Bewusst
Fire
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2019
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I was wondering why I've been feeling "off" lately, like more irritable, foggy and overall feeling kind of down and anhedonic and attributed it to the winter season, cold weather, lack of sunlight, different living situation, hopelessness, boredom and dieting. After moving into the shared apartment I'm currently at, I've had barely any alcohol. Should be a good thing, right? Well, turns out that's also the reason why I haven't been myself lately. I had a couple of beers after dinner tonight and boom... I feel more like my normal self again and can actually enjoy watching a movie and listening to music by myself.
I've never been physically addicted to alcohol, never went through withdrawal, never had a single hangover in my life, only puked once and only passed out drunk a single time 11 years ago at 13. Despite all that, I think my daily moderate drinking habit back in 2018/19 permanently changed my brain chemistry in a way that rendered me unable to experience pleasure and contentment when I'm sober, even after months of complete abstinence. I believe the psychological effects of alcohol are commonly underestimated and psychological addiction to alcohol can develop long before physical dependence and may actually take much longer to overcome. I also found I have much more sugar/food cravings when I don't drink (at equal calorie intake) and don't enjoy food nearly as much. Now I know why: Addiction replacement, as my brain is reaching for another source of pleasure when alcohol isn't available, although food doesn't work nearly as well and I've learnt to resist the urge to pig out on sweets, because being lean is more important to me than short term pleasure. Typing this thread right now feels much more fluent as well after having a couple of beers; it's as if the fog in my brain had lifted and I can use my full cognitive abilities (yes, alcohol acts as a nicotinic acetylcholine receptor positive allosteric modulator).
My advice to anyone who hasn't drunk before or only infrequently: Stay the fuck away from this liquid poison and if you can't, at least don't be as stupid as I was and make it a daily habit, regardless of the amount. It's sneaky, vicious and even if you feel like you're in control, it'll have taken your soul long before you know. Litereally the devil, despite being referred to as "spirits". Your spirit is what the liquified evil is gonna steal from you, leaving you nothing but a numb, empty shell, unable to feel happy, unless you give in to Satan's whispering in your ear: "I could use a drink. Just one..."
I've never been physically addicted to alcohol, never went through withdrawal, never had a single hangover in my life, only puked once and only passed out drunk a single time 11 years ago at 13. Despite all that, I think my daily moderate drinking habit back in 2018/19 permanently changed my brain chemistry in a way that rendered me unable to experience pleasure and contentment when I'm sober, even after months of complete abstinence. I believe the psychological effects of alcohol are commonly underestimated and psychological addiction to alcohol can develop long before physical dependence and may actually take much longer to overcome. I also found I have much more sugar/food cravings when I don't drink (at equal calorie intake) and don't enjoy food nearly as much. Now I know why: Addiction replacement, as my brain is reaching for another source of pleasure when alcohol isn't available, although food doesn't work nearly as well and I've learnt to resist the urge to pig out on sweets, because being lean is more important to me than short term pleasure. Typing this thread right now feels much more fluent as well after having a couple of beers; it's as if the fog in my brain had lifted and I can use my full cognitive abilities (yes, alcohol acts as a nicotinic acetylcholine receptor positive allosteric modulator).
My advice to anyone who hasn't drunk before or only infrequently: Stay the fuck away from this liquid poison and if you can't, at least don't be as stupid as I was and make it a daily habit, regardless of the amount. It's sneaky, vicious and even if you feel like you're in control, it'll have taken your soul long before you know. Litereally the devil, despite being referred to as "spirits". Your spirit is what the liquified evil is gonna steal from you, leaving you nothing but a numb, empty shell, unable to feel happy, unless you give in to Satan's whispering in your ear: "I could use a drink. Just one..."
