D
Deleted member 14262
bumo
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2021
- Posts
- 4,389
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I used to browse this forum for the entirety of the 2021 summer. Earlier on that year. I had joined incels.is, an impulse led me to search "incel" on google and it led me there, I read the best of the best section and then slowly got blackpilled. I then left it due to some reason I can't remember. When I tried making another account I was banned for some reason. However, whilst I was on that site, I discovered what this site was and made an account here.
I autistically researched all the surgeries, softmaxxes and such. However, I eventually came to a realization that none of this is feasible. I made a list of everything that would help, either they were worthless and wouldn't or would barely change my looks, like the soxftmaxxes. Or would just be downright impossible for me to perform, like the surgeries. I came to the conclusion that it was over.
I started spiraling. I placed and still do place a lot of my self worth onto my appearance due to the heavy blackpilling, and when I started college, (British not American.) I made this account inactive by requesting a ban. Sometime around October, the anxiety around my appearance got too much, and I tried to drown myself at a lake near my college. After jumping in though. I immediately began to regret my choice and swam out, there I phoned my parents.
Since this was just before the start of Christmas holidays I wasn't made to drop school, in fact. I began school again after the holidays. I gradually began to feel less an less anxious, though my insecurity never really decreased. As of now, I still don't feel like living, but I don't feel suicidal. I just exist in this limbo, where I neither want to live nor die.
I autistically researched all the surgeries, softmaxxes and such. However, I eventually came to a realization that none of this is feasible. I made a list of everything that would help, either they were worthless and wouldn't or would barely change my looks, like the soxftmaxxes. Or would just be downright impossible for me to perform, like the surgeries. I came to the conclusion that it was over.
I started spiraling. I placed and still do place a lot of my self worth onto my appearance due to the heavy blackpilling, and when I started college, (British not American.) I made this account inactive by requesting a ban. Sometime around October, the anxiety around my appearance got too much, and I tried to drown myself at a lake near my college. After jumping in though. I immediately began to regret my choice and swam out, there I phoned my parents.
Since this was just before the start of Christmas holidays I wasn't made to drop school, in fact. I began school again after the holidays. I gradually began to feel less an less anxious, though my insecurity never really decreased. As of now, I still don't feel like living, but I don't feel suicidal. I just exist in this limbo, where I neither want to live nor die.