AlexAP
Kraken
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Great post:
Here the best part:
"Just imagine, you were born to some really Toxic people. The household is chaotic. There is violence, abuse, name-calling and insults. Now, as a kid you cannot explain why these things are happening. You haven’t developed the complex analytical skills in order to comprehend your circumstances. So you navigate the world via emotions. For such a child, in that toxic household, either of these two things might happen.
Firstly, you have a sense that something isn’t right. And since parents are ‘perfect beings’ who are supposed to shower you with loads of love; if that doesn’t happen it’s obvious that the problem lies with YOU. That’s when you start blaming yourself. You feel unlovable. Maybe you are just so horrible, so hideous that even your own parents have become INCAPABLE of loving you. As a result, you try to over-compensate. You try to be as good as you possibly can in order to earn their love, however always feeling like you are not good enough. A crippling loneliness would start accompanying you, with a reoccurring question – Why me? Why am I like this?
Imagine how your adult life would look like.
Low self-esteem. Low self-confidence. Always running after the next big thing in order to feel adequate and valuable. Being way too nice even if you are hurt. Never complaining. Apologizing a lot more than you really should. Overcompensating for your real ‘unlovable’ personality. Not having the guts to ask your Boss for that raise or for that promotion because why would anyone value you over others. They are definitely way better than you are!
The second thing that might happen is probably worse. Since the relationship with your parents is supposed to be a ‘loving relationship’, the definition of a loving relationship might take the form of a Toxic Relationship. You might grow up and choose friends who make you feel bad about yourself, you might date people who disrespects you at every step. You might even end up marrying someone who is abusive and toxic. Even if it feels terrible, at least it feels familiar! And it’s human tendency to surround ourselves in ‘familiar’ situations."
Here the full text:
Here the best part:
"Just imagine, you were born to some really Toxic people. The household is chaotic. There is violence, abuse, name-calling and insults. Now, as a kid you cannot explain why these things are happening. You haven’t developed the complex analytical skills in order to comprehend your circumstances. So you navigate the world via emotions. For such a child, in that toxic household, either of these two things might happen.
Firstly, you have a sense that something isn’t right. And since parents are ‘perfect beings’ who are supposed to shower you with loads of love; if that doesn’t happen it’s obvious that the problem lies with YOU. That’s when you start blaming yourself. You feel unlovable. Maybe you are just so horrible, so hideous that even your own parents have become INCAPABLE of loving you. As a result, you try to over-compensate. You try to be as good as you possibly can in order to earn their love, however always feeling like you are not good enough. A crippling loneliness would start accompanying you, with a reoccurring question – Why me? Why am I like this?
Imagine how your adult life would look like.
Low self-esteem. Low self-confidence. Always running after the next big thing in order to feel adequate and valuable. Being way too nice even if you are hurt. Never complaining. Apologizing a lot more than you really should. Overcompensating for your real ‘unlovable’ personality. Not having the guts to ask your Boss for that raise or for that promotion because why would anyone value you over others. They are definitely way better than you are!
The second thing that might happen is probably worse. Since the relationship with your parents is supposed to be a ‘loving relationship’, the definition of a loving relationship might take the form of a Toxic Relationship. You might grow up and choose friends who make you feel bad about yourself, you might date people who disrespects you at every step. You might even end up marrying someone who is abusive and toxic. Even if it feels terrible, at least it feels familiar! And it’s human tendency to surround ourselves in ‘familiar’ situations."
Here the full text:
WHY IT’S OKAY TO HATE YOUR PARENTS
Unconditional love. No matter what. This is how parental love is portrayed.
It’s OBVIOUS that our parents love us. They gave birth to us, afterall.
So we should… nah…we must love them. That too ‘unconditionally’! No matter what. Why? Because they are our parents. And we are bound to do so.
We are not permitted to feel any other emotion towards them except love. And soon enough we learn to love them.
Well, sometimes this decision can screw us up for all of our lives!
The one thing that we really need to remember is that our parents are ordinary, imperfect human beings with their own mess going on. And before being our parents they have their own identities and unique personalities.
Some humans are compassionate, loving, caring, respectful; while some are just pure evil!
The Biological Rule for having a child is a ‘Functioning Reproductive System’. This rule doesn’t care if someone has a loving personality or is emotionally matured.
And this is why the narrative of Unconditional Parental Love (nobody will love you like your Parents do, the love of a Mother/Father is the purest form of love….. you get the gist!) is so damn problematic.
Just imagine, you were born to some really Toxic people. The household is chaotic. There is violence, abuse, name-calling and insults.
Now, as a kid you cannot explain why these things are happening. You haven’t developed the complex analytical skills in order to comprehend your circumstances. So you navigate the world via emotions.
For such a child, in that toxic household, either of these two things might happen.
Firstly, you have a sense that something isn’t right. And since parents are ‘perfect beings’ who are supposed to shower you with loads of love; if that doesn’t happen it’s obvious that the problem lies with YOU. That’s when you start blaming yourself. You feel unlovable. Maybe you are just so horrible, so hideous that even your own parents have become INCAPABLE of loving you. As a result, you try to over-compensate. You try to be as good as you possibly can in order to earn their love, however always feeling like you are not good enough. A crippling loneliness would start accompanying you, with a reoccurring question – Why me? Why am I like this?
Imagine how your adult life would look like.
Low self-esteem. Low self-confidence. Always running after the next big thing in order to feel adequate and valuable. Being way too nice even if you are hurt. Never complaining. Apologizing a lot more than you really should. Overcompensating for your real ‘unlovable’ personality. Not having the guts to ask your Boss for that raise or for that promotion because why would anyone value you over others. They are definitely way better than you are!
The second thing that might happen is probably worse. Since the relationship with your parents is supposed to be a ‘loving relationship’, the definition of a loving relationship might take the form of a Toxic Relationship. You might grow up and choose friends who make you feel bad about yourself, you might date people who disrespects you at every step.
You might even end up marrying someone who is abusive and toxic. Even if it feels terrible, at least it feels familiar! And it’s human tendency to surround ourselves in ‘familiar’ situations.
Why did any of these happen?
That’s cause instead of facing the reality that maybe our parents are not Angels but probable Heathens, and not because of us, but because of who they already are and the life they have lived; we are taught (indirectly) that they are perfect human beings. Some religions even claim parents to be ‘GODS’.
Think about it, giving birth doesn’t equate to magically transforming into a loving person.
If a person is wicked, having a baby won’t change them.
But teaching babies that parents would love them Unconditionally, can lead to them growing up as adults with not only a lot of traumatic experiences but also with emotional instability and high emotional vulnerabilities in a cut-throat competitive and manipulative world.
Unconditional love. No matter what. This is how parental love is portrayed.
It’s OBVIOUS that our parents love us. They gave birth to us, afterall.
So we should… nah…we must love them. That too ‘unconditionally’! No matter what. Why? Because they are our parents. And we are bound to do so.
We are not permitted to feel any other emotion towards them except love. And soon enough we learn to love them.
Well, sometimes this decision can screw us up for all of our lives!
The one thing that we really need to remember is that our parents are ordinary, imperfect human beings with their own mess going on. And before being our parents they have their own identities and unique personalities.
Some humans are compassionate, loving, caring, respectful; while some are just pure evil!
The Biological Rule for having a child is a ‘Functioning Reproductive System’. This rule doesn’t care if someone has a loving personality or is emotionally matured.
And this is why the narrative of Unconditional Parental Love (nobody will love you like your Parents do, the love of a Mother/Father is the purest form of love….. you get the gist!) is so damn problematic.
Just imagine, you were born to some really Toxic people. The household is chaotic. There is violence, abuse, name-calling and insults.
Now, as a kid you cannot explain why these things are happening. You haven’t developed the complex analytical skills in order to comprehend your circumstances. So you navigate the world via emotions.
For such a child, in that toxic household, either of these two things might happen.
Firstly, you have a sense that something isn’t right. And since parents are ‘perfect beings’ who are supposed to shower you with loads of love; if that doesn’t happen it’s obvious that the problem lies with YOU. That’s when you start blaming yourself. You feel unlovable. Maybe you are just so horrible, so hideous that even your own parents have become INCAPABLE of loving you. As a result, you try to over-compensate. You try to be as good as you possibly can in order to earn their love, however always feeling like you are not good enough. A crippling loneliness would start accompanying you, with a reoccurring question – Why me? Why am I like this?
Imagine how your adult life would look like.
Low self-esteem. Low self-confidence. Always running after the next big thing in order to feel adequate and valuable. Being way too nice even if you are hurt. Never complaining. Apologizing a lot more than you really should. Overcompensating for your real ‘unlovable’ personality. Not having the guts to ask your Boss for that raise or for that promotion because why would anyone value you over others. They are definitely way better than you are!
The second thing that might happen is probably worse. Since the relationship with your parents is supposed to be a ‘loving relationship’, the definition of a loving relationship might take the form of a Toxic Relationship. You might grow up and choose friends who make you feel bad about yourself, you might date people who disrespects you at every step.
You might even end up marrying someone who is abusive and toxic. Even if it feels terrible, at least it feels familiar! And it’s human tendency to surround ourselves in ‘familiar’ situations.
Why did any of these happen?
That’s cause instead of facing the reality that maybe our parents are not Angels but probable Heathens, and not because of us, but because of who they already are and the life they have lived; we are taught (indirectly) that they are perfect human beings. Some religions even claim parents to be ‘GODS’.
Think about it, giving birth doesn’t equate to magically transforming into a loving person.
If a person is wicked, having a baby won’t change them.
But teaching babies that parents would love them Unconditionally, can lead to them growing up as adults with not only a lot of traumatic experiences but also with emotional instability and high emotional vulnerabilities in a cut-throat competitive and manipulative world.
