BP Since Childhood, Genetic Misfortune, Subconscious Self Sabotage, and Learned Helplessness

[iblamemandible7]

Being born truly genetically unfortunate is the most blackpilled experience ever

I was born with a lazy eye + syndrome tier vision + just ugly in general, botched facial ratios + sfs + extreme face fat, and being like this has fully shaped the loser who I am today, Im convinced that even things I experienced before I gained consciousness also still effect me deep in my subconscious. When I was little I used to cry seeing pictures of myself that didn't line up with how I thought of myself. I tried to pretend that I looked fine, but the illusion was shattered every time I had to see myself.

ND/mental illness also runs in the family, so not only did it get worse through my development by being like this, it was already predetermined as well

Few understand how it feels to hate mirrors for as long as you can remember, Ive had a fear of mirrors and reflections since I could recognize how ugly I am as a small child, all of this damage over the years feels unsalvageable. Theres probably some difficult, elaborate, painful way out of this, but Im too tired. I fucking hate every aspect of myself, I fucking hate how I look, fucking hate how I act, fucking hate what Im known as, and Im so used to fucking hating myself that it's just my way of life at this point, it's so deeply ingrained into me I think that hating myself is the only constant I feel through my life. I sabotage myself over and over again now on purpose to maintain being something I hate, because it's all I know

My life now is completely ruined, life is a butterfly effect, just yesterday I was a 5 year old with a loud personality, happy, running around and playing, then I started experiencing lookism for the first time, fast forward 12 years of this prejudice and all of these preconceived notions, so many judgements by everyone around me, over and over and over again day in and day out, and Ive transformed into something unrecognizable, grotesque and pathetic to my old "self", or at least who I used to be, (I don't know because I've never been able to know who I am), and hit new lows every day. I feel like dead and people around me are just pretending Im alive to go along with this big delusion

Everyone told me to be a victim from their treatment and now Im surprised that I am one, I am exactly who they expected me to be, and what I was the most afraid of becoming. Why did I think I would be an exception, especially when Im such a self defeating person?

Why do I care so much about making my life better, but make no effort, and why do I not care at all?

Despite all of this, I feel a deeply human instinct to actually try every once in a while, but the sheer amount of hurdles I have to overcome builds up every day and becomes more impossible the more I run away from it, I should know since ive been doing this for my entire life. The farther I get the more discourage I become

Im scared to see who I will be next year

Does anyone else here truly feel this way, and how do you feel about it ?

 

[slaters]

I prescribe you 500 test

 

[iblamemandible7]

I prescribe you 500 test

Dude my hair genes are so pathetic I dont think they could handle test itself even jfl, so over rip

 

[slaters]

Dude my hair genes are so pathetic I dont think they could handle test itself even jfl, so over rip

Dut + ru58841

 

[jamesjustin3]

Being born truly genetically unfortunate is the most blackpilled experience ever

I was born with a lazy eye + syndrome tier vision + just ugly in general, botched facial ratios + sfs + extreme face fat, and being like this has fully shaped the loser who I am today, Im convinced that even things I experienced before I gained consciousness also still effect me deep in my subconscious. When I was little I used to cry seeing pictures of myself that didn't line up with how I thought of myself. I tried to pretend that I looked fine, but the illusion was shattered every time I had to see myself.

ND/mental illness also runs in the family, so not only did it get worse through my development by being like this, it was already predetermined as well

Few understand how it feels to hate mirrors for as long as you can remember, Ive had a fear of mirrors and reflections since I could recognize how ugly I am as a small child, all of this damage over the years feels unsalvageable. Theres probably some difficult, elaborate, painful way out of this, but Im too tired. I fucking hate every aspect of myself, I fucking hate how I look, fucking hate how I act, fucking hate what Im known as, and Im so used to fucking hating myself that it's just my way of life at this point, it's so deeply ingrained into me I think that hating myself is the only constant I feel through my life. I sabotage myself over and over again now on purpose to maintain being something I hate, because it's all I know

My life now is completely ruined, life is a butterfly effect, just yesterday I was a 5 year old with a loud personality, happy, running around and playing, then I started experiencing lookism for the first time, fast forward 12 years of this prejudice and all of these preconceived notions, so many judgements by everyone around me, over and over and over again day in and day out, and Ive transformed into something unrecognizable, grotesque and pathetic to my old "self", or at least who I used to be, (I don't know because I've never been able to know who I am), and hit new lows every day. I feel like dead and people around me are just pretending Im alive to go along with this big delusion

Everyone told me to be a victim from their treatment and now Im surprised that I am one, I am exactly who they expected me to be, and what I was the most afraid of becoming. Why did I think I would be an exception, especially when Im such a self defeating person?

Why do I care so much about making my life better, but make no effort, and why do I not care at all?

Despite all of this, I feel a deeply human instinct to actually try every once in a while, but the sheer amount of hurdles I have to overcome builds up every day and becomes more impossible the more I run away from it, I should know since ive been doing this for my entire life. The farther I get the more discourage I become

Im scared to see who I will be next year

Does anyone else here truly feel this way, and how do you feel about it ?

hey dude i deal with mental problems too but I don't really believe I'm super ugly which must suck but if you truly think ur looks cannot be 'saved' I think you should find some hobbies and chat in those forums rather because this will just feed into your negative beliefs about yourself, find a place were you are respected for who you are, not just ur looks. if that's a comic convention, then go to the comic convention! gl my bro

 

[MyDreamIsToBe183CM]

Being born truly genetically unfortunate is the most blackpilled experience ever

I was born with a lazy eye + syndrome tier vision + just ugly in general, botched facial ratios + sfs + extreme face fat, and being like this has fully shaped the loser who I am today, Im convinced that even things I experienced before I gained consciousness also still effect me deep in my subconscious. When I was little I used to cry seeing pictures of myself that didn't line up with how I thought of myself. I tried to pretend that I looked fine, but the illusion was shattered every time I had to see myself.

ND/mental illness also runs in the family, so not only did it get worse through my development by being like this, it was already predetermined as well

Few understand how it feels to hate mirrors for as long as you can remember, Ive had a fear of mirrors and reflections since I could recognize how ugly I am as a small child, all of this damage over the years feels unsalvageable. Theres probably some difficult, elaborate, painful way out of this, but Im too tired. I fucking hate every aspect of myself, I fucking hate how I look, fucking hate how I act, fucking hate what Im known as, and Im so used to fucking hating myself that it's just my way of life at this point, it's so deeply ingrained into me I think that hating myself is the only constant I feel through my life. I sabotage myself over and over again now on purpose to maintain being something I hate, because it's all I know

My life now is completely ruined, life is a butterfly effect, just yesterday I was a 5 year old with a loud personality, happy, running around and playing, then I started experiencing lookism for the first time, fast forward 12 years of this prejudice and all of these preconceived notions, so many judgements by everyone around me, over and over and over again day in and day out, and Ive transformed into something unrecognizable, grotesque and pathetic to my old "self", or at least who I used to be, (I don't know because I've never been able to know who I am), and hit new lows every day. I feel like dead and people around me are just pretending Im alive to go along with this big delusion

Everyone told me to be a victim from their treatment and now Im surprised that I am one, I am exactly who they expected me to be, and what I was the most afraid of becoming. Why did I think I would be an exception, especially when Im such a self defeating person?

Why do I care so much about making my life better, but make no effort, and why do I not care at all?

Despite all of this, I feel a deeply human instinct to actually try every once in a while, but the sheer amount of hurdles I have to overcome builds up every day and becomes more impossible the more I run away from it, I should know since ive been doing this for my entire life. The farther I get the more discourage I become

Im scared to see who I will be next year

Does anyone else here truly feel this way, and how do you feel about it ?

Was gonna ugh react but this is real

 

[310reqiuem_]

but the sheer amount of hurdles I have to overcome builds up every day and becomes more impossible the more I run away from it, I should know since ive been doing this for my entire life. The farther I get the more discourage I become

i feel you man, its a cycle

off topic, but did you find a way 2 fix ur lazy eye? is there a way besides surgery?

 

[iblamemandible7]

i feel you man, its a cycle

off topic, but did you find a way 2 fix ur lazy eye? is there a way besides surgery?

Nah bro im getting the surgery later this year probably

 

[310reqiuem_]

Nah bro im getting the surgery later this year probably

its so over for me

 

[wizardcowboy]

It's good we're online, but no matter how things are, don't pick up the habit of victimizing yourself

No matter how bad, it could've always been worse. Imagine also being born a woman with all those defects you've named or with an extra chromosome.

At the end of the day, it's you vs YOU. You come into this world alone, and you leave alone. You will grind alone, fail alone, and shine alone. Compare yourself to the ultimate ideal version of YOU. Not others.

 

[McSkziofren]

Dont know anything about this, but best of luck to you. Our misery never end. S

 

[jaaba]

Being born truly genetically unfortunate is the most blackpilled experience ever

I was born with a lazy eye + syndrome tier vision + just ugly in general, botched facial ratios + sfs + extreme face fat, and being like this has fully shaped the loser who I am today, Im convinced that even things I experienced before I gained consciousness also still effect me deep in my subconscious. When I was little I used to cry seeing pictures of myself that didn't line up with how I thought of myself. I tried to pretend that I looked fine, but the illusion was shattered every time I had to see myself.

ND/mental illness also runs in the family, so not only did it get worse through my development by being like this, it was already predetermined as well

Few understand how it feels to hate mirrors for as long as you can remember, Ive had a fear of mirrors and reflections since I could recognize how ugly I am as a small child, all of this damage over the years feels unsalvageable. Theres probably some difficult, elaborate, painful way out of this, but Im too tired. I fucking hate every aspect of myself, I fucking hate how I look, fucking hate how I act, fucking hate what Im known as, and Im so used to fucking hating myself that it's just my way of life at this point, it's so deeply ingrained into me I think that hating myself is the only constant I feel through my life. I sabotage myself over and over again now on purpose to maintain being something I hate, because it's all I know

My life now is completely ruined, life is a butterfly effect, just yesterday I was a 5 year old with a loud personality, happy, running around and playing, then I started experiencing lookism for the first time, fast forward 12 years of this prejudice and all of these preconceived notions, so many judgements by everyone around me, over and over and over again day in and day out, and Ive transformed into something unrecognizable, grotesque and pathetic to my old "self", or at least who I used to be, (I don't know because I've never been able to know who I am), and hit new lows every day. I feel like dead and people around me are just pretending Im alive to go along with this big delusion

Everyone told me to be a victim from their treatment and now Im surprised that I am one, I am exactly who they expected me to be, and what I was the most afraid of becoming. Why did I think I would be an exception, especially when Im such a self defeating person?

Why do I care so much about making my life better, but make no effort, and why do I not care at all?

Despite all of this, I feel a deeply human instinct to actually try every once in a while, but the sheer amount of hurdles I have to overcome builds up every day and becomes more impossible the more I run away from it, I should know since ive been doing this for my entire life. The farther I get the more discourage I become

Im scared to see who I will be next year

Does anyone else here truly feel this way, and how do you feel about it ?

I can’t understand why after thousands of years of evolution humans are still being born to inevitably be ugly. Maybe every sub 5 of a generation should be chemically castrated to remove them from the gene pool, take one for the team for the greater good lol

 

[iblamemandible7]

It's good we're online, but no matter how things are, don't pick up the habit of victimizing yourself

No matter how bad, it could've always been worse. Imagine also being born a woman with all those defects you've named or with an extra chromosome.

At the end of the day, it's you vs YOU. You come into this world alone, and you leave alone. You will grind alone, fail alone, and shine alone. Compare yourself to the ultimate ideal version of YOU. Not others.

Thanks bro needed to hear this

 

[iblamemandible7]

I can’t understand why after thousands of years of evolution humans are still being born to inevitably be ugly. Maybe every sub 5 of a generation should be chemically castrated to remove them from the gene pool, take one for the team for the greater good lol

I unironically agree, I know for a fact I'm not going to curse my own children with my genetics, if I do ever want them I'll adopt

The thought of my bloodline ending with me brings me peace

 

[Snoofy]

did read everything

 

[kana]

age: 13

no care about appearance, long greasy hair, dosent shower, unironically enjoys playing nerf guns with friends and watching anime, getting on fortnite and siege during the lock down and making beats on FL Studio

age: 14

begin growing out muh “fluffy hair” that was popular in 2021, start dressing in zoomer clothes, doing skincare and asking others for ratings …

get cheated on for the first time, begin receiving treatment i wasn’t satisfied with for my appearance, confidence low by seeing hundreds of attractive guys on tiktok fyp everyday, but alas, i am still contempt playing video games and working out

age 15:

active looksfag.org user, can’t sit still without worrying about my appearance, constantly fixing hair every 10 minutes in restroom or camera and staring at face in mirror, crying myself to sleep thanks to my appearance, blocking any attractive guy i get on my fyp on tiktok, avoiding others at all cost on a “bad face day” which means skipping class and what not

age 16:

developed eating disorder (ednos and bed) + fasting for days on end thanks to bdd over bloating and appearance, desperately avoiding anyone at all costs when i look clapped, having panic attacks and meltdowns over my appearance + fits of rage, treating every girl i get with like trash because i already expect to get cheated on, avoiding anyone who looks better then me like the plague, walking with my head down at all costs, looking at myself in mirror 50+ times a day

same stuff for now, age 18 but recovered from eating disorders, when does it end bro im so fucking tired