An horrible realization.

[Deleted member 10699]

Origin.
^
Remember when I talked about my dad and how he is a huge piece of shit?

Well, I read his diaries, trying to find some things to know more about his past, and I've read something that made me to, rationally, despise him more (but, at heart, I can't. I dislike him, but he's my father and I feel attached to him).

I won't go into details, but, in the mid to late 90s, he was a sex addict and a compulsive masturbator; his descriptions made me sick, so I'll leave it there. He had a test for AIDS, but he was negative, so he felt happy. When he started dating my mother, she was dating another girl, and dumped her for my mum. One of the things that really disgusted me was when a co-worker of my dad wanted an officine, and my dad told her: "fuck me, and you'll have it". Completely despreciable.

Anyways, this is not the point of this thread; I'm currently reading Lolita, by Nabokov; there are some uncannys similarities between my dad and between Humbert Humbert, Lolita's narrator. My dad always uses mind gymnastics in the statement that I've found in his diaries; he tries to justify some thoughts and actions that are morally reprehensible; my dad viewed womens as objects, and not as persons, and it made me think that he viewed me as a trophy for him being successful (having a whife, a kid, a stable job, and affairs).

The things he wrote in these diaries were the typical of thoughts of a fucking closet narcissist, and it makes sense; how he keeps everything secret, how he's always in dating sites, and act as if I haven't seen anything, how he behaves in a pretty unempathetic way with my mum and with me (by him trying to dismiss my autism, using my mother as an object-an object that makes dinner, cleans, etc., and by how he never says what he's thinking). I did stole his drugs, because they were old, and I plan to smoke them someday, but I just want to leave my house, since I feel that I'm mentally fucked because of him.

 

[Deleted member 6306]

 

[Deleted member 10699]

Cool, bro. Very original; I wasn't expecting your comment at all. Woah! Congratulations.

 

[Deleted member 11835]

a horrible realization*
you don't pronounce the h like honourable when you pronounce horrible

 

[Deleted member 11835]

dr btw

 

[Deleted member 10699]

a horrible realization*
you don't pronounce the h like honourable when you pronounce horrible

Thank you for the correction; I'm not a native speaker, so sometimes I make mistakes.

 

[Deleted member 10699]

dr btw

Do you think that I should leave my parents alone, or should I talk about this subject with my dad?

 

[turkproducer]

i relate a lot man, sounds like we had similar family life

i think the mentally ill genes passed down to me.

 

[Deleted member 10699]

i relate a lot man, sounds like we had similar family life

i think the mentally ill genes passed down to me.

My mum's family has a lot of people with depression related issues; even an uncle of my mum commited suicide. I think that my dad's the product of a narcissistic mother, that didn't care about his sons and daughters. My grandmother is really narcissistic. I'm narcissitic, too. I'm trying to change, though.

 

[turkproducer]

My mum's family has a lot of people with depression related issues; even an uncle of my mum commited suicide. I think that my dad's the product of a narcissistic mother, that didn't care about his sons and daughters. My grandmother is really narcissistic. I'm narcissitic, too. I'm trying to change, though.

Have you considered a male therapist

 

[Deleted member 439]

It takes courage to face these things, especially if the cause is rooted in decades of pain. It takes even strength to try to overcome them.
I wish really you the best bro

 

[Kristin]

Sorry to hear that man. Some people are naturally inclined to be sexually addicted and it’s honestly more of a curse than a blessing for them.

officine

Also what does “ officine” mean?

 

[Chadlitecel]

Let your dad enjoy his life, he is just slaying random women. You just sound like a feminist redditor, inject T, be a real man and focus on putting order in your life

 

[everythingisacope]

Succes section

 

[Deleted member 10699]

Have you considered a male therapist

I'm with a female therapist, rn.

 

[turkproducer]

I'm with a female therapist, rn.

think you should consider switching, not that they are bad but men are able to relate to you more

 

[eduardkoopman]

Brutals shit.

That them narcisists have an empty hole; which they often fill with sex, validation, dope, and so on. That's not the worse part.
The lack of empathy; is always what makes me dislike them and fear/stay away from them.

My father is by the way, for sure way way to high on the narcisism scale. Luckily he been out of muh life since I was 4; and some brief period of time of contact when I was 18 orso was enough to know; he has a fucked psychology. He was always a massive moral fag; which he obviously due to low empathy lacks; so massive missmatch.

 

[St. Wristcel]

Lo siento

 

[Deleted member 10699]

Lo siento

Gracias, loko.

 

[Deleted member 10699]

Brutals shit.

That them narcisists have an empty hole; which they often fill with sex, validation, dope, and so on. That's not the worse part.
The lack of empathy; is always what makes me dislike them and fear/stay away from them.

My father is by the way, for sure way way to high on the narcisism scale. Luckily he been out of muh life since I was 4; and some brief period of time of contact when I was 18 orso was enough to know; he has a fucked psychology. He was always a massive moral fag; which he obviously due to low empathy lacks; so massive missmatch.

Yeah, my dad is just like that, always filling a void.

 

[Blackgymmax]

Alpha chad then settles for a trad wife who he still cucks. The life of low value women. FDS on suicide watch

 

[eduardkoopman]

Yeah, my dad is just like that, always filling a void.

they have an void, or emptyness.
Where most people have there stuff like; a personality, a sense of persona and self; and concept of what and who they are. They just seem to have there a black hole; and that pain of that black hole can only be temporairy eased with quick fixes copes like female validation, sex, admiration, success, getting something, fucking someone over that might have done something they dislike, and so on.

 

[Deleted member 10699]

they have an void, or emptyness.
Where most people have there stuff like; a personality, a sense of persona and self; and concept of what and who they are. They just seem to have there a black hole; and that pain of that black hole can only be temporairy eased with quick fixes copes like female validation, sex, admiration, success, getting something, fucking someone over that might have done something they dislike, and so on.

I feel like that a lot.

 

[eduardkoopman]

I feel like that a lot.

It's fucking brutals. for that person, and the poeple around them.

When people have nothing; where should be:
* a false sense of identity(s);
* a false sense of (continuous) self and persona;
* a sense of self esteeem

People that have not a hole there. Don't need to fill up, so much with all kinds of shits. Put people whom have holes there; they need to cope with alot of stuff to fill that acking hole.

 

[one job away]

Origin.
^
Remember when I talked about my dad and how he is a huge piece of shit?

Well, I read his diaries, trying to find some things to know more about his past, and I've read something that made me to, rationally, despise him more (but, at heart, I can't. I dislike him, but he's my father and I feel attached to him).

I won't go into details, but, in the mid to late 90s, he was a sex addict and a compulsive masturbator; his descriptions made me sick, so I'll leave it there. He had a test for AIDS, but he was negative, so he felt happy. When he started dating my mother, she was dating another girl, and dumped her for my mum. One of the things that really disgusted me was when a co-worker of my dad wanted an officine, and my dad told her: "fuck me, and you'll have it". Completely despreciable.

Anyways, this is not the point of this thread; I'm currently reading Lolita, by Nabokov; there are some uncannys similarities between my dad and between Humbert Humbert, Lolita's narrator. My dad always uses mind gymnastics in the statement that I've found in his diaries; he tries to justify some thoughts and actions that are morally reprehensible; my dad viewed womens as objects, and not as persons, and it made me think that he viewed me as a trophy for him being successful (having a whife, a kid, a stable job, and affairs).

The things he wrote in these diaries were the typical of thoughts of a fucking closet narcissist, and it makes sense; how he keeps everything secret, how he's always in dating sites, and act as if I haven't seen anything, how he behaves in a pretty unempathetic way with my mum and with me (by him trying to dismiss my autism, using my mother as an object-an object that makes dinner, cleans, etc., and by how he never says what he's thinking). I did stole his drugs, because they were old, and I plan to smoke them someday, but I just want to leave my house, since I feel that I'm mentally fucked because of him.

sounds like your father was more blackpilled then you . idk how you turned out so bluepilled ... smth must have gone wrong bringing you up

 

[Deleted member 10699]

sounds like your father was more blackpilled then you . idk how you turned out so bluepilled ... smth must have gone wrong bringing you up

I'm not bluepilled since I'm following a looksmaxxing plan.

 

[Deleted member 3270]

Have you considered a male therapist

Majority of therapists deal with normies who lost a loved one or a friend, Not someone with an NPD parent and a fundamentally broken childhood. My upbringing is exactly like @melkor and they don't deal with legit mental problems, just minor anxiety

 

[aleksandr]

where tf did u get his diaries? and what do you want to accomplish out of reading them? everyones a bit fucked, some more than others. you only get one dad but its up to you if you want to have him in your life or not

 

[turkproducer]

Majority of therapists deal with normies who lost a loved one or a friend, Not someone with an NPD parent and a fundamentally broken childhood. My upbringing is exactly like @melkor and they don't deal with legit mental problems, just minor anxiety

you’re talking to another guy with same experience, if not much worse + homeless LOL

first of all, they have probably dealt with people who have much worse situations than you and I. You would be surprised how many people they talk to, of course there are sensitive normies like girls who go to one after a break up but plenty of worse people than us.

 

[sandcelmuttcel]

so much for personality