scrunchables
Former BHM Leader, 𝕯𝖝𝕯 𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖜 - 𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖙𝖆
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2023
- Posts
- 5,353
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I be having food in front of me and just stare at that shit in my hands, and when I do pick up my food I just stare at it slowly and eat it. I’ve also been dehydrated for like weeks, I don’t think I even get half a liter in my system a day and just end up making it worse by drinking coke. Add drug use to that and I just be fucked up all the time.
I been joking about dying in my 20s, but it really might just happen, for better or worse. I don’t enjoy doing anything anymore. Nobody around me in college understands how fucked up mentally I was before I arrived. Matter of fact, I nearly got myself killed while driving (was about to front-end somebody on the other side of the road too and take ourselves out, wasn’t just some suicidal shit), that’s how bad I was losing it. Makes it the second time I attempted. Younger me would look at who I am know and just see a pathetic failure.
People think I’m a funny chill dude, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the act so I’m always keeping them at a distance. I gotta do so much just to preserve my image but am running out of motivation and energy.
I already said this in another thread but a friend in my fraternity told me that some sorority chicks mentioned to him how they think I’m handsome and funny but don’t talk to girls and stay on my phone all day, which fucking sucks because I’m getting attention when I don’t fucking want it. I can’t even begin to try and chat them up because I’m mentally fucked and it will just show quickly. Even if I secured a girl, it’s not like I’m gonna be around long on this earth to enjoy it.
I’m gonna burn out eventually and at that point I’ve got two options, disappear or just die. Not sure what’s better.
I been joking about dying in my 20s, but it really might just happen, for better or worse. I don’t enjoy doing anything anymore. Nobody around me in college understands how fucked up mentally I was before I arrived. Matter of fact, I nearly got myself killed while driving (was about to front-end somebody on the other side of the road too and take ourselves out, wasn’t just some suicidal shit), that’s how bad I was losing it. Makes it the second time I attempted. Younger me would look at who I am know and just see a pathetic failure.
People think I’m a funny chill dude, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the act so I’m always keeping them at a distance. I gotta do so much just to preserve my image but am running out of motivation and energy.
I already said this in another thread but a friend in my fraternity told me that some sorority chicks mentioned to him how they think I’m handsome and funny but don’t talk to girls and stay on my phone all day, which fucking sucks because I’m getting attention when I don’t fucking want it. I can’t even begin to try and chat them up because I’m mentally fucked and it will just show quickly. Even if I secured a girl, it’s not like I’m gonna be around long on this earth to enjoy it.
I’m gonna burn out eventually and at that point I’ve got two options, disappear or just die. Not sure what’s better.

