Binge eating and possible solutions

[cope0rrope]

I been having problems with binge eating my whole life. I was a fat kid and I developed it as a way to cope with the stress of having few friends and extreme bullying I faced as a child. The constant moving of my family to countries where I didn't speak the language left me feeling isolated. Sadly the binge eating made me feel like a foreigner not only in the places I lived but also in my body. I struggle with PDD (Persistent Depressive Disorder) and Panic Disorder and eating has sadly been my only solace throughout the years. I've lost a ton of weight over the last few years and got really in to lifting and bettering myself but I was never able to fix this problem. I naturally have an incredibly large appetite and consistently have eaten over 20k calories in a day on these binges. Within the last few years I developed a eating disorder and now find myself purging all the food I eat after I consume it, either via throwing it up or laxatives. I'm aware that these methods only get rid of about 10-20% of the actual calories of these binges, and the guilt of bingeing and purging and the side effects they carry makes me feel horrible for days after. I am in relatively good shape still (I'll attach photos below) but the bloat and degradation of self confidence that it imparts onto me makes me feel worthless. I am seriously at the absolute limit of what I can mentally handle, and the fact I am in shape makes people never question what I eat or how I act. It seems to me that since I am filthily educated on the topic of fitness, and regularly talk about the importance of nutrition and how to properly structure it, people assume it's all part of some greater plan I have and not a mental illness. I have tried everything to try to suppress my appetite apart from peps and hard drugs (not willing to do those), but all that has yielded for me is a crippling nicotine addiction and worsening mental health. It's impacted my relationships with friends and partners quite severely. All my previous partners thought I was weird for my strange eating habits, and I feel isolated from my friends and partners because I'm too ashamed to eat around them and show them the gluttonous nature of my being. I've come to the realization that it has nothing to do with my actual appetite and everything to do with the fact I feel like I'm phasing through life like a sad spirit from an Edgar Allen Poe short story. I am considering actually hopping on medication for my mental illnesses to see if that helps, which I wasn't able to do prior because I had been dating and all anti-depressants I've tried give me ED. I feel zero self confidence despite constant compliments from women and men about my body. I'm far too young (only 17) to have this stack of mental disorders weighing me down and I need help to get out from under it. Any and all advice is welcome, thank you.

Not great lighting, but these were the photos I was able to take today to give you an accurate picture of my body at my normal leanness.

 

[GeneticsIsEverythin]

DNR

 

[cope0rrope]

DNR

?

 

[FoidFumbler]

whole foods, caffeine, nicotine

 

[greylol]

I think you need to deal with the depression aspect of your life first before you tackle the ED

Like you said, u don’t think it’s a binging problem but a way to dismiss stress and anxiety by eating.

Then again, it can be an eating problem if u were fat as a child and used it to cope with external factors in your life.

I’d suggest really connecting with yourself and take time to truly understand who u r in the present and how far you’ve come as a human compared to who u used to be.

Maybe you can shed the skin of your old self and take on the future as a new u after taking
time to understand who u really are.

PS.

Looking good bro

 

[cope0rrope]

I think you need to deal with the depression aspect of your life first before you tackle the ED

Like you said, u don’t think it’s a binging problem but a way to dismiss stress and anxiety by eating.

Then again, it can be an eating problem if u were fat as a child and used it to cope with external factors in your life.

I’d suggest really connecting with yourself and take time to truly understand who u r in the present and how far you’ve come as a human compared to who u used to be.

Maybe you can shed the skin of your old self and take on the future as a new u after taking
time to understand who u really are.

PS.

Looking good bro

thank u boss man I appreciate it a lot, any advice on shedding the old self in terms of effective therapies or medication? U look huge in ur pfp btw what are ur prs dawg

 

[greylol]

thank u boss man I appreciate it a lot, any advice on shedding the old self in terms of effective therapies or medication? U look huge in ur pfp btw what are ur prs dawg

I’d recommend taking time to do things for yourself that u enjoy and spending more time with yourself, without anyone.

U have to build a strong connection with yourself or you’ll never have a foundation to build on.

Understand the person u r and hold yourself accountable to the things u want to see change in your life.



Thanks bro I appreciate that, on the road to 405 bench rn building up from 365

 

[cope0rrope]

I’d recommend taking time to do things for yourself that u enjoy and spending more time with yourself, without anyone.

U have to build a strong connection with yourself or you’ll never have a foundation to build on.

Understand the person u r and hold yourself accountable to the things u want to see change in your life.



Thanks bro I appreciate that, on the road to 405 bench rn building up from 365

That sounds like a good idea, I appreciate the advice. Crazy bench btw im working to 315 rn.