Day 1/8 (fasting)

[Bit]

DAY 1/8 FASTING​

Probably the easiest day out of the bunch so nothing really changed, i feel ok, i took a scoop of collagen supplement and been drinking lots of water, i think the most dificult thing was the boredom, shit gets really boring at some points, but its still manageable, there is one thing tho, i feel endangered, scared, im starting to feel insecure about the relationship with the girl i want, and realizing how fake my friends actually are, theres only like 2 i respect as genuine people, i blocked all of them anyway, i dont need distractions, i also deleted discord and all my games off steam, i really want to focus on things that would make me a better human being, like studies and drawing which ive been doing all my life, i still dont understand why i feel this void inside of me, as i write this, i feel uncomfortable, scared, i was very socially outstanding in the past, but my friends suddenly took a picture of me that i hated and laughed at it, and then it hit me, all this time, i probably looked like an idiot being extroverted, how could a disgusting human being be so social? people are probably disgusted, anyway this was a wake up call, a call to action of some sort, i needed to change and i needed to change fast, i used to wake up thinking about the girl, but now i only wake up thinking about myself and my progress, i feel hollow, ive never been so depressed, and i dont understand why, im making progress, im training, i got this girl im trying to pull, i got 2 real friends, family, why do i feel so mentaly burned out, its weird, and it scares me, tomorrow i have uni and it helps that i have to walk to get there, its a 1 hour walk , this way i can easily get cardio in monday through friday.

i guess all i can do now is stick to my word, focus on class, be reserved and change in silence, i dont really get the urge to eat anymore, everytime i pick up my phone to masturbate or turn on my desktop to browse or play games i see the picture my "friends" took of me ( i placed it as my wallpaper and lockscreen on all my devices, i cannot forget why i began ), i am reminded of the monster that i am, the unlovable being that i see myself as, at this point, i recall and wonder why a htb would give me the attention she did, share the moments with me that she did, laugh together with me, tell me her passions and understanding of the world and listen to mine, her music taste, drive me home like 20 times, maybe out of pitty, maybe out of boredom, shes very reserved on ig, all her girl friends have got like 20k followers, im an oddball, im guessing taking action is also accepting what i am, but not only that, what i could be, i need to keep my head above water, i cant drown in hatred and insecurity, ive got one bullet left, this is it, i do not need to think about these things, its not productive, who cares if im wasting my time, at this point, i dont have time to care, or energy to do something else.​

i need to work hard for the things that i want

feeling like shit is comfortable

taking action is devastating

i must push through

im not a loser

i wont give up while my gun is loaded.​

 

[andy9432]

Do the fasting dry.

 

[hopeisnotenough]

gl g u got it