What’s the next step after training for years to beat social anxiety? (Rant + Anecdote)

[LaVérité]

Recently I was genuinely approached by an attractive girl that happens to be my neighbor. I never saw any IOI’s but I wasn’t specifically looking for them either since I consider myself to be average.

However we all know how rare it is for a girl to walk up to a guy and start giving indicators for him to get her number.

I realized that the times this girl had seen me she developed an attraction that made her talk to me when we both met at the elevator on our way out.

I basically made good talk and kept good eye contact without getting nervous. However I forgot to ask for her number.

(This is my deep regret)

No problem right? She literally lives in the same building as me and there’s a small number of apartments, I can just ask her next time we see each other.

And then the following happened:

I was on my way out and I noticed that the elevator had gone to her floor so I prepared myself to talk to her since it was pretty much guaranteed to be her.

And it was.

But now this time my heart was beating so hard when 15 seconds ago I was just chilling.

We ended up making some talk and when I asked her for her number I knew the inevitable was coming.

My hands were shaking, not terribly, but noticeable. And she did.

I gave her the phone and she just smirked and said “you are flustered” in a joking manner.

I couldn’t even talk to her that time. I had to stop myself and look away at one moment.

I still cringe at this. I just destroyed the perception that she had all these months ago in a simple time span of 3 minutes.

Why?

I have been training, I’m eating well and I have been working. This past weeks were pretty good and despite all my efforts in the gym and trying to get my subconscious to recognize my value for years.

I still lost it.

And it’s not because I’m an “incel” per se.

I have talked without problems to girls before and made out with several.

I also recognize that my development has given me results because in the past I used to be more anxious and I couldn’t do stuff as smoothly as I can today (socially speaking).

And I know this is due to all the “training” I’ve been doing.

1. Going out clubbing alone and approaching girls.
2. Talking to strangers in general
3. Gym and diet (not perfect consistency but good)
4. Quit negative self talk
5. Meditating at some times in my life
6. Introspection

But despite all of this. I messed up at the most basic level because of something I couldn’t control. And I don’t understand why.

This girl approached me, I am in a good position in life right now (possibly the best) and I managed to talk to her just fine a few days ago.

But then it’s like I was back in my 15 year old self again.

The only other time I remember this happening was when a girl gave me IOI at a supermarket and I asked for her number. (This was 1.5 years ago)

What can I do?

If I take clonazepam or another anxiolytic I will become a benzo addict in a matter of months and with resistance to it.

I need a permanent change. Is it possible with these meds?

I can’t wait for more years and hope my subconscious that still has insecurities from years ago to catch up to what my conscious mind knows it’s true.

Is Ashwaganda an option that could make a significant change?
CBD oil?

I also have access to a genuine ayahuasca center but I’m not too keen on the idea.

I know there are people that microdose mushrooms that have cured their anxiety.

I know I most likely have sleep apnea and I have been told my cortisol levels are higher than usual even though I feel mostly fine throughout the day.

Is a C-PAP machine the answer?
I have heard that once you use it the difference is like night and day.

Perhaps actually resting well can get rid of this excessive anxiety?

I haven’t tried any of the above because I chose to overcome my anxiety (which I have in great part) with exposure therapy and whatnot.

But losing the perception this girl had has honestly been the last straw.

I also have to confront a colleague/employee tomorrow about him slacking off on the job and lying to me and I still got slightly nervous just thinking about it.

This guy is both physically and mentally inferior to me and he has given me good reason to confront him yet I know that tomorrow my heart will start to beat again and I will have to try my best to keep my cool.

It doesn’t make any fucking sense. I’m tired of this insecurities that I know where they come from and I know they aren’t true.

Anyone has any genuine advice?

TLDR for the average redditor tiktoker attention span: A cute girl approached me and I managed to talk to her just fine but later when I asked for her number I completely got nervous after training for many years to overcome social anxiety. What can I do that would actually work without turning me into an addict?

 

[PsychoDsk]

mane that's fucked ya heard

 

[PsychoDsk]

no but you just talked negatively to yourself again, maybe she liked that you were nervous to ask her. She still gave her number so stop thinking so much.
I used to be the same way but then I realised that other people do not think of you the same way you think of yourself. don't stress brother and she's probably into you even though you are stressing thinking she's not

and you're already stressing abt tomorrow even though you have to sleep first jfl
stop thinking nigga

 

[udeactive]

Recently I was genuinely approached by an attractive girl that happens to be my neighbor. I never saw any IOI’s but I wasn’t specifically looking for them either since I consider myself to be average.

However we all know how rare it is for a girl to walk up to a guy and start giving indicators for him to get her number.

I realized that the times this girl had seen me she developed an attraction that made her talk to me when we both met at the elevator on our way out.

I basically made good talk and kept good eye contact without getting nervous. However I forgot to ask for her number.

(This is my deep regret)

No problem right? She literally lives in the same building as me and there’s a small number of apartments, I can just ask her next time we see each other.

And then the following happened:

I was on my way out and I noticed that the elevator had gone to her floor so I prepared myself to talk to her since it was pretty much guaranteed to be her.

And it was.

But now this time my heart was beating so hard when 15 seconds ago I was just chilling.

We ended up making some talk and when I asked her for her number I knew the inevitable was coming.

My hands were shaking, not terribly, but noticeable. And she did.

I gave her the phone and she just smirked and said “you are flustered” in a joking manner.

I couldn’t even talk to her that time. I had to stop myself and look away at one moment.

I still cringe at this. I just destroyed the perception that she had all these months ago in a simple time span of 3 minutes.

Why?

I have been training, I’m eating well and I have been working. This past weeks were pretty good and despite all my efforts in the gym and trying to get my subconscious to recognize my value for years.

I still lost it.

And it’s not because I’m an “incel” per se.

I have talked without problems to girls before and made out with several.

I also recognize that my development has given me results because in the past I used to be more anxious and I couldn’t do stuff as smoothly as I can today (socially speaking).

And I know this is due to all the “training” I’ve been doing.

1. Going out clubbing alone and approaching girls.
2. Talking to strangers in general
3. Gym and diet (not perfect consistency but good)
4. Quit negative self talk
5. Meditating at some times in my life
6. Introspection

But despite all of this. I messed up at the most basic level because of something I couldn’t control. And I don’t understand why.

This girl approached me, I am in a good position in life right now (possibly the best) and I managed to talk to her just fine a few days ago.

But then it’s like I was back in my 15 year old self again.

The only other time I remember this happening was when a girl gave me IOI at a supermarket and I asked for her number. (This was 1.5 years ago)

What can I do?

If I take clonazepam or another anxiolytic I will become a benzo addict in a matter of months and with resistance to it.

I need a permanent change. Is it possible with these meds?

I can’t wait for more years and hope my subconscious that still has insecurities from years ago to catch up to what my conscious mind knows it’s true.

Is Ashwaganda an option that could make a significant change?
CBD oil?

I also have access to a genuine ayahuasca center but I’m not to keen on the idea.

I know there are people that microdose mushrooms that have cured their anxiety.

I know I most likely have sleep apnea and I have been told my cortisol levels are higher than usual even though I feel mostly fine throughout the day.

Is a C-PAP machine the answer?
I have heard that once you use it the difference is like night and day.

Perhaps actually resting well can get rid of this excessive anxiety?

I haven’t tried any of the above because I chose to overcome my anxiety (which I have in great part) with exposure therapy and whatnot.

But losing the perception this girl had has honestly been the last straw.

I also have to confront a colleague/employee tomorrow about him slacking off on the job and lying to me and I still got slightly nervous just thinking about it.

This guy is both physically and mentally inferior to me and he has given me good reason to confront him yet I know that tomorrow my heart will start to beat again and I will have to try my best to keep my cool.

It doesn’t make any fucking sense. I’m tired of this insecurities that I know where they come from and I know they aren’t true.

Anyone has any genuine advice?

TLDR for the average redditor tiktoker attention span: A cute girl approached me and I managed to talk to her just fine but later when I asked for her number I completely got nervous after training for many years to overcome social anxiety. What can I do that would actually work without turning me into an addict?

Try ayausca or drinking Connor Murphy’s spunk, should help calm the nerves down jfl

 

[LaVérité]

mane that's fucked ya heard

Tell me about it. I was having a great week up until I messed up with that girl.

I am honestly done trying to “exposure therapy” my way out of this bullshit.

 

[nathan]

Recently I was genuinely approached by an attractive girl that happens to be my neighbor. I never saw any IOI’s but I wasn’t specifically looking for them either since I consider myself to be average.

However we all know how rare it is for a girl to walk up to a guy and start giving indicators for him to get her number.

I realized that the times this girl had seen me she developed an attraction that made her talk to me when we both met at the elevator on our way out.

I basically made good talk and kept good eye contact without getting nervous. However I forgot to ask for her number.

(This is my deep regret)

No problem right? She literally lives in the same building as me and there’s a small number of apartments, I can just ask her next time we see each other.

And then the following happened:

I was on my way out and I noticed that the elevator had gone to her floor so I prepared myself to talk to her since it was pretty much guaranteed to be her.

And it was.

But now this time my heart was beating so hard when 15 seconds ago I was just chilling.

We ended up making some talk and when I asked her for her number I knew the inevitable was coming.

My hands were shaking, not terribly, but noticeable. And she did.

I gave her the phone and she just smirked and said “you are flustered” in a joking manner.

I couldn’t even talk to her that time. I had to stop myself and look away at one moment.

I still cringe at this. I just destroyed the perception that she had all these months ago in a simple time span of 3 minutes.

Why?

I have been training, I’m eating well and I have been working. This past weeks were pretty good and despite all my efforts in the gym and trying to get my subconscious to recognize my value for years.

I still lost it.

And it’s not because I’m an “incel” per se.

I have talked without problems to girls before and made out with several.

I also recognize that my development has given me results because in the past I used to be more anxious and I couldn’t do stuff as smoothly as I can today (socially speaking).

And I know this is due to all the “training” I’ve been doing.

1. Going out clubbing alone and approaching girls.
2. Talking to strangers in general
3. Gym and diet (not perfect consistency but good)
4. Quit negative self talk
5. Meditating at some times in my life
6. Introspection

But despite all of this. I messed up at the most basic level because of something I couldn’t control. And I don’t understand why.

This girl approached me, I am in a good position in life right now (possibly the best) and I managed to talk to her just fine a few days ago.

But then it’s like I was back in my 15 year old self again.

The only other time I remember this happening was when a girl gave me IOI at a supermarket and I asked for her number. (This was 1.5 years ago)

What can I do?

If I take clonazepam or another anxiolytic I will become a benzo addict in a matter of months and with resistance to it.

I need a permanent change. Is it possible with these meds?

I can’t wait for more years and hope my subconscious that still has insecurities from years ago to catch up to what my conscious mind knows it’s true.

Is Ashwaganda an option that could make a significant change?
CBD oil?

I also have access to a genuine ayahuasca center but I’m not to keen on the idea.

I know there are people that microdose mushrooms that have cured their anxiety.

I know I most likely have sleep apnea and I have been told my cortisol levels are higher than usual even though I feel mostly fine throughout the day.

Is a C-PAP machine the answer?
I have heard that once you use it the difference is like night and day.

Perhaps actually resting well can get rid of this excessive anxiety?

I haven’t tried any of the above because I chose to overcome my anxiety (which I have in great part) with exposure therapy and whatnot.

But losing the perception this girl had has honestly been the last straw.

I also have to confront a colleague/employee tomorrow about him slacking off on the job and lying to me and I still got slightly nervous just thinking about it.

This guy is both physically and mentally inferior to me and he has given me good reason to confront him yet I know that tomorrow my heart will start to beat again and I will have to try my best to keep my cool.

It doesn’t make any fucking sense. I’m tired of this insecurities that I know where they come from and I know they aren’t true.

Anyone has any genuine advice?

TLDR for the average redditor tiktoker attention span: A cute girl approached me and I managed to talk to her just fine but later when I asked for her number I completely got nervous after training for many years to overcome social anxiety. What can I do that would actually work without turning me into an addict?

be confident

 

[mirrormogger]

sucking my cock while people watch is a cure for social anxiety i heard

 

[PsychoDsk]

be confident

become prime alain delon in 1 sec theory

 

[LaVérité]

no but you just talked negatively to yourself again, maybe she liked that you were nervous to ask her. She still gave her number so stop thinking so much.
I used to be the same way but then I realised that other people do not think of you the same way you think of yourself. don't stress brother and she's probably into you even though you are stressing thinking she's not

I appreciate your response and I do recognize that she might have found it “cute” but the reality is that whatever impression she had of me is gone now.

I will see what I can do with her but the issue is that if I had asked for her number the first time and managed to overcome the initial anxiety response when meeting her again I would’ve been fine.

I know that this isn’t my fault. It is something out of my control as far as what I can do right now. I recognize that it’s in my subconscious.

But I will still keep going.

 

[PsychoDsk]

Tell me about it. I was having a great week up until I messed up with that girl.

I am honestly done trying to “exposure therapy” my way out of this bullshit.

U didn't mess up, you just convinced yourself you messed up but in reality she's prob masturbating while thinking of you

 

[LaVérité]

Try ayausca or drinking Connor Murphy’s spunk, should help calm the nerves down jfl

I swear that he’s one of the reasons I don’t want to go in case I become a weird hippie like him lol

 

[PsychoDsk]

I appreciate your response and I do recognize that she might have found it “cute” but the reality is that whatever impression she had of me is gone now.

I will see what I can do with her but the issue is that if I had asked for her number the first time and managed to overcome the initial anxiety response when meeting her again I would’ve been fine.

I know that this isn’t my fault. It is something out of my control as far as what I can do right now. I recognize that it’s in my subconscious.

But I will still keep going.

no problem bro I used to suffer with the same shit and still do sometimes but just remember that ppl think WAYYYY differently about you than you think of yourself. you might think of yourself as a complete cuck loser who sweats when someone talks to you but some1 else could see you as a genuine and sweet guy

 

[LaVérité]

U didn't mess up, you just convinced yourself you messed up but in reality she's prob masturbating while thinking of you

Yeah man but let’s be real. If I had just calmly gotten her number she wouldn’t have noticed that I got nervous and that has implications on how the relationship develops.

I know that you’re trying to cheer me up but I recognize the mistake was something out of my control, but still my responsibility to fix.

 

[PsychoDsk]

Yeah man but let’s be real. If I had just calmly gotten her number she wouldn’t have noticed that I got nervous and that has implications on how the relationship develops.

I know that you’re trying to cheer me up but I recognize the mistake was something out of my control, but still my responsibility to fix.

yea but that's just who you are face it
if you realise it's out of your control than why worry constantly abt it

 

[LaVérité]

no problem bro I used to suffer with the same shit and still do sometimes but just remember that ppl think WAYYYY differently about you than you think of yourself. you might think of yourself as a complete cuck loser who sweats when someone talks to you but some1 else could see you as a genuine and sweet guy

This was the case for me as well. This definitely has its roots due to how my social circle treated me in high school.

Nowadays I realize how pathetic and miserable they were while they tried to “look good” while putting others down.

I know this is true due to my introspection but there are still remains in my subconscious.

 

[LaVérité]

yea but that's just who you are face it
if you realise it's out of your control than why worry constantly abt it

I mean, people argue that “you can’t change how you look like so why bother” when in reality we can change it. Only that it takes effort and money.

That’s what differentiates the blackpill from the other ideologies.

Recognize the truth and do something about it.

 

[PsychoDsk]

This was the case for me as well. This definitely has its roots due to how my social circle treated me in high school.

Nowadays I realize how pathetic and miserable they were while they tried to “look good” while putting others down.

I know this is true due to my introspection but there are still remains in my subconscious.

than you should just accept it and maybe it'll drown in your acceptance
I just accepted that some days I get anxious as fuck and I don't feel bad abt it anymore.

 

[PsychoDsk]

I mean, people argue that “you can’t change how you look like so why bother” when in reality we can change it. Only that it takes effort and money.

That’s what differentiates the blackpill from the other ideologies.

Recognize the truth and do something about it.

you tried doing something abt it and it only made your introspection worse. just let it go and it won't bother you as much and won't happen as much.
If you think 'tomorrow I'll be anxious because I have to talk to someone' you will be anxious but if you live with the mindset 'ah yes I fucked up, so what' your whole vision changes and you won't feel bad abt it and you'll have a more positive outlook --> less anxious in general

 

[LaVérité]

than you should just accept it and maybe it'll drown in your acceptance
I just accepted that some days I get anxious as fuck and I don't feel bad abt it anymore.

Yeah, that’s what I hoped. Ironically you can’t combat anxiety by focusing on it but you have to accept it.

But I know there are ways to get rid of it. However if that’s the path you chose I respect it and I hope it serves you well.

 

[PsychoDsk]

Yeah, that’s what I hoped. Ironically you can’t combat anxiety by focusing on it but you have to accept it.

But I know there are ways to get rid of it. However if that’s the path you chose I respect it and I hope it serves you well.

Trust me, taking shit for anxiety won't make you accept yourself and will just mask it. You simply just have to let it go and naturally after a while you'll gain more confidence

 

[LaVérité]

Trust me, taking shit for anxiety won't make you accept yourself and will just mask it. You simply just have to let it go and naturally after a while you'll gain more confidence

I appreciate you man, but I respectfully disagree.

I have done what you’re telling me for many years now and it has served me well but the failure at this level is just too much.

Imagine that after going to the gym for years and suddenly one day you have to use the same weight you did as when you started.

That’s too much.

However I will watch out and not fall for the easy clonazepam stuff that will just mess me up.

 

[Deleted member 68446]

not a single word + just be confident bro

 

[xxashton]

I appreciate you man, but I respectfully disagree.

I have done what you’re telling me for many years now and it has served me well but the failure at this level is just too much.

Imagine that after going to the gym for years and suddenly one day you have to use the same weight you did as when you started.

That’s too much.

However I will watch out and not fall for the easy clonazepam stuff that will just mess

You found a fix yet? Any drugs like lyrica or propranalol might help

 

[LaVérité]

You found a fix yet? Any drugs like lyrica or propranalol might help

I went to a professional and after hearing me out he did say I could use a drug to help me with my anxiety until I eventually develop enough "subconscious" self confidence that I can only rely on without having the situation I explained in the post.

It wasn't clonazepam but I believe it was similar.

 

[xxashton]

I went to a professional and after hearing me out he did say I could use a drug to help me with my anxiety until I eventually develop enough "subconscious" self confidence that I can only rely on without having the situation I explained in the post.

It wasn't clonazepam but I believe it was similar.

oh wow benzos, whats ur experience with it so far

 

[LaVérité]

oh wow benzos, whats ur experience with it so far

Haven’t started any treatment yet.

I gotta go again to talk with the therapist this week but even then I have a bimax surgery in a couple months so I don’t know if I should start taking them now.

 

[xxashton]

Haven’t started any treatment yet.

I gotta go again to talk with the therapist this week but even then I have a bimax surgery in a couple months so I don’t know if I should start taking them now.

Oh wow, yeah if i were you i would wait till you get surgery actually, and the confidence boost you will have after that alone could fix you

 

[LaVérité]

Oh wow, yeah if i were you i would wait till you get surgery actually, and the confidence boost you will have after that alone could fix you

Actually it might just be a BSSO since my case is very mild.

But looks is not the issue here, I’m an average looking guy but I know how to dress well and have practiced my social skills.

The issue here is my anxiety, if I didn’t lose my composure that day right now I would be probably in the mentally best place in years.

But at last, it was something out of my control that even all my training couldn’t handle.

 

[PickleTheSlayer]

Your training isnt specific to the scenario you're trying to do. It's like trying to swim in preparation for a marathon because both are cardio. It might help a bit but its not ideal. Even cold approaching girls is easy because you dont care as much about rejection or how people in a club/bar percieve you.
With the elevator girl you're afraid of losing her because you dont get much female attention, and that's normal for the vast majority of dudes. U gotta be low inhib. Dont even worry about how nervous you feel, its all about how nervous you LOOK. If you can mask your anxiety and keep a poker face you will be fine. Always think before you response and make sure to talk slowly. If you dont know what to say, just repeat what the other person said in a questioning tone, they will elaborate.

Fake it till u make it bhai

 

[LaVérité]

Your training isnt specific to the scenario you're trying to do. It's like trying to swim in preparation for a marathon because both are cardio. It might help a bit but its not ideal. Even cold approaching girls is easy because you dont care as much about rejection or how people in a club/bar percieve you.
With the elevator girl you're afraid of losing her because you dont get much female attention, and that's normal for the vast majority of dudes. U gotta be low inhib. Dont even worry about how nervous you feel, its all about how nervous you LOOK. If you can mask your anxiety and keep a poker face you will be fine. Always think before you response and make sure to talk slowly. If you dont know what to say, just repeat what the other person said in a questioning tone, they will elaborate.

Fake it till u make it bhai

Yeah, that was what my psychologist mentioned and it does makes sense since the practice I've had has been mainly with general anxiety and confrontation with other people but little regarding flirting with women.

Ironically I precisely couldn't get more experience by not having enough experience.

I am able to mask my anxiety very well, it used to be worse before but the hands I couldn't control this time.

Anyways, I've already started treatment. Let's hope this allows me to keep composure and gain that experience so I can rely only on it in the future. And maybe this will finally allow me to actually express all aspects of myself without having to be hindered by anxiety constantly.

Thanks for your support bhai.

 

[ManletJordanBarrett]

Recently I was genuinely approached by an attractive girl that happens to be my neighbor. I never saw any IOI’s but I wasn’t specifically looking for them either since I consider myself to be average.

However we all know how rare it is for a girl to walk up to a guy and start giving indicators for him to get her number.

I realized that the times this girl had seen me she developed an attraction that made her talk to me when we both met at the elevator on our way out.

I basically made good talk and kept good eye contact without getting nervous. However I forgot to ask for her number.

(This is my deep regret)

No problem right? She literally lives in the same building as me and there’s a small number of apartments, I can just ask her next time we see each other.

And then the following happened:

I was on my way out and I noticed that the elevator had gone to her floor so I prepared myself to talk to her since it was pretty much guaranteed to be her.

And it was.

But now this time my heart was beating so hard when 15 seconds ago I was just chilling.

We ended up making some talk and when I asked her for her number I knew the inevitable was coming.

My hands were shaking, not terribly, but noticeable. And she did.

I gave her the phone and she just smirked and said “you are flustered” in a joking manner.

I couldn’t even talk to her that time. I had to stop myself and look away at one moment.

I still cringe at this. I just destroyed the perception that she had all these months ago in a simple time span of 3 minutes.

Why?

I have been training, I’m eating well and I have been working. This past weeks were pretty good and despite all my efforts in the gym and trying to get my subconscious to recognize my value for years.

I still lost it.

And it’s not because I’m an “incel” per se.

I have talked without problems to girls before and made out with several.

I also recognize that my development has given me results because in the past I used to be more anxious and I couldn’t do stuff as smoothly as I can today (socially speaking).

And I know this is due to all the “training” I’ve been doing.

1. Going out clubbing alone and approaching girls.
2. Talking to strangers in general
3. Gym and diet (not perfect consistency but good)
4. Quit negative self talk
5. Meditating at some times in my life
6. Introspection

But despite all of this. I messed up at the most basic level because of something I couldn’t control. And I don’t understand why.

This girl approached me, I am in a good position in life right now (possibly the best) and I managed to talk to her just fine a few days ago.

But then it’s like I was back in my 15 year old self again.

The only other time I remember this happening was when a girl gave me IOI at a supermarket and I asked for her number. (This was 1.5 years ago)

What can I do?

If I take clonazepam or another anxiolytic I will become a benzo addict in a matter of months and with resistance to it.

I need a permanent change. Is it possible with these meds?

I can’t wait for more years and hope my subconscious that still has insecurities from years ago to catch up to what my conscious mind knows it’s true.

Is Ashwaganda an option that could make a significant change?
CBD oil?

I also have access to a genuine ayahuasca center but I’m not too keen on the idea.

I know there are people that microdose mushrooms that have cured their anxiety.

I know I most likely have sleep apnea and I have been told my cortisol levels are higher than usual even though I feel mostly fine throughout the day.

Is a C-PAP machine the answer?
I have heard that once you use it the difference is like night and day.

Perhaps actually resting well can get rid of this excessive anxiety?

I haven’t tried any of the above because I chose to overcome my anxiety (which I have in great part) with exposure therapy and whatnot.

But losing the perception this girl had has honestly been the last straw.

I also have to confront a colleague/employee tomorrow about him slacking off on the job and lying to me and I still got slightly nervous just thinking about it.

This guy is both physically and mentally inferior to me and he has given me good reason to confront him yet I know that tomorrow my heart will start to beat again and I will have to try my best to keep my cool.

It doesn’t make any fucking sense. I’m tired of this insecurities that I know where they come from and I know they aren’t true.

Anyone has any genuine advice?

TLDR for the average redditor tiktoker attention span: A cute girl approached me and I managed to talk to her just fine but later when I asked for her number I completely got nervous after training for many years to overcome social anxiety. What can I do that would actually work without turning me into an addict?

Tales from the ward

 

[Maalik]

Your training isnt specific to the scenario you're trying to do. It's like trying to swim in preparation for a marathon because both are cardio. It might help a bit but its not ideal. Even cold approaching girls is easy because you dont care as much about rejection or how people in a club/bar percieve you.
With the elevator girl you're afraid of losing her because you dont get much female attention, and that's normal for the vast majority of dudes. U gotta be low inhib. Dont even worry about how nervous you feel, its all about how nervous you LOOK. If you can mask your anxiety and keep a poker face you will be fine. Always think before you response and make sure to talk slowly. If you dont know what to say, just repeat what the other person said in a questioning tone, they will elaborate.

Fake it till u make it bhai

Nah
your real feelings always leak out in your voice and speech patterns. there is no faking it
we either conquer our feelings or be conquered by them.

 

[Aqualad]

Recently I was genuinely approached by an attractive girl that happens to be my neighbor. I never saw any IOI’s but I wasn’t specifically looking for them either since I consider myself to be average.

However we all know how rare it is for a girl to walk up to a guy and start giving indicators for him to get her number.

I realized that the times this girl had seen me she developed an attraction that made her talk to me when we both met at the elevator on our way out.

I basically made good talk and kept good eye contact without getting nervous. However I forgot to ask for her number.

(This is my deep regret)

No problem right? She literally lives in the same building as me and there’s a small number of apartments, I can just ask her next time we see each other.

And then the following happened:

I was on my way out and I noticed that the elevator had gone to her floor so I prepared myself to talk to her since it was pretty much guaranteed to be her.

And it was.

But now this time my heart was beating so hard when 15 seconds ago I was just chilling.

We ended up making some talk and when I asked her for her number I knew the inevitable was coming.

My hands were shaking, not terribly, but noticeable. And she did.

I gave her the phone and she just smirked and said “you are flustered” in a joking manner.

I couldn’t even talk to her that time. I had to stop myself and look away at one moment.

I still cringe at this. I just destroyed the perception that she had all these months ago in a simple time span of 3 minutes.

Why?

I have been training, I’m eating well and I have been working. This past weeks were pretty good and despite all my efforts in the gym and trying to get my subconscious to recognize my value for years.

I still lost it.

And it’s not because I’m an “incel” per se.

I have talked without problems to girls before and made out with several.

I also recognize that my development has given me results because in the past I used to be more anxious and I couldn’t do stuff as smoothly as I can today (socially speaking).

And I know this is due to all the “training” I’ve been doing.

1. Going out clubbing alone and approaching girls.
2. Talking to strangers in general
3. Gym and diet (not perfect consistency but good)
4. Quit negative self talk
5. Meditating at some times in my life
6. Introspection

But despite all of this. I messed up at the most basic level because of something I couldn’t control. And I don’t understand why.

This girl approached me, I am in a good position in life right now (possibly the best) and I managed to talk to her just fine a few days ago.

But then it’s like I was back in my 15 year old self again.

The only other time I remember this happening was when a girl gave me IOI at a supermarket and I asked for her number. (This was 1.5 years ago)

What can I do?

If I take clonazepam or another anxiolytic I will become a benzo addict in a matter of months and with resistance to it.

I need a permanent change. Is it possible with these meds?

I can’t wait for more years and hope my subconscious that still has insecurities from years ago to catch up to what my conscious mind knows it’s true.

Is Ashwaganda an option that could make a significant change?
CBD oil?

I also have access to a genuine ayahuasca center but I’m not too keen on the idea.

I know there are people that microdose mushrooms that have cured their anxiety.

I know I most likely have sleep apnea and I have been told my cortisol levels are higher than usual even though I feel mostly fine throughout the day.

Is a C-PAP machine the answer?
I have heard that once you use it the difference is like night and day.

Perhaps actually resting well can get rid of this excessive anxiety?

I haven’t tried any of the above because I chose to overcome my anxiety (which I have in great part) with exposure therapy and whatnot.

But losing the perception this girl had has honestly been the last straw.

I also have to confront a colleague/employee tomorrow about him slacking off on the job and lying to me and I still got slightly nervous just thinking about it.

This guy is both physically and mentally inferior to me and he has given me good reason to confront him yet I know that tomorrow my heart will start to beat again and I will have to try my best to keep my cool.

It doesn’t make any fucking sense. I’m tired of this insecurities that I know where they come from and I know they aren’t true.

Anyone has any genuine advice?

TLDR for the average redditor tiktoker attention span: A cute girl approached me and I managed to talk to her just fine but later when I asked for her number I completely got nervous after training for many years to overcome social anxiety. What can I do that would actually work without turning me into an addict?

Just yk

 

[noodlelover]

After years of mediating, cold approach, and other bullshit, I finally cracked the code to confidence.

It's paradoxically to stop trying to self improve. Trying to improve your "skill" only reinforces the idea that you're not good enough into your subconscious, over and over, and over again.

Go directly after your goals, as if you already have what it takes. If you want a specific girl, go directly for her. Don't cold approach a shit ton for "practice". If you want money, go directly for that, and fuck your morning routine.

You have her number. Who cares that you got nervous. Ask her out on a date now. If she rejects you, fine move on.

By pursuing your goals directly, your brain will get better and better at the specific challenges involved with your goals, while not wasting mental energy on other bullshit. You don't need to become "good" with all women, only women you find attractive and want to date/hookup with. Practicing on "meh" girls isn't going to help with that much. Maybe a little, but it's not worth the ROI compared to spending your life directly pursuing who you want. Meditating isn't going to help with that. The only thing that helps with that is going directly for what you want.

This is the exact opposite of my skill-based out-look in my twenties, but trust me, if you follow this your life will improve at a faster rate and you'll be more confident. Not perfectly confident, but you'll feel better about yourself than when you were trying to "self improve", and you'll get more out of life.

TLDR

Start thinking of life as a Chess Game, and not an RPG. Because things like "Skills" and "Confidence" solve themselves in the most time efficient ROI way automatically, when you don't make them your primary paradigm.