silently_said
Wounded Beast Lashes Out
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2024
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Either Sophomore year or Senior year for me. The former was my COVID year so obviously I just rotted.
But it least it had purpose. I had became fat as fuck, had shitty grades, and did nothing but rot on Discord, goon, and play vidya all day. I was also prediabetic and fat as fuck, so it was the first time I had faced some real consequences in my life. There was still a period during the first semester where the novelty from lockdown hadn't completely ran its course, which I did enjoy.
The downfall from that year set me up for the reform (or at least attempted one) of Junior year. That summer was also when those Zyzz memes and other gymcel content went mainstream, perhaps also related to a desire to break free of the monotonous and vapid lifestyle that had resulted in similar consequences as mine.
The only meaningful thing that happened my Senior year was getting a job and completing IT certs from vouchers that the school gave me. The fire that burned within me to improve slowly lost its intensity, as the fruits of my labor were nowhere to be seen. Every attempt at socializing or meeting new people was immediately shot down, and my leanmaxxing efforts proved to be futile as I was capped at LTN. I had even less friends than Sophomore year because I was ostracized from the only friendgroup I had (which was on Discord JFL)
What made it worse is my younger brother started HS that year. Seeing him get along with people in my grade only for those same people to laugh in my face as I walked by them was the ultimate suifuel. I spent every day waiting for graduation to come, and when I finally stepped on that stage, there was such a harrowing emptiness in my soul I couldn't even begin to describe. All of my time was spent waiting on some grand catalyst to suddenly bring me forward into the folds of society; to finally feel like my presence was valued and do all the normie shit like go out, do dumb shit with friends. etc. The realization that it never happened hit me like a truck, knowing I would never be able to find anything like it ever again.
But it least it had purpose. I had became fat as fuck, had shitty grades, and did nothing but rot on Discord, goon, and play vidya all day. I was also prediabetic and fat as fuck, so it was the first time I had faced some real consequences in my life. There was still a period during the first semester where the novelty from lockdown hadn't completely ran its course, which I did enjoy.
The downfall from that year set me up for the reform (or at least attempted one) of Junior year. That summer was also when those Zyzz memes and other gymcel content went mainstream, perhaps also related to a desire to break free of the monotonous and vapid lifestyle that had resulted in similar consequences as mine.
The only meaningful thing that happened my Senior year was getting a job and completing IT certs from vouchers that the school gave me. The fire that burned within me to improve slowly lost its intensity, as the fruits of my labor were nowhere to be seen. Every attempt at socializing or meeting new people was immediately shot down, and my leanmaxxing efforts proved to be futile as I was capped at LTN. I had even less friends than Sophomore year because I was ostracized from the only friendgroup I had (which was on Discord JFL)
What made it worse is my younger brother started HS that year. Seeing him get along with people in my grade only for those same people to laugh in my face as I walked by them was the ultimate suifuel. I spent every day waiting for graduation to come, and when I finally stepped on that stage, there was such a harrowing emptiness in my soul I couldn't even begin to describe. All of my time was spent waiting on some grand catalyst to suddenly bring me forward into the folds of society; to finally feel like my presence was valued and do all the normie shit like go out, do dumb shit with friends. etc. The realization that it never happened hit me like a truck, knowing I would never be able to find anything like it ever again.
