Anyone else get extremely depressed as the school year starts again

[Prøphet]

I don’t really know why

My classes don’t look that hard

Most of it will be online

So it’s only gonna be like a couple hours a day of work

I guess I just have zero discipline / attention span so I’m experiencing low dopamine

And deep down I regret not going to a better school

Or at least doing all my classes in person to get some level of social exposure instead of this extreme isolation I’m putting myself through

School is only bearable if you have friends there which gives you a social reward

Without that even the easiest class will be torture because there’s no silver lining

But I’m so ugly and aspire that 90% of the time I make no friends and instead become a laughingstock which is social punishment which makes everything even more painful which im afraid of

So I avoid

Like the pussy I am

This whole thing is just a form of procrastination for me because I’m afraid of making a choice

I don’t feel anything good about my life or the choices that I make in my most cowardly state

Which really my life is the result of that and reflects the worst parts of myself that seem to take over in the immediate moment

The person I am when I spend hours alone in deep thought thinking about the life I want is like an entirely different person than who I am when I have to make an important decision or do anything in the present moment

I wish I could “just be myself” 24/7 and never betray myself ever again by switching through all these people pleasing fearful identities like a lizard

That’s one of the biggest reasons I’m trying to ascend

Maybe if I look good enough I’ll be free to be myself instead of wearing these masks everywhere I go

 

[thickbitch]

I dont go to school cause im not a retard

 

[Prøphet]

@tansel Mentalcel ramblings

 

[byro..]

I don’t really know why

My classes don’t look that hard

Most of it will be online

So it’s only gonna be like a couple hours a day of work

I guess I just have zero discipline / attention span so I’m experiencing low dopamine

And deep down I regret not going to a better school

Or at least doing all my classes in person to get some level of social exposure instead of this extreme isolation I’m putting myself through

School is only bearable if you have friends there which gives you a social reward

Without that even the easiest class will be torture because there’s no silver lining

This whole thing is just a form of procrastination for me because I’m afraid of making a choice

I don’t feel anything good about my life or the choices that I make in my most cowardly state

Which really my life is the result of that and reflects the worst parts of myself that seem to take over in the immediate moment

The person I am when I spend hours alone in deep thought thinking about the life I want is like an entirely different person than who I am when I have to make an important decision or do anything in the present moment

I wish I could “just be myself” 24/7 and never betray myself ever again by switching through all these people pleasing fearful identities like a lizard

That’s one of the biggest reasons I’m trying to ascend

Maybe if I look good enough I’ll be free to be myself instead of wearing these masks everywhere I go

im leaving school this year

i get my exam results tomorrow i could be fucked

 

[Prøphet]

im leaving school this year

i get my exam results tomorrow i could be fucked

High school or college

Mirin the avi btw

 

[Blasian-K]

@tansel Mentalcel ramblings

Nah, it's a pretty common feeling. Even when my class load is light and not crazy. There's just always some force of procrastination that bears over me.

I like being somewhat scheduled, so school is good for that. But still the actual work is just hard to engage with. And the social aspect of school for me feels dead.

Like @tansel would say something like "You never want to go to school." All we wanted to was interact with peers and have a sense of community.

 

[6miketruesub5]

It’s because I’m still sub 5

 

[byro..]

High school or college

Mirin the avi btw

high school

hopefully headed to college
but if not im going into the military

 

[iblamemyhabits]

I wish I could “just be myself” 24/7 and never betray myself ever again by switching through all these people pleasing fearful identities like a lizard

story of my life

 

[6miketruesub5]

I dont go to school cause im not a retard

I’m dropping out to drop ship and sell courses

 

[miserycel]

i get the same

i had a 6% attendance last year

i genuinely spent more time pacing around my home, roleplaying social scenarios than actually going to university and experiencing them in real life

the 6% in which i did go in was extremely dull

i was bullied all throughout high school

and now at university im simply invisible

it does pain me knowing i’ll spend my entire youth largely in my own head

knowing that i spent all my years making more friends and having more experiences walking around my home than truly experiencing it, since that’s how i’ve now conditioned my brain

i don’t really have the energy to care about women anymore

reasons like these are why i want to ascend

i don’t want to be bullied and i also don’t want to be invisible

and most of all i don’t want to resort to fake bullshit my brains programs for me just to keep my sanity

i want those experiences, good or bad, rejection or acceptance, happiness or sadness

just want to live and feel human

 

[DxstZ]

dnr but i have GCSE results day in 8 hours
not excited at all
gonna determine if i do college or not.

 

[tansel]

college for me was extremely easy

i cheated my way through

i have so many funny stories of me cheating & not getting caught

stories that you wouldn’t believe lol

 

[Wicket]

I don’t really know why

My classes don’t look that hard

Most of it will be online

So it’s only gonna be like a couple hours a day of work

I guess I just have zero discipline / attention span so I’m experiencing low dopamine

And deep down I regret not going to a better school

Or at least doing all my classes in person to get some level of social exposure instead of this extreme isolation I’m putting myself through

School is only bearable if you have friends there which gives you a social reward

Without that even the easiest class will be torture because there’s no silver lining

But I’m so ugly and aspire that 90% of the time I make no friends and instead become a laughingstock which is social punishment which makes everything even more painful which im afraid of

So I avoid

Like the pussy I am

This whole thing is just a form of procrastination for me because I’m afraid of making a choice

I don’t feel anything good about my life or the choices that I make in my most cowardly state

Which really my life is the result of that and reflects the worst parts of myself that seem to take over in the immediate moment

The person I am when I spend hours alone in deep thought thinking about the life I want is like an entirely different person than who I am when I have to make an important decision or do anything in the present moment

I wish I could “just be myself” 24/7 and never betray myself ever again by switching through all these people pleasing fearful identities like a lizard

That’s one of the biggest reasons I’m trying to ascend

Maybe if I look good enough I’ll be free to be myself instead of wearing these masks everywhere I go

Real niggas are depressed all year round and on the edge of killing themselves in this exact moment

 

[Wicket]

dnr but i have GCSE results day in 8 hours
not excited at all
gonna determine if i do college or not.

I got 3 gcses youll get into college bro

 

[tansel]

"You never want to go to school." All we wanted to was interact with peers and have a sense of community.

yes exactly haha

classes are meaningless seeing as humans are wild animals & deserve to be in nature

but it’s the social aspect of it that is great

 

[DxstZ]

I got 3 gcses youll get into college bro

everyone in my bloodline got a total of i think 5 ish

 

[Wicket]

everyone in my bloodline got a total of i think 5 ish

My brother got all of his bro at decent grades imagine how I feel

 

[GonorrhoeaGobbler]

Dopamine detox for the first part

If you truly subconsciously want this then go outside with it on your mind and make the conscious effort
You will act weird and it will be brutal but you will grow and its better to get it done sooner than later that's what they years are for

I've spent years burning through relationships and embarrassing myself to grow

 

[DxstZ]

My brother got all of his bro at decent grades imagine how I feel

i'm an only child
my father got 1
uncles/aunts very low

 

[Wicket]

i'm an only child
my father got 1
uncles/aunts very low

Atleast you dont have anyone to compete with
Im sure youll do great bro dont worry about it

 

[DxstZ]

Atleast you dont have anyone to compete with
Im sure youll do great bro dont worry about it

 

[Prøphet]

i get the same

i had a 6% attendance last year

i genuinely spent more time pacing around my home, roleplaying social scenarios than actually going to university and experiencing them in real life

the 6% in which i did go in was extremely dull

i was bullied all throughout high school

and now at university im simply invisible

it does pain me knowing i’ll spend my entire youth largely in my own head

knowing that i spent all my years making more friends and having more experiences walking around my home than truly experiencing it, since that’s how i’ve now conditioned my brain

i don’t really have the energy to care about women anymore

reasons like these are why i want to ascend

i don’t want to be bullied and i also don’t want to be invisible

and most of all i don’t want to resort to fake bullshit my brains programs for me just to keep my sanity

i want those experiences, good or bad, rejection or acceptance, happiness or sadness

just want to live and feel human

Literally me