Why was I a cute child with crippling insecurity

[try2beme]

I grew into my ugliness after puberty but fuck, i looked at a family picture with 10 yo me in it and i remember the day. I looked self consious and i was the only one not smiling eventhough i actually used to be a pretty child. Why was i so insecure as a kid… if only I knew how bad it was gonna get

I had behaviour problems and very low inhib. How could I have been a self consious child regarding my looks??

 

[Beastimmung]

Genetics

 

[try2beme]

Genetics

I was a pretty child so what genetics at that stage?

 

[Beastimmung]

I was a pretty child so what genetics at that stage?

Insecurity is genetic

 

[MoggerGaston]

its kinda insane cuz I had the exact opposite development

I was ugly asf when young, but I didn't care (<10yo). I wasn't self-conscious and I felt like I was a mogger.

only once puberty began and your social status became all about how liked you were by girls, did my self-esteem regarding my looks start dropping.

I lost all my cool friends as they all started hanging out in mixed-gender social groups where I wasn't welcome.
Meanwhile I was stuck with the ugly nerds and then it was over.

 

[try2beme]

its kinda insane cuz I had the exact opposite development

I was ugly asf when young, but I didn't care (<10yo). I wasn't self-conscious and I felt like I was a mogger.

only once puberty began and your social status became all about how liked you were by girls, did my self-esteem regarding my looks start dropping.

I lost all my cool friends as they all started hanging out in mixed-gender social groups where I wasn't welcome.
Meanwhile I was stuck with the ugly nerds and then it was over.

Brootal

 

[ambi]

i was a confident kid until i realized all kids my age were talking to girls and i wasnt so i slowly became shy
Then grew up and it kept getting worse until puberty
After puberty i stayed a abused dog but women didnt really hate me as much for some reason despite me still being a ugly manlet

 

[MoggerGaston]

After puberty i stayed a abused dog but women didnt really hate me as much for some reason despite me still being a ugly manlet

its because women don't feel threatened by passive quiet shy ugly men

i became more quiet, shy and passive during puberty as I didn't like being treated like a subhuman anymore, so I avoided social interaction.
as a result, I got less hate, because now I 'knew my place' type vibe. I wasn't getting attacked and bullied as hard anymore.

women HATED the fact I was extroverted and socialized as if I was good-looking in my pre-puberty and early-puberty years.
I was literally told by women: 'stop acting like you are good-looking'

which is a brutal insane blackpill

Socializing is all about looks and during your childhood you basically learn where you stand and what you are allowed to do and get away with.

its retarded tbh and I reject socialization now.

 

[ambi]

its because women don't feel threatened by passive quiet shy ugly men

i became more quiet, shy and passive during puberty as I didn't like being treated like a subhuman anymore, so I avoided social interaction.
as a result, I got less hate, because now I 'knew my place' type vibe. I wasn't getting attacked and bullied as hard anymore.

women HATED the fact I was extroverted and socialized as if I was good-looking in my pre-puberty and early-puberty years.
I was literally told by women: 'stop acting like you are good-looking'

which is a brutal insane blackpill

Socializing is all about looks and during your childhood you basically learn where you stand and what you are allowed to do and get away with.

its retarded tbh and I reject socialization now.

Seems accurate tbh, but i was actually seen as weird for being quiet. Might be a location thing, its suicide in my shithole if you arent giga extroverted so i was born to fail in those years considering i was made fun of when i talked and was weird when i wasnt talking

Because of that nowadays i stay quiet tho and i can never accept a compliment or anything. I immediately assume everything is sarcastic or backhanded. Anything i can twist i see as negative no matter how innocent it might be

 

[MoggerGaston]

Seems accurate tbh, but i was actually seen as weird for being quiet. Might be a location thing, its suicide in my shithole if you arent giga extroverted so i was born to fail in those years considering i was made fun of when i talked and was weird when i wasnt talking

hmm yeah, it can go both ways.

Because of that nowadays i stay quiet tho and i can never accept a compliment or anything. I immediately assume everything is sarcastic or backhanded. Anything i can twist i see as negative no matter how innocent it might be

extremely relatable.

I crack a lot of jokes with people at work when I am in a good mood, sometimes they start joking back with me, messing with me.

I notice that when people start messing with me I immediately get into this serious defensive mindset. Instead of feeling aloof and finding their jokes funny, my instant reaction is feeling attacked and bullied.

its brutal and makes socializing much higher cortisol now that it could be.

 

[ambi]

extremely relatable.

I crack a lot of jokes with people at work when I am in a good mood, sometimes they start joking back with me, messing with me.

I notice that when people start messing with me I immediately get into this serious defensive mindset. Instead of feeling aloof and finding their jokes funny, my instant reaction is feeling attacks and bullied.

its brutal and makes socializing much higher cortisol now that it could be.

Same shit for me jfl. I will make jokes especially when im with closer friends i can be pretty social but as soon as i feel some of their jokes are too personal i get defensive, become quiet or sometimes straight up insult.
This becomes MUCH worse when someone im not close to says something i might take as an insult. I had someone in a club tell me i look a bit angry, i immediately took it as him saying im ugly and i started getting really angry i immediately left because i felt like starting a fight. Also remember a friend telling me im not gonna pull anything in the club in a joking way and i immediately started insulting him because i felt like he is calling me ugly. Insecurities REALLY make socializing very high cortisol for me too