FailedNormieManlet
NTmaxxed pajeet
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2021
- Posts
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For the past week, I've felt this unsettling and empty feeling. I've tried playing videogames and shit, but my mind just wanders off and I think of that hollow feeling and just end up rage quitting. A friend of mine had suggested that I take some xanax or smoke weed, but I declined stating that I'd rather not and wanted to deal with this feeling and fight it.
I've had this sort of feeling before, but it never really lasted this long. I am aware I am genetically pre-disposed to a myriad of mental illnesses, my drug addict older brother had suffered from:- AVP (avoidance personality disorder - which I am 99% sure I also have), depression as well as a form of BPD. Now whether that was from drug use, genetic predispostion or both is another debate, but it is quite clear cut and obvious that I have a predispostion to wide range of maladaptive behaviours, I've had to get hobbies and read philosophy to fight off the impending doom which awaits me. Tbh writing looksmax posts is somewhat therapeutic for me, it's the only real way I can articulate any thoughts of mine, notice thought patterns, etc.
Now I don't believe I have or am experiencing depression, but I believe I am at risk of it as well as schizophrenia. I think BPD is off the table however, I do not display any of it's symptoms. I do believe with a high degree of confidence that I have AVP, since I experience many of the symptoms such as shyness and a degree of social awkwardness as well as a fear of social embarrassment.
I do fight off my awkwardnes and shyness via the use of drugs or playing sports to an extreme extent. I've noticed that after a training session or intense exercise session, when all the exercise related hormones are pumping inside me, I tend to be far more low inhib and thus able to talk to a lot more people. If you had made me not exercise for a 2 week period, my mental health would decline rapidly. The "sports effect" peaks at about 15 mins after exercise and lasts for a good few hours. Although my awkwardness/shyness isn't strong enough to deter me from activities, it's just a mental obstacle.
Being born with poor mental health genes is possibly one of the worst genetic traits, and from a biological standpoint this makes sense. When an animal expresses maladaptive behaviours, they tend to somewhat disrupt the group they are within as well as pose a greater risk to themselves and thus be unable to pass their genes on, with the advent of jew pills (anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, benzos) these maladaptive individuals are given a chance at life again, but are unfortunately able to pass their genes on.
It's a miracle, I've not broken down into insanity being born a 5'5 curry, relatively unstable family life as well as these predispositions. Only thing that has kept my sanity has been sports and philosophy. I suspect I will end up with mental health issues sometime in the future, these problems tend to arise at the early 20s. I suspect I can keep things under wraps for a while.
But fuck this empty feeling is possibly one of the worst things I've had to deal with, it's like being chased by an impending sense of doom. There are only so many distractions and way to avoid this feeling, no matter what I do that feeling is lurking around the corner waiting for me to stop the activity I'm doing and come back to haunt me.
I've had this sort of feeling before, but it never really lasted this long. I am aware I am genetically pre-disposed to a myriad of mental illnesses, my drug addict older brother had suffered from:- AVP (avoidance personality disorder - which I am 99% sure I also have), depression as well as a form of BPD. Now whether that was from drug use, genetic predispostion or both is another debate, but it is quite clear cut and obvious that I have a predispostion to wide range of maladaptive behaviours, I've had to get hobbies and read philosophy to fight off the impending doom which awaits me. Tbh writing looksmax posts is somewhat therapeutic for me, it's the only real way I can articulate any thoughts of mine, notice thought patterns, etc.
Now I don't believe I have or am experiencing depression, but I believe I am at risk of it as well as schizophrenia. I think BPD is off the table however, I do not display any of it's symptoms. I do believe with a high degree of confidence that I have AVP, since I experience many of the symptoms such as shyness and a degree of social awkwardness as well as a fear of social embarrassment.
I do fight off my awkwardnes and shyness via the use of drugs or playing sports to an extreme extent. I've noticed that after a training session or intense exercise session, when all the exercise related hormones are pumping inside me, I tend to be far more low inhib and thus able to talk to a lot more people. If you had made me not exercise for a 2 week period, my mental health would decline rapidly. The "sports effect" peaks at about 15 mins after exercise and lasts for a good few hours. Although my awkwardness/shyness isn't strong enough to deter me from activities, it's just a mental obstacle.
Being born with poor mental health genes is possibly one of the worst genetic traits, and from a biological standpoint this makes sense. When an animal expresses maladaptive behaviours, they tend to somewhat disrupt the group they are within as well as pose a greater risk to themselves and thus be unable to pass their genes on, with the advent of jew pills (anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, benzos) these maladaptive individuals are given a chance at life again, but are unfortunately able to pass their genes on.
It's a miracle, I've not broken down into insanity being born a 5'5 curry, relatively unstable family life as well as these predispositions. Only thing that has kept my sanity has been sports and philosophy. I suspect I will end up with mental health issues sometime in the future, these problems tend to arise at the early 20s. I suspect I can keep things under wraps for a while.
But fuck this empty feeling is possibly one of the worst things I've had to deal with, it's like being chased by an impending sense of doom. There are only so many distractions and way to avoid this feeling, no matter what I do that feeling is lurking around the corner waiting for me to stop the activity I'm doing and come back to haunt me.