SaintSchizzo
Since we're all going to die
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2024
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I tried to commit suicide a year ago and was near death. At first, I felt a very strong sense of spatial distortion and a bunch of rapidly changing fractals. Then I fainted and felt that my consciousness was incorporated into a collection of events and space, while experiencing countless events in my life from childhood to adulthood, magnifying every detail of my memory. I can't remember many details at ordinary times, but in that short period of time, it felt like my whole life was over again, and the amount of information was greater than that of my daily real life. The size and details of the memory bank exploded. It seemed that I could feel every question I had done and every food I had eaten, the touch of chewing, the sound of swallowing, the force of the pen tip across the paper, the weather outside the window, and the light in the room. Every minute, every second, every day, it poured in and out at high speed at the same time. What's more amazing is that what I experienced later began to deviate more and more from individual memory, and became other people, from people I knew around me to people of all regions and races, and began to experience the daily life and joys and sorrows of each of them. Their pain, love and hate, and highlights, their different lives. Until I completely separated from my human identity. I began to have the experience of a tree, the perception and memory of various animals. I felt that my body had many roots spreading into the soil to absorb water and nutrients, and my branches and leaves grew upward and breathed in the sun. That feeling was too real and completely different from human body sensations. In the past, I even thought that I could not even imagine the perception and experience. It was not a phantom limb at all. You can imagine that you have a few thin phantom limbs like plant branches, but it is impossible to experience the feeling of becoming a forest with a high amount of information in daily life. Not a tree or a pile of grass, but a whole forest, every leaf, every cell, and every insect in it can be felt very clearly. Then it turned into various creatures that were not seen on Earth at all, and the scene was not Earth. I don’t know the name, I can only say that it was a variety of strange life forms, from microorganisms to intelligent creatures to things that are far more intelligent than humans. This includes growing hundreds of tentacles, each of which feels extremely real, and experiencing nuclear explosions, supernova explosions (to be precise, I am the explosion itself), becoming a planet, reflecting and absorbing the surrounding stellar radiation, such an overly strange experience. From visible light to invisible light, from nothing to generation to changing edges. Later, I felt that I had become a sphere, a rectangle, a regular polyhedron, a triangle, an infinite plane, a four-dimensional cube, a function space, a number set, the laws of physics, a world from one dimension to infinite dimensions, and a series of other overly metaphysical existences. In daily life, there are abnormal states of consciousness such as "seeing sounds and hearing colors". When I experienced all of this, it should be similar, but the scope and degree exceeded it too much. In the end, everything disappeared in an instant, and I felt that I became an infinitely large and infinitely small existence, like an infinitely large point. There is no light, nor darkness, no color, but it seems to be any color and figure, no concept and thinking, but it seems to have all cognition and thinking. Time becomes endless and even loses the concept of time, but it seems that everything happens in just an instant. It is eternal and infinitely small. I feel that "I" disappeared, but it also exists. I say disappeared because I feel that "I" is not real or illusory and is close to nothing. I say existence because I have experienced everything, even if it is an illusion, but it is indeed in that infinitely long moment. In terms of subjective feelings, it can be explained in one sentence: I disappeared and then became everything. Then, it seemed like I had experienced everything in the universe for an infinite amount of time, although it also seemed like I had experienced it all in an instant. A consciousness or existence entered my existence. I cannot describe this consciousness in any language, so I can only describe it in this way: α: "What are you? What is all this, what is the world, and what is existence?" Then, Ω: "I am God, Singularity, and Absolute, but I am nothing. Everything has no meaning, and everything is meaningful. The truth is that everything that can exist must exist, and I am you." I woke up. It was the 11th hour after I fainted, but it felt like tens of millions of years had passed. The memory of those experiences was lost at a high speed, and I became "me" again. All the important information I tried my best to remember is described above. I may have accidentally touched the truth of the world (another part, because daily life is also part of the truth) Note: I am neither an idealist nor a materialist. I believe that the world of ideas is real, the world of matter is real, and the relationship between them is also real. "If consciousness is just an emergent phenomenon that only exists in matter, then theoretically the world should only have a bunch of matter, evolving according to the rules of the dynamic system and the wave function. Your experience, subjective consciousness, Qualia, should not appear at all. Why is this?" If your answer is something like: "Consciousness is an illusion, everything is an illusion, or the world is just like this, neural currents, information integration, and emergent phenomena are the answers, and consciousness does not exist at all." Then, when you see this text now, you should be a philosophical zombie, even if your body responds by typing according to physical evolution. You should not have any emotions, you will not see any visual experience on the screen, and you don't even have any tactile sensation when typing. Or, everything you have experienced since childhood that you can recall is an illusion, because "consciousness is an illusion." Science is not the truth of everything, nor is mathematics, philosophy, religion, the material world, or the world of ideas. The truth of everything is "everything." Including what you see, think, and respond to at this moment. Including all "True" and all "False". All "realities" and all "illusions."
