autism didn’t just ruin parts of my life, it fundamentally erased every version of a future I could’ve had.

[BlendedBlade]

girl?

I don't like women.

Do you like trannies?

 

[Orc]

Do you like trannies?

trans women are women and I don't like women.

 

[BlendedBlade]

trans women are women and I don't like women.

What about women who transitioned to men

 

[loyolaxavvierretard]

What about women who transitioned to men

100% breedable for boyo

 

[Orc]

What about women who transitioned to men

got no issues with that as long as they look and behave as men.

 

[STAMPEDE]

Try living in EE with ADHD a living hell.
I have OCD, ADHD, maladaptive daydreaming, ASPD,austisic symptoms etc… Basically I have every fucked up thing possible ever, autism is in many ways good to have unlike what I have. Im not social and Im introverted anyways even without autism so having autism would actually benefit me since I already have the negatives of autism even without autism.

 

[LTNUser]

Is Autism genetic?

 

[AryanSchizo]

i relate to this so much , i got diagnosed with the tism at 16

 

[BlendedBlade]

Is Autism genetic?

you can't outlift your personality.

personality is heavily influeced by genetics and early environments, traits like your temperament, emotional reactivity, and even tendencies towards things like introversion or sensitivity are largely inherited, and a lot of your social conditioning happens when you're too young to really choose...

looksmax.org

 

[Balkanmogger1446]

The saddest thread i ever read

dating is no different, it's actually worse, because rejection there cuts deeper, I don't struggle with my looks (I've got several threads on how to manually adjust your face looks and fix your asymmetries which are common with autism if anyone's interested) I do well on apps, people ask me out, they're curious, but it never lasts, first it's warm, then it's stiff, then it's silence, not because I said anything weird, not because I acted out, just because something about me feels off in a way that's hard to name but impossible to ignore.

and what makes it worse is that I know the problem is me, but I don't know what the problem is.

so you start to resent it, the fact that your face determines whether people even give you the time of day, but your personality, your actual self, determines whether they stay, and no one stays.

I struggle with this part too i know something is wrong with me but i don't know what

 

[134applesauce456]

Bhai I really believe the real you is worth being seen. You shouldn’t have to dim your light just to be accepted. Life is so unfair I am sorry

 

[Orc]

Try living in EE with ADHD a living hell.
I have OCD, ADHD, maladaptive daydreaming, ASPD,austisic symptoms etc… Basically I have every fucked up thing possible ever, autism is in many ways good to have unlike what I have. Im not social and Im introverted anyways even without autism so having autism would actually benefit me since I already have the negatives of autism even without autism.

i have an entire washlist of shit i forgot about, and half it doesn't even make sense and can't even occur together.

Is Autism genetic?

yes, almost every guy in my family is autistic, and some of the women.

 

[Tusseleif]

my parents had to put my cradle outside, even in winter, because I wouldn't stop crying inside, I still can't regulate my temperature well and always overheat, I still feel out of place in my own skin and every movement makes me anxious, it makes my skin crawl.

Real. When I was a baby I slept during the day and was awake at night. Finally I recently got diagnosed with delayed sleep phase syndrome, I always thought I had insomnia. I also overheat easily.

school was fine at first, I talked too much about my interests but people didn't mind, I could learn fine as long as it was engaging, as long as I was interested, there were no major problems.

until the diagnosis hit (and the fire nation attacked)

that changed everything, they shoved me into special ED, they said it was supposed to help, but it was just a warehouse for kids they didn't know what to do with, and what that does to a person can't be undone.

imagine being a kid with no behavioral issues, who just talked too much and didn't get social cues, now you're locked in a room with other kids who scream, fight, throw chairs and get in your face, there was no support, no calm, and you absolutely couldn't learn, it was just chaos and trauma, special education isn't a nice place where people with conditions are helped, it's largely just a dumping ground, mostly for kids who don't have any diagnosis at all but just have shitty parents, as you can imagine they're usually violent, autism wasn't even very common at my school, it was mostly kids with ADHD that didn't take their meds if they had anything at all.

This happened with me as well. Being put in special ED seems to be a common thing among autists, but we don’t fit at all with the noisy impossible NT or the wild ADHD type who are usually put in there.

autism didn't affect my ability to learn, it affected my ability to be seen as a person worth investing in, it made people uncomfortable, confused or dismissive, and it taught me that nothing about who I am is okay unless it's being edited, hidden, or translated into something more acceptable.

I don't even crave deep friendships anymore, I gave up on that long ago., but I still want to be able to go through life without every interaction turning into a slow motion failure, I want to be able to say a sentence without watching someone's expression shift into discomfort.

The last sentence is too real. It’s funny how every time I talk to someone face to face they get visibly more uncomfortable as time passes on. But I stopped craving friends years ago. I do fine in my own company and I like being alone and doing my own things. I really detest having to do stuff I don’t want to do or don’t find interesting. I could never for example sit down to watch a soap opera with a potential gf like normies seem to like to do.

I want to be able to exist in public without constantly wondering if I'm ruining someone's day just by opening my mouth.


and before anyone tries to say 'just be kind' or 'smile more', I already do that, I listen, I'm quiet, I ask about people, I stay shallow, safe and polite, but it's robotic, the timing's off, the tone is weird, and it doesn't land the way it should, and you can feel it when people pull away, like they're reacting to something instinctively wrong about you, something they can't name, but you can't undo either.

Real. Wherever or whatever group or workplace I join I always become the odd one out, even though I try to mask and be as nice as possible and seem interested by asking questions and such. People always treat me differently.

dating is no different, it's actually worse, because rejection there cuts deeper, I don't struggle with my looks, I do well on apps, people ask me out, they're curious, but it never lasts, first it's warm, then it's stiff, then it's silence, not because I said anything weird, not because I acted out, just because something about me feels off in a way that's hard to name but impossible to ignore.

and what makes it worse is that I know the problem is me, but I don't know what the problem is.

so you start to resent it, the fact that your face determines whether people even give you the time of day, but your personality, your actual self, determines whether they stay, and no one stays.

because there's something about you that they don't want to be close to, and they don't know how to explain it, so they just don't, they just drift, they ghost, they vanish, you can look good and still be deeply unlovable, because being loved isn't about your face, it's about how people feel around you,

Real. I have been ghosted so many times it’s funny. Especially after dates where we seemingly had a good time, laughed, got along, no awkward silences, etc. I struggle heavily with eye contact, and I suspect that’s where a lot of the discomfort comes from


How come you got more open about autism lately? In the past you would say that it didn’t affect your life or dating much

 

[kana]

and I don't mean this dramatically, I mean this in the most literal sense possible, it didn't make things harder, it didn't give me a few obstacles of overcome, it rewired the way I relate to the world, to others, and to myself, and the world responded by spitting me out every time I tried to be a part of it.

from the start I was weird and it was obvious (more like obnoxious)

my parents had to put my cradle outside, even in winter, because I wouldn't stop crying inside, I still can't regulate my temperature well and always overheat, I still feel out of place in my own skin and every movement makes me anxious, it makes my skin crawl.

school was fine at first, I talked too much about my interests but people didn't mind, I could learn fine as long as it was engaging, as long as I was interested, there were no major problems.

until the diagnosis hit (and the fire nation attacked)

that changed everything, they shoved me into special ED, they said it was supposed to help, but it was just a warehouse for kids they didn't know what to do with, and what that does to a person can't be undone.

imagine being a kid with no behavioral issues, who just talked too much and didn't get social cues, now you're locked in a room with other kids who scream, fight, throw chairs and get in your face, there was no support, no calm, and you absolutely couldn't learn, it was just chaos and trauma, special education isn't a nice place where people with conditions are helped, it's largely just a dumping ground, mostly for kids who don't have any diagnosis at all but just have shitty parents, as you can imagine they're usually violent, autism wasn't even very common at my school, it was mostly kids with ADHD that didn't take their meds if they had anything at all.

they handed me books meant for elementary school kids when I was in highschool and told me that's all they had, they weren't even pretending anymore, I wasn't supposed to go anywhere after that, but it's not like it mattered, the way special ED works here is that you're only able to receive the lowest grade of education, they don't have any books for anything else, and even the books for this, which is a simple form of education, were old and had scribbles all over them, the information was often outdated (think slaves build the pyramids kind of stuff during history) you also couldn't really graduate, you'd be offered a certificate that wasn't formally recognized anywhere instead.

autism didn't affect my ability to learn, it affected my ability to be seen as a person worth investing in, it made people uncomfortable, confused or dismissive, and it taught me that nothing about who I am is okay unless it's being edited, hidden, or translated into something more acceptable.

every therapist has the same playbook, they teach you how to 'mask' they tone down everything until people stop flinching, to build a version of yourself that might be tolerated.

but it's not you, it's a costume, and when people like that version it feels worse, because you know they never actually liked you.

they liked the echo you learned how to perform.

I don't even crave deep friendships anymore, I gave up on that long ago., but I still want to be able to go through life without every interaction turning into a slow motion failure, I want to be able to say a sentence without watching someone's expression shift into discomfort.

I want to be able to exist in public without constantly wondering if I'm ruining someone's day just by opening my mouth.


and before anyone tries to say 'just be kind' or 'smile more', I already do that, I listen, I'm quiet, I ask about people, I stay shallow, safe and polite, but it's robotic, the timing's off, the tone is weird, and it doesn't land the way it should, and you can feel it when people pull away, like they're reacting to something instinctively wrong about you, something they can't name, but you can't undo either.


dating is no different, it's actually worse, because rejection there cuts deeper, I don't struggle with my looks (I've got several threads on how to manually adjust your face looks and fix your asymmetries which are common with autism if anyone's interested) I do well on apps, people ask me out, they're curious, but it never lasts, first it's warm, then it's stiff, then it's silence, not because I said anything weird, not because I acted out, just because something about me feels off in a way that's hard to name but impossible to ignore.

and what makes it worse is that I know the problem is me, but I don't know what the problem is.

so you start to resent it, the fact that your face determines whether people even give you the time of day, but your personality, your actual self, determines whether they stay, and no one stays.

because there's something about you that they don't want to be close to, and they don't know how to explain it, so they just don't, they just drift, they ghost, they vanish, you can look good and still be deeply unlovable, because being loved isn't about your face, it's about how people feel around you, and if people feel weird or wrong around you, you can't fix that by contouring your jawline.

people like to give advice, and they probably mean well, they tell you to join communities, and find 'your people' to reframe how you see yourself, to try therapy again, to 'just be patient' someone will see the real you someday' but I've tried, I've been to groups, I've been in plenty communities, I've tried translating myself into something more understandable, but it never works, not even with other autistic people, you don't just magically connect because you share a label, shared struggle doesn't always mean shared understanding.

and most of the time I don't feel misunderstood, I just feel invisible, or even worse, felt in the wrong way, like people just see something strange in me and don't want to look closer, just enough to avoid, just enough to forget.

I don't have a conclusion to this, there isn't one, I'm not looking for advice, I don't think there's a fix, just a slow adjustment to the idea that some of us won't be known in the way we want to, we won't be liked in a way we hope to, and all we can do is survive that fact.

i don’t know you have a 27 inch bidelt i’m sure you will be fine bro

 

[134applesauce456]

i don’t know you have a 27 inch bidelt i’m sure you will be fine bro

he's a chad but he says it doesn't matter, looks can get you the intiiatal attraction but he struggles to build the mental connections needed to actually stay and have long term relationships

 

[Orc]

How come you got more open about autism lately? In the past you would say that it didn’t affect your life or dating much

I've been open about having it since the day I made my account.

it doesn't affect dating much in the sense that I don't struggle with people being interested, or being asked out, it doesn't even affect whether you'll be able to have one night stands, and that is what people want here for the most part.

what it does affect is your ability to actually form relationships, it doesn't hinder your ability to get laid, it hinders your ability to be loved.

 

[Lovecraftscat]

and I don't mean this dramatically, I mean this in the most literal sense possible, it didn't make things harder, it didn't give me a few obstacles of overcome, it rewired the way I relate to the world, to others, and to myself, and the world responded by spitting me out every time I tried to be a part of it.

from the start I was weird and it was obvious (more like obnoxious)

my parents had to put my cradle outside, even in winter, because I wouldn't stop crying inside, I still can't regulate my temperature well and always overheat, I still feel out of place in my own skin and every movement makes me anxious, it makes my skin crawl.

school was fine at first, I talked too much about my interests but people didn't mind, I could learn fine as long as it was engaging, as long as I was interested, there were no major problems.

until the diagnosis hit (and the fire nation attacked)

that changed everything, they shoved me into special ED, they said it was supposed to help, but it was just a warehouse for kids they didn't know what to do with, and what that does to a person can't be undone.

imagine being a kid with no behavioral issues, who just talked too much and didn't get social cues, now you're locked in a room with other kids who scream, fight, throw chairs and get in your face, there was no support, no calm, and you absolutely couldn't learn, it was just chaos and trauma, special education isn't a nice place where people with conditions are helped, it's largely just a dumping ground, mostly for kids who don't have any diagnosis at all but just have shitty parents, as you can imagine they're usually violent, autism wasn't even very common at my school, it was mostly kids with ADHD that didn't take their meds if they had anything at all.

they handed me books meant for elementary school kids when I was in highschool and told me that's all they had, they weren't even pretending anymore, I wasn't supposed to go anywhere after that, but it's not like it mattered, the way special ED works here is that you're only able to receive the lowest grade of education, they don't have any books for anything else, and even the books for this, which is a simple form of education, were old and had scribbles all over them, the information was often outdated (think slaves build the pyramids kind of stuff during history) you also couldn't really graduate, you'd be offered a certificate that wasn't formally recognized anywhere instead.

autism didn't affect my ability to learn, it affected my ability to be seen as a person worth investing in, it made people uncomfortable, confused or dismissive, and it taught me that nothing about who I am is okay unless it's being edited, hidden, or translated into something more acceptable.

every therapist has the same playbook, they teach you how to 'mask' they tone down everything until people stop flinching, to build a version of yourself that might be tolerated.

but it's not you, it's a costume, and when people like that version it feels worse, because you know they never actually liked you.

they liked the echo you learned how to perform.

I don't even crave deep friendships anymore, I gave up on that long ago., but I still want to be able to go through life without every interaction turning into a slow motion failure, I want to be able to say a sentence without watching someone's expression shift into discomfort.

I want to be able to exist in public without constantly wondering if I'm ruining someone's day just by opening my mouth.


and before anyone tries to say 'just be kind' or 'smile more', I already do that, I listen, I'm quiet, I ask about people, I stay shallow, safe and polite, but it's robotic, the timing's off, the tone is weird, and it doesn't land the way it should, and you can feel it when people pull away, like they're reacting to something instinctively wrong about you, something they can't name, but you can't undo either.


dating is no different, it's actually worse, because rejection there cuts deeper, I don't struggle with my looks (I've got several threads on how to manually adjust your face looks and fix your asymmetries which are common with autism if anyone's interested) I do well on apps, people ask me out, they're curious, but it never lasts, first it's warm, then it's stiff, then it's silence, not because I said anything weird, not because I acted out, just because something about me feels off in a way that's hard to name but impossible to ignore.

and what makes it worse is that I know the problem is me, but I don't know what the problem is.

so you start to resent it, the fact that your face determines whether people even give you the time of day, but your personality, your actual self, determines whether they stay, and no one stays.

because there's something about you that they don't want to be close to, and they don't know how to explain it, so they just don't, they just drift, they ghost, they vanish, you can look good and still be deeply unlovable, because being loved isn't about your face, it's about how people feel around you, and if people feel weird or wrong around you, you can't fix that by contouring your jawline.

people like to give advice, and they probably mean well, they tell you to join communities, and find 'your people' to reframe how you see yourself, to try therapy again, to 'just be patient' someone will see the real you someday' but I've tried, I've been to groups, I've been in plenty communities, I've tried translating myself into something more understandable, but it never works, not even with other autistic people, you don't just magically connect because you share a label, shared struggle doesn't always mean shared understanding.

and most of the time I don't feel misunderstood, I just feel invisible, or even worse, felt in the wrong way, like people just see something strange in me and don't want to look closer, just enough to avoid, just enough to forget.

I don't have a conclusion to this, there isn't one, I'm not looking for advice, I don't think there's a fix, just a slow adjustment to the idea that some of us won't be known in the way we want to, we won't be liked in a way we hope to, and all we can do is survive that fact.

real

 

[Phantasm]

Is Autism genetic?

No shit

 

[otal_duu]

I've been open about having it since the day I made my account.

it doesn't affect dating much in the sense that I don't struggle with people being interested, or being asked out, it doesn't even affect whether you'll be able to have one night stands, and that is what people want here for the most part.

what it does affect is your ability to actually form relationships, it doesn't hinder your ability to get laid, it hinders your ability to be loved.

So real. I’ve been diagnosed since 7 and have struggled with relationships, both platonic and romantic for most of my life.
I’m a person who naturally needs a lot of time by myself, I struggle with eye contact, I have rejection issues and I depend heavily on the approval of the people I value the most and for these traits and a plethora of others I’ve been ostracized during multiple instances over the years.

And what’s wrong bro? You’re mentioning relationships, did you break up or have a fight with your partner?

 

[faustianspirit]

I've been open about having it since the day I made my account.

it doesn't affect dating much in the sense that I don't struggle with people being interested, or being asked out, it doesn't even affect whether you'll be able to have one night stands, and that is what people want here for the most part.

what it does affect is your ability to actually form relationships, it doesn't hinder your ability to get laid, it hinders your ability to be loved.

“slaying” doesnt even feel good for the most part

 

[e1488shciozl]

and I don't mean this dramatically, I mean this in the most literal sense possible, it didn't make things harder, it didn't give me a few obstacles of overcome, it rewired the way I relate to the world, to others, and to myself, and the world responded by spitting me out every time I tried to be a part of it.

from the start I was weird and it was obvious (more like obnoxious)

my parents had to put my cradle outside, even in winter, because I wouldn't stop crying inside, I still can't regulate my temperature well and always overheat, I still feel out of place in my own skin and every movement makes me anxious, it makes my skin crawl.

school was fine at first, I talked too much about my interests but people didn't mind, I could learn fine as long as it was engaging, as long as I was interested, there were no major problems.

until the diagnosis hit (and the fire nation attacked)

that changed everything, they shoved me into special ED, they said it was supposed to help, but it was just a warehouse for kids they didn't know what to do with, and what that does to a person can't be undone.

imagine being a kid with no behavioral issues, who just talked too much and didn't get social cues, now you're locked in a room with other kids who scream, fight, throw chairs and get in your face, there was no support, no calm, and you absolutely couldn't learn, it was just chaos and trauma, special education isn't a nice place where people with conditions are helped, it's largely just a dumping ground, mostly for kids who don't have any diagnosis at all but just have shitty parents, as you can imagine they're usually violent, autism wasn't even very common at my school, it was mostly kids with ADHD that didn't take their meds if they had anything at all.

they handed me books meant for elementary school kids when I was in highschool and told me that's all they had, they weren't even pretending anymore, I wasn't supposed to go anywhere after that, but it's not like it mattered, the way special ED works here is that you're only able to receive the lowest grade of education, they don't have any books for anything else, and even the books for this, which is a simple form of education, were old and had scribbles all over them, the information was often outdated (think slaves build the pyramids kind of stuff during history) you also couldn't really graduate, you'd be offered a certificate that wasn't formally recognized anywhere instead.

autism didn't affect my ability to learn, it affected my ability to be seen as a person worth investing in, it made people uncomfortable, confused or dismissive, and it taught me that nothing about who I am is okay unless it's being edited, hidden, or translated into something more acceptable.

every therapist has the same playbook, they teach you how to 'mask' they tone down everything until people stop flinching, to build a version of yourself that might be tolerated.

but it's not you, it's a costume, and when people like that version it feels worse, because you know they never actually liked you.

they liked the echo you learned how to perform.

I don't even crave deep friendships anymore, I gave up on that long ago., but I still want to be able to go through life without every interaction turning into a slow motion failure, I want to be able to say a sentence without watching someone's expression shift into discomfort.

I want to be able to exist in public without constantly wondering if I'm ruining someone's day just by opening my mouth.


and before anyone tries to say 'just be kind' or 'smile more', I already do that, I listen, I'm quiet, I ask about people, I stay shallow, safe and polite, but it's robotic, the timing's off, the tone is weird, and it doesn't land the way it should, and you can feel it when people pull away, like they're reacting to something instinctively wrong about you, something they can't name, but you can't undo either.


dating is no different, it's actually worse, because rejection there cuts deeper, I don't struggle with my looks (I've got several threads on how to manually adjust your face looks and fix your asymmetries which are common with autism if anyone's interested) I do well on apps, people ask me out, they're curious, but it never lasts, first it's warm, then it's stiff, then it's silence, not because I said anything weird, not because I acted out, just because something about me feels off in a way that's hard to name but impossible to ignore.

and what makes it worse is that I know the problem is me, but I don't know what the problem is.

so you start to resent it, the fact that your face determines whether people even give you the time of day, but your personality, your actual self, determines whether they stay, and no one stays.

because there's something about you that they don't want to be close to, and they don't know how to explain it, so they just don't, they just drift, they ghost, they vanish, you can look good and still be deeply unlovable, because being loved isn't about your face, it's about how people feel around you, and if people feel weird or wrong around you, you can't fix that by contouring your jawline.

people like to give advice, and they probably mean well, they tell you to join communities, and find 'your people' to reframe how you see yourself, to try therapy again, to 'just be patient' someone will see the real you someday' but I've tried, I've been to groups, I've been in plenty communities, I've tried translating myself into something more understandable, but it never works, not even with other autistic people, you don't just magically connect because you share a label, shared struggle doesn't always mean shared understanding.

and most of the time I don't feel misunderstood, I just feel invisible, or even worse, felt in the wrong way, like people just see something strange in me and don't want to look closer, just enough to avoid, just enough to forget.

I don't have a conclusion to this, there isn't one, I'm not looking for advice, I don't think there's a fix, just a slow adjustment to the idea that some of us won't be known in the way we want to, we won't be liked in a way we hope to, and all we can do is survive that fact.

Feel sorry for you brother. I had one diagnosed autist in my class of elementary school, he was treated like shit (people shut his mouth and told him to stop) the way he was regulating himself, and he didn't even notice that people hated him through a polite mask. Although he was funny but couldn't be taken seriously. (

 

[Orc]

And what’s wrong bro? You’re mentioning relationships, did you break up or have a fight with your partner?

we're okay, I always assume the worst is going to happen because it usually does eventually for me and I need to be ready for when it does.

 

[rrm_ss2]

and I don't mean this dramatically, I mean this in the most literal sense possible, it didn't make things harder, it didn't give me a few obstacles of overcome, it rewired the way I relate to the world, to others, and to myself, and the world responded by spitting me out every time I tried to be a part of it.

from the start I was weird and it was obvious (more like obnoxious)

my parents had to put my cradle outside, even in winter, because I wouldn't stop crying inside, I still can't regulate my temperature well and always overheat, I still feel out of place in my own skin and every movement makes me anxious, it makes my skin crawl.

school was fine at first, I talked too much about my interests but people didn't mind, I could learn fine as long as it was engaging, as long as I was interested, there were no major problems.

until the diagnosis hit (and the fire nation attacked)

that changed everything, they shoved me into special ED, they said it was supposed to help, but it was just a warehouse for kids they didn't know what to do with, and what that does to a person can't be undone.

imagine being a kid with no behavioral issues, who just talked too much and didn't get social cues, now you're locked in a room with other kids who scream, fight, throw chairs and get in your face, there was no support, no calm, and you absolutely couldn't learn, it was just chaos and trauma, special education isn't a nice place where people with conditions are helped, it's largely just a dumping ground, mostly for kids who don't have any diagnosis at all but just have shitty parents, as you can imagine they're usually violent, autism wasn't even very common at my school, it was mostly kids with ADHD that didn't take their meds if they had anything at all.

they handed me books meant for elementary school kids when I was in highschool and told me that's all they had, they weren't even pretending anymore, I wasn't supposed to go anywhere after that, but it's not like it mattered, the way special ED works here is that you're only able to receive the lowest grade of education, they don't have any books for anything else, and even the books for this, which is a simple form of education, were old and had scribbles all over them, the information was often outdated (think slaves build the pyramids kind of stuff during history) you also couldn't really graduate, you'd be offered a certificate that wasn't formally recognized anywhere instead.

autism didn't affect my ability to learn, it affected my ability to be seen as a person worth investing in, it made people uncomfortable, confused or dismissive, and it taught me that nothing about who I am is okay unless it's being edited, hidden, or translated into something more acceptable.

every therapist has the same playbook, they teach you how to 'mask' they tone down everything until people stop flinching, to build a version of yourself that might be tolerated.

but it's not you, it's a costume, and when people like that version it feels worse, because you know they never actually liked you.

they liked the echo you learned how to perform.

I don't even crave deep friendships anymore, I gave up on that long ago., but I still want to be able to go through life without every interaction turning into a slow motion failure, I want to be able to say a sentence without watching someone's expression shift into discomfort.

I want to be able to exist in public without constantly wondering if I'm ruining someone's day just by opening my mouth.


and before anyone tries to say 'just be kind' or 'smile more', I already do that, I listen, I'm quiet, I ask about people, I stay shallow, safe and polite, but it's robotic, the timing's off, the tone is weird, and it doesn't land the way it should, and you can feel it when people pull away, like they're reacting to something instinctively wrong about you, something they can't name, but you can't undo either.


dating is no different, it's actually worse, because rejection there cuts deeper, I don't struggle with my looks (I've got several threads on how to manually adjust your face looks and fix your asymmetries which are common with autism if anyone's interested) I do well on apps, people ask me out, they're curious, but it never lasts, first it's warm, then it's stiff, then it's silence, not because I said anything weird, not because I acted out, just because something about me feels off in a way that's hard to name but impossible to ignore.

and what makes it worse is that I know the problem is me, but I don't know what the problem is.

so you start to resent it, the fact that your face determines whether people even give you the time of day, but your personality, your actual self, determines whether they stay, and no one stays.

because there's something about you that they don't want to be close to, and they don't know how to explain it, so they just don't, they just drift, they ghost, they vanish, you can look good and still be deeply unlovable, because being loved isn't about your face, it's about how people feel around you, and if people feel weird or wrong around you, you can't fix that by contouring your jawline.

people like to give advice, and they probably mean well, they tell you to join communities, and find 'your people' to reframe how you see yourself, to try therapy again, to 'just be patient' someone will see the real you someday' but I've tried, I've been to groups, I've been in plenty communities, I've tried translating myself into something more understandable, but it never works, not even with other autistic people, you don't just magically connect because you share a label, shared struggle doesn't always mean shared understanding.

and most of the time I don't feel misunderstood, I just feel invisible, or even worse, felt in the wrong way, like people just see something strange in me and don't want to look closer, just enough to avoid, just enough to forget.

I don't have a conclusion to this, there isn't one, I'm not looking for advice, I don't think there's a fix, just a slow adjustment to the idea that some of us won't be known in the way we want to, we won't be liked in a way we hope to, and all we can do is survive that fact.

I like how I can say DNR and you cant do shit about it

 

[Orc]

I like how I can say DNR and you cant do shit about it

if I cared I would've put on the serious tag which still enables me to do that regardless of what section it's on.

 

[Changmentum]

shit hits deep man

 

[Everythingislaw]

.


and before anyone tries to say 'just be kind' or 'smile more', I already do that, I listen, I'm quiet, I ask about people, I stay shallow, safe and polite, but it's robotic, the timing's off, the tone is weird, and it doesn't land the way it should, and you can feel it when people pull away, like they're reacting to something instinctively wrong about you, something they can't name, but you can't undo either.

Does this only happen around people you dont know very well or even with people you know very well and love?

 

[Orc]

Does this only happen around people you dont know very well or even with people you know very well and love?

there are no people who know me well besides my partner, I don't open up to anyone.

 

[gooner23]

think this is a developmental problem im sure there are some normal people who legitmately don't care about you be weird or off, a lot of children from quarantine or children who are home schooled and are 100% virtual suffer from lack of social cues usually. Even when they go into their adult life they still don't understand but thats just how they are wired, similar how you only ever got to communicate with special needs and normal people who viewed you in that lens and then having to go into your adult life.

don't think most people ever recover if it wasn't caught in your early teens, you can communicate through text or words but that paranoia and dread will always be there in person. I was never autistic and had a lot of experience with tutoring and that's how i interacted with people but i always struggled to form close connections but that was a direct cause to being black mailed and there isn't really a cure to trauma other than coping

 

[BlendedBlade]

there are no people who know me well besides my partner, I don't open up to anyone.

How old is your partner? (if you don’t mind telling us)

 

[Orc]

How old is your partner? (if you don’t mind telling us)

few years younger than me, not a lot.

 

[BlendedBlade]

few years younger than me, not a lot.

Praying that it works out for you in the end

Stay positive bro

 

[Orc]

Praying that it works out for you in the end

Stay positive bro

it's my second longest relationship now..

which isn't saying much.

 

[curryascenderr]

you have the ingredentials but someone is hiding the damn recipe , it always feels like your on the outside looking in. ND is not for the weak its truelly brooootal

 

[nofap]

You are a free welfarecel for life, just relax and chill the rest of your life

Imagine being me, a PSL0 subhuman that has to work his fingers to the bone until death, whilst getting 0 respect from both genders and Is socially off aswell without any government’s benefits

 

[BlendedBlade]

You are a free welfarecel for life, just relax and chill the rest of your life

Imagine being me, a PSL0 subhuman that has to work his fingers to the bone until death, whilst getting 0 respect from both genders and Is socially off aswell without any government’s benefits

At the end of the day the outcome is the same you don’t get to find love and real friends

 

[SubSigma]

This is the main reason why I am stuck rotting on here again. I had a right wing normie friend group that I hung out with every day. We would go to bars as s group, and travel to other countries. I moneymaxxed, so I would help these guys out financially. Never had any issues, but overtime I noticed they were getting more distant. We were planning on staying in another city, and I was told last second that there wasn’t any room in the hotel when I was the one who set up the group hotel Idea in the first place. After that I crashed the fuck out and called them fake as fuck. They avoided that and tried to make it seem like I was the one who caused this big schism in the friend group. I made up with some of them and we hung out again, but one of the group members still had an issue with me and basically made me stay ostracized from the group. Now im not even gonna try to play these high school level popularity games and am just gonna do things solo. I kinda accepted that I will never be able to have a group of normie friends and will be a borderline loner for the rest of my life. The only issue is that going out alone to bars makes you look lije a freak. The most success I ever had was going out with a normie friend group and cold approaching or letting out groups mingle together. Being non nt is a death sentence for your social life. The biggest issue with the black pill is that they overlook being non nt and think looks alone can make up for autism.

//SubSigma

 

[Foreverbrad]

The system brutally failed you. I am sure many of us on here have similar stories. At least you dragged yourself out of it and made a decent life for yourself on your own terms. I think that’s the best you can hope for if you’re non-NT and have a bad start.

 

[RapeAllFemales]

Being born with a shit family ruined my life, not autism

 

[Whatever]

Excellent thread. I could share my similar stories but I’ll save it. Anyone who thinks that looks can sustainably overcome autism in dealing with partners or people in general does not have autism and does not know what they’re talking about.

 

[nofap]

At the end of the day the outcome is the same you don’t get to find love and real friends

I have friends and could have had love in the past, all thanks to being low inhib and not caring

OP is probably hyper sensitive and high inhib, caring about making other feels uncomfortable etc.

I had a high functioning aspie friend who was put into a special needs class for 2 years because of assburgers, you can definitely notice he is a aspie and he is hated because of it, but he’s low inhib asf, doesn’t care what other people think about him at all. he has a large friend group and does great with women, has had countless ONS and a few long term girlfriends, hes very social and knows tons and tons of people because of having 0 inhib and not caring about rejection from women or males

But he’s legit one of the best looking people i have ever seen irl, so that’s a big factor in him getting tolerated by women. Going out with him made me blackpilled btw, he looks like a irl sterling archer and has the best bone structure i have ever seen on someone irl, he would get approached left and right, the guy is ridiculously handsome.

 

[sub5outsider]

you should write a book called "Jacked autist thoughts about life and more" you are a good writer

 

[Whatever]

Also @Orc one thing you wrote in another thread that I think is extremely important is that autism and NT are not mutually exclusive or polar opposites. I could write a lot about this but to sum it up autism has more to do with the past (development) and NT has more to do with the present (communication and etc.). People on here use these terms as catch alls, just as the medical/psychological industries did, which causes a lot of confusion. But the industries themselves have already backpedaled on terms like "Asperger's" and admitted there was massive overdiagonsis. This forum must have missed that memo, but if we saved the autism label for people who had it in our childhood it would help everyone.

You have threads about fixing facial asymmetry?

I have friends and could have had love in the past, all thanks to being low inhib and not caring

OP is probably hyper sensitive and high inhib, caring about making other feels uncomfortable etc.

I had a high functioning aspie friend who was put into a special needs class for 2 years because of assburgers, you can definitely notice he is a aspie and he is hated because of it, but he’s low inhib asf, doesn’t care what other people think about him at all. he has a large friend group and does great with women, has had countless ONS and a few long term girlfriends, hes very social and knows tons and tons of people because of having 0 inhib and not caring about rejection from women or males

But he’s legit one of the best looking people i have ever seen irl, so that’s a big factor in him getting tolerated by women. Going out with him made me blackpilled btw, he looks like a irl sterling archer and has the best bone structure i have ever seen on someone irl, he would get approached left and right, the guy is ridiculously handsome.

This sounds like someone who has a non-NT demeanor but just what you wrote isn't enough for an autism diagnosis. Demeanor being external, the key symptoms of autism being internal. Hyper sensitivity is indispensable to autism because we process sensory information differently, with a limit and also a delay. And this doesn't necessarily make autistics high inhib, the processing delay just makes for a slower and more drawn out way of speaking to people.

 

[New Poster]

Short bus rambling

 

[nofap]

Also @Orc one thing you wrote in another thread that I think is extremely important is that autism and NT are not mutually exclusive or polar opposites. I could write a lot about this but to sum it up autism has more to do with the past (development) and NT has more to do with the present (communication and etc.). People on here use these terms as catch alls, just as the medical/psychological industries did, which causes a lot of confusion. But the industries themselves have already backpedaled on terms like "Asperger's" and admitted there was massive overdiagonsis. This forum must have missed that memo, but if we saved the autism label for people who had it in our childhood it would help everyone.

You have threads about fixing facial asymmetry?



This sounds like someone who has a non-NT demeanor but just what you wrote isn't enough for an autism diagnosis. Demeanor being external, the key symptoms of autism being internal. Hyper sensitivity is indispensable to autism because we process sensory information differently, with a limit and also a delay. And this doesn't necessarily make autistics high inhib, the processing delay just makes for a slower and more drawn out way of speaking to people.

He has a legit autism diagnosis, was in a special school/class for it from age 12-14. His sisters and he himself have told me that he is a diagnosed aspie.

 

[HatefulMan™]

my nigga you a former miscer?

 

[Orc]

Also @Orc one thing you wrote in another thread that I think is extremely important is that autism and NT are not mutually exclusive or polar opposites. I could write a lot about this but to sum it up autism has more to do with the past (development) and NT has more to do with the present (communication and etc.). People on here use these terms as catch alls, just as the medical/psychological industries did, which causes a lot of confusion. But the industries themselves have already backpedaled on terms like "Asperger's" and admitted there was massive overdiagonsis. This forum must have missed that memo, but if we saved the autism label for people who had it in our childhood it would help everyone.

You have threads about fixing facial asymmetry?



This sounds like someone who has a non-NT demeanor but just what you wrote isn't enough for an autism diagnosis. Demeanor being external, the key symptoms of autism being internal. Hyper sensitivity is indispensable to autism because we process sensory information differently, with a limit and also a delay. And this doesn't necessarily make autistics high inhib, the processing delay just makes for a slower and more drawn out way of speaking to people.

I was already diagnosed before I was send off to special ED and traumatized so that wasn't a contributing factor, anyone that ends up on those will become mentally ill even if they weren't though.

I've got several.

my nigga you a former miscer?

what

 

[Acquiescence]

As someone who constantly battles ocd and tourettes (among other things… like I’m sure many others here can attest, when it rains it pours wrt bad genetics) you’re not alone in suffering from a “defective” brain. It’s hell, nothing more and nothing less. You end up expending a monumental amount of energy and conscious effort just in trying to function normally throughout day to day life

Probably copium, but I really hope that all this new advancement in AI can somehow lead to the creation of novel medical tech that can “cure” / normify our brains within our lifetimes. Because if not, it’s just looking forward to a lifetime of struggle and perma masking and getting used to loneliness

I might be able to ascend from LTN->MTN with surgeries, and consequently somewhat alleviate the lookism aspect of things, but there’s no surgery for our ND

Brutal

 

[lurker999]

I was already diagnosed before I was send off to special ED and traumatized so that wasn't a contributing factor, anyone that ends up on those will become mentally ill even if they weren't though.

I've got several.



what

honestly you seem more well adjusted than not, just with certain quirks that everyone has some variation of, to perhaps a lesser extent
the plight you described seems more like institutional negligence than anything else
the manufacture of madness by thomas szasz might interest you
or sustenance of the soul by al balkhi though it's from the 9th century

 

[MoggerGaston]

Extremely brutal story, I read it all, but I find it hard to figure out what to say in response that would give any reprieve or help you in any way, give you new insights.

A lot of what you write in how -diagnosed- people are treated resonates with me though.