Are You Making These 5 Mistakes?

[Alexanderr]

A woman is attracted not to who you are, but to the emotions you make her feel.

There's a common thread that runs through almost every man's failures with women. It's a pattern of core strategic mistakes, all stemming from one catastrophic misunderstanding: the belief that attraction is something you earn from her.

You are constantly seeking her validation, and the very act of seeking it is what makes you unattractive.

If you're failing, it's (probably) because you are using one of these five failed validation-seeking tactics. I've used them all.

Spoiler

But there's a crucial difference between failing and not even trying. Failing means you're in the game, gathering data. Not trying means you're rotting on the sidelines. This list is for those who are ready to get in the game.

1. The Job Interview Fallacy

• What it looks like: Your default first date is "coffee" or "drinks." The entire interaction is a verbal exchange of facts, like a job interview. You try to build a logical case for why she should be attracted to you by listing your accomplishments and qualities.
• Why it Fails: You are trying to convince the "Reading Brain." . Attraction is not a logical decision; it's an emotional response. Emotion is a byproduct of a shared experience, not a shared resume. While you are busy applying for the job of "boyfriend," she is bored.

2. The Terror of Being Disliked

• What it looks like: You are pathologically agreeable. You mirror all her opinions, laugh at all her jokes, and never offer any form of pushback or teasing. Your primary goal is to be seen as a "nice guy."
• Why it Fails: Your strategy is to avoid a negative signal at all costs. But in doing so, you generate no signal at all. You are invisible. To create a spark, there must be polarity and tension. By avoiding her disapproval at all costs, you guarantee her indifference, which is a faster and more permanent death.

3. Placing Her on the Pedestal

• What it looks like: From the moment you match, she becomes the center of your emotional universe. You text back instantly, are available 24/7, and invest all your mental energy into "winning her over."
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by demonstrating how much you value her, hoping she will be so impressed by your devotion that she'll return the favor. She won't. By making her the prize, you automatically define yourself as the contestant. You signal that your own life is empty and that her attention is the most valuable resource you have. This isn't romantic; it's a demonstration of low value.

4. Living on "Hope-ium"

• What it looks like: You mistake her politeness for genuine interest. You over-analyze her texts for "clues." You live in a world of vague hope ("I think she likes me") instead of seeking clear data.
• Why it Fails: You are so desperate for the validation of her interest that you invent it from ambiguous data. You're afraid to take a real, decisive action (like making a move or asking for a specific second date) because you are terrified that reality will invalidate the hopeful story you've built in your head.

5. The Frame Collapse

• What it looks like: The interaction begins with you asking, "So, what do you want to do?" You let her dictate the terms, the location, and the flow of the interaction.
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by being submissive, hoping she will approve of how accommodating you are. This immediately forces her into the masculine role of the decision-maker and places you in the feminine role of the follower. It is a catastrophic failure to establish your own agency and a powerful signal of passivity.

All these mistakes stem from one root cause: an externally-referenced sense of self-worth. You are asking her to tell you that you are valuable. This is the game you are losing.

This, in particular, is where the blackpill ideology pathologically fails.

You've spent hundreds of hours optimizing the hardware (your looks), believing it is the ultimate tool for finally forcing the world to give you the validation you crave. This isn't an indictment of looks; they absolutely matter.

It's an indictment of a strategy that obsesses over the tool while ignoring the fact that the entire premise (seeking validation) is the very thing killing your results.

This is why you see "average" guys with attractive women time and time again. They're not winning because of their looks; they're winning because they operate from a place of internal validation. They are not seeking her approval; they are determining if she is worthy of theirs.

---

P.S. Every guy reading this will nod along and recognize these as "bad" habits. But recognition is cheap.

Your Reading Brain just understood this list. Your Swimming Brain (the one that freezes, agrees, and seeks validation in the heat of the moment) didn't learn a damn thing. Don't mistake the map for the territory. This knowledge is useless until you forge it into a habit through repeated, failed experiments in the real world.

 

[Spart4n]

W thread saar!

 

[Quncho]

A woman is attracted not to who you are, but to the emotions you make her feel.

There's a common thread that runs through almost every man's failures with women. It's a pattern of core strategic mistakes, all stemming from one catastrophic misunderstanding: the belief that attraction is something you earn from her.

You are constantly seeking her validation, and the very act of seeking it is what makes you unattractive.

If you're failing, it's (probably) because you are using one of these five failed validation-seeking tactics. I've used them all.

Spoiler

But there's a crucial difference between failing and not even trying. Failing means you're in the game, gathering data. Not trying means you're rotting on the sidelines. This list is for those who are ready to get in the game.

1. The Job Interview Fallacy

• What it looks like: Your default first date is "coffee" or "drinks." The entire interaction is a verbal exchange of facts, like a job interview. You try to build a logical case for why she should be attracted to you by listing your accomplishments and qualities.
• Why it Fails: You are trying to convince the "Reading Brain." . Attraction is not a logical decision; it's an emotional response. Emotion is a byproduct of a shared experience, not a shared resume. While you are busy applying for the job of "boyfriend," she is bored.

2. The Terror of Being Disliked
View attachment 4181707

• What it looks like: You are pathologically agreeable. You mirror all her opinions, laugh at all her jokes, and never offer any form of pushback or teasing. Your primary goal is to be seen as a "nice guy."
• Why it Fails: Your strategy is to avoid a negative signal at all costs. But in doing so, you generate no signal at all. You are invisible. To create a spark, there must be polarity and tension. By avoiding her disapproval at all costs, you guarantee her indifference, which is a faster and more permanent death.

3. Placing Her on the Pedestal

• What it looks like: From the moment you match, she becomes the center of your emotional universe. You text back instantly, are available 24/7, and invest all your mental energy into "winning her over."
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by demonstrating how much you value her, hoping she will be so impressed by your devotion that she'll return the favor. She won't. By making her the prize, you automatically define yourself as the contestant. You signal that your own life is empty and that her attention is the most valuable resource you have. This isn't romantic; it's a demonstration of low value.

4. Living on "Hope-ium"

• What it looks like: You mistake her politeness for genuine interest. You over-analyze her texts for "clues." You live in a world of vague hope ("I think she likes me") instead of seeking clear data.
• Why it Fails: You are so desperate for the validation of her interest that you invent it from ambiguous data. You're afraid to take a real, decisive action (like making a move or asking for a specific second date) because you are terrified that reality will invalidate the hopeful story you've built in your head.

5. The Frame Collapse
View attachment 4181731

• What it looks like: The interaction begins with you asking, "So, what do you want to do?" You let her dictate the terms, the location, and the flow of the interaction.
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by being submissive, hoping she will approve of how accommodating you are. This immediately forces her into the masculine role of the decision-maker and places you in the feminine role of the follower. It is a catastrophic failure to establish your own agency and a powerful signal of passivity.

All these mistakes stem from one root cause: an externally-referenced sense of self-worth. You are asking her to tell you that you are valuable. This is the game you are losing.

This, in particular, is where the blackpill ideology pathologically fails.

You've spent hundreds of hours optimizing the hardware (your looks), believing it is the ultimate tool for finally forcing the world to give you the validation you crave. This isn't an indictment of looks; they absolutely matter.

It's an indictment of a strategy that obsesses over the tool while ignoring the fact that the entire premise (seeking validation) is the very thing killing your results.

View attachment 4181578

View attachment 4181667

This is why you see "average" guys with attractive women time and time again. They're not winning because of their looks; they're winning because they operate from a place of internal validation. They are not seeking her approval; they are determining if she is worthy of theirs.

---

P.S. Every guy reading this will nod along and recognize these as "bad" habits. But recognition is cheap.

Your Reading Brain just understood this list. Your Swimming Brain (the one that freezes, agrees, and seeks validation in the heat of the moment) didn't learn a damn thing. Don't mistake the map for the territory. This knowledge is useless until you forge it into a habit through repeated, failed experiments in the real world.

Brah is dropping some heat recently

 

[Copercel]

DNR it’s because I’m ugly, nothing else

 

[wasteofspace]

Scott Alexanderr why are you trying to cover up @Old Büll suicide?

 

[AressGymMaxx]

So just be funny?

 

[Orka]

A woman is attracted not to who you are, but to the emotions you make her feel.

There's a common thread that runs through almost every man's failures with women. It's a pattern of core strategic mistakes, all stemming from one catastrophic misunderstanding: the belief that attraction is something you earn from her.

You are constantly seeking her validation, and the very act of seeking it is what makes you unattractive.

If you're failing, it's (probably) because you are using one of these five failed validation-seeking tactics. I've used them all.

Spoiler

But there's a crucial difference between failing and not even trying. Failing means you're in the game, gathering data. Not trying means you're rotting on the sidelines. This list is for those who are ready to get in the game.

1. The Job Interview Fallacy

• What it looks like: Your default first date is "coffee" or "drinks." The entire interaction is a verbal exchange of facts, like a job interview. You try to build a logical case for why she should be attracted to you by listing your accomplishments and qualities.
• Why it Fails: You are trying to convince the "Reading Brain." . Attraction is not a logical decision; it's an emotional response. Emotion is a byproduct of a shared experience, not a shared resume. While you are busy applying for the job of "boyfriend," she is bored.

2. The Terror of Being Disliked
View attachment 4181707

• What it looks like: You are pathologically agreeable. You mirror all her opinions, laugh at all her jokes, and never offer any form of pushback or teasing. Your primary goal is to be seen as a "nice guy."
• Why it Fails: Your strategy is to avoid a negative signal at all costs. But in doing so, you generate no signal at all. You are invisible. To create a spark, there must be polarity and tension. By avoiding her disapproval at all costs, you guarantee her indifference, which is a faster and more permanent death.

3. Placing Her on the Pedestal

• What it looks like: From the moment you match, she becomes the center of your emotional universe. You text back instantly, are available 24/7, and invest all your mental energy into "winning her over."
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by demonstrating how much you value her, hoping she will be so impressed by your devotion that she'll return the favor. She won't. By making her the prize, you automatically define yourself as the contestant. You signal that your own life is empty and that her attention is the most valuable resource you have. This isn't romantic; it's a demonstration of low value.

4. Living on "Hope-ium"

• What it looks like: You mistake her politeness for genuine interest. You over-analyze her texts for "clues." You live in a world of vague hope ("I think she likes me") instead of seeking clear data.
• Why it Fails: You are so desperate for the validation of her interest that you invent it from ambiguous data. You're afraid to take a real, decisive action (like making a move or asking for a specific second date) because you are terrified that reality will invalidate the hopeful story you've built in your head.

5. The Frame Collapse
View attachment 4181731

• What it looks like: The interaction begins with you asking, "So, what do you want to do?" You let her dictate the terms, the location, and the flow of the interaction.
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by being submissive, hoping she will approve of how accommodating you are. This immediately forces her into the masculine role of the decision-maker and places you in the feminine role of the follower. It is a catastrophic failure to establish your own agency and a powerful signal of passivity.

All these mistakes stem from one root cause: an externally-referenced sense of self-worth. You are asking her to tell you that you are valuable. This is the game you are losing.

This, in particular, is where the blackpill ideology pathologically fails.

You've spent hundreds of hours optimizing the hardware (your looks), believing it is the ultimate tool for finally forcing the world to give you the validation you crave. This isn't an indictment of looks; they absolutely matter.

It's an indictment of a strategy that obsesses over the tool while ignoring the fact that the entire premise (seeking validation) is the very thing killing your results.

View attachment 4181578

View attachment 4181667

This is why you see "average" guys with attractive women time and time again. They're not winning because of their looks; they're winning because they operate from a place of internal validation. They are not seeking her approval; they are determining if she is worthy of theirs.

---

P.S. Every guy reading this will nod along and recognize these as "bad" habits. But recognition is cheap.

Your Reading Brain just understood this list. Your Swimming Brain (the one that freezes, agrees, and seeks validation in the heat of the moment) didn't learn a damn thing. Don't mistake the map for the territory. This knowledge is useless until you forge it into a habit through repeated, failed experiments in the real world.

I see potential in this user, investing.

 

[TenZi]

Hava Nagila

 

[HtnGymcel]

This all sounds like issues HTN+ does not have.

 

[Alexanderr]

Brah is dropping some heat recently

A lot of this stuff seems basic on the surface, things people "know" they should avoid. But the real issue is the chasm between knowing something and viscerally understanding it.

You can be told the stove is hot a thousand times and still get careless. You only have to touch it once to understand.

That's the difference. One is an instruction you can forget; the other is a lesson burned into your nervous system. Experience trumps theory, always.

The most valuable piece of information anyone can give you here is one that will push you into action.

 

[Quncho]

A lot of this stuff seems basic on the surface, things people "know" they should avoid. But the real issue is the chasm between knowing something and viscerally understanding it.

You can be told the stove is hot a thousand times and still get careless. You only have to touch it once to understand.

That's the difference. One is an instruction you can forget; the other is a lesson burned into your nervous system. Experience trumps theory, always.

The most valuable piece of information anyone can give you here is one that will push you into action.

Fore sure. Experience is the best teacher.

 

[DR. NICKGA]

Bump

 

[ectomorpher]

A woman is attracted not to who you are, but to the emotions you make her feel.

There's a common thread that runs through almost every man's failures with women. It's a pattern of core strategic mistakes, all stemming from one catastrophic misunderstanding: the belief that attraction is something you earn from her.

You are constantly seeking her validation, and the very act of seeking it is what makes you unattractive.

If you're failing, it's (probably) because you are using one of these five failed validation-seeking tactics. I've used them all.

Spoiler

But there's a crucial difference between failing and not even trying. Failing means you're in the game, gathering data. Not trying means you're rotting on the sidelines. This list is for those who are ready to get in the game.

1. The Job Interview Fallacy

• What it looks like: Your default first date is "coffee" or "drinks." The entire interaction is a verbal exchange of facts, like a job interview. You try to build a logical case for why she should be attracted to you by listing your accomplishments and qualities.
• Why it Fails: You are trying to convince the "Reading Brain." . Attraction is not a logical decision; it's an emotional response. Emotion is a byproduct of a shared experience, not a shared resume. While you are busy applying for the job of "boyfriend," she is bored.

2. The Terror of Being Disliked
View attachment 4181707

• What it looks like: You are pathologically agreeable. You mirror all her opinions, laugh at all her jokes, and never offer any form of pushback or teasing. Your primary goal is to be seen as a "nice guy."
• Why it Fails: Your strategy is to avoid a negative signal at all costs. But in doing so, you generate no signal at all. You are invisible. To create a spark, there must be polarity and tension. By avoiding her disapproval at all costs, you guarantee her indifference, which is a faster and more permanent death.

3. Placing Her on the Pedestal

• What it looks like: From the moment you match, she becomes the center of your emotional universe. You text back instantly, are available 24/7, and invest all your mental energy into "winning her over."
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by demonstrating how much you value her, hoping she will be so impressed by your devotion that she'll return the favor. She won't. By making her the prize, you automatically define yourself as the contestant. You signal that your own life is empty and that her attention is the most valuable resource you have. This isn't romantic; it's a demonstration of low value.

4. Living on "Hope-ium"

• What it looks like: You mistake her politeness for genuine interest. You over-analyze her texts for "clues." You live in a world of vague hope ("I think she likes me") instead of seeking clear data.
• Why it Fails: You are so desperate for the validation of her interest that you invent it from ambiguous data. You're afraid to take a real, decisive action (like making a move or asking for a specific second date) because you are terrified that reality will invalidate the hopeful story you've built in your head.

5. The Frame Collapse
View attachment 4181731

• What it looks like: The interaction begins with you asking, "So, what do you want to do?" You let her dictate the terms, the location, and the flow of the interaction.
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by being submissive, hoping she will approve of how accommodating you are. This immediately forces her into the masculine role of the decision-maker and places you in the feminine role of the follower. It is a catastrophic failure to establish your own agency and a powerful signal of passivity.

All these mistakes stem from one root cause: an externally-referenced sense of self-worth. You are asking her to tell you that you are valuable. This is the game you are losing.

This, in particular, is where the blackpill ideology pathologically fails.

You've spent hundreds of hours optimizing the hardware (your looks), believing it is the ultimate tool for finally forcing the world to give you the validation you crave. This isn't an indictment of looks; they absolutely matter.

It's an indictment of a strategy that obsesses over the tool while ignoring the fact that the entire premise (seeking validation) is the very thing killing your results.

View attachment 4181578

View attachment 4181667

This is why you see "average" guys with attractive women time and time again. They're not winning because of their looks; they're winning because they operate from a place of internal validation. They are not seeking her approval; they are determining if she is worthy of theirs.

---

P.S. Every guy reading this will nod along and recognize these as "bad" habits. But recognition is cheap.

Your Reading Brain just understood this list. Your Swimming Brain (the one that freezes, agrees, and seeks validation in the heat of the moment) didn't learn a damn thing. Don't mistake the map for the territory. This knowledge is useless until you forge it into a habit through repeated, failed experiments in the real world.

Finally a very good thread.

So just be funny?

This all sounds like issues HTN+ does not have.

*just be NT.

 

[browncurrycel]

So just be funny?

Being funny is just seeking her approval again

Being witty occasionally is better than being a clown jester.

 

[xX_ovrb4itstrtd_Xx]

another insightful post from our massa, i bow to you.

in all your threads youre very adamant on not just reading start to finish and nodding along, but to go out and act on it. experience failure again and again and again until it becomes adapted into your swimming brain. it made me want to ask, how many women have you approached at this point? what was your success rate when you started and how is it now?

 

[Klasik616]

A woman is attracted not to who you are, but to the emotions you make her feel.

There's a common thread that runs through almost every man's failures with women. It's a pattern of core strategic mistakes, all stemming from one catastrophic misunderstanding: the belief that attraction is something you earn from her.

You are constantly seeking her validation, and the very act of seeking it is what makes you unattractive.

If you're failing, it's (probably) because you are using one of these five failed validation-seeking tactics. I've used them all.

Spoiler

But there's a crucial difference between failing and not even trying. Failing means you're in the game, gathering data. Not trying means you're rotting on the sidelines. This list is for those who are ready to get in the game.

1. The Job Interview Fallacy

• What it looks like: Your default first date is "coffee" or "drinks." The entire interaction is a verbal exchange of facts, like a job interview. You try to build a logical case for why she should be attracted to you by listing your accomplishments and qualities.
• Why it Fails: You are trying to convince the "Reading Brain." . Attraction is not a logical decision; it's an emotional response. Emotion is a byproduct of a shared experience, not a shared resume. While you are busy applying for the job of "boyfriend," she is bored.

2. The Terror of Being Disliked
View attachment 4181707

• What it looks like: You are pathologically agreeable. You mirror all her opinions, laugh at all her jokes, and never offer any form of pushback or teasing. Your primary goal is to be seen as a "nice guy."
• Why it Fails: Your strategy is to avoid a negative signal at all costs. But in doing so, you generate no signal at all. You are invisible. To create a spark, there must be polarity and tension. By avoiding her disapproval at all costs, you guarantee her indifference, which is a faster and more permanent death.

3. Placing Her on the Pedestal

• What it looks like: From the moment you match, she becomes the center of your emotional universe. You text back instantly, are available 24/7, and invest all your mental energy into "winning her over."
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by demonstrating how much you value her, hoping she will be so impressed by your devotion that she'll return the favor. She won't. By making her the prize, you automatically define yourself as the contestant. You signal that your own life is empty and that her attention is the most valuable resource you have. This isn't romantic; it's a demonstration of low value.

4. Living on "Hope-ium"

• What it looks like: You mistake her politeness for genuine interest. You over-analyze her texts for "clues." You live in a world of vague hope ("I think she likes me") instead of seeking clear data.
• Why it Fails: You are so desperate for the validation of her interest that you invent it from ambiguous data. You're afraid to take a real, decisive action (like making a move or asking for a specific second date) because you are terrified that reality will invalidate the hopeful story you've built in your head.

5. The Frame Collapse
View attachment 4181731

• What it looks like: The interaction begins with you asking, "So, what do you want to do?" You let her dictate the terms, the location, and the flow of the interaction.
• Why it Fails: You are seeking validation by being submissive, hoping she will approve of how accommodating you are. This immediately forces her into the masculine role of the decision-maker and places you in the feminine role of the follower. It is a catastrophic failure to establish your own agency and a powerful signal of passivity.

All these mistakes stem from one root cause: an externally-referenced sense of self-worth. You are asking her to tell you that you are valuable. This is the game you are losing.

This, in particular, is where the blackpill ideology pathologically fails.

You've spent hundreds of hours optimizing the hardware (your looks), believing it is the ultimate tool for finally forcing the world to give you the validation you crave. This isn't an indictment of looks; they absolutely matter.

It's an indictment of a strategy that obsesses over the tool while ignoring the fact that the entire premise (seeking validation) is the very thing killing your results.

View attachment 4181578

View attachment 4181667

This is why you see "average" guys with attractive women time and time again. They're not winning because of their looks; they're winning because they operate from a place of internal validation. They are not seeking her approval; they are determining if she is worthy of theirs.

---

P.S. Every guy reading this will nod along and recognize these as "bad" habits. But recognition is cheap.

Your Reading Brain just understood this list. Your Swimming Brain (the one that freezes, agrees, and seeks validation in the heat of the moment) didn't learn a damn thing. Don't mistake the map for the territory. This knowledge is useless until you forge it into a habit through repeated, failed experiments in the real world.

I'm always number 4 because it never began (kv) so I just live on hopium or pessimism.

 

[Cookie Monster]

bump