D
Deleted member 368107
Iron
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2026
- Posts
- 88
- Reputation
- 135
Hey mom, I know we talked about me being autistic before, and while I think that’s true, Ive been starting to think that my problem is different from autism, or I’m on the way higher end of the spectrum. I am very aware of how other people perceive me (due to my abnormal behavior and looks), and I am also aware of just how “off” I am compared to the rest of the people around me. This makes me feel like I have a target on my back for bullying, harassment, and mistreatment, all of these I’ve experienced many times in my life. After deep reflecting and understanding of this trauma and the feeling of me not fitting in, I’ve realized that it will never end. I still go through this stuff even today. I can’t even leave my apartment without the fear of being judged, mocked, or ridiculed, because I know that this world looks down on me. I don’t see myself being successful in any field, getting into a relationship, or making any friends because of my disability. From a realistic point of view, I am not capable of anything. I’ve been told to “put myself out there”, or “be confident” when I obviously have so many damn times in my life and I am pretty confident in myself. I feel like I give off a vibe of low confidence because of the way I look and my non-verbal social cues (both of which I have no control over). People have tried to tell me who I am and what I need to do to fix myself my entire life, when I never really saw what problem they were talking about. The problem lies in their perception of me. They THINK I have low confidence because my disability causes me to fall out of line with the rest of the world. I am a social outcast who has tried so desperately to fit in, but just doesn’t in any group or setting.
