Could users review this story I've written

[LooksOrDeath]

So I'm writing a story about university and was curious for feedback on it. I want brutally honest opinions on what my strong, weak points are, and how I could improve.

 

[LooksOrDeath]

Fall.docx

Fall October Fourteenth The wind blew towards him, taking leaves of mahogany and merigold with it…. And white folios as well. Isaac swept his arms frantically to grab the leaves of paper as nature did its best to work against him, sending his pages away from him. He managed to grab a couple of ...

docs.google.com

Notes of Fall.docx

Notes of Fall Isaac Redfield Caucasian Black hair, dark blue eyes Average height (5’10.5”) Computer Science student Average build (70kg) Introverted, reclusive Lucillia “Lucy” Smith Caucasian American Dark brown hair, green eyes average height (5’5.5”) English student Thin build (52kg) Introvert...

docs.google.com

 

[ragingmanlet]

Where is it

 

[Jimcel]

Im intriguied brah show me

 

[tension]

pay me

 

[PSLbbc]

What's it about

 

[ragingmanlet]

Fall.docx

Fall October Fourteenth The wind blew towards him, taking leaves of mahogany and merigold with it…. And white folios as well. Isaac swept his arms frantically to grab the leaves of paper as nature did its best to work against him, sending his pages away from him. He managed to grab a couple of ...

docs.google.com

Notes of Fall.docx

Notes of Fall Isaac Redfield Caucasian Black hair, dark blue eyes Average height (5’10.5”) Computer Science student Average build (70kg) Introverted, reclusive Lucillia “Lucy” Smith Caucasian American Dark brown hair, green eyes average height (5’5.5”) English student Thin build (52kg) Introvert...

docs.google.com

Will read when I’m home, don’t wanna dox myself I’m logged into my main account on my phone

 

[unknownincel]

suck it

 

[LooksOrDeath]

Will read when I’m home, don’t wanna dox myself I’m logged into my main account on my phone

Haha thank you

 

[ragingmanlet]

Haha thank you

Yeah, remind me in 6 hours please.

 

[Pony]

What’s the story about exactly ? Just uni? or what goes on and happens

 

[LooksOrDeath]

@Pony @tomahawk @Bugmaxxed @Former Shortcel
tagging users I just talked to

While I don't know if you're into this, you can read and review if you'd like to

 

[CloudyCuck]

Can you send it pasted in pm or something, i can’t go in google docs

 

[LooksOrDeath]

What’s the story about exactly ? Just uni? or what goes on and happens

A romance /slice of life set in university

written the first chapter and a little more so far

 

[LooksOrDeath]

suck it

 

[Jimcel]

Fall.docx

Fall October Fourteenth The wind blew towards him, taking leaves of mahogany and merigold with it…. And white folios as well. Isaac swept his arms frantically to grab the leaves of paper as nature did its best to work against him, sending his pages away from him. He managed to grab a couple of ...

docs.google.com

Notes of Fall.docx

Notes of Fall Isaac Redfield Caucasian Black hair, dark blue eyes Average height (5’10.5”) Computer Science student Average build (70kg) Introverted, reclusive Lucillia “Lucy” Smith Caucasian American Dark brown hair, green eyes average height (5’5.5”) English student Thin build (52kg) Introvert...

docs.google.com

Read all, pretty good

Im a shit storywriter so im no help

 

[LooksOrDeath]

Can you send it pasted in pm or something, i can’t go in google docs

alright give me a bit

 

[combatingNorwooding]

Fall.docx

Fall October Fourteenth The wind blew towards him, taking leaves of mahogany and merigold with it…. And white folios as well. Isaac swept his arms frantically to grab the leaves of paper as nature did its best to work against him, sending his pages away from him. He managed to grab a couple of ...

docs.google.com

Notes of Fall.docx

Notes of Fall Isaac Redfield Caucasian Black hair, dark blue eyes Average height (5’10.5”) Computer Science student Average build (70kg) Introverted, reclusive Lucillia “Lucy” Smith Caucasian American Dark brown hair, green eyes average height (5’5.5”) English student Thin build (52kg) Introvert...

docs.google.com

 

[unknownincel]

View attachment 4716728

holy fucking high T

 

[LooksOrDeath]

Read all, pretty good

Im a shit storywriter so im no help

If you read it that fast you must be decent

what did you think of it?

 

[LooksOrDeath]

What's it about

A romance /slice of life set in university

written the first chapter and a little more so far

 

[LooksOrDeath]

pay me

10k kuwaiti dinar coming your way

 

[Jimcel]

If you read it that fast you must be decent

what did you think of it?

Well i was able to read all, so it is good

I cant recommend any tweaks tbh., im more of a maths guy

 

[LooksOrDeath]

Well i was able to read all, so it is good

Thank you

I cant recommend any tweaks tbh., im more of a maths guy

alright, no problem
I appreciate you taking the time to read it

 

[Bugmaxxed]

I will read when I get home lad

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

Fall.docx

Fall October Fourteenth The wind blew towards him, taking leaves of mahogany and merigold with it…. And white folios as well. Isaac swept his arms frantically to grab the leaves of paper as nature did its best to work against him, sending his pages away from him. He managed to grab a couple of ...

docs.google.com

Notes of Fall.docx

Notes of Fall Isaac Redfield Caucasian Black hair, dark blue eyes Average height (5’10.5”) Computer Science student Average build (70kg) Introverted, reclusive Lucillia “Lucy” Smith Caucasian American Dark brown hair, green eyes average height (5’5.5”) English student Thin build (52kg) Introvert...

docs.google.com

Lucilia Smith sounds like a tranny with a bald bussy

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

Lucilia Smith sounds like an ugly tranny with a bald blistered bussy

 

[Pony]

I’ve read a bit of it it’s really really really well made bro very nice

 

[lowtiersubhuman]

So I'm writing a story about university and was curious for feedback on it. I want brutally honest opinions on what my strong, weak points are, and how I could improve.

How long

 

[LooksOrDeath]

I’ve read a bit of it it’s really really really well made bro very nice

Thank you

 

[LooksOrDeath]

How long

3200 words so far

 

[LooksOrDeath]

I’ve read a bit of it it’s really really really well made bro very nice

Could you say any thoughts you have on it?

 

[GynoGladiator]

can i steal it

 

[LooksOrDeath]

can i steal it

Now why would you do that

 

[GynoGladiator]

m

Now why would you do it

b

 

[LooksOrDeath]

Yeah, remind me in 6 hours please.

@ragingmanlet

 

[ragingmanlet]

@ragingmanlet

2 more hours please

I gotta do some stuff I js got home from school

 

[LooksOrDeath]

2 more hours please

I gotta do some stuff I js got home from school

no problem
if im awake ill tag again if you want

 

[ragingmanlet]

no problem
if im awake ill tag again if you want

Yea tag me in 2 hrs if u can

 

[LooksOrDeath]

bump

 

[lowtiersubhuman]

So I'm writing a story about university and was curious for feedback on it. I want brutally honest opinions on what my strong, weak points are, and how I could improve.

Send it

 

[ragingmanlet]

Nice story, I enjoyed reading it.

Are you a cuck perchance? Do you have fantasies of getting cucked and humiliated by your high T bvll brother and everyone else?

Also, why choose Isaac as the name, sounds niggery as hell to me

Alright, jokes aside I'm not the right person to give feedback since english is my second language and i've only known it for 3.5 years. My writing and reading aren't that good since I'm in 11th grade so I can't really point out any mistakes even if there were any. Btw Fahad is my favorite character, I reasonate with him the most because he's a brownoid and is tapped in with that primal shiet

Mirin hard bhaijan, keep writing if you're passionate about it man, you seem to be really good at it.

Keep up the good work

Lastly, heres some of my writing:

https://looksmax.org/threads/mild-nsfw-a-full-guide-on-pillowfucking-gooners-gftih-serial-coomer-and-ironmike-gtfih.1886566/

https://looksmax.org/threads/nsfw-scatmaxxing-how-to-master-eating-shit-during-sex-kinky-niggas-gtfih.1884335/

https://looksmax.org/threads/nsfw-a-guide-on-slaying-on-roblox-high-iq-botb-worthy-gtfih-dnr-spammers-gtfo.1876492/

https://looksmax.org/threads/a-complete-guide-to-pornmaxxing-how-to-destroy-your-brain-and-your-life-quickly-from-experience-gtfih-high-iq-botb.1874502/

 

[ragingmanlet]

Send it

He already did, it's in the replies.

 

[topology]

So I'm writing a story about university and was curious for feedback on it. I want brutally honest opinions on what my strong, weak points are, and how I could improve.

The melody isn't the best. The words don't flow that well together. I don't know how important this is for you though as it's entirely dependent upon your year.

The pacing and prioritization is also an issue. Once that is fixed, the melody should also fix itself.

 

[LooksOrDeath]

The melody isn't the best. The words don't flow that well together. I don't know how important this is for you though as it's entirely dependent upon your year.

The pacing and prioritization is also an issue. Once that is fixed, the melody should also fix itself.

Melody...?

 

[ragingmanlet]

Melody...?

He’s a troll, ignore him.

 

[True truecel]

what an interesting post for a looksmaxxing forum

 

[LooksOrDeath]

Nice story, I enjoyed reading it.

thank you

Are you a cuck perchance? Do you have fantasies of getting cucked and humiliated by your high T bvll brother and everyone else?

mf no
Isaac and Damian actually have almost the exact same face, Damian is just a bit taller
I mean to emphasise that the reason Damian is more popular is that he's very social while Isaac is a recluse

Also, why choose Isaac as the name, sounds niggery as hell to me

jfl I felt it was a pretty white name

Alright, jokes aside I'm not the right person to give feedback since english is my second language and i've only known it for 3.5 years. My writing and reading aren't that good since I'm in 11th grade so I can't really point out any mistakes even if there were any.

No I really liked your feedback, even if half of it was a meme
thank you for that

Btw Fahad is my favorite character, I reasonate with him the most because he's a brownoid and is tapped in with that primal shiet

hell yeah he is peak 4chan schizo

Mirin hard bhaijan, keep writing if you're passionate about it man, you seem to be really good at it.

Keep up the good work

I shall try

Lastly, heres some of my writing:

https://looksmax.org/threads/mild-nsfw-a-full-guide-on-pillowfucking-gooners-gftih-serial-coomer-and-ironmike-gtfih.1886566/

https://looksmax.org/threads/nsfw-scatmaxxing-how-to-master-eating-shit-during-sex-kinky-niggas-gtfih.1884335/

https://looksmax.org/threads/nsfw-a-guide-on-slaying-on-roblox-high-iq-botb-worthy-gtfih-dnr-spammers-gtfo.1876492/

https://looksmax.org/threads/a-complete-guide-to-pornmaxxing-how-to-destroy-your-brain-and-your-life-quickly-from-experience-gtfih-high-iq-botb.1874502/

I shall read some of this

 

[ragingmanlet]

thank you

mf no
Isaac and Damian actually have almost the exact same face, Damian is just a bit taller
I mean to emphasise that the reason Damian is more popular is that he's very social while Isaac is a recluse

jfl I felt it was a pretty white name

No I really liked your feedback, even if half of it was a meme
thank you for that

hell yeah he is peak 4chan schizo

I shall try

I shall read some of this

“A bit taller” and it’s 5 inches

AND he’s nt while Isaac is a geek

 

[LooksOrDeath]

He’s a troll, ignore him.

Felt like he was reviewing a song not writing