected them at the time though.

For me, I rejected these women because I have a lot of mental insecurities. Basically I rejected myself so they couldn't reject me before I did so myself.

The reason why I am so hesitant at contacting these old lovers again, is because I still have these same mental issues where I feel not good enough and have to battle them yet again. If they would reject me, it would merely confirm what I already believed anyways.

brutal.

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

they still contact me but i reply with an animated image, something like this:

Usually, they get the message. But some might question it, "You're out at sea?"

Fucking retards.

 

[MoggerGaston]

they still contact me but i reply with an animated image, something like this:

Usually, they get the message. But some might question it, "You're out at sea?"

Fucking retards.

one of these girls screenshotted a new dating profile of mine, months later after I had already ghosted her.

She showed me the image of my new dating profile and added the message: '???????????'

I responded: 'What's the point of this?'
She replied: 'Nothing. Just wondering wth ur doing?'
i said: doesn't matter.



idk honestly, I feel like there is nothing I can do. I am doomed due to my failed childhood and resulting mental diseases.

 

[quantitativePSL]

I am severely mentally ill so I am in a situation in which I dated some girls I really vibed with years ago, attractive girls, had amazing dates with and them showing interest in me, but ended up ghosting them anyways due to insecurities.

not sure if contacting them again is cagefuel or not though. Like JFL at ghosting someone and then contacting them again years laters.

otherwise would have to start dating new girls again and those likely suck hard compared to those girls I dated in the past ngl.

I can already feel anxiety and insecurities taking control of me just by writing this idea of writing them again.

My mother has destroyed my ability to bond with women, have relationships, have sex, completely. By abusing me as a child.

have you been to therapy?

 

[quantitativePSL]

easier for me to become a millionaire than fix this shit honestly.

the human brain is so fucking shit. If you had a shit youth, your brain is completely maladapted and so fucking hard to change whatsoever.

fuck the human organism.

ahhh I see fairs

 

[Always Stay You]

For me, I rejected these women because I have a lot of mental insecurities. Basically I rejected myself so they couldn't reject me before I did so myself.

If you made this clear as the reason and ended on good terms, it might be fine then. Different situation to me.

I broke up with my ex-girlfriend because it slowly got unveiled over time that she was a whore with an insane past (I didn't think it possible as we were just teenagers). Muh teen love. Girls are whores from age 12 now. I was a virgin when we got together and she had 10 bodies.

I should have never gone back, but she was very loving and affectionate with me as well, and it's hard when you get a taste of regular human interaction and connection to abandon it and go back to being completely alone with no texts, calls or pussy. Really shouldn't have gone back though. It all turned out to be fake in the end. Our relationship was just a product of her mental illness, as is the case with most young girls these days.

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

one of these girls screenshotted a new dating profile of mine, months later after I had already ghosted her.

She showed me the image of my new dating profile and added the message: '???????????'

I responded: 'What's the point of this?'
She replied: 'Nothing. Just wondering wth ur doing?'
i said: doesn't matter.



idk honestly, I feel like there is nothing I can do. I am doomed due to my failed childhood and resulting mental diseases.

I never contact any of them but they drunk text me occasionally. And it always begins the same, "Are you single yet? "

And I reply:

Thus, that ship sailed.

 

[TechnoBoss]

No every time I've done this I just regretted it.

 

[MoggerGaston]

have you been to therapy?

many times and currently at the ward 10 hours/week.

 

[MoggerGaston]

No every time I've done this I just regretted it.

fair, but if I dont contact her again she's as good as dead too.

 

[TechnoBoss]

fair, but if I dont contact her again she's as good as dead too.

Yes but if you contact her and she ghosts you then it feels like you got rejected.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Yes but if you contact her and she ghosts you then it feels like you got rejected.

How weird is it that I don't actually fear her rejecting me at all, but I fear that she would accept me and would want to start dating again?!

And then I would again face this existential crisis of not feeling good enough and getting into something I don't feel comfortable in?

Her rejecting me would be the most 'positive' outcome for me, emotionally, as I wouldn't have to deal with this massive issue.

 

[TechnoBoss]

How weird is it that I don't actually fear her rejecting me at all, but I fear that she would accept me and would want to start dating again?!

And then I would again face this existential crisis of not feeling good enough and getting into something I don't feel comfortable in?

Her rejecting me would be the most 'positive' outcome for me, emotionally, as I wouldn't have to deal with this massive issue.

Well then if the best outcome from this is rejection then why message her in the first place y'know? Just seems like you're reaching out for something because you wanna feel some kind of feelings whether they be positive or negative maybe you don't care. Sounds like you maybe just want to do something different.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Well then if the best outcome from this is rejection then why message her in the first place y'know? Just seems like you're reaching out for something because you wanna feel some kind of feelings whether they be positive or negative maybe you don't care. Sounds like you maybe just want to do something different.

It's because i don't want to stay in the place I am in. I am trying to change my mental circuits, emotional habits, lifestyle, everything. I don't want to be alone, socially isolated, yet it seem like that's the only way to live with my current brain and the way it responds to the outside world.

Whenever I try dating, socializing, try new hobbies, go to new events, etc. It's often from a desire to change my life, which is incredibly hard emotionally.

 

[quantitativePSL]

many times and currently at the ward 10 hours/week.

Damn I hope you hit a breakthrough. Honestly spinning the block on women from your past generally is fun. Spinning the block on the girl you miss and want to seriously talk to again is even better I always tell my friends go get your soulmate back bro, and when you do it’s better than drugs. I see this isn’t really your idea of it but I still say do it, if she rejects you then you get what you want, if she accepts you it puts you in a position to grow, and even if you fuck it all up again nothing much changes, you just end up not talking to that girl again, just like it was before. Idk if you’re gonna wanna kill yourself if you fuck everything up again though so just know yourself.

 

[manletmachinestream]

you can go back to the past but nobody is waiting there for you

Cornball

 

[Suns9999]

they’ll just pretend like they don’t remember you and you have to reintroduce yourself all over again to which then they respond by blocking you, hope this helps

 

[MoggerGaston]

If you made this clear as the reason and ended on good terms, it might be fine then. Different situation to me.

I didn't make anything clear, I just ghosted out of nowhere. We were both extremely happy with our first-dates, planning another one, then I ghosted and let her fill in the blanks of why I even did so.

I broke up with my ex-girlfriend because it slowly got unveiled over time that she was a whore with an insane past (I didn't think it possible as we were just teenagers). Muh teen love. Girls are whores from age 12 now. I was a virgin when we got together and she had 10 bodies.

So it was not a problem with anything in the relationship, her behavior or anything. But moreso you judging her differently based on her past then?! Difficult situation I haven't encountered yet myself.

I should have never gone back, but she was very loving and affectionate with me as well, and it's hard when you get a taste of regular human interaction and connection to abandon it and go back to being completely alone with no texts, calls or pussy. Really shouldn't have gone back though. It all turned out to be fake in the end. Our relationship was just a product of her mental illness, as is the case with most young girls these days.

How did it hurt you to go back to this?

You already rejected her, when you got back together you realized it truly wouldn't have worked out anyways. I would think maybe it would give you mental clarity. Now you don't have doubts anymore of 'what if' since those were taken away. How or why did it hurt you?

 

[MoggerVPN]

I am severely mentally ill so I am in a situation in which I dated some girls I really vibed with years ago, attractive girls, had amazing dates with and them showing interest in me, but ended up ghosting them anyways due to insecurities.

not sure if contacting them again is cagefuel or not though. Like JFL at ghosting someone and then contacting them again years laters.

otherwise would have to start dating new girls again and those likely suck hard compared to those girls I dated in the past ngl.

I can already feel anxiety and insecurities taking control of me just by writing this idea of writing them again.

My mother has destroyed my ability to bond with women, have relationships, have sex, completely. By abusing me as a child.

They'll leave you on read and laugh about you with their friends.

 

[TechnoBoss]

It's because i don't want to stay in the place I am in. I am trying to change my mental circuits, emotional habits, lifestyle, everything. I don't want to be alone, socially isolated, yet it seem like that's the only way to live with my current brain and the way it responds to the outside world.

Whenever I try dating, socializing, try new hobbies, go to new events, etc. It's often from a desire to change my life, which is incredibly hard emotionally.

Well that's normal but you should try doing it in a different way. You need a fresh start or something. Messaging this old fling won't change anything I don't think.

We all need to change things every now and then because otherwise you end up in a rut and a vicious cycle of bad habits. I'm working this out for myself right now too.

You gotta find a passion for living and try to set yourself up for the long run. It seems like you're living a live fast, die young kind of lifestyle.

 

[noodlelover]

I can understand your position and where you are coming from. Must be brutal, but I don't know the reason of why you rejected them at the time though.

For me, I rejected these women because I have a lot of mental insecurities. Basically I rejected myself so they couldn't reject me before I did so myself.

The reason why I am so hesitant at contacting these old lovers again, is because I still have these same mental issues where I feel not good enough and have to battle them yet again. If they would reject me, it would merely confirm what I already believed anyways.

brutal.

You put too much weight on what women think of you.

If you honestly think there's a chance then go for it, if not then focus on improving your SMV until it's potentially high enough.

 

[Always Stay You]

So it was not a problem with anything in the relationship, her behavior or anything. But moreso you judging her differently based on her past then?! Difficult situation I haven't encountered yet myself.

Yeah. I was a virgin. And she had fucked 10+ guys in late teens. I liked her and we got on well, but the disparity between our sexual pasts ate me up inside. I felt very insecure, as well as disgusted by her past at times, and would often not know how to express it so would just treat her coldly. Her behavior in the relationship was normal. She was loyal and seemed committed, and would tell me how she wants to be with me forever. Felt meaningless though coming from her because of her past and my lack of a past. I felt cucked.

How did it hurt you to go back to this?

You already rejected her, when you got back together you realized it truly wouldn't have worked out anyways. I would think maybe it would give you mental clarity. Now you don't have doubts anymore of 'what if' since those were taken away. How or why did it hurt you?

Because it confirmed that she was a whore & that all the times she told me, "This relationship is different & unlike any of the others I've experience," it was a lie. The whole thing was simply because of her mental illness, she probably says what she said to me to every guy. It made me feel bad because I valued our relationship, even if she was a slut, as it was the only one I have ever experienced.

This was years ago and I haven't had any relationships or sex since.

I can't handle LTR in my life situation. I'm just too jealous as a no-name loner. When it's over and she goes back to all her friends, parties and all the sex she wants, and I have to go back to nothing, I can't handle it.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Damn I hope you hit a breakthrough. Honestly spinning the block on women from your past generally is fun. Spinning the block on the girl you miss and want to seriously talk to again is even better I always tell my friends go get your soulmate back bro, and when you do it’s better than drugs. I see this isn’t really your idea of it but I still say do it, if she rejects you then you get what you want, if she accepts you it puts you in a position to grow, and even if you fuck it all up again nothing much changes, you just end up not talking to that girl again, just like it was before. Idk if you’re gonna wanna kill yourself if you fuck everything up again though so just know yourself.

This basically.

The pain is when I am accepted, not rejected. My pain is not her opinion of me, but my opinion of myself. It's so fucking brutal.

My mental illness is so fucking bad man. I literally look for rejection, because it reinforces my believes and validates my ego. That's what my brain is telling me to do emotionally.

It's so fucked up that I can rationaly realize that my brain is fucking up my life, yet it seems impossible to get out of it.

'nigga just do it bro, just think ur chad bro, just date her bro, just dont feel like u do bro.'

The amount of pain, anxiety, fear, that I feel while dating a girl is insanity. The only countermeasure I have is disassociation. I disasociate with myself and all my emotions. I go through the interactions like a fucking robot.

what the fuck man.

 

[MoggerGaston]

They'll leave you on read and laugh about you with their friends.

i dont care honestly. It's about me, not her.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Well that's normal but you should try doing it in a different way. You need a fresh start or something. Messaging this old fling won't change anything I don't think.

I mean my current approach to dating is again online-dating mass-appraoch and trying to get some value out of that, like I have done in the past.
I'd rather contact old flings than go through that again.

Alternatively I would have to work some sort of IRL strategy out, idk how.

We all need to change things every now and then because otherwise you end up in a rut and a vicious cycle of bad habits. I'm working this out for myself right now too.

Sure, but it's also mental for me. I mean these girls were the right girls, just I was mentally ill and couldnt profit.

You are right about a different strategy, and going back to online-dating likely wouldnt even work for me anyways.

I need to find a way to date girls from IRL. Contacting old flings is just bonus.

You gotta find a passion for living and try to set yourself up for the long run. It seems like you're living a live fast, die young kind of lifestyle.

Yes, you are totally right. My life is complet fucking worthless shit and has 0 long-term shit planned into it except things I am frauding.

Impossible for me though, to expect to live a long life, when I hate my life and think of suicide all the time.

idk, its difficult. ill think about this.

 

[MoggerGaston]

You put too much weight on what women think of you.

If you honestly think there's a chance then go for it, if not then focus on improving your SMV until it's potentially high enough.

There's a lot of chances. But all of these chances always resulted in rejection, which is why I am so hesitant even with girls who don't reject me.

It's kinda this imposter syndrome problem. You've always been rejected, now a girl likes you, will she find out who you are and reject you anyways?

hard to get over that.

 

[noodlelover]

There's a lot of chances. But all of these chances always resulted in rejection, which is why I am so hesitant even with girls who don't reject me

It's kinda this imposter syndrome problem. You've always been rejected, now a girl likes you, will she find out who you are and reject you anyways?

This may be hard to hear, but if girl's are always rejecting you then there's a reason. Don't beat yourself up.

The most important step, is gathering enough data to form a hypothesis about why they might be rejecting you, then testing that hypothesis on a number of different women.

If the hypothesis fails, then going back to the drawing board to come up with a new hypothesis, and repeating the process.

Your competition (Other guys) are also going through this process to improve so it's a speed thing. Which of you can fail, learn, and change themselves faster?

Strategies for hypothesis Generation:

• Intuition - What do you intuitively feel women go for? What surgeries? Body modification? Personality Modification? Voice modification? Clothing Modification? Financial Changes? Status Changes? might you try?
• Befriending Girls - Pushing hard to be girl's friends. Whatever you have to do to get around them to learn how they think.
• Adding Girls on Social Media - So you can see what guys they go for after they reject you. If you can befriend these guys to get to know them in person, you'll know even more.
• Reading Romance Novels + Watching Chick Flicks - A Great source to learn what Women Want. Study these characters.
• Pursuing girls - Paying attention to how they emotionally react to different things. There will be little flashes of different emotion when you say different things. Pay attention to their values and beliefs, did your vibe/actions/words/emotions demonstrate that the dream guy for some one with those values and beliefs? If they want kids, did you come off like the perfect dad without red flags, that is excited to have kids?

Stop holding out hope for "Unicorns". If you've tested your hypothesis on a sufficiently large batch of women, and none are interested, it's time to come up with a new theory, a way you can change either yourself or your approach.

I've run through this process of hypothesis generation, change, testing, repeat for decades really. So again it's about how fast you go through it.

The current Hypothesis I'm running is:

• I need to be leaner. Clear Visible abs. I'm working on it.
• I need to make more money, so I can afford a car or move to the city where it might be more status acceptable for me not to have one. I'm working on it.

Past Hypothesis that I've had: (These didn't yield results, but I was able to generate marginally more interest from girls just not enough to push me over the finish line and get me a partner)

• I need to learn how to take good photo's for dating apps
• I need to learn how to write good first messages to girls that hook them
• I need to join in real life groups where women are
• I need to learn how to cold approach girl's confidently in person
• I need contacts
• I need bigger muscles
• I need better social skills
• I need tattoos
• I need to work on my voice how I sound
• I need to look younger (Improve anti-aging)
• I need a cleaner style
• I need to location-max
• I need to increase my eyebrow density
• I need a specific surgery
• I need to vibemax, become calmer, more peaceful, more confident, more sexual energy

The iterative process and success

This is an iterative process. It applies to making money, gaining skill, becoming a great chess champion, building a product, refining an ad pipeline, basically anything.

It's part of a growth mindset, as oppose to a static mindset. People who are successful have a growth mindset.

The reason this works, is because your competition will likely give up or drastically slow down at some point in time. While you're still trying surgeries and trying different jokes to make a girl laugh, your competition has given up. Or your competition has gotten a new interest.

 

[Chinacurry]

I am severely mentally ill so I am in a situation in which I dated some girls I really vibed with years ago, attractive girls, had amazing dates with and them showing interest in me, but ended up ghosting them anyways due to insecurities.

not sure if contacting them again is cagefuel or not though. Like JFL at ghosting someone and then contacting them again years laters.

otherwise would have to start dating new girls again and those likely suck hard compared to those girls I dated in the past ngl.

I can already feel anxiety and insecurities taking control of me just by writing this idea of writing them again.

My mother has destroyed my ability to bond with women, have relationships, have sex, completely. By abusing me as a child.

I don't think this is uncommon bhai.

Maybe it can only work if u massively ascend

 

[FoolYoungHi]

I have similar issues except what I do is I don't even try or go out of my comfort zone. I have a huge wall/barrier between me and other people because of past experiences. I don't let most people in unless they have a "good" (non-threatening) vibe. Most attractive women are threatening to my wall/barrier because women often dig into your psyche and want to connect with you on a deeper level. But I got too much pain there to show them. If they would enter it they would see a monster looking back at them. But really that monster is a defense mechanism of the psyche.

I think this is also how people with huge narcissism are. They are hurt and start identifying with the "monster" that protects them. They become it fully instead of understanding that it was just a way of your younger self to defend itself from the pain. It's not a monster obviously. But an animalistic response to abuse and pain. Just like a dog who has been beaten he can become aggressive, fearful and because of that often unlovable. Especially if people do not understand it.

To be aware of it is part of the solution. But it's still there and I wonder if you can overcome it fully. I am certain it's possible. But I think for me personally it takes a stable lifestyle longer term. Being healthy. Eating a good diet also helps. If I do weird stuff like eat bad food, drugs, etc. I start to spiral and become uncontrollable to myself and surrounding.