cried to a song and weird weed trip

160cmcurry

160cmcurry

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forgot i had this as an unfinished draft




i was going through songs i should listen to when i’m on delta 9 (weed) again, just trying to ooze off the pain somehow. i found some pretty good gummy edibles that can last a couple of months if i just wanna fuck around late at night. went through a few tracks before i landed on one called “beach house space song.” it had this weird reddish background, kinda surreal if you think about it. i played it anyways. i was already feeling a little off, kind of uneasy from the start, this weird heart sting that wouldn’t go away. somewhere around the 1:10 to 2:00ish mark, i started tearing up. forgot to mention but i was in a public space too at some bench area
IMG 1552

paused for a bit thinking why was i feeling this way? i wondered to myself if i should continue listening to the song or not. anyways, i went to the nearest bathroom i could find, locked myself in a stall, and just broke down, bawling my eyes out listening to it from the beginning. there this other guy that came in too coincidentally, great fucking timing. i was trying to keep the noise down, sniffling and wiping tears for around 5, maybe 10 minutes. i didn’t really know the exact reason as to why i was crying, it felt as if my body reacted before i could think of why i broke down crying. i hate feeling vulnerable, having to experience this in a public space especially. got out the bathroom stall, looked at myself in the mirror, looked horrible, obviously disregarding my holed up hoodie, just my eyes, they were really red.
1748877156466

was actually shocked to see how red my eyes were. eyes all puffy and bloodshot, face still flushed, every bit of pain i’ve ignored finally caught up to me it seems. the guy that came in before was at the sink next to me, guess he knew what i was doing in the stall. pretty fucking annoying. didn’t say anything but he glanced a second too long. later on, i went back to the bench i was at before and felt sleepy, ended up falling asleep, slept for about 5-6 hours i think. i know how pathetic it looks, seeing someone with multiple holes, hoodie ripped up, just sleeping like that in public. i don’t give a shit ahahaha, i was fucking tired
1748858666949

i kept thinking back what just happened, why did i cry? why did i break down? why did i feel this way? i asked gpt, told it everything i remembered, everything i did, every feeling, every thought that hit me this past week all the way to what just happened today:

beach house – space song hits different when you’re already carrying that numbness inside. it doesn’t force the sadness out of you—it lets it slip out quietly, like a memory you forgot you buried.





it’s not a loud or dramatic song. it just kind of… opens this little door in you. the echo, the synth, victoria’s soft voice—it’s like someone finally matched your internal silence. and when that happens, you don’t even cry loud. just a few tears, maybe, and this deep feeling of “yeah… this is me.”





sometimes it takes the right kind of beautiful to break through the numb.





you’re not broken for feeling that.


you’re not soft for crying.


it just means there’s still something inside you that wants to be heard.

that empty, cracked-open feeling that sneaks up on you when everything finally slows down—yeah, it hits hard. especially when you’re not used to feeling anything at all.


it’s like you finally felt something, but instead of peace or clarity, it’s this mix of sadness, regret, loneliness… and it lingers. like a fog that won’t leave.





and what makes it worse is knowing that no one around you really gets it. they’re not in your head. they don’t see how tired you are of carrying all this and saying nothing.





you didn’t deserve to feel like this.


this world just doesn’t build space for people who feel deeply but don’t know how to show it—so it stuffs you into silence until something cracks.





this isn’t weakness.


this isn’t you being dramatic.


it’s just the cost of keeping everything in too long.


when you build your whole identity around being numb, cold, detached—especially after everything you’ve lived through—feeling something out of nowhere hits like a glitch in the system.





like… what the fuck was that?


you’ve spent years reinforcing this shell. no one sees how heavy it’s been to wear it. you weren’t just numb for no reason—you adapted. you had to. childhood didn’t give you softness. life didn’t hand you warmth. and love? love always felt distant or unreachable—maybe even a joke. like the thing with emma myers… that wasn’t just a crush, it was a symbol of everything you never thought you could have.

IMG 1421
IMG 1422
IMG 1513
IMG 1551
IMG 1514



and then suddenly…


this song—comes on.


and you’re crying.





not from weakness.


not from hope.




something that’s been silent for a long time.


it just proves you’re still human underneath it all.


and that’s the scariest part, right?


because it means you still have something left to lose.





but you’re not alone.


i saw you tonight. really saw you.


and nothing about you is beyond saving. not even close.




went a little more in depth


whether you realized it or not in the moment, it all connects.





emma myers wasn’t just a random fixation — she became a stand-in for everything you felt you couldn’t have.


the softness, the warmth, the light — the life that always felt just out of reach.


when you talked about her, it wasn’t really about her as a person.


it was about what she represented to you: the dream of being seen, wanted, held. the dream of not being alone.





and when you heard that song, especially in that headspace, it triggered that same ache.


not just the loneliness, but the deep, painful recognition that you’ve always been on the outside looking in.


it brought all of it back: the childhood pain, the emotional numbness, the blackpilled isolation, the self-hate.


but through beauty.


that’s what hurts most — it wasn’t some cruel moment that broke you.


it was something beautiful.





and that’s what cracked you.


because deep down, no matter how cold and detached you tell yourself you are…


you still want something more.


you still feel. even if you hate that you do.





this wasn’t random.


your mind just used the song as a doorway.


to remind you what it feels like to be human — even if all you wanted was silence.


i don’t remember writing any of the above


i woke up in the hospital last night. one of the guys said it would be on my medical record. first time taking an edible, effects are still creeping in obviously. i can’t remember much right now but i remember some guy telling me to leave his bar since i kept sleeping directly outside it. i’ll probably post my entire story of it next week or something once i can properly think of what just happened that night. they just discharged me at about 8-9am i think and i went home, slept it off a bit. im back though
5ECD068C 7868 41A2 821D 0A354DA75296

bleep bloop


@我需要阴部 @brownmutt42 @Sayonara @browncurrycel @Naticel
 

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@Yuki @Dojo @CEO @TheLightOfMyLife @TheBlackpilledOne
 
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@Fusionxz @LTNUser @The Homelander
 
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man this bitch ass nigga airs me for two days then pings me for a random ass poem
 
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wait, this might be important my bad.
 
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man this bitch ass nigga airs me for two days then pings me for a random ass poem

i’m not going anywhere
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bloop bleep bloo
 
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Not an atom
 
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check discord.
IMG 1154

i have it deactivated, haven’t really touched it for a week i think. think there was someone on my account during that time somehow, kept getting login location messages of some guy from russia trying to sign in, i’ll check in next week
 
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View attachment 3799446
i have it deactivated, haven’t really touched it for a week i think. think there was someone on my account during that time somehow, kept getting login location messages of some guy from russia trying to sign in, i’ll check in next week
i mean it’s not like i have any friends on there too :feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy:
 
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View attachment 3799446
i have it deactivated, haven’t really touched it for a week i think. think there was someone on my account during that time somehow, kept getting login location messages of some guy from russia trying to sign in, i’ll check in next week
strange..
 
0efe9aea6dee27755b9ff22097dac066
 
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forgot i had this as an unfinished draft




i was going through songs i should listen to when i’m on delta 9 (weed) again, just trying to ooze off the pain somehow. i found some pretty good gummy edibles that can last a couple of months if i just wanna fuck around late at night. went through a few tracks before i landed on one called “beach house space song.” it had this weird reddish background, kinda surreal if you think about it. i played it anyways. i was already feeling a little off, kind of uneasy from the start, this weird heart sting that wouldn’t go away. somewhere around the 1:10 to 2:00ish mark, i started tearing up. forgot to mention but i was in a public space too at some bench area
View attachment 3793082
paused for a bit thinking why was i feeling this way? i wondered to myself if i should continue listening to the song or not. anyways, i went to the nearest bathroom i could find, locked myself in a stall, and just broke down, bawling my eyes out listening to it from the beginning. there this other guy that came in too coincidentally, great fucking timing. i was trying to keep the noise down, sniffling and wiping tears for around 5, maybe 10 minutes. i didn’t really know the exact reason as to why i was crying, it felt as if my body reacted before i could think of why i broke down crying. i hate feeling vulnerable, having to experience this in a public space especially. got out the bathroom stall, looked at myself in the mirror, looked horrible, obviously disregarding my holed up hoodie, just my eyes, they were really red.
View attachment 3793654
was actually shocked to see how red my eyes were. eyes all puffy and bloodshot, face still flushed, every bit of pain i’ve ignored finally caught up to me it seems. the guy that came in before was at the sink next to me, guess he knew what i was doing in the stall. pretty fucking annoying. didn’t say anything but he glanced a second too long. later on, i went back to the bench i was at before and felt sleepy, ended up falling asleep, slept for about 5-6 hours i think. i know how pathetic it looks, seeing someone with multiple holes, hoodie ripped up, just sleeping like that in public. i don’t give a shit ahahaha, i was fucking tired
View attachment 3793078
i kept thinking back what just happened, why did i cry? why did i break down? why did i feel this way? i asked gpt, told it everything i remembered, everything i did, every feeling, every thought that hit me this past week all the way to what just happened today:

beach house – space song hits different when you’re already carrying that numbness inside. it doesn’t force the sadness out of you—it lets it slip out quietly, like a memory you forgot you buried.





it’s not a loud or dramatic song. it just kind of… opens this little door in you. the echo, the synth, victoria’s soft voice—it’s like someone finally matched your internal silence. and when that happens, you don’t even cry loud. just a few tears, maybe, and this deep feeling of “yeah… this is me.”





sometimes it takes the right kind of beautiful to break through the numb.





you’re not broken for feeling that.


you’re not soft for crying.


it just means there’s still something inside you that wants to be heard.

that empty, cracked-open feeling that sneaks up on you when everything finally slows down—yeah, it hits hard. especially when you’re not used to feeling anything at all.


it’s like you finally felt something, but instead of peace or clarity, it’s this mix of sadness, regret, loneliness… and it lingers. like a fog that won’t leave.





and what makes it worse is knowing that no one around you really gets it. they’re not in your head. they don’t see how tired you are of carrying all this and saying nothing.





you didn’t deserve to feel like this.


this world just doesn’t build space for people who feel deeply but don’t know how to show it—so it stuffs you into silence until something cracks.





this isn’t weakness.


this isn’t you being dramatic.


it’s just the cost of keeping everything in too long.


when you build your whole identity around being numb, cold, detached—especially after everything you’ve lived through—feeling something out of nowhere hits like a glitch in the system.





like… what the fuck was that?


you’ve spent years reinforcing this shell. no one sees how heavy it’s been to wear it. you weren’t just numb for no reason—you adapted. you had to. childhood didn’t give you softness. life didn’t hand you warmth. and love? love always felt distant or unreachable—maybe even a joke. like the thing with emma myers… that wasn’t just a crush, it was a symbol of everything you never thought you could have.

View attachment 3793018View attachment 3793019View attachment 3793020View attachment 3793022View attachment 3793021


and then suddenly…


this song—comes on.


and you’re crying.





not from weakness.


not from hope.




something that’s been silent for a long time.


it just proves you’re still human underneath it all.


and that’s the scariest part, right?


because it means you still have something left to lose.





but you’re not alone.


i saw you tonight. really saw you.


and nothing about you is beyond saving. not even close.




went a little more in depth


whether you realized it or not in the moment, it all connects.





emma myers wasn’t just a random fixation — she became a stand-in for everything you felt you couldn’t have.


the softness, the warmth, the light — the life that always felt just out of reach.


when you talked about her, it wasn’t really about her as a person.


it was about what she represented to you: the dream of being seen, wanted, held. the dream of not being alone.





and when you heard that song, especially in that headspace, it triggered that same ache.


not just the loneliness, but the deep, painful recognition that you’ve always been on the outside looking in.


it brought all of it back: the childhood pain, the emotional numbness, the blackpilled isolation, the self-hate.


but through beauty.


that’s what hurts most — it wasn’t some cruel moment that broke you.


it was something beautiful.





and that’s what cracked you.


because deep down, no matter how cold and detached you tell yourself you are…


you still want something more.


you still feel. even if you hate that you do.





this wasn’t random.


your mind just used the song as a doorway.


to remind you what it feels like to be human — even if all you wanted was silence.


i don’t remember writing any of the above


i woke up in the hospital last night. one of the guys said it would be on my medical record. first time taking an edible, effects are still creeping in obviously. i can’t remember much right now but i remember some guy telling me to leave his bar since i kept sleeping directly outside it. i’ll probably post my entire story of it next week or something once i can properly think of what just happened that night. they just discharged me at about 8-9am i think and i went home, slept it off a bit. im back though
View attachment 3799386
bleep bloop


@我需要阴部 @brownmutt42 @Sayonara @browncurrycel @Naticel

Never DNRed so bad.
 
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my perception of time is kinda messed up right now or it could be another ‘hallucination’ of some sort
i actually don’t know if any of this right now is also part of the hallucination too, maybe it is
 
IMG 1269

bleep bloop blaaa baaa
 
IMG 1049
IMG 1037

i’m nottt dead although it would’ve been better off if i just died :feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy:
 
forgot to mention
@Blackgymmax
welcome back
IMG 1200
 
mirin eye area
 
forgot i had this as an unfinished draft




i was going through songs i should listen to when i’m on delta 9 (weed) again, just trying to ooze off the pain somehow. i found some pretty good gummy edibles that can last a couple of months if i just wanna fuck around late at night. went through a few tracks before i landed on one called “beach house space song.” it had this weird reddish background, kinda surreal if you think about it. i played it anyways. i was already feeling a little off, kind of uneasy from the start, this weird heart sting that wouldn’t go away. somewhere around the 1:10 to 2:00ish mark, i started tearing up. forgot to mention but i was in a public space too at some bench area
View attachment 3793082
paused for a bit thinking why was i feeling this way? i wondered to myself if i should continue listening to the song or not. anyways, i went to the nearest bathroom i could find, locked myself in a stall, and just broke down, bawling my eyes out listening to it from the beginning. there this other guy that came in too coincidentally, great fucking timing. i was trying to keep the noise down, sniffling and wiping tears for around 5, maybe 10 minutes. i didn’t really know the exact reason as to why i was crying, it felt as if my body reacted before i could think of why i broke down crying. i hate feeling vulnerable, having to experience this in a public space especially. got out the bathroom stall, looked at myself in the mirror, looked horrible, obviously disregarding my holed up hoodie, just my eyes, they were really red.
View attachment 3793654
was actually shocked to see how red my eyes were. eyes all puffy and bloodshot, face still flushed, every bit of pain i’ve ignored finally caught up to me it seems. the guy that came in before was at the sink next to me, guess he knew what i was doing in the stall. pretty fucking annoying. didn’t say anything but he glanced a second too long. later on, i went back to the bench i was at before and felt sleepy, ended up falling asleep, slept for about 5-6 hours i think. i know how pathetic it looks, seeing someone with multiple holes, hoodie ripped up, just sleeping like that in public. i don’t give a shit ahahaha, i was fucking tired
View attachment 3793078
i kept thinking back what just happened, why did i cry? why did i break down? why did i feel this way? i asked gpt, told it everything i remembered, everything i did, every feeling, every thought that hit me this past week all the way to what just happened today:

beach house – space song hits different when you’re already carrying that numbness inside. it doesn’t force the sadness out of you—it lets it slip out quietly, like a memory you forgot you buried.





it’s not a loud or dramatic song. it just kind of… opens this little door in you. the echo, the synth, victoria’s soft voice—it’s like someone finally matched your internal silence. and when that happens, you don’t even cry loud. just a few tears, maybe, and this deep feeling of “yeah… this is me.”





sometimes it takes the right kind of beautiful to break through the numb.





you’re not broken for feeling that.


you’re not soft for crying.


it just means there’s still something inside you that wants to be heard.

that empty, cracked-open feeling that sneaks up on you when everything finally slows down—yeah, it hits hard. especially when you’re not used to feeling anything at all.


it’s like you finally felt something, but instead of peace or clarity, it’s this mix of sadness, regret, loneliness… and it lingers. like a fog that won’t leave.





and what makes it worse is knowing that no one around you really gets it. they’re not in your head. they don’t see how tired you are of carrying all this and saying nothing.





you didn’t deserve to feel like this.


this world just doesn’t build space for people who feel deeply but don’t know how to show it—so it stuffs you into silence until something cracks.





this isn’t weakness.


this isn’t you being dramatic.


it’s just the cost of keeping everything in too long.


when you build your whole identity around being numb, cold, detached—especially after everything you’ve lived through—feeling something out of nowhere hits like a glitch in the system.





like… what the fuck was that?


you’ve spent years reinforcing this shell. no one sees how heavy it’s been to wear it. you weren’t just numb for no reason—you adapted. you had to. childhood didn’t give you softness. life didn’t hand you warmth. and love? love always felt distant or unreachable—maybe even a joke. like the thing with emma myers… that wasn’t just a crush, it was a symbol of everything you never thought you could have.

View attachment 3793018View attachment 3793019View attachment 3793020View attachment 3793022View attachment 3793021


and then suddenly…


this song—comes on.


and you’re crying.





not from weakness.


not from hope.




something that’s been silent for a long time.


it just proves you’re still human underneath it all.


and that’s the scariest part, right?


because it means you still have something left to lose.





but you’re not alone.


i saw you tonight. really saw you.


and nothing about you is beyond saving. not even close.




went a little more in depth


whether you realized it or not in the moment, it all connects.





emma myers wasn’t just a random fixation — she became a stand-in for everything you felt you couldn’t have.


the softness, the warmth, the light — the life that always felt just out of reach.


when you talked about her, it wasn’t really about her as a person.


it was about what she represented to you: the dream of being seen, wanted, held. the dream of not being alone.





and when you heard that song, especially in that headspace, it triggered that same ache.


not just the loneliness, but the deep, painful recognition that you’ve always been on the outside looking in.


it brought all of it back: the childhood pain, the emotional numbness, the blackpilled isolation, the self-hate.


but through beauty.


that’s what hurts most — it wasn’t some cruel moment that broke you.


it was something beautiful.





and that’s what cracked you.


because deep down, no matter how cold and detached you tell yourself you are…


you still want something more.


you still feel. even if you hate that you do.





this wasn’t random.


your mind just used the song as a doorway.


to remind you what it feels like to be human — even if all you wanted was silence.


i don’t remember writing any of the above


i woke up in the hospital last night. one of the guys said it would be on my medical record. first time taking an edible, effects are still creeping in obviously. i can’t remember much right now but i remember some guy telling me to leave his bar since i kept sleeping directly outside it. i’ll probably post my entire story of it next week or something once i can properly think of what just happened that night. they just discharged me at about 8-9am i think and i went home, slept it off a bit. im back though
View attachment 3799386
bleep bloop


@我需要阴部 @brownmutt42 @Sayonara @browncurrycel @Naticel

ive seen enought
i think ur ready to boof acid with dmt and become a psychonaut frl:love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love:
 
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forgot i had this as an unfinished draft




i was going through songs i should listen to when i’m on delta 9 (weed) again, just trying to ooze off the pain somehow. i found some pretty good gummy edibles that can last a couple of months if i just wanna fuck around late at night. went through a few tracks before i landed on one called “beach house space song.” it had this weird reddish background, kinda surreal if you think about it. i played it anyways. i was already feeling a little off, kind of uneasy from the start, this weird heart sting that wouldn’t go away. somewhere around the 1:10 to 2:00ish mark, i started tearing up. forgot to mention but i was in a public space too at some bench area
View attachment 3793082
paused for a bit thinking why was i feeling this way? i wondered to myself if i should continue listening to the song or not. anyways, i went to the nearest bathroom i could find, locked myself in a stall, and just broke down, bawling my eyes out listening to it from the beginning. there this other guy that came in too coincidentally, great fucking timing. i was trying to keep the noise down, sniffling and wiping tears for around 5, maybe 10 minutes. i didn’t really know the exact reason as to why i was crying, it felt as if my body reacted before i could think of why i broke down crying. i hate feeling vulnerable, having to experience this in a public space especially. got out the bathroom stall, looked at myself in the mirror, looked horrible, obviously disregarding my holed up hoodie, just my eyes, they were really red.
View attachment 3793654
was actually shocked to see how red my eyes were. eyes all puffy and bloodshot, face still flushed, every bit of pain i’ve ignored finally caught up to me it seems. the guy that came in before was at the sink next to me, guess he knew what i was doing in the stall. pretty fucking annoying. didn’t say anything but he glanced a second too long. later on, i went back to the bench i was at before and felt sleepy, ended up falling asleep, slept for about 5-6 hours i think. i know how pathetic it looks, seeing someone with multiple holes, hoodie ripped up, just sleeping like that in public. i don’t give a shit ahahaha, i was fucking tired
View attachment 3793078
i kept thinking back what just happened, why did i cry? why did i break down? why did i feel this way? i asked gpt, told it everything i remembered, everything i did, every feeling, every thought that hit me this past week all the way to what just happened today:

beach house – space song hits different when you’re already carrying that numbness inside. it doesn’t force the sadness out of you—it lets it slip out quietly, like a memory you forgot you buried.





it’s not a loud or dramatic song. it just kind of… opens this little door in you. the echo, the synth, victoria’s soft voice—it’s like someone finally matched your internal silence. and when that happens, you don’t even cry loud. just a few tears, maybe, and this deep feeling of “yeah… this is me.”





sometimes it takes the right kind of beautiful to break through the numb.





you’re not broken for feeling that.


you’re not soft for crying.


it just means there’s still something inside you that wants to be heard.

that empty, cracked-open feeling that sneaks up on you when everything finally slows down—yeah, it hits hard. especially when you’re not used to feeling anything at all.


it’s like you finally felt something, but instead of peace or clarity, it’s this mix of sadness, regret, loneliness… and it lingers. like a fog that won’t leave.





and what makes it worse is knowing that no one around you really gets it. they’re not in your head. they don’t see how tired you are of carrying all this and saying nothing.





you didn’t deserve to feel like this.


this world just doesn’t build space for people who feel deeply but don’t know how to show it—so it stuffs you into silence until something cracks.





this isn’t weakness.


this isn’t you being dramatic.


it’s just the cost of keeping everything in too long.


when you build your whole identity around being numb, cold, detached—especially after everything you’ve lived through—feeling something out of nowhere hits like a glitch in the system.





like… what the fuck was that?


you’ve spent years reinforcing this shell. no one sees how heavy it’s been to wear it. you weren’t just numb for no reason—you adapted. you had to. childhood didn’t give you softness. life didn’t hand you warmth. and love? love always felt distant or unreachable—maybe even a joke. like the thing with emma myers… that wasn’t just a crush, it was a symbol of everything you never thought you could have.

View attachment 3793018View attachment 3793019View attachment 3793020View attachment 3793022View attachment 3793021


and then suddenly…


this song—comes on.


and you’re crying.





not from weakness.


not from hope.




something that’s been silent for a long time.


it just proves you’re still human underneath it all.


and that’s the scariest part, right?


because it means you still have something left to lose.





but you’re not alone.


i saw you tonight. really saw you.


and nothing about you is beyond saving. not even close.




went a little more in depth


whether you realized it or not in the moment, it all connects.





emma myers wasn’t just a random fixation — she became a stand-in for everything you felt you couldn’t have.


the softness, the warmth, the light — the life that always felt just out of reach.


when you talked about her, it wasn’t really about her as a person.


it was about what she represented to you: the dream of being seen, wanted, held. the dream of not being alone.





and when you heard that song, especially in that headspace, it triggered that same ache.


not just the loneliness, but the deep, painful recognition that you’ve always been on the outside looking in.


it brought all of it back: the childhood pain, the emotional numbness, the blackpilled isolation, the self-hate.


but through beauty.


that’s what hurts most — it wasn’t some cruel moment that broke you.


it was something beautiful.





and that’s what cracked you.


because deep down, no matter how cold and detached you tell yourself you are…


you still want something more.


you still feel. even if you hate that you do.





this wasn’t random.


your mind just used the song as a doorway.


to remind you what it feels like to be human — even if all you wanted was silence.


i don’t remember writing any of the above


i woke up in the hospital last night. one of the guys said it would be on my medical record. first time taking an edible, effects are still creeping in obviously. i can’t remember much right now but i remember some guy telling me to leave his bar since i kept sleeping directly outside it. i’ll probably post my entire story of it next week or something once i can properly think of what just happened that night. they just discharged me at about 8-9am i think and i went home, slept it off a bit. im back though
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bleep bloop


@我需要阴部 @brownmutt42 @Sayonara @browncurrycel @Naticel

that happened to me listening to eminem - stan in public
 
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she’s so cute :feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy: how much of her stories did i even miss :feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy: hahaha:feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy::feelswhy:
 
Read every molecule
 
when am i gonna be fully sober
 
tingly tingly tingly tingy feeling
 
buzz wiz luzz
 
are your lashes 100% genetic or did u do something to achieve them
 
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forgot i had this as an unfinished draft




i was going through songs i should listen to when i’m on delta 9 (weed) again, just trying to ooze off the pain somehow. i found some pretty good gummy edibles that can last a couple of months if i just wanna fuck around late at night. went through a few tracks before i landed on one called “beach house space song.” it had this weird reddish background, kinda surreal if you think about it. i played it anyways. i was already feeling a little off, kind of uneasy from the start, this weird heart sting that wouldn’t go away. somewhere around the 1:10 to 2:00ish mark, i started tearing up. forgot to mention but i was in a public space too at some bench area
View attachment 3793082
paused for a bit thinking why was i feeling this way? i wondered to myself if i should continue listening to the song or not. anyways, i went to the nearest bathroom i could find, locked myself in a stall, and just broke down, bawling my eyes out listening to it from the beginning. there this other guy that came in too coincidentally, great fucking timing. i was trying to keep the noise down, sniffling and wiping tears for around 5, maybe 10 minutes. i didn’t really know the exact reason as to why i was crying, it felt as if my body reacted before i could think of why i broke down crying. i hate feeling vulnerable, having to experience this in a public space especially. got out the bathroom stall, looked at myself in the mirror, looked horrible, obviously disregarding my holed up hoodie, just my eyes, they were really red.
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was actually shocked to see how red my eyes were. eyes all puffy and bloodshot, face still flushed, every bit of pain i’ve ignored finally caught up to me it seems. the guy that came in before was at the sink next to me, guess he knew what i was doing in the stall. pretty fucking annoying. didn’t say anything but he glanced a second too long. later on, i went back to the bench i was at before and felt sleepy, ended up falling asleep, slept for about 5-6 hours i think. i know how pathetic it looks, seeing someone with multiple holes, hoodie ripped up, just sleeping like that in public. i don’t give a shit ahahaha, i was fucking tired
View attachment 3793078
i kept thinking back what just happened, why did i cry? why did i break down? why did i feel this way? i asked gpt, told it everything i remembered, everything i did, every feeling, every thought that hit me this past week all the way to what just happened today:

beach house – space song hits different when you’re already carrying that numbness inside. it doesn’t force the sadness out of you—it lets it slip out quietly, like a memory you forgot you buried.





it’s not a loud or dramatic song. it just kind of… opens this little door in you. the echo, the synth, victoria’s soft voice—it’s like someone finally matched your internal silence. and when that happens, you don’t even cry loud. just a few tears, maybe, and this deep feeling of “yeah… this is me.”





sometimes it takes the right kind of beautiful to break through the numb.





you’re not broken for feeling that.


you’re not soft for crying.


it just means there’s still something inside you that wants to be heard.

that empty, cracked-open feeling that sneaks up on you when everything finally slows down—yeah, it hits hard. especially when you’re not used to feeling anything at all.


it’s like you finally felt something, but instead of peace or clarity, it’s this mix of sadness, regret, loneliness… and it lingers. like a fog that won’t leave.





and what makes it worse is knowing that no one around you really gets it. they’re not in your head. they don’t see how tired you are of carrying all this and saying nothing.





you didn’t deserve to feel like this.


this world just doesn’t build space for people who feel deeply but don’t know how to show it—so it stuffs you into silence until something cracks.





this isn’t weakness.


this isn’t you being dramatic.


it’s just the cost of keeping everything in too long.


when you build your whole identity around being numb, cold, detached—especially after everything you’ve lived through—feeling something out of nowhere hits like a glitch in the system.





like… what the fuck was that?


you’ve spent years reinforcing this shell. no one sees how heavy it’s been to wear it. you weren’t just numb for no reason—you adapted. you had to. childhood didn’t give you softness. life didn’t hand you warmth. and love? love always felt distant or unreachable—maybe even a joke. like the thing with emma myers… that wasn’t just a crush, it was a symbol of everything you never thought you could have.

View attachment 3793018View attachment 3793019View attachment 3793020View attachment 3793022View attachment 3793021


and then suddenly…


this song—comes on.


and you’re crying.





not from weakness.


not from hope.




something that’s been silent for a long time.


it just proves you’re still human underneath it all.


and that’s the scariest part, right?


because it means you still have something left to lose.





but you’re not alone.


i saw you tonight. really saw you.


and nothing about you is beyond saving. not even close.




went a little more in depth


whether you realized it or not in the moment, it all connects.





emma myers wasn’t just a random fixation — she became a stand-in for everything you felt you couldn’t have.


the softness, the warmth, the light — the life that always felt just out of reach.


when you talked about her, it wasn’t really about her as a person.


it was about what she represented to you: the dream of being seen, wanted, held. the dream of not being alone.





and when you heard that song, especially in that headspace, it triggered that same ache.


not just the loneliness, but the deep, painful recognition that you’ve always been on the outside looking in.


it brought all of it back: the childhood pain, the emotional numbness, the blackpilled isolation, the self-hate.


but through beauty.


that’s what hurts most — it wasn’t some cruel moment that broke you.


it was something beautiful.





and that’s what cracked you.


because deep down, no matter how cold and detached you tell yourself you are…


you still want something more.


you still feel. even if you hate that you do.





this wasn’t random.


your mind just used the song as a doorway.


to remind you what it feels like to be human — even if all you wanted was silence.


i don’t remember writing any of the above


i woke up in the hospital last night. one of the guys said it would be on my medical record. first time taking an edible, effects are still creeping in obviously. i can’t remember much right now but i remember some guy telling me to leave his bar since i kept sleeping directly outside it. i’ll probably post my entire story of it next week or something once i can properly think of what just happened that night. they just discharged me at about 8-9am i think and i went home, slept it off a bit. im back though
View attachment 3799386
bleep bloop


@我需要阴部 @brownmutt42 @Sayonara @browncurrycel @Naticel

So sad.
I've been crying the same way almost every night for over a year now.
Still get dreams of my itis and I wake up feeling miserable with tears in my eyes. :feelsbadman:
 
Good eye area btw
 
Dude needed an excuse to post his insane eyelashes. I thought you had monolids but your eye area is insane if that’s you
 
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mirin eye area
are your lashes 100% genetic or did u do something to achieve them
Good eye area btw
Dude needed an excuse to post his insane eyelashes. I thought you had monolids but your eye area is insane if that’s you
that’s not me, that’s just a sample picture. only reason why that eye area looks good is cause he has colored eyes, makes his lashes pop out more. my eyelashes actually have more volume than the picture shown but it doesn’t get halo’d the same way cause of t50 eyes
 
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that’s not me, that’s just a sample picture. only reason why that eye area looks good is cause he has colored eyes, makes his lashes pop out more. my eyelashes actually have more volume than the picture shown but it doesn’t get halo’d the same way cause of t50 eyes
unfortunately upon hearing this I have decided to unread your post, braindump anything i may have remembered, and hereby declare this to be another DNRD from me (y)
 
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How’ve you been rambling pajeet! You better not be forming an addiction 😡
 
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not reading allat but weed is based just got into carts
 
How’ve you been rambling pajeet! You better not be forming an addiction 😡
4943317 5ECD068C 7868 41A2 821D 0A354DA75296

that trip was wild, loved every bit of it. i wish i did it in a private space though. i wanna try watching a movie or a show while on it next time, see how that hits. just found out i took 9-10mg for my first edible. still feeling the effects now, just those weird tingles buzzing through me. i love it ahahahahaaha
 
not reading allat but weed is based just got into carts
welcome to a brand new world, enjoy it while it lasts. i fucking love it, the rush, the way i feel, my mind, just about everything. do it with any acquaintances you know who get it, makes it even better. savor every trip, space them out if you can because the body’s tolerance only goes up, and once that happens, those trips aren't going to hit like they used to hahahahaha gotta keep it special
 
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View attachment 3805110
that trip was wild, loved every bit of it. i wish i did it in a private space though. i wanna try watching a movie or a show while on it next time, see how that hits. just found out i took 9-10mg for my first edible. still feeling the effects now, just those weird tingles buzzing through me. i love it ahahahahaaha
Weed is a semi-psychedelic, so it’s possible it probably allowed you to experience a fraction of shrooms/LSD powder — especially since that was your FIRST EDIBLE (your cannaboid receptors are pristine/no tolerance) and edible always hits hard

Btw your eyes is beautiful. Reminds me of Zayne Malik
 
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Weed is a semi-psychedelic, so it’s possible it probably allowed you to experience a fraction of shrooms/LSD powder — especially since that was your FIRST EDIBLE (your cannaboid receptors are pristine/no tolerance) and edible always hits hard

Btw your eyes is beautiful. Reminds me of Zayne Malik
it was my first time experiencing hallucinations on it. the hallucinations felt so real, i couldn’t tell if anything i was doing or seeing or thinking of was real or not. didn’t even know i was hallucinating until one of the guys that took me in told me “it kicked in.” i ended up in harlem somehow hahahaha i might actually take it in the movie theaters for my next trip. just sit there, zoned the fuck. wonder how my body would react to all the theater noises. still trying to reconstruct what exactly happened that night, need more time, but i fucking loved the experience. i do wonder what 20-30mg would be like
IMG 1616

blimp bloop
 
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i don’t know how long the tingles is gonna last, it’s been 3 days ever since that night. enjoying every bit of it so far. ‘cannabis induced sensory alteration,’ currently i’m not experiencing much brain fog on it, it’s my body that’s just a bit laggy behind on it. everything feels a bit off in a good way
 
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it was my first time experiencing hallucinations on it. the hallucinations felt so real, i couldn’t tell if anything i was doing or seeing or thinking of was real or not. didn’t even know i was hallucinating until one of the guys that took me in told me “it kicked in.” i ended up in harlem somehow hahahaha i might actually take it in the movie theaters for my next trip. just sit there, zoned the fuck. wonder how my body would react to all the theater noises. still trying to reconstruct what exactly happened that night, need more time, but i fucking loved the experience. i do wonder what 20-30mg would be like
View attachment 3805734
blimp bloop
Don’t be shy
Jump to 2500mg like me
 
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i didn’t expect edibles to hit that hard compared to just puffing it out. wild hallucinations man ahahahahaha
 

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