fauxfox
monke monk
- Joined
- May 21, 2019
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My wife and I have been married for 4 years, for the past 3 1/2 years we have been trying to conceive. It has been tough for the both of us, we both have really busy jobs, and we have a dog that has been sick plus our commutes to our jobs are both an hour long so it just adds a lot of street on our relationship.
The frustration that has been going on now is that we still haven’t been able to get pregnant, we have gone to fertility doctors and they haven’t said that either of us are infertile. We have started really tracking my wife’s cycles, I have done some yoga, eating healthier, and getting sunlight. We even planned our trips to Florida during the time my wife is ovulating. We have not tried IVF, it is really expensive and it would completely eat away our emergency fund and it usually requires multiple tries as well.
My wife and I were talking about this and she has asked me about how do I feel about a sperm donor. I told her I really would like to be the father of my children but if it came down to it I would be open to a sperm donor / adoption.
She then starts going off about how picking a sperm donor is actually really great, because its one of the places you can pick out the exact genetics you want for your kid (this was lighthearted). I was like yeah its cool. She then asks me how would I feel about choosing a White sperm donor. I was like, I would be against it, and then she starts asking me why, and I am like hey I would like my children to look like me. She then is like, that’s a really patriarchal and racist concept. She then starts listing off all the great things that would happen she is like our kids would be taller, they would fit better into American society, and she then starts going off on how interracial babies are the cutest.
I am like getting visibly uncomfortable so she kind of backs of the topic. I’ll be honest, like if we went to the sperm bank and is like all we got are white sperm I am like okay that’s fine but this coming from my wife makes me really uncomfortable. First we haven’t even tried IVF, neither of us are infertile. And if we go for a sperm donor we would need to pay for IVF for that as well.
And what makes me feel REALLY REALLY uncomfortable is the fact that I think almost all of the guys she dated before me were White. And I had some friends be like dude, she is only with you cause she is 30+ and looking to settle down. And I just brushed them off. But now the fact that we are having these talks already is making me really uncomfortable
I don’t now what to tell her like seriously, like now I am wondering if I am even her type. Like if we have an Asian child, will she be like oh I wish he was a mixed race one Like I am legitimately scared. I’ll say this like the work load + stress has taken a toll on our relationship, so I am not sure if I should take it in as negative way as I am. Is couple's therapy a good option for our situation?
tl;dr - wife and I have been having fertility issues, neither of us are infertile we are just both stressed. However she has been pushing for us to get a White sperm donor if we go down that route.
The frustration that has been going on now is that we still haven’t been able to get pregnant, we have gone to fertility doctors and they haven’t said that either of us are infertile. We have started really tracking my wife’s cycles, I have done some yoga, eating healthier, and getting sunlight. We even planned our trips to Florida during the time my wife is ovulating. We have not tried IVF, it is really expensive and it would completely eat away our emergency fund and it usually requires multiple tries as well.
My wife and I were talking about this and she has asked me about how do I feel about a sperm donor. I told her I really would like to be the father of my children but if it came down to it I would be open to a sperm donor / adoption.
She then starts going off about how picking a sperm donor is actually really great, because its one of the places you can pick out the exact genetics you want for your kid (this was lighthearted). I was like yeah its cool. She then asks me how would I feel about choosing a White sperm donor. I was like, I would be against it, and then she starts asking me why, and I am like hey I would like my children to look like me. She then is like, that’s a really patriarchal and racist concept. She then starts listing off all the great things that would happen she is like our kids would be taller, they would fit better into American society, and she then starts going off on how interracial babies are the cutest.
I am like getting visibly uncomfortable so she kind of backs of the topic. I’ll be honest, like if we went to the sperm bank and is like all we got are white sperm I am like okay that’s fine but this coming from my wife makes me really uncomfortable. First we haven’t even tried IVF, neither of us are infertile. And if we go for a sperm donor we would need to pay for IVF for that as well.
And what makes me feel REALLY REALLY uncomfortable is the fact that I think almost all of the guys she dated before me were White. And I had some friends be like dude, she is only with you cause she is 30+ and looking to settle down. And I just brushed them off. But now the fact that we are having these talks already is making me really uncomfortable
I don’t now what to tell her like seriously, like now I am wondering if I am even her type. Like if we have an Asian child, will she be like oh I wish he was a mixed race one Like I am legitimately scared. I’ll say this like the work load + stress has taken a toll on our relationship, so I am not sure if I should take it in as negative way as I am. Is couple's therapy a good option for our situation?
tl;dr - wife and I have been having fertility issues, neither of us are infertile we are just both stressed. However she has been pushing for us to get a White sperm donor if we go down that route.
