Academics, the hidden cope

[Prøphet]

Idk if there are any other truecells here but as one myself Ive always overperformed to the extreme in school. I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I remember and just always obsessed with getting good grades, even in like 1st grade and I would stress over it and obsess. Of course it was never the grades I actually cared about, it was approval in the only form I could find it. I wanted my parents to see me not utterly fail at something for once. And if I was normal and not ugly, I would probably have spent my time socializing and having a life instead of pouring my heart into academics. It was never a virtue or a strength what I did, it was just out of opportunity. Had I not been weak I wouldn’t have done the same. The irony is now I never used what I worked toward for anything. I’m just behind now instead of ahead because I don’t know how to deal with people. There is no advantage gained. Only more pain.

 

[Van]

Idk if there are any other truecells here but as one myself Ive always overperformed to the extreme in school. I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I remember and just always obsessed with getting good grades, even in like 1st grade and I would stress over it and obsess. Of course it was never the grades I actually cared about, it was approval in the only form I could find it. I wanted my parents to see me not utterly fail at something for once. And if I was normal and not ugly, I would probably have spent my time socializing and having a life instead of pouring my heart into academics. It was never a virtue or a strength what I did, it was just out of opportunity. Had I not been weak I wouldn’t have done the same. The irony is now I never used what I worked toward for anything. I’m just behind now instead of ahead.

That's a good cope tbh. I wish I used my time for studying instead of staring at my screen.

 

[staton]

It’s similar for me, always looking to get good grades in order to gain validation and to have something to cope with, only to now end up washed up like i currently am getting bang on average grades

 

[Prøphet]

That's a good cope tbh. I wish I used my time for studying instead of staring at my screen.

I spend 95% of my time on screens and 5% studying. 0% on anything that actually matters. It’s a good cope only if you don’t squander it like me, none of it ever amounted to anything real, I never actually benefitted, I just wanted to make someone happy doing something I hate, not out of ambition, not out of motivation, only out of a fear of others opinion

 

[Swarthy Knight]

I used to cope with academics to cope with my social failure . "When everyone is out partying, at least I'm locking in "

Yet in reality I was just diddling around in my room doing nothing productive and barely passing

 

[Prøphet]

I used to cope with academics to cope with my social failure . "When everyone is out partying, at least I'm locking in "

Yet in reality I was just diddling around in my room doing nothing productive and barely passing

Dead accurate

 

[FrancoAgain]

i procrastinate a fucking lot so i envy you guys

 

[Prøphet]

i procrastinate a fucking lot so i envy you guys

Same Ive pretty much always done my work the day it’s due

I hold myself to such an absurd standard, because my appearance was never up to par, I tried to compensate elsewhere but it only backfired and made me procrastinate and overthink, I have to wait until I can do it perfectly and flawlessly, all just for some man made number in a gradebook, meanwhile I can’t even talk to people

 

[Swarthy Knight]

Dead accurate

The curse of being both an ADHD + anxiety comorbiditycel

 

[Prøphet]

Btw you can see this in action by looking at how most high level academics and scholars look, or if they’re old how they looked in their youth, I genuinely believe it is a coping mechanism that stems from not being good enough, most prominently in appearance. What’s weird is you don’t see this as much in other fields where people overachieve, I would say it’s definitely most common in academics just because of the cultural context and relevance school has during childhood

 

[FiendFiend]

Idk if there are any other truecells here but as one myself Ive always overperformed to the extreme in school. I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I remember and just always obsessed with getting good grades, even in like 1st grade and I would stress over it and obsess. Of course it was never the grades I actually cared about, it was approval in the only form I could find it. I wanted my parents to see me not utterly fail at something for once. And if I was normal and not ugly, I would probably have spent my time socializing and having a life instead of pouring my heart into academics. It was never a virtue or a strength what I did, it was just out of opportunity. Had I not been weak I wouldn’t have done the same. The irony is now I never used what I worked toward for anything. I’m just behind now instead of ahead because I don’t know how to deal with people. There is no advantage gained. Only more pain.

i dont even know a single degree that would honestly be good, there is no such degree lol

 

[Prøphet]

i dont even know a single degree that would honestly be good, there is no such degree lol

Probably engineering or other stemcel degrees but I was never good at those anyway. Tbh I only say to my family and people who ask that I’m working toward a degree for approval and to make them stop asking about me. I don’t actually give a fuck or care to do it personally. I’m pretty much fucked regardless until I can fix my face and get some good social reinforcement