B
BigBoy
Kraken
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2019
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I was creepy to 2 girls last year, it still haunts me that I was weird enough to do these things. I wanted to get this off my chest so I can clear my conscious and go after women without feeling guilty.
Girl 1: In the beginning of junior year I had difficult holding eye contact with people because of years of social isolation. Since this is crucial to social interaction I searched up ways to getting used to eye contact with strangers. One method was to lock eye contact with strangers while passing by until they would look away. This sounded pretty good, it would build my confidence while allowing me to develop better eye contact skills. I set the plan into motion and did it with everyone walking by.
But my plan had a misfiring, there was a really cute girl that sat in front of me one of my classes. She was easily Stacylite and was probably one of the hottest girls at my school(tbh that isnt saying much but she was pretty cute). As I kept doing my eye holding practice, I realized we would hold eye contact whenever we made it. She would hold it for until we walked by each other.
Being the retarded me I am, I thought she liked me. Lowiqcel tbh. I remembered reading that copying someone's body language builds social reporte with the other other person and makes them like you more. So my dumbass started doing that in class. She clearly noticed but I still did it. Eventually the teacher moved seats so I didn't have to worry about her anymore and being creepy. But we still made eye contact when we would walk by in the hallways. Eventually I started looking away because I felt extremely uncomfortable, and she started doing the same.
Girl 2: Bruh, my dumbass didn't learn my lesson from the first one.
I was walking in the hallway,
and made eye contact with another Stacylite inside a classroom. Good looking women are so fucking confident, she held our gaze for 10 seconds before I looked away. The next day I came into class(it was the same class as the last one) and BRUH SHE SAT RIGHT IN FRONT ME. THE ENTIRE SEMESTER AND I DIDN'T NOTICE, THAT'S WHY SHE HELD IT FOR SO LONG.
I was walking into class with another girl during(subhuman in terms of looks), and after she went to her seat I was sitting down and looked straight forward and realized it was the cute girl from the other day. She held eye contact with me and smiled. I looked away and felt so uncomfortable, I looked back again to see if she was still doing it, and yep there she was. I frowned and looked back down.
Like a retard, I thought this girl was into me, because my inexperienced virginass makes assumptions on the spot.
And like a retard, I did the same things with her as the other girl. I copied her body posture to build social reporte with her. She noticed lol. She was probably disgusted with me tbh, whenever she would see on the same school elevator as me she would stare at me and move to the furthest side of the elevator. I pretended I was sleeping and i didn't notice.
This one hurts me because:
a) I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian because her insta is only filled with feminist/LGBT stuff, and she only posts pics of her with women and gay men. She's been to the gay pride parades a few times.
b) She was smiling to cheer me up. I naturally look depressed, and that year I was depressed out of my mind. Right now too. Knowing that I feel so guilty about using that to justify her having feelings for me.
I'll add in a bonus roundI wasnt creepy in this one so don't worry lol)
The girl I mentioned before, the subhuman, I had a legitimate crush on her. Sad shit, man. I can't say it was a crush tho lol, I was willing to jump for the other 2 in her place.
I was pretty sure she liked me. She would twirl her hair in front of me, appy lip balm in front of me, touch me all the time, be around me all the time, try to get me to walk with her to class, hold intense eye contact with me. Like she gave legit iois, unlike the others where I stretched and misinterpreted them.
I didn't originally like her because she was ugly, but due to the iois I thought she liked me and so I started developing feelings for her. It actually even made sense, this all started after I gave her a genuine compliment once.
But she apparently thought I liked a another girl, earlier in the year, which I did tbh lol ngl. But I said no. That's when she started giving legit iois. My self-esteem increased because I thought that a girl liked me for once. But I started doing the retarded alpha male PUA shit with her. I was making insults/acting cocky and arrogant.
At the end of the year, long after she stopped giving iois, lol she started giving them to a another guy across the room, as if he'd notice. because I wasn't taking them, I asked her out. It was via text because I couldn't do it in person, she didn't give me an option to. I already knew she didn't like me at this point, but wanted to do it to build "confidence". It wwas knd of stupid that I asked her out tbh, she clearly moved one and liked someone else. He was white too, sad shit man. I regret even caring about this girl, I lost countless hair and sleep stressing about whether or not this girl liked me, and browsing through her insta seeing her ygly monkeyface and tricking myself into believing I had attraction towards her when didnt solely because I made up a scenario in my head where she liked me. I could have a better spent that time looks and studymaxing. But not only did I fuck my height up, I developed deep dark undereye bags, I fucked up my future by getting shit grades. I won't be getting into a good college that's for sure. My gpa is a 2.5-2.7 unweighted rn and I got a 1270 on the St after taking it the second time aneven going to prep to study for it. I'm gonna study for it for the third time and get a 1400 on it. I'msure I can do it despite being retarded and can get into a top state school because of it.
Lol but it destroyed it and I started browsing this site and eventually joined as a member.
The reason I want to become Chad/Chadlite is because I wanted to mog these 3 girls and show them I'm not as ugly as I am. And maybe they'd give me genuine affection because I've never gotten some irl. My parents ignore me and never hang out with me. I don't have friends, but the ones I do constantly make me insecure by insulting me, which hurts.
I now realize that I only want to be good looking is so i get genuine affection which i missed out throughout my childhood. It's not because the world is superficial, its because I'm superficial. I only see people for their looksand as a result think everyone does the same. I don't want them to look down on me like I do other ugly people. It's a side of me I wish I didn't have. The blackpill wouldn't be as brutal(most of it isn't even real tbh) if I wasn't as superficial as I am and didn't only care about looks.
If i had genuine friends, a good social circle, supportive parents,and wasn't fat, I would be in a good position rn. I wouldn't have found the blackpill or any retarded shit like that. Tbh prior to finding it I would have been content with being a high-tier normie, which i probably would be if I wasn't fat, and having a high-tier normie gf. But now I want to be nothing less than chadlite/chad in terms of looks, and want nothing less than stacy/stacylite in terms of looks. I don't even care about genuine affection anymore, I only care about. I only want to date kpop girls and movie star gigastacys, whether they like me or not. But I want them to desperately like me, just like how I want everyone to desperately like me. I feel worthless without some sort of attention, and I almost never get it. The only reason I want to be Chad is so these girls feel "genuine" attraction to me. But they won't be since it's not to my personality in that case, it's to my looks.
I'm sad I'm not 6', I'm probably not even 5'11", I'm pretty sure I'm 5'10". Its keeping me up at night that I'll never reach my genetic potential because I didn't get proper sleep and diet as a kid and teenager, and so I'll never be as tall as I could have been.
Sorry my post turned into rambling, I wanted to let all my insecurities and what was bothering me out.
To the few people who took the timetoread this:
How creepy was I? How bad did i fuck up? Do you think the girls would still care?
I don't think I'll have any classes with the first two. But there's a high possibility that I'll have somewhere between 1-4 classes weith the third girl.
And the writing on this is pretty bad, but do you think I could maybe start practicing writing and improving my writing to become a scriptwriter? That's the only thing i want to do in life tbh, but it doesn't pay much. And I don't think my writing would be good enough for it.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post if you did.
Girl 1: In the beginning of junior year I had difficult holding eye contact with people because of years of social isolation. Since this is crucial to social interaction I searched up ways to getting used to eye contact with strangers. One method was to lock eye contact with strangers while passing by until they would look away. This sounded pretty good, it would build my confidence while allowing me to develop better eye contact skills. I set the plan into motion and did it with everyone walking by.
But my plan had a misfiring, there was a really cute girl that sat in front of me one of my classes. She was easily Stacylite and was probably one of the hottest girls at my school(tbh that isnt saying much but she was pretty cute). As I kept doing my eye holding practice, I realized we would hold eye contact whenever we made it. She would hold it for until we walked by each other.
Being the retarded me I am, I thought she liked me. Lowiqcel tbh. I remembered reading that copying someone's body language builds social reporte with the other other person and makes them like you more. So my dumbass started doing that in class. She clearly noticed but I still did it. Eventually the teacher moved seats so I didn't have to worry about her anymore and being creepy. But we still made eye contact when we would walk by in the hallways. Eventually I started looking away because I felt extremely uncomfortable, and she started doing the same.
Girl 2: Bruh, my dumbass didn't learn my lesson from the first one.
I was walking in the hallway,
and made eye contact with another Stacylite inside a classroom. Good looking women are so fucking confident, she held our gaze for 10 seconds before I looked away. The next day I came into class(it was the same class as the last one) and BRUH SHE SAT RIGHT IN FRONT ME. THE ENTIRE SEMESTER AND I DIDN'T NOTICE, THAT'S WHY SHE HELD IT FOR SO LONG.I was walking into class with another girl during(subhuman in terms of looks), and after she went to her seat I was sitting down and looked straight forward and realized it was the cute girl from the other day. She held eye contact with me and smiled. I looked away and felt so uncomfortable, I looked back again to see if she was still doing it, and yep there she was. I frowned and looked back down.
Like a retard, I thought this girl was into me, because my inexperienced virginass makes assumptions on the spot.
And like a retard, I did the same things with her as the other girl. I copied her body posture to build social reporte with her. She noticed lol. She was probably disgusted with me tbh, whenever she would see on the same school elevator as me she would stare at me and move to the furthest side of the elevator. I pretended I was sleeping and i didn't notice.
This one hurts me because:
a) I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian because her insta is only filled with feminist/LGBT stuff, and she only posts pics of her with women and gay men. She's been to the gay pride parades a few times.
b) She was smiling to cheer me up. I naturally look depressed, and that year I was depressed out of my mind. Right now too. Knowing that I feel so guilty about using that to justify her having feelings for me.
I'll add in a bonus round
I wasnt creepy in this one so don't worry lol)The girl I mentioned before, the subhuman, I had a legitimate crush on her. Sad shit, man. I can't say it was a crush tho lol, I was willing to jump for the other 2 in her place.
I was pretty sure she liked me. She would twirl her hair in front of me, appy lip balm in front of me, touch me all the time, be around me all the time, try to get me to walk with her to class, hold intense eye contact with me. Like she gave legit iois, unlike the others where I stretched and misinterpreted them.
I didn't originally like her because she was ugly, but due to the iois I thought she liked me and so I started developing feelings for her. It actually even made sense, this all started after I gave her a genuine compliment once.
But she apparently thought I liked a another girl, earlier in the year, which I did tbh lol ngl. But I said no. That's when she started giving legit iois. My self-esteem increased because I thought that a girl liked me for once. But I started doing the retarded alpha male PUA shit with her. I was making insults/acting cocky and arrogant.
At the end of the year, long after she stopped giving iois, lol she started giving them to a another guy across the room, as if he'd notice. because I wasn't taking them, I asked her out. It was via text because I couldn't do it in person, she didn't give me an option to. I already knew she didn't like me at this point, but wanted to do it to build "confidence". It wwas knd of stupid that I asked her out tbh, she clearly moved one and liked someone else. He was white too, sad shit man. I regret even caring about this girl, I lost countless hair and sleep stressing about whether or not this girl liked me, and browsing through her insta seeing her ygly monkeyface and tricking myself into believing I had attraction towards her when didnt solely because I made up a scenario in my head where she liked me. I could have a better spent that time looks and studymaxing. But not only did I fuck my height up, I developed deep dark undereye bags, I fucked up my future by getting shit grades. I won't be getting into a good college that's for sure. My gpa is a 2.5-2.7 unweighted rn and I got a 1270 on the St after taking it the second time aneven going to prep to study for it. I'm gonna study for it for the third time and get a 1400 on it. I'msure I can do it despite being retarded and can get into a top state school because of it.
Lol but it destroyed it and I started browsing this site and eventually joined as a member.
The reason I want to become Chad/Chadlite is because I wanted to mog these 3 girls and show them I'm not as ugly as I am. And maybe they'd give me genuine affection because I've never gotten some irl. My parents ignore me and never hang out with me. I don't have friends, but the ones I do constantly make me insecure by insulting me, which hurts.
I now realize that I only want to be good looking is so i get genuine affection which i missed out throughout my childhood. It's not because the world is superficial, its because I'm superficial. I only see people for their looksand as a result think everyone does the same. I don't want them to look down on me like I do other ugly people. It's a side of me I wish I didn't have. The blackpill wouldn't be as brutal(most of it isn't even real tbh) if I wasn't as superficial as I am and didn't only care about looks.
If i had genuine friends, a good social circle, supportive parents,and wasn't fat, I would be in a good position rn. I wouldn't have found the blackpill or any retarded shit like that. Tbh prior to finding it I would have been content with being a high-tier normie, which i probably would be if I wasn't fat, and having a high-tier normie gf. But now I want to be nothing less than chadlite/chad in terms of looks, and want nothing less than stacy/stacylite in terms of looks. I don't even care about genuine affection anymore, I only care about. I only want to date kpop girls and movie star gigastacys, whether they like me or not. But I want them to desperately like me, just like how I want everyone to desperately like me. I feel worthless without some sort of attention, and I almost never get it. The only reason I want to be Chad is so these girls feel "genuine" attraction to me. But they won't be since it's not to my personality in that case, it's to my looks.
I'm sad I'm not 6', I'm probably not even 5'11", I'm pretty sure I'm 5'10". Its keeping me up at night that I'll never reach my genetic potential because I didn't get proper sleep and diet as a kid and teenager, and so I'll never be as tall as I could have been.
Sorry my post turned into rambling, I wanted to let all my insecurities and what was bothering me out.
To the few people who took the timetoread this:
How creepy was I? How bad did i fuck up? Do you think the girls would still care?
I don't think I'll have any classes with the first two. But there's a high possibility that I'll have somewhere between 1-4 classes weith the third girl.
And the writing on this is pretty bad, but do you think I could maybe start practicing writing and improving my writing to become a scriptwriter? That's the only thing i want to do in life tbh, but it doesn't pay much. And I don't think my writing would be good enough for it.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post if you did.
