optimisticzoomer
Salutations my children
- Joined
- May 24, 2020
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My wife is getting annoyed that my friends and dad still call me that. My friends just got me a Yankees jersey with "Poon Slayer" on the back. My wife says it looks ridiculous on a 32 year old. And she gets mad that is a reminder that I use to slay so much poon in college. She says get rid of it.I had to tell her at least they don't call me "Anal Master" anymore. The dubious origins of that name are rooted in my time at my Catholic college out east. I became friends with some girls in the prayer and pro-life groups. Very traditional girls. As time went on they wanted curious about my poon slaying and wanted to experience it without losing their technical virginity. So we came to an agreement to just to booty stuff. I told them the Bible says nothing about back door love. So I tore through about 15 girls in that group. As time went on they faded away and they are all married now and living the life they always dreamed of. Which always makes me laugh when I see their Facebook pictures and their poor husbands have no idea some rando(me) use to rock their bootys like the world was ending tomorrow. I always use to get weirded out when the cross on their necklace use to rock back and forth. I always thought "This is so bizarre." All of that is a tale for another day though.
I told my dad that story and he said, "So you are the anal master." and it stuck. Three years ago I said we need to drop that. And at least that faded away finally.
I am trying really hard to not slay poon anymore unless it is my wife. I have slipped up a few times this year though. My suburb boarders a pretty wealthy one with a lot of rich cougars. There are lots of really cool lounges and piano bars. My friends and I go for happy hours on Friday nights sometimes. A few times those cougars tricked me into slaying their poons last fall. They would invite me to their homes to check out their new underwear. And like a fool I went, not knowing they were trying to get me in bed. They would keep giving me more beer and then I would accidentally slay their poon. The last time the woman told me that she needed to have her poon slayed because it helps her depression. So I did it to be nice.
With all of that said, is it pathetic to still be called "Poon Slayer"? Should I just go by my real name John?
