gunrenaissance
Mistral
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2025
- Posts
- 2,083
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Every day I feel like I’m living in a nightmare I can’t wake up from... Ever since I found the blackpill, the way i look at people, and myself, has completely changed... I can't even look at someone without analyzing their face. Instead of seeing people as individuals with unique traits, I see skull structure, facial ratios, canthal tilt, eye spacing, jaw projection. And it's WAY FUCKING worse when I look in the mirror.
Every time I see my reflection, I get hit by a wall of disgust. I break down over and over. My recessed chin and jaw, the bad gonial angle, cheekbones not high enough, bad hair, the negative canthal tilt...etc... it's like I'm a checklist of facial flaws. I never used to notice these things. Now I can't unsee them.
The worst part is, this constant self-scrutiny has given me full on body dysmorphia. It's not something I can switch off. And healing from this, if healing is even possible feels like it would take a lifetime. I can’t even talk to people normally anymore because I’m always comparing faces, always ranking myself at the bottom.
The only thing that gives me some faint hope is the idea of studying and working abroad. If I could somehow make it out, earn decent money, maybe I could afford the surgeries I desperately want before I turn 25. But my parents are completely against me leaving the country to study. They have no idea I want surgery, they’d never understand. They’re stuck in a cuck bluepilled mindset, and they’d never accept that this is even a problem, let alone support me through it.
And even if I somehow manage to go abroad, I’m scared Im only coping and wont do anything. What if I can’t find a good enough job? What if I can’t save enough? It feels like everything is stacked against me.
But I will say this: the only thing the blackpill has done for me is finally end the inner torment of blaming myself. For years, I thought I just wasn’t trying hard enough. I blamed myself for getting bullied, for being ignored by girls, for the way people treated me differently. I thought if I just worked harder, got better clothes, became funnier, things would change. But they didn’t.
The blackpill gave me clarity. It helpedme understand that a lot of it wasn’t in my control. And weirdly enough, that brought some inner peace. At least now I know it wasn’t just me being weak or lazy. It was never a fair fight.
What makes it all even more shameful is that I don’t even have anything to compensate for all this. I’m not talented. I’m not gifted. I wasn’t a prodigy, or even one of those “gifted kids” that everyone on the internet claims to have been. I was a dumb kid. I wish I had parents who were smart enough to teach me something valuable early on, like coding, or even put me in a sport where I could’ve become good enough to go pro. But no. I was just left to rot, my mother wasn't there for me and even less for my father, theyre both wagecucks, maybe there was physical presence but I never felt an emotional one. Now I’m just a bag of meat with nothing going on for me. No talent. No achievements. Nothing that makes me worth something. And here I am, venting in a fucking incel forum because there’s literally nowhere else I can say this.
Thanks for reading (if you even read this kek), all the DNR crowd FUCK OFF
Every time I see my reflection, I get hit by a wall of disgust. I break down over and over. My recessed chin and jaw, the bad gonial angle, cheekbones not high enough, bad hair, the negative canthal tilt...etc... it's like I'm a checklist of facial flaws. I never used to notice these things. Now I can't unsee them.
The worst part is, this constant self-scrutiny has given me full on body dysmorphia. It's not something I can switch off. And healing from this, if healing is even possible feels like it would take a lifetime. I can’t even talk to people normally anymore because I’m always comparing faces, always ranking myself at the bottom.
The only thing that gives me some faint hope is the idea of studying and working abroad. If I could somehow make it out, earn decent money, maybe I could afford the surgeries I desperately want before I turn 25. But my parents are completely against me leaving the country to study. They have no idea I want surgery, they’d never understand. They’re stuck in a cuck bluepilled mindset, and they’d never accept that this is even a problem, let alone support me through it.
And even if I somehow manage to go abroad, I’m scared Im only coping and wont do anything. What if I can’t find a good enough job? What if I can’t save enough? It feels like everything is stacked against me.
But I will say this: the only thing the blackpill has done for me is finally end the inner torment of blaming myself. For years, I thought I just wasn’t trying hard enough. I blamed myself for getting bullied, for being ignored by girls, for the way people treated me differently. I thought if I just worked harder, got better clothes, became funnier, things would change. But they didn’t.
The blackpill gave me clarity. It helpedme understand that a lot of it wasn’t in my control. And weirdly enough, that brought some inner peace. At least now I know it wasn’t just me being weak or lazy. It was never a fair fight.
What makes it all even more shameful is that I don’t even have anything to compensate for all this. I’m not talented. I’m not gifted. I wasn’t a prodigy, or even one of those “gifted kids” that everyone on the internet claims to have been. I was a dumb kid. I wish I had parents who were smart enough to teach me something valuable early on, like coding, or even put me in a sport where I could’ve become good enough to go pro. But no. I was just left to rot, my mother wasn't there for me and even less for my father, theyre both wagecucks, maybe there was physical presence but I never felt an emotional one. Now I’m just a bag of meat with nothing going on for me. No talent. No achievements. Nothing that makes me worth something. And here I am, venting in a fucking incel forum because there’s literally nowhere else I can say this.
Thanks for reading (if you even read this kek), all the DNR crowd FUCK OFF
