6ft4
Every Spectrum has a Purgatory Zone
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2019
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I can partially relate to this, as I've gotten older I can hold eye contact better in convos with people (eg, new work colleague or dentist etc) but sometimes my mind drifts when they talk then I start thinking about when is it acceptable to break eye contact then I feel under pressure to maintain it at which point maintaining eye contact feels more intense than it should be.
Sometimes I will then just hold it to a point where I feel I cant look away so it gets freaky.
When I daygame cold approach foids I am at peak anxiety levels but my mind just shuts off and I stare into their eyes but holding eye contact like that probably serves as a dead giveaway of my aspieness because you can just tell this shit form someone's eyes.
When I make eye contact with some random on the street it often puts me under an instant feeling of pressure where I feel I have to break it because holding it is just too intense for me, it makes me feel exposed in a way and it's like they're able to steal my soul from my body by looking at me with their psychopathic neurotypical gaze.
If I consciously decide I'm gonna hold eye contact with foids I find attractive I can do it but my jaw muscle tension has been insane lately which means my facial muscles feel giga tense so I don't like looking at people in that state because I could be holding an unfavourable facial expression without being aware.
I went to work at a new location once and was just told to stand inside the door and wait for the manager to come deal with me and while I was standing there the workers outside were hanging around and one of the guys began looking at me with a slight smirk as if he was testing me and being in a new environment I wasn't mentally prepared for a co worker to just start looking at me like that without speaking so I looked away but realized after that the fucker probably thought I submitted to him and that I validated in his mind that he was superior to me on the NT scale (and in general since NT IS your value on this earth to these fucks)
That guy then had to show a couple of us new workers around and basically just spoke to the other guy who was also new who passed the NT test while ignoring me.
I made sure to speak to him at the end so that he had to be forced to answer me and he replied normally rather than trying to pull anything or brush me off
