sarov2
Iron
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2024
- Posts
- 57
- Reputation
- 36
Everything feels like a competition. I walk into a room and examine the subtle differences between myself and everyone else in it, and I try to view those differences from every possible angle. It’s not because I want to tear others down, but because I am paranoid that everyone else is doing the same thing, and I am just trying to guess where I’d fall if the entire room had to silently rank us. A hierarchy based on presence. On who people’s eyes would linger on and who they’d forget. It’s a source of paranoia, really, but I know that, if I told anyone about it, they’d be uncomfortable. Maybe they’d think I’m cold or self-absorbed in a manner that is cruel and malicious, and I don’t want that. I want everyone to like me, of course. In fact, I want to help people. I want to watch them improve their own lives and thank me, as if it would justify my way of thinking, or even my existence, but at the same time, I can’t stand the idea of anyone else being better or more liked than me.
