BigJimsWornOutTires
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While traveling to Mexico, I had made a stop at Dilley, Texas, for some food, a workout, and rest. During my search for muscle fuel, I encountered a couple at a grocery store.
They were pulling vegetables from the cold rack when I overheard the guy say to the petite woman, "Have you ever had one this big?" He held a cucumber about the length of a 16.9-ounce bottle of juice. He followed with an awkward chuckle.
The woman plucked a much smaller one from the bundle. She said, "A little bigger than yours, about this size." But she didn’t giggle. I couldn’t help but sense that she was worried about him.
Being the nosy posy that I was, I grabbed an eggplant and gently slid into their business. I blurted, "This is me, but with a cigar pigment." I winked at him as she observed the fruit.
“Ouch,” the woman reacted. Gawking at my chest, she tucked a band of her chestnut under her ear. The going bald creep nodded with a grin.
“Hey, buddy,” he said to me. “Would you like to have some drinks with us later?”
“You had me at hey,” I assured him, and cringed at the woman.
“So that’s a yes?” the goofball asked. I told him, let’s git-R-done, son. However, the concerned lady squinted her eyes at both of us.
Shaking my head, my big mouth, right? But if the Red Cross can help couples and families, why can’t I?
Five hours later, at Hotel O’ Dilley in downtown, on a queen-size mattress, I’m slamming into the back of her on all fours. Though I was targeting the wall ahead. She was in the way. He paced back and forth in front of the bed, biting his nails. A few times, he muttered Easy and Not so rough. And I remember a song played from my MP3 gadget on the nightstand. The tune stuck with me to this day. “Turn around. Look at what you seeeeee. In her face. The mirror of your dreamssssss.”
An hour earlier, we’d met at the bar three floors down. We had drinks and introduced ourselves. Hudson worked at a cattle ranch. Elizabeth was a student at a nursing school in San Antonio. They were on a late honeymoon. They had been married for just two months. He told me that they couldn’t have children because her strict family had her tubes tied when she was 16. Ugh, why would any parent do such a horrible thing?
The wife wanted to experience childbirth. But knowing that was impossible, Hudson thought outside the box. And when I told them what I was packing, using that eggplant illustration, he had an idea that was so crazy.
”Reach the stars. Fly a fantasyyyyy. Dream a dream. And what you see will beeeee.”
Thirty minutes later, my arms were under hers, and my hands gripped her shoulders as I jackhammered her into the box spring. Though I was punching for the ground. The husband was in the bathroom adjacent to our wall. He had knocked it hard several times and shouted inaudible comments. Finally, Elizabeth spoke, “Why is that song on a loop?”
“Show no fear. For she may fade awayyyyy. In your hands. The birth of the new dayyyyy.”
According to the clock on the nightstand, ten minutes had passed. Yeah, I always keep count. Hudson finally returned. His puffy eyes widened as he abruptly stopped. He exclaimed, “Now standing up?” Ah, yes, like teasing fans at a rock concert while pretending to throw the beach ball up, You want it? Who wants it? I bounced her while on my feet. At this point, she was a rag doll, but an awesome set of curls!
Watching Hudson’s mouth covered with his hand and his eyes wrinkled, I came… hard! Her arms and legs quickly intertwined around my neck and waist; they locked. Hudson buried his face in both of his hands. Suddenly, her body went limp. I tossed her on the bed like throwing away a crushed beer can.
She didn’t move.
Hudson rushed to her and poked her. He mumbled baby repeatedly. He poked her several more times.
“You fucked her to death!” he shouted.
Wiping my penis off with her black panties, I challenged him, “Was she a smoker?”
Perplexed, “No!” he volleyed.
“Did she consume alcohol daily?”
“No!”
“Has she recently visited a foreign country?”
“No!”
“Hmm,” as I fiddled with my beard and penis, I pondered this mystery. I inquired, “Was she vaccinated for COVID?”
“Covid?” he asked. “What’s that?”
“Oh, wait, this isn’t the 2020s, my bad.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Was she recently vaccinated for the measles, mumps, rubella, HPV, tetanus, diphtheria, or pertussis?”
“Oh, wow! She did get the rubella vax.”
“Welp, that’s what did it.”
As he embraced his cadaver, I felt awkward and got dressed. Looking back at him rocking her in his arms while bawling his eyes, I cringed. Quietly, I left the room and gently closed the door. I proceeded to Mexico. I had a job at a birthday party the following evening, hosted by a drug cartel. I will not mention their name, due to potential retribution. But the boss needed me to buck break his new wife. Ugh, Zegler-weird, I know. But bills didn’t pay themselves.
They were pulling vegetables from the cold rack when I overheard the guy say to the petite woman, "Have you ever had one this big?" He held a cucumber about the length of a 16.9-ounce bottle of juice. He followed with an awkward chuckle.
The woman plucked a much smaller one from the bundle. She said, "A little bigger than yours, about this size." But she didn’t giggle. I couldn’t help but sense that she was worried about him.
Being the nosy posy that I was, I grabbed an eggplant and gently slid into their business. I blurted, "This is me, but with a cigar pigment." I winked at him as she observed the fruit.
“Ouch,” the woman reacted. Gawking at my chest, she tucked a band of her chestnut under her ear. The going bald creep nodded with a grin.
“Hey, buddy,” he said to me. “Would you like to have some drinks with us later?”
“You had me at hey,” I assured him, and cringed at the woman.
“So that’s a yes?” the goofball asked. I told him, let’s git-R-done, son. However, the concerned lady squinted her eyes at both of us.
Shaking my head, my big mouth, right? But if the Red Cross can help couples and families, why can’t I?
Five hours later, at Hotel O’ Dilley in downtown, on a queen-size mattress, I’m slamming into the back of her on all fours. Though I was targeting the wall ahead. She was in the way. He paced back and forth in front of the bed, biting his nails. A few times, he muttered Easy and Not so rough. And I remember a song played from my MP3 gadget on the nightstand. The tune stuck with me to this day. “Turn around. Look at what you seeeeee. In her face. The mirror of your dreamssssss.”
An hour earlier, we’d met at the bar three floors down. We had drinks and introduced ourselves. Hudson worked at a cattle ranch. Elizabeth was a student at a nursing school in San Antonio. They were on a late honeymoon. They had been married for just two months. He told me that they couldn’t have children because her strict family had her tubes tied when she was 16. Ugh, why would any parent do such a horrible thing?
The wife wanted to experience childbirth. But knowing that was impossible, Hudson thought outside the box. And when I told them what I was packing, using that eggplant illustration, he had an idea that was so crazy.
”Reach the stars. Fly a fantasyyyyy. Dream a dream. And what you see will beeeee.”
Thirty minutes later, my arms were under hers, and my hands gripped her shoulders as I jackhammered her into the box spring. Though I was punching for the ground. The husband was in the bathroom adjacent to our wall. He had knocked it hard several times and shouted inaudible comments. Finally, Elizabeth spoke, “Why is that song on a loop?”
“Show no fear. For she may fade awayyyyy. In your hands. The birth of the new dayyyyy.”
According to the clock on the nightstand, ten minutes had passed. Yeah, I always keep count. Hudson finally returned. His puffy eyes widened as he abruptly stopped. He exclaimed, “Now standing up?” Ah, yes, like teasing fans at a rock concert while pretending to throw the beach ball up, You want it? Who wants it? I bounced her while on my feet. At this point, she was a rag doll, but an awesome set of curls!
Watching Hudson’s mouth covered with his hand and his eyes wrinkled, I came… hard! Her arms and legs quickly intertwined around my neck and waist; they locked. Hudson buried his face in both of his hands. Suddenly, her body went limp. I tossed her on the bed like throwing away a crushed beer can.
She didn’t move.
Hudson rushed to her and poked her. He mumbled baby repeatedly. He poked her several more times.
“You fucked her to death!” he shouted.
Wiping my penis off with her black panties, I challenged him, “Was she a smoker?”
Perplexed, “No!” he volleyed.
“Did she consume alcohol daily?”
“No!”
“Has she recently visited a foreign country?”
“No!”
“Hmm,” as I fiddled with my beard and penis, I pondered this mystery. I inquired, “Was she vaccinated for COVID?”
“Covid?” he asked. “What’s that?”
“Oh, wait, this isn’t the 2020s, my bad.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Was she recently vaccinated for the measles, mumps, rubella, HPV, tetanus, diphtheria, or pertussis?”
“Oh, wow! She did get the rubella vax.”
“Welp, that’s what did it.”
As he embraced his cadaver, I felt awkward and got dressed. Looking back at him rocking her in his arms while bawling his eyes, I cringed. Quietly, I left the room and gently closed the door. I proceeded to Mexico. I had a job at a birthday party the following evening, hosted by a drug cartel. I will not mention their name, due to potential retribution. But the boss needed me to buck break his new wife. Ugh, Zegler-weird, I know. But bills didn’t pay themselves.
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