6ft4
Juggernaut Genes Possessor
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Continuation from part 1 here but no need to read it to enjoy this thread
looksmax.org
As a child I avoided getting into conflict situations because I knew that I wasn't equipped to deal with conflict and strike back so I just tried to stay out of the way of it as much as I could
When conflict would come my way despite doing everything I could to avoid it, I would take it extremely personally and would stew on this anger rather than strike back which led me to fantasizing about ending the lives of people from an early age
I had a brief window of being high status among my peers from 10-11 because I suddenly became interested in sports and became one of the two best players in my class at football.
I had a tendency to think that my non confrontational manner as a child stemmed from me being more sensitive than normal and having "good morals" and not wanting to cause pain to others but who knows how I would've behaved had I carried my status among my peers onto secondary school.
If I had the ability to confront people and enough status to back me up, would I have harassed innocent guys for no reason like what came my way?
It's easy to claim good morality when you have no power to do anything
When I started secondary school at age 12, my status was restored back to it's natural level of being invisible/a background character so I just focused on having a good time with my friends as opposed to trying to gain class wide status.
Where does all of this fit into dark triad you might ask?
Well I'm setting the stage about how my constant obsession with morality/not wanting to cause harm to others for personal gain may have been largely natural but may have been reinforced by the fact that even if I wanted to accrue power at the expense of other people I didn't have the capability to do so.
This obsession with being "good" may have really just been a cope that remained in place because I had no other choice in the matter in my youth
At age 17 I started going on nights out with my classmates and getting drunk and because I was so used to being a reserved but friendly chap, I suddenly became an extroverted but friendly chap.
This was probably the peak behavioural state I have reached because of how positive and optimistic I was and girls were often receptive to me.
Then things started to change in the second semester of my first year of college when I decided I wasn't happy with the frequency with which I was slaying and I wanted to alter things so that I could slay more often on nights out.
This is where things started to go wrong for me because my looksmaxxing and actual results couldn't keep pace with my increase in ambition and expected results so I turned into a mentalcel
I basically went from a nice guy (partially natural, partially out of necessity) to getting a few slays and suddenly going mentalcel because I couldn't feed my newfound appetite for slaying.
Going mentalcel like this just led to me lashing out and being a prick, particularly when drunk
It came to a point where a night out where I failed to slay would turn into a fullblown meltdown and it gradually became ingrained in my behaviour that I would have an autopilot verbal assault on some unfortunate fuck.
I was on the receiving end of such verbal assaults many times in my youth so I believe it became engrained in my psyche and I would often have dreams about doing it myself then I started doing it when I got into blackout drunk states.
Basically I want to come to terms with the idea that I am not some morally righteous guy who needs to continue on this moral path that leads to me meeting none of my social goals.
As soon as I developed enough to have the looks level to compete in the dating market, then couldnt get the level of results I wanted, I just turned into a cunt due to rage.
Which goes to show that deep down I really dont care about other people as much as I may believe, I really just want to attain my own goals at the end of the day.
With this realisation, at least I can be honest with myself and refine my anti-social behaviour in a way that benefits me rather than just try to play by the rules of a normie but fail constantly due to lack of NT then explode but not gain anything from it.
If I could channel all of that aggression and lack of regard for normies into an avenue that helps me to slay, then it would be a huge benefit in helping me achieve my goals.
The issue is finding an avenue where the payoff of demonstrating aggressive behaviour is worth the risk
I would be completely willing to go punch some subhuman who's pulled a girl I want but is the payoff worth it if I dont get to fuck the girl after?
I will refine future strategies in the next part
Why Dark Triad is the only route for me
Since I am not a naturally upbeat guy, trying to be a likeable, talkative jack the lad when sober is not possible for me I have slight sanpaku eyes (like Zurzolo) which is known for being a sign that you will have a hard life and your eyes reflect that and it looks dark triad I also have...
looksmax.org
As a child I avoided getting into conflict situations because I knew that I wasn't equipped to deal with conflict and strike back so I just tried to stay out of the way of it as much as I could
When conflict would come my way despite doing everything I could to avoid it, I would take it extremely personally and would stew on this anger rather than strike back which led me to fantasizing about ending the lives of people from an early age
I had a brief window of being high status among my peers from 10-11 because I suddenly became interested in sports and became one of the two best players in my class at football.
I had a tendency to think that my non confrontational manner as a child stemmed from me being more sensitive than normal and having "good morals" and not wanting to cause pain to others but who knows how I would've behaved had I carried my status among my peers onto secondary school.
If I had the ability to confront people and enough status to back me up, would I have harassed innocent guys for no reason like what came my way?
It's easy to claim good morality when you have no power to do anything
When I started secondary school at age 12, my status was restored back to it's natural level of being invisible/a background character so I just focused on having a good time with my friends as opposed to trying to gain class wide status.
Where does all of this fit into dark triad you might ask?
Well I'm setting the stage about how my constant obsession with morality/not wanting to cause harm to others for personal gain may have been largely natural but may have been reinforced by the fact that even if I wanted to accrue power at the expense of other people I didn't have the capability to do so.
This obsession with being "good" may have really just been a cope that remained in place because I had no other choice in the matter in my youth
At age 17 I started going on nights out with my classmates and getting drunk and because I was so used to being a reserved but friendly chap, I suddenly became an extroverted but friendly chap.
This was probably the peak behavioural state I have reached because of how positive and optimistic I was and girls were often receptive to me.
Then things started to change in the second semester of my first year of college when I decided I wasn't happy with the frequency with which I was slaying and I wanted to alter things so that I could slay more often on nights out.
This is where things started to go wrong for me because my looksmaxxing and actual results couldn't keep pace with my increase in ambition and expected results so I turned into a mentalcel
I basically went from a nice guy (partially natural, partially out of necessity) to getting a few slays and suddenly going mentalcel because I couldn't feed my newfound appetite for slaying.
Going mentalcel like this just led to me lashing out and being a prick, particularly when drunk
It came to a point where a night out where I failed to slay would turn into a fullblown meltdown and it gradually became ingrained in my behaviour that I would have an autopilot verbal assault on some unfortunate fuck.
I was on the receiving end of such verbal assaults many times in my youth so I believe it became engrained in my psyche and I would often have dreams about doing it myself then I started doing it when I got into blackout drunk states.
Basically I want to come to terms with the idea that I am not some morally righteous guy who needs to continue on this moral path that leads to me meeting none of my social goals.
As soon as I developed enough to have the looks level to compete in the dating market, then couldnt get the level of results I wanted, I just turned into a cunt due to rage.
Which goes to show that deep down I really dont care about other people as much as I may believe, I really just want to attain my own goals at the end of the day.
With this realisation, at least I can be honest with myself and refine my anti-social behaviour in a way that benefits me rather than just try to play by the rules of a normie but fail constantly due to lack of NT then explode but not gain anything from it.
If I could channel all of that aggression and lack of regard for normies into an avenue that helps me to slay, then it would be a huge benefit in helping me achieve my goals.
The issue is finding an avenue where the payoff of demonstrating aggressive behaviour is worth the risk
I would be completely willing to go punch some subhuman who's pulled a girl I want but is the payoff worth it if I dont get to fuck the girl after?
I will refine future strategies in the next part
