D
Deleted member 16501
Kraken
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I’m actually turning 34 in 3 weeks, but I got into a very introspective place last night- not a ‘mid life crisis’ level of inner torment, but certainly a greater honesty with myself about my part in everything that has happened in my life. The first 20 years were great, the next 4 crazy, then the last 10 I’ve lived in a lot of fear. I became a shadow of the man I once was, once could’ve been. Years lost and opportunities that will never return, but this year I started a shift and in recent months I’ve been gaining more inner peace. Here are 17 of the biggest mistakes of my life, and 17 lessons you and I can take from them.
1) Thinking everything will come easy. Law school, Building muscle in the gym and building a social group were areas I fell prey to this. I didn’t want to do the work to shine. I wanted to do a tiny bit of work, and then I expected to have that “high dopamine state” where I am on top of the world and having the ultimate result. Guys have an image of their best selves, who they could be at their highest. What they don’t realize that a lot of slow, repetitive work has to come before those moments. You have to just accept it and do it, or there will be no life outside your head and internet forums.
2) Women: generalizing all women. Not wanting to experience any uncertainty. Playing movies in my head of interactions with girls, worrying ‘what if this would happen?’, rather than just trusting the flow of the interactions. I didn’t trust female energy. So female energy didn’t trust me. Ie I was an autist aspie.
3) Hated myself for that which I can’t control- my height, by dick size, my body genetics. If I’d just ensured I’d done at least 70% of what I can at all times to max it out, rather than the 100s of hours of stress worrying about it, I would’ve been in decent shape most of the time. Eg eat good 4-5 days a week, lift 3-4x a week, bathmate 1-2x a week. EVERY WEEK.
4) Dreading worst case scenarios of what people would think or how they’d react- in a job environment, in a social environment, with women. I didn’t trust people, didn’t trust the flow of people. I mistrusted it, I didn’t want to accept whatever came, and adjust myself accordingly. I wanted to take my bat and ball and go home. So I never learned how to deal effectively with people as an adult. (kind of similar to lesson 2 I know)
5) Felt bad for setting boundaries with people in my life. Never feel bad for establishing boundaries harshly. The other person may feel slighted, but you have every right. It is your job in this world to grow and progress, not to serve anyone else. By establishing boundaries, you are preventing much bigger problems in future, for yourself and others. Let that person deal with it, and don’t feel bad about it at all. This is a brutal element of being a human, that a lot of feminized men today struggle with. The more you regularly state your truth, the less harsh you will be with it eventually.
6) Not wanting to contribute to the world or give my gift. Whatever shit I was going through, I should have always been looking to give, looking to work more, looking to help more. That’s ultimately the point of life as a man- solitariness breeds inner demons. Men, like it or not, are meant to give of themselves. That’s how we get a basic level of fulfilment. I stubbornly hid away because external conditions were not how I liked them to be. It only crippled my mental health.
7) Realize what I had right in front of me. I always wanted to chase. Wanted to chase the unattainable. Wanted to chase a vision that I thought would soothe the lack I felt within, the defectiveness. That vision doesn’t really exist.
What does exist is what’s around you. The people around you. The job opportunity that someone may casually mention in passing to you, or the flyer for a position vacant at the place you frequent as a customer, where you like the people working there. Or the girl who isn’t really your type,but gives you a certain look at the gym/café, and you’re too busy thinking you’re a piece of shit to even notice.
Those things could’ve turned into something. Those things should turn into something. Those things are your life- YOUR life. All you’ve got. Take those opportunities, there’s not really anything else. They could become something that helps you become a fulfilled person.
8) Thinking it’s all about the physical and genetics. This is a concept that is coming to me recently. There are two separate worlds in human experience. The world of the physical, and the world of energy. To have a truly enjoyable human experience, you need the right amount of both.
Obviously, someone with ideal physical characteristics (looks, money, external validation etc) will have more opportunities- but you can have those and not have a great experience because you’re deficient in the right energy (intention, gratitude towards what you have, how you see yourself etc).
The pessimistic (dare I say it, blackpilled) way is to think it’s all about physical. But we all know deep down that’s not true. Even the ugliest guy on here has a had a great experience, or a good interaction. There was energy there. If you’re not blessed in physical, try to max that out, but realize you have a massive advantage in energy, simply because anything you do get, you will value so much.
9) Not knowing how to deal with fear. I ran from fear the last 9 years especially. I didn’t run at it. When you run at what you’re afraid of, it’s like you step into the void and you’re flying- you can leap into a void where you come out a new person. If you run at your fears regularly, you will transform- Into what, who knows, but it will be more exciting than what you’ve got going on.
10) Being afraid of getting punched/getting my ass kicked. This is one of the worst traits of this soy, safety obsessed culture. Men learn through experiencing real pain and humiliation- not the type on here where guys get an IOD, but real pain where they’re embarrassed publicly and people notice them. Put yourself in these situations- speak your mind, assert yourself and be cool with whatever comes. If you get punched or some guy stands up to you- stay in your body, out of your head, and just react. Don’t try to run away. Assert yourself in this world at all cost. This type of mindset actually prevents the ERs and Cho’s of the world.
11) Being afraid to show where you’re at because you won’t look ‘cool’. This prevented a lot of progress the past 9 years. The fear of being seen as socially inept. You HAVE to go and be that guy around people, and not escape, for a period of time. You HAVE to go through the embarrassment of being that guy- that’s the only thing that MAKES YOU FIND HOW TO GET OUT OF IT.
I would hide my real socially inept self and put on a front- saying a few words and rushing to get the hell out of any social interaction. Stay there, be a weirdo, be someone who’s off key in saying things, be someone who makes people uncomfortable. Stay in your body, stay out of your head. Fuck everyone else, let them feel the reality of where you’re at right now. Whether they like you or not after, you’ll go home, analyse things and have revelations about yourself. THAT’S how you grow your personality
12) Wasn’t my own authority. I gave my authority to so many people in my life, feeling angst if they showed any disapproval of me, spending all my mental energy thinking about whether they're happy with me or not. This is a waste of life. Nominate what truly makes you happy, and go after it. I especially respect @Gaia262 for how he did that with his surgery journey and some other stuff. A man on his own path, answering to nobody and working to do what's best for him.
13) Not accepting life on life’s terms. You’re short, people will make jokes. You’re not a tough guy, tougher guys will try to test you. You’re average looking, you’re not going to immediately inspire attraction.
Stop trying to find a way around this, and instead find a way THROUGH…toward your goals. Men are powerful when they have their eyes fixed on a meaningful goal that they’ll achieve no matter what. They can blast through anything in this god-forsaken world, with that level of focus.
I let my ego get in the way. I thought “who is this faggot to make fun of me”, or “I can’t accept this bitch has it easier than me that she can talk to me smugly”. I should have put my ego aside and just taken the subtle dig, refocussing on my goal and making sure I get it no matter what. Sure, if someone really fucks with you, assert yourself, but don’t lose focus because of little things.
14) Waiting for life to happen rather than having a compelling goal I’m moving to. One thing I had a lot of the past 9 years was free time. I could have been blasting 200mg T and lifting weights 5-6 days a week. I could have been joining social groups and socializing 4-5 days a week. I could have been working every day on an online business to earn an extra 60-100k a year, then flying around the world getting surgeries to move my life forward. I could have been MOVING TOWARDS LIFE.
But what did I do? I sat there and cursed my fate, that “life isn’t happening to me”, that “I have nothing going on because I’m not chad”, that “I’m not as good as my friends, cousins etc”, living in my head, living in analysis. It was literally all there infront of me to have a life, to make something happen. As I get older and I descend more in terms of agepill, as opportunities shrink, you realize LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE HAPPEN. Your life is what you’re doing with your time. You can make it compelling, or you can make it nothing. I want to change everything from here. I want to go all out with WHAT I DO WITH MY TIME.
15) Not believing I could be great. Thinking it’s crazy that I could have all I want. Thinking I didn’t deserve to be the greatest version of me. Even now I think ‘how dare I be 30 inches in the waist, with good muscle, softmaxxed, have good clothes, and go out and actually try to socialize’- so I’ll only have one or two of those things at a time, then self-sabotage and work on the other ones…never having it all. I don’t know where this comes from, but it totally fucks you. Still working on how not to make that a part of my life.
16) Not being comfortable with silence with people, especially women. Probably a product of this dopamine affected society, I wanted all ‘bang bang’ in my relationships with people. I would cut people off if I had dull moments with them. But relationships aren’t about entertainment, relationships are about support- having someone there in a cold world. I was too stupid before, and didn’t realize how hard life gets. Better to have some people there you can call a friend, and to cultivate closeness with family you can tolerate. I’m glad I’ve done that with my father the past 4 years, and my mother this year, at least. I probably didn't like myself inside, and therefore couldn't stand being in silence with another person.
17) Not realizing my strong points, or the good things I do/have done. Self-explanatory really. You can’t build anything off dirt. If you think of yourself as dirt to begin with, you won’t respect yourself to stick at anything. All the time I looked at my faults. Even today, with my job, because I took a couple of days easy. I didn’t even focus on all the work I did last week- just told myself I’m a piece of shit for leaving a couple of things a day late. Give yourself a god damn break. See the reality of what you do, good and bad, and build on it steadily.
There you go guys, I hope these insights are valuable. I was in an especially deep level of introspection last night, where I wrote most of these. I never thought I’d be able to admit my own faults, my own part in my life’s direction, so honestly. I’m in the best mental space I’ve been in for at least 9 years, but that idiot in my mind still lives. I want to bury that guy, and keep my life moving forward. I hope you take something from this.
1) Thinking everything will come easy. Law school, Building muscle in the gym and building a social group were areas I fell prey to this. I didn’t want to do the work to shine. I wanted to do a tiny bit of work, and then I expected to have that “high dopamine state” where I am on top of the world and having the ultimate result. Guys have an image of their best selves, who they could be at their highest. What they don’t realize that a lot of slow, repetitive work has to come before those moments. You have to just accept it and do it, or there will be no life outside your head and internet forums.
2) Women: generalizing all women. Not wanting to experience any uncertainty. Playing movies in my head of interactions with girls, worrying ‘what if this would happen?’, rather than just trusting the flow of the interactions. I didn’t trust female energy. So female energy didn’t trust me. Ie I was an autist aspie.
3) Hated myself for that which I can’t control- my height, by dick size, my body genetics. If I’d just ensured I’d done at least 70% of what I can at all times to max it out, rather than the 100s of hours of stress worrying about it, I would’ve been in decent shape most of the time. Eg eat good 4-5 days a week, lift 3-4x a week, bathmate 1-2x a week. EVERY WEEK.
4) Dreading worst case scenarios of what people would think or how they’d react- in a job environment, in a social environment, with women. I didn’t trust people, didn’t trust the flow of people. I mistrusted it, I didn’t want to accept whatever came, and adjust myself accordingly. I wanted to take my bat and ball and go home. So I never learned how to deal effectively with people as an adult. (kind of similar to lesson 2 I know)
5) Felt bad for setting boundaries with people in my life. Never feel bad for establishing boundaries harshly. The other person may feel slighted, but you have every right. It is your job in this world to grow and progress, not to serve anyone else. By establishing boundaries, you are preventing much bigger problems in future, for yourself and others. Let that person deal with it, and don’t feel bad about it at all. This is a brutal element of being a human, that a lot of feminized men today struggle with. The more you regularly state your truth, the less harsh you will be with it eventually.
6) Not wanting to contribute to the world or give my gift. Whatever shit I was going through, I should have always been looking to give, looking to work more, looking to help more. That’s ultimately the point of life as a man- solitariness breeds inner demons. Men, like it or not, are meant to give of themselves. That’s how we get a basic level of fulfilment. I stubbornly hid away because external conditions were not how I liked them to be. It only crippled my mental health.
7) Realize what I had right in front of me. I always wanted to chase. Wanted to chase the unattainable. Wanted to chase a vision that I thought would soothe the lack I felt within, the defectiveness. That vision doesn’t really exist.
What does exist is what’s around you. The people around you. The job opportunity that someone may casually mention in passing to you, or the flyer for a position vacant at the place you frequent as a customer, where you like the people working there. Or the girl who isn’t really your type,but gives you a certain look at the gym/café, and you’re too busy thinking you’re a piece of shit to even notice.
Those things could’ve turned into something. Those things should turn into something. Those things are your life- YOUR life. All you’ve got. Take those opportunities, there’s not really anything else. They could become something that helps you become a fulfilled person.
8) Thinking it’s all about the physical and genetics. This is a concept that is coming to me recently. There are two separate worlds in human experience. The world of the physical, and the world of energy. To have a truly enjoyable human experience, you need the right amount of both.
Obviously, someone with ideal physical characteristics (looks, money, external validation etc) will have more opportunities- but you can have those and not have a great experience because you’re deficient in the right energy (intention, gratitude towards what you have, how you see yourself etc).
The pessimistic (dare I say it, blackpilled) way is to think it’s all about physical. But we all know deep down that’s not true. Even the ugliest guy on here has a had a great experience, or a good interaction. There was energy there. If you’re not blessed in physical, try to max that out, but realize you have a massive advantage in energy, simply because anything you do get, you will value so much.
9) Not knowing how to deal with fear. I ran from fear the last 9 years especially. I didn’t run at it. When you run at what you’re afraid of, it’s like you step into the void and you’re flying- you can leap into a void where you come out a new person. If you run at your fears regularly, you will transform- Into what, who knows, but it will be more exciting than what you’ve got going on.
10) Being afraid of getting punched/getting my ass kicked. This is one of the worst traits of this soy, safety obsessed culture. Men learn through experiencing real pain and humiliation- not the type on here where guys get an IOD, but real pain where they’re embarrassed publicly and people notice them. Put yourself in these situations- speak your mind, assert yourself and be cool with whatever comes. If you get punched or some guy stands up to you- stay in your body, out of your head, and just react. Don’t try to run away. Assert yourself in this world at all cost. This type of mindset actually prevents the ERs and Cho’s of the world.
11) Being afraid to show where you’re at because you won’t look ‘cool’. This prevented a lot of progress the past 9 years. The fear of being seen as socially inept. You HAVE to go and be that guy around people, and not escape, for a period of time. You HAVE to go through the embarrassment of being that guy- that’s the only thing that MAKES YOU FIND HOW TO GET OUT OF IT.
I would hide my real socially inept self and put on a front- saying a few words and rushing to get the hell out of any social interaction. Stay there, be a weirdo, be someone who’s off key in saying things, be someone who makes people uncomfortable. Stay in your body, stay out of your head. Fuck everyone else, let them feel the reality of where you’re at right now. Whether they like you or not after, you’ll go home, analyse things and have revelations about yourself. THAT’S how you grow your personality
12) Wasn’t my own authority. I gave my authority to so many people in my life, feeling angst if they showed any disapproval of me, spending all my mental energy thinking about whether they're happy with me or not. This is a waste of life. Nominate what truly makes you happy, and go after it. I especially respect @Gaia262 for how he did that with his surgery journey and some other stuff. A man on his own path, answering to nobody and working to do what's best for him.
13) Not accepting life on life’s terms. You’re short, people will make jokes. You’re not a tough guy, tougher guys will try to test you. You’re average looking, you’re not going to immediately inspire attraction.
Stop trying to find a way around this, and instead find a way THROUGH…toward your goals. Men are powerful when they have their eyes fixed on a meaningful goal that they’ll achieve no matter what. They can blast through anything in this god-forsaken world, with that level of focus.
I let my ego get in the way. I thought “who is this faggot to make fun of me”, or “I can’t accept this bitch has it easier than me that she can talk to me smugly”. I should have put my ego aside and just taken the subtle dig, refocussing on my goal and making sure I get it no matter what. Sure, if someone really fucks with you, assert yourself, but don’t lose focus because of little things.
14) Waiting for life to happen rather than having a compelling goal I’m moving to. One thing I had a lot of the past 9 years was free time. I could have been blasting 200mg T and lifting weights 5-6 days a week. I could have been joining social groups and socializing 4-5 days a week. I could have been working every day on an online business to earn an extra 60-100k a year, then flying around the world getting surgeries to move my life forward. I could have been MOVING TOWARDS LIFE.
But what did I do? I sat there and cursed my fate, that “life isn’t happening to me”, that “I have nothing going on because I’m not chad”, that “I’m not as good as my friends, cousins etc”, living in my head, living in analysis. It was literally all there infront of me to have a life, to make something happen. As I get older and I descend more in terms of agepill, as opportunities shrink, you realize LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE HAPPEN. Your life is what you’re doing with your time. You can make it compelling, or you can make it nothing. I want to change everything from here. I want to go all out with WHAT I DO WITH MY TIME.
15) Not believing I could be great. Thinking it’s crazy that I could have all I want. Thinking I didn’t deserve to be the greatest version of me. Even now I think ‘how dare I be 30 inches in the waist, with good muscle, softmaxxed, have good clothes, and go out and actually try to socialize’- so I’ll only have one or two of those things at a time, then self-sabotage and work on the other ones…never having it all. I don’t know where this comes from, but it totally fucks you. Still working on how not to make that a part of my life.
16) Not being comfortable with silence with people, especially women. Probably a product of this dopamine affected society, I wanted all ‘bang bang’ in my relationships with people. I would cut people off if I had dull moments with them. But relationships aren’t about entertainment, relationships are about support- having someone there in a cold world. I was too stupid before, and didn’t realize how hard life gets. Better to have some people there you can call a friend, and to cultivate closeness with family you can tolerate. I’m glad I’ve done that with my father the past 4 years, and my mother this year, at least. I probably didn't like myself inside, and therefore couldn't stand being in silence with another person.
17) Not realizing my strong points, or the good things I do/have done. Self-explanatory really. You can’t build anything off dirt. If you think of yourself as dirt to begin with, you won’t respect yourself to stick at anything. All the time I looked at my faults. Even today, with my job, because I took a couple of days easy. I didn’t even focus on all the work I did last week- just told myself I’m a piece of shit for leaving a couple of things a day late. Give yourself a god damn break. See the reality of what you do, good and bad, and build on it steadily.
There you go guys, I hope these insights are valuable. I was in an especially deep level of introspection last night, where I wrote most of these. I never thought I’d be able to admit my own faults, my own part in my life’s direction, so honestly. I’m in the best mental space I’ve been in for at least 9 years, but that idiot in my mind still lives. I want to bury that guy, and keep my life moving forward. I hope you take something from this.
