Whoever prayed for my downfall has honestly won

[Deleted member 24002]

This is probably too deep for this forum, but I'm honestly done. I feel so terrible about myself. I used to get straight As in high school and always wanted to get approval from others and make my family proud through success, and now in university I have struggled due to depression, skipping lectures, and just laziness when it comes to studying. I feel terrible also because after 3.5 months of working out and sticking to a strict diet, I dropped it today until further notice due to stress and pressure of having to study intensely for 5 courses in order to salvage my GPA. And instead of intensely studying, im scrolling this forum and social media. For the first time since august I ate junk food (a lot of it) and instantly felt physically and mentally terrible. On top of this, I cant stop fixating on my physical flaws and have hundreds of pictures of myself from different angles in my camera roll because I compulsively need to see what other people see when they look at me and I dont trust mirrors. Im getting surgeries done, but just the thought that I have to travel across the country and spend a crazy amount of money just to look normal is so depressing. I cant talk to my ethnic family about this and I've slowly been losing friends since I left high school leaving me to question who I can actually trust. I tried to get a psychiatrist to talk about my increasing undiagnosed depression and anxiety (that my parents never made me get screened for because they dont believe in mental health) and the waitlist is 6 months in my city. I feel like the walls are closing in. I feel like the worst I ever have during the supposed "prime" years of my life. I feel like I lost, idk who I lost to, but I just feel defeated.

 

[horizon]

You're in university and you have surgeries booked.

You're on the right path. It just seems like you're overthinking this stuff too much.

 

[the BULL]

It's impossible to focus as an incel male in 2022
Media completely fucked you up

 

[Deleted member 21661]

This is probably too deep for this forum, but I'm honestly done. I feel so terrible about myself. I used to get straight As in high school and always wanted to get approval from others and make my family proud through success, and now in university I have struggled due to depression, skipping lectures, and just laziness when it comes to studying. I feel terrible also because after 3.5 months of working out and sticking to a strict diet, I dropped it today until further notice due to stress and pressure of having to study intensely for 5 courses in order to salvage my GPA. And instead of intensely studying, im scrolling this forum and social media. For the first time since august I ate junk food (a lot of it) and instantly felt physically and mentally terrible. On top of this, I cant stop fixating on my physical flaws and have hundreds of pictures of myself from different angles in my camera roll because I compulsively need to see what other people see when they look at me and I dont trust mirrors. Im getting surgeries done, but just the thought that I have to travel across the country and spend a crazy amount of money just to look normal is so depressing. I cant talk to my ethnic family about this and I've slowly been losing friends since I left high school leaving me to question who I can actually trust. I tried to get a psychiatrist to talk about my increasing undiagnosed depression and anxiety (that my parents never made me get screened for because they dont believe in mental health) and the waitlist is 6 months in my city. I feel like the walls are closing in. I feel like the worst I ever have during the supposed "prime" years of my life. I feel like I lost, idk who I lost to, but I just feel defeated.

Relatable honestly. My life has been such a steady decline. While everyone else fools around as a kid and slowly become more serious and hardworking, I've just fallen into a self destructive spiral and been really lazy and reclusive. I have some things working out, but a lot of them just involve me lying to people and frauding. Even though I know "objectively" I look good, and that there's still a lot of looksmaxxing for me to do, even surgery, I still take countless pictures and analyze myself from different angles. I'm spending a year break from school to be able to work. Then, I have to travel to different locations and pay for the surgery myself, hide it from my parents, carry on with a new life and work hard. I didn't grow up with a lot of money. It's really easy for me to give up. But I can't, and I know that all I can have is hope for the future. I'm only gonna live one life as myself, and I want it to be the best possible. I don't know about your situation, but just that hope and faith in my future is what drives me. No matter how bad my life is currently, no matter what happens, I have hope for the future, and I'll live because of that.

 

[Deleted member 24002]

It's impossible to focus as an incel male in 2022
Media completely fucked you up

I’m not an incel, I’ve had girlfriends and had a large social circle in high school. I just feel like a complete failure in life. There are people in this forum who have suffered far more than me, but I feel hopeless, miserable, mentally drained. This is apart from dating and things like that, although socially I feel lost too. My “best friend” since I was 7 and I had a falling out and he’s been insulting me behind my back, causing the rest of my friends to distance themselves. I have no energy for girls and my anxiety is so bad that I can’t even talk to them despite being in the best shape of my life. I’ve lost all self-esteem.

 

[the BULL]

I’m not an incel, I’ve had girlfriends and had a large social circle in high school. I just feel like a complete failure in life. There are people in this forum who have suffered far more than me, but I feel hopeless, miserable, mentally drained. This is apart from dating and things like that, although socially I feel lost too. My “best friend” since I was 7 and I had a falling out and he’s been insulting me behind my back, causing the rest of my friends to distance themselves. I have no energy for girls and my anxiety is so bad that I can’t even talk to them despite being in the best shape of my life. I’ve lost all self-esteem.

High school doesn't matter. Plus pandemic changed the dating Dynamics. 90% of young guys feel like you and are dropping out from society

 

[Deleted member 24002]

High school doesn't matter. Plus pandemic changed the dating Dynamics. 90% of young guys feel like you and are dropping out from society

True, but high school was only 5 months ago for me so it hasn't been that long. And I dont want to be in the incel mentality like many men (although I dont look down on them for it). But yes, like many young men I dont feel good enough. And beyond that, I dont feel hope for the future for the first time in my life.

 

[Bojack]

my suffering definitely mogs yours. Be glad you were not bojack.