wishIwasSalludon
leave this place behind
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Wife Cucked me when I wasn't ready. All Sorts of issues. Please help. LONG
So, this needs to be very long to be able to be understood.
I never came to subs like this and knew nothing of hot wifing nor cucking. It came to me from a show. I saw it and at the time felt not much desire for my wife. I was cocky and felt I would be able to handle that situation of my wife being with another man.
I can be very convincing. We have a very very honest relationship (maybe too honest). At first she said she would never etc etc. I found that to be BS and I put her to the test. It took me a week to get her to the point of committing. Though, one week, hours upon hours of talking to her and explaining about the ego and etc etc.
The day it happened. She was fed up with all the energy. She had sent nudes to some random online which I tried to dictate and annoyed her. I was not bothered at all by pictures. So I was upset about her reaction to the pictures and she decided to try again. I explained to her how I didn't feel like pictures would be enough. At this point i felt like i had no idea if i wanted it or not. We tried a few days earlier but I called it off and she was relieved. I said I let the energy get to me. I go back and forth the last days before it happened saying I wanted it and I didn't.
So once again, the day of, I explain my uncertainty to her. That maybe it would be better if she just did it without me knowing so I wouldn't stop her, etc. She snaps and tells me over live video texts that she is willing to do it. Asks me if thats what I wants. Twice. I say I dont know and I dont want to know. I say this for numerous reasons, one, if i knew I would most likely stop it. Two, I couldn't say yes and i couldn't say no. Also, I was curious to see if she had wanted it or not. Which she states very firmly 8 months later she never wanted it.
So we go back and forth a bit. She starts to set up a date, asks me if i want to know and i say no. I become insecure and I begin to taunt her. I taunt her saying you wont do it, yeah right.. etc. She says dont count my chickens etc. This goes on for an hour. It gets to the point to where i am calling her a pussy, a grandma, boring, yeah right.. I am doing this to try to get her to commit or back down. As I wast sure if shed actually commit or not so I was trying to get her to the door of committing so I can make the decision for sure.
It gets to the point to where I hear something inside myself saying>, if you say any more she will do it. I think for a minute and continue push. I tell her to get me proof of her sucking his cock and fucking etc. i say this to give her something impossible for her to do so she would back down or just said it out of pride and fear and excitement.
45 minutes elapse and I receive a video text of her walking up some apartments. I reply back, no response, I keep replying back for 30 minutes no response. She then sends me pictures of his bedroom. I asked did you fuck him? She said, Yes. And I sucked his cock too, he went down on me like 4 times. I was broken. I couldn't believe it. It took me eight months to figure this out as to why I am so hurt. I felt like she would have asked for final confirmation as to my approval of the sex. I felt betrayed. She never got final confirmation, I thought within those 45 minutes I had nothing to worry about because for sure she would have told me she wasn't going to to it or that she would be willing. Leaving the final directive to come from me.
She had her phone on silent in order to get me proof... even though it wasn't even the fucking proof i had asked for. She sent proof that she was comfortable getting. Doing it behind the guys back when he wasn't looking with her phone on silent. So when she sent that proof of her walking up the apartments her phone was on silent in order to get me proof quietly if the opportunity arose then she put her phone in her purse never to look at it again.
So i had to sit outside waiting and wondering what the fuck was going on. When she sent the apartment proof I didn't believe she was actually committing fully yet. I asked her "where are you" and "show me your face" to see if she was wearing makeup or not as to if she was just fucking with me. She wasn't.
I have spent the lasst 8 months analysing this over and over and over not sure what the fuck happened. I finally realized why i am so upset as i feel that she betrayed me by not getting confirmation with me. So everything that happened feels like her twisting the knfe over and over. and I feel like a bitch with no power.
During the eight months i have interrogated her in many ways. Trying to see if she did it to hurt me or if she enjoyed it etc.
She said the sex was absolutely horrible, he was young and kissed like a dog, ate her out like a dog, fucked like a jack hammer, didnt look like his profile so she felt catfished, he couldnt cum and had to use his hand, she felt obligated to suck his cock as he went down on her and he asked her to so she did it for ten seconds. She had so much energy she felt disassociated, felt like she wasn't even there.
After she said she sucked his dick, as that hurt the most, she lied and said she didnt because i was so hurt over it. But she did and fessed up to it. So now I dont trust her words. I have had to interrogate her so much to where it got physical via slapping and shamming. I have been to therapy for my abusive ways over this matter as I was never like this before. Just she would contradict herself out of fear and I took it as she was lying to me and I would snap. I felt like she didnt care about my feelings and I told her to think before she answered me and she should know what happened, she would contradict and I slapped or very much intimidated her. She has been on edge for 6 months or so. I havnt touhed her in 4 months since the BIPP class but I still have gotten angry and yelled.
She kinda treated me like a bitch when we first got together 8 years ago so there was hurt from that that got resurfaced. It actually goes back before her even to my younger years. I have controlled her now in every which way you can. Realizing its my insecurity but still. I feel like a bitch, I felt powerless in those moments while she was fucking him and I tried to reach out. It wasn't her fault but fuck. I have blamed and questioned every single act that was done and as to why it happened and why she permitted it. I didn't think i needed to set ground rules because one I didn't think it was going to happen quite yet, two I didn't think they would have sex in 3 different positions and oral would have been done for the first time. He took the lead in the sex, she was a deer in the headlights. I have so much fucking anger and hurt over this but Ultimately I know its not her fault. I need someone to help me see clear in this matter.
I need to accept this hurt and serve her as my wife and treat her like I would like to be treated myself. But I feel like a bitch when I serve her, That I can be so hurt by her actions and yet I need to lick her ass? That I can use control tactics over her but its OK for her to act in fear but its not OK for me to act in anger? Its OK for her to not knowingly walk over me in one way or another but its not OK for me to be mean and yell?
We both love each other very much and continue to work on everything.
I have done fucked up shit but it was all done from immense confusion, I am not justified. I had no idea why I was so bothered by it if I wanted it, but I wasn't ready yet. Which if it went my way we would possibly have a relationship neither of us really wanted.
It was the worst sex of her life with the ugliest person she had been with and yet it still stings me to the core. Complete emasculation, feelings of betrayal, insecurity,
But shit, the sex afterwards for months and months had been phenomenal. Even to this day i get off on it, lol. Fucking insanity.
So, this needs to be very long to be able to be understood.
I never came to subs like this and knew nothing of hot wifing nor cucking. It came to me from a show. I saw it and at the time felt not much desire for my wife. I was cocky and felt I would be able to handle that situation of my wife being with another man.
I can be very convincing. We have a very very honest relationship (maybe too honest). At first she said she would never etc etc. I found that to be BS and I put her to the test. It took me a week to get her to the point of committing. Though, one week, hours upon hours of talking to her and explaining about the ego and etc etc.
The day it happened. She was fed up with all the energy. She had sent nudes to some random online which I tried to dictate and annoyed her. I was not bothered at all by pictures. So I was upset about her reaction to the pictures and she decided to try again. I explained to her how I didn't feel like pictures would be enough. At this point i felt like i had no idea if i wanted it or not. We tried a few days earlier but I called it off and she was relieved. I said I let the energy get to me. I go back and forth the last days before it happened saying I wanted it and I didn't.
So once again, the day of, I explain my uncertainty to her. That maybe it would be better if she just did it without me knowing so I wouldn't stop her, etc. She snaps and tells me over live video texts that she is willing to do it. Asks me if thats what I wants. Twice. I say I dont know and I dont want to know. I say this for numerous reasons, one, if i knew I would most likely stop it. Two, I couldn't say yes and i couldn't say no. Also, I was curious to see if she had wanted it or not. Which she states very firmly 8 months later she never wanted it.
So we go back and forth a bit. She starts to set up a date, asks me if i want to know and i say no. I become insecure and I begin to taunt her. I taunt her saying you wont do it, yeah right.. etc. She says dont count my chickens etc. This goes on for an hour. It gets to the point to where i am calling her a pussy, a grandma, boring, yeah right.. I am doing this to try to get her to commit or back down. As I wast sure if shed actually commit or not so I was trying to get her to the door of committing so I can make the decision for sure.
It gets to the point to where I hear something inside myself saying>, if you say any more she will do it. I think for a minute and continue push. I tell her to get me proof of her sucking his cock and fucking etc. i say this to give her something impossible for her to do so she would back down or just said it out of pride and fear and excitement.
45 minutes elapse and I receive a video text of her walking up some apartments. I reply back, no response, I keep replying back for 30 minutes no response. She then sends me pictures of his bedroom. I asked did you fuck him? She said, Yes. And I sucked his cock too, he went down on me like 4 times. I was broken. I couldn't believe it. It took me eight months to figure this out as to why I am so hurt. I felt like she would have asked for final confirmation as to my approval of the sex. I felt betrayed. She never got final confirmation, I thought within those 45 minutes I had nothing to worry about because for sure she would have told me she wasn't going to to it or that she would be willing. Leaving the final directive to come from me.
She had her phone on silent in order to get me proof... even though it wasn't even the fucking proof i had asked for. She sent proof that she was comfortable getting. Doing it behind the guys back when he wasn't looking with her phone on silent. So when she sent that proof of her walking up the apartments her phone was on silent in order to get me proof quietly if the opportunity arose then she put her phone in her purse never to look at it again.
So i had to sit outside waiting and wondering what the fuck was going on. When she sent the apartment proof I didn't believe she was actually committing fully yet. I asked her "where are you" and "show me your face" to see if she was wearing makeup or not as to if she was just fucking with me. She wasn't.
I have spent the lasst 8 months analysing this over and over and over not sure what the fuck happened. I finally realized why i am so upset as i feel that she betrayed me by not getting confirmation with me. So everything that happened feels like her twisting the knfe over and over. and I feel like a bitch with no power.
During the eight months i have interrogated her in many ways. Trying to see if she did it to hurt me or if she enjoyed it etc.
She said the sex was absolutely horrible, he was young and kissed like a dog, ate her out like a dog, fucked like a jack hammer, didnt look like his profile so she felt catfished, he couldnt cum and had to use his hand, she felt obligated to suck his cock as he went down on her and he asked her to so she did it for ten seconds. She had so much energy she felt disassociated, felt like she wasn't even there.
After she said she sucked his dick, as that hurt the most, she lied and said she didnt because i was so hurt over it. But she did and fessed up to it. So now I dont trust her words. I have had to interrogate her so much to where it got physical via slapping and shamming. I have been to therapy for my abusive ways over this matter as I was never like this before. Just she would contradict herself out of fear and I took it as she was lying to me and I would snap. I felt like she didnt care about my feelings and I told her to think before she answered me and she should know what happened, she would contradict and I slapped or very much intimidated her. She has been on edge for 6 months or so. I havnt touhed her in 4 months since the BIPP class but I still have gotten angry and yelled.
She kinda treated me like a bitch when we first got together 8 years ago so there was hurt from that that got resurfaced. It actually goes back before her even to my younger years. I have controlled her now in every which way you can. Realizing its my insecurity but still. I feel like a bitch, I felt powerless in those moments while she was fucking him and I tried to reach out. It wasn't her fault but fuck. I have blamed and questioned every single act that was done and as to why it happened and why she permitted it. I didn't think i needed to set ground rules because one I didn't think it was going to happen quite yet, two I didn't think they would have sex in 3 different positions and oral would have been done for the first time. He took the lead in the sex, she was a deer in the headlights. I have so much fucking anger and hurt over this but Ultimately I know its not her fault. I need someone to help me see clear in this matter.
I need to accept this hurt and serve her as my wife and treat her like I would like to be treated myself. But I feel like a bitch when I serve her, That I can be so hurt by her actions and yet I need to lick her ass? That I can use control tactics over her but its OK for her to act in fear but its not OK for me to act in anger? Its OK for her to not knowingly walk over me in one way or another but its not OK for me to be mean and yell?
We both love each other very much and continue to work on everything.
I have done fucked up shit but it was all done from immense confusion, I am not justified. I had no idea why I was so bothered by it if I wanted it, but I wasn't ready yet. Which if it went my way we would possibly have a relationship neither of us really wanted.
It was the worst sex of her life with the ugliest person she had been with and yet it still stings me to the core. Complete emasculation, feelings of betrayal, insecurity,
But shit, the sex afterwards for months and months had been phenomenal. Even to this day i get off on it, lol. Fucking insanity.
