a lot of my mental turbulence stems from simply just being alive and having to die

[Deleted member 19157]

a lot of my mental turbulence stems from simply just being alive and having to die

ever since i was a little boy like 7 years old i would lay awake at night and the darkness would fill my mind, and i would get unsettled, i didnt like the dark, and when i couldnt sleep id think "is this what death is like" and start to panic (obviously death is like when you're actually sleeping but the point stands regardless, it would freak me out)

i literally started rotting at like 17 after i got kicked out of school, not that hard, i still had friends after i got kicked out. but soon my friends left too and i was alone, and i started going down an atheistic cringe loophole of watching serious debates over christianity vs atheism (charles dawkins or whatver his name is) and also quantum physic debates trying to prove or disprove god through literal science

i would literally freak out about it, and just scream in my bathroom crying, thinking about my death, my family members death, and just thinking how all this shit is just incredibly fucking pointless. its hard being a high iq high sentience individual, i wish i could just be some happy go lucky christian retard. my life spiraled after this and realizing how literally pointless this entire life is and i think i became depressed and hopeless deep down

life is brutal and insanely scary and weird, i just wish again i was some optimistic goofball christian that could have hope from something like that but i cant force myself to believe that shit no matter how hard a tried. i try praying, all i hear is SILENCE. there is nothing

we are nothing

this shit is all gonna pass by in a split second and then eternal oblivion consumes

 

[Deleted member 20652]

Same bro. I always feel depressed when lights are turned off if its during day time. I always try to keep the lights on when im in my room (except when im sleeping ofc). I dont like the dark. And since i was young i have always had sad thoughts about how im gonna handle the grief once my parents pass in the future. Im a only child too at that.

//Thomas DOM