True truecel
Solstice
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- Oct 31, 2024
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Day 30 of self improvement
Warning- corny and blue pilled, maybe white pilled today
eventually there’s gonna be a point in my life where I have to consciously forget black pill concepts in order to keep my sanity. society and bp just don’t work together
Anyeays
Started the day out actually decent. Was able to resist a few wank desires strangely enough, which is an upgrade from before for sure. got my sleep cycle set, but diet is still mid, albeit healthy. I need to control it more to focus on protein and amino acids. Some may say diet is cope, I don’t think so at all tbh, but I can see where that viewpoint comes from.
Then the crash out happened, absolutely brutal shit
Just fucking lashed out bc I got pissed they weren’t taking me seriously
absolutely embarrassing
You genuinely can’t keep emotions instead, you have to tell someone before it backfires on you. I miscalculated my ability to keep my feelings to myself.
It did feel good tho to let that shit out.
Anyways got the health shit diagnosing kinda, we’ll see what happens from here
Took a walk in the morning
Had so many damn meetings
I think today was like 3 and a half hours worth of meetings
Fucking hell I hope it gets better soon, but honestly this is sort of fun to just yap lowk
Also sort of followed my checklist but not really. Again the main bottleneck for me seems to be a sense of urgency, particularly when I’m not in cognitive dissonance depressive mode. There’s enough time and resources to accomplish what needs to be done, I’m just stuck in a limbo state theorizing something and time passes. It’s genuinely autistic how many random thoughts fly by my head. I’ve gotta be conscious of my thoughts and get it streamlined with lookmaxxing goals so I can pursue the genuinely important things in life
Also they were right, I need more fucking friends lol
I did meet up w an old friend but that shit might as well be easier than walking in the front door. Good friend tho
Retrospective: obviously gonna be about the crash out, I need to learn to vent better, even though it’s blue pilled as fuck. I don’t have to go to therapy like a normie twink, I just gotta get shit off my chest as soon as there’s something up in a logical and completely emotionally stable way.
Good thing: I recalibrated and adjusted to the crash out. I think this genuinely improved my short term trajectory, since now I feel closer to them and there’s more synergy and opportunity for me to reach out.
Mental health: I felt really miserable during the crash out but now I feel better for sure. Have more clarity on where I need to go and what to work on. However still have a lot of stress surrounding the health and appearance shit, but I’m sure it will all work out in the end.
3 things:
Old Friend
cats exist - corny af and childlike statement
but still
I have a car, not my car technically but it’s still a car
1 thing: stretching
Really wanna focus on getting into habits and patterns. I’ve noticed that there’s a tendency to theorize at too high of a level. This is not the time, that can be done in the reevaluation period. I just need to essentially get after it rn.
Warning- corny and blue pilled, maybe white pilled today
eventually there’s gonna be a point in my life where I have to consciously forget black pill concepts in order to keep my sanity. society and bp just don’t work together
Anyeays
Started the day out actually decent. Was able to resist a few wank desires strangely enough, which is an upgrade from before for sure. got my sleep cycle set, but diet is still mid, albeit healthy. I need to control it more to focus on protein and amino acids. Some may say diet is cope, I don’t think so at all tbh, but I can see where that viewpoint comes from.
Then the crash out happened, absolutely brutal shit
Just fucking lashed out bc I got pissed they weren’t taking me seriously
absolutely embarrassing
You genuinely can’t keep emotions instead, you have to tell someone before it backfires on you. I miscalculated my ability to keep my feelings to myself.
It did feel good tho to let that shit out.
Anyways got the health shit diagnosing kinda, we’ll see what happens from here
Took a walk in the morning
Had so many damn meetings
I think today was like 3 and a half hours worth of meetings
Fucking hell I hope it gets better soon, but honestly this is sort of fun to just yap lowk
Also sort of followed my checklist but not really. Again the main bottleneck for me seems to be a sense of urgency, particularly when I’m not in cognitive dissonance depressive mode. There’s enough time and resources to accomplish what needs to be done, I’m just stuck in a limbo state theorizing something and time passes. It’s genuinely autistic how many random thoughts fly by my head. I’ve gotta be conscious of my thoughts and get it streamlined with lookmaxxing goals so I can pursue the genuinely important things in life
Also they were right, I need more fucking friends lol
I did meet up w an old friend but that shit might as well be easier than walking in the front door. Good friend tho
Retrospective: obviously gonna be about the crash out, I need to learn to vent better, even though it’s blue pilled as fuck. I don’t have to go to therapy like a normie twink, I just gotta get shit off my chest as soon as there’s something up in a logical and completely emotionally stable way.
Good thing: I recalibrated and adjusted to the crash out. I think this genuinely improved my short term trajectory, since now I feel closer to them and there’s more synergy and opportunity for me to reach out.
Mental health: I felt really miserable during the crash out but now I feel better for sure. Have more clarity on where I need to go and what to work on. However still have a lot of stress surrounding the health and appearance shit, but I’m sure it will all work out in the end.
3 things:
Old Friend
cats exist - corny af and childlike statement
but stillI have a car, not my car technically but it’s still a car
1 thing: stretching
Really wanna focus on getting into habits and patterns. I’ve noticed that there’s a tendency to theorize at too high of a level. This is not the time, that can be done in the reevaluation period. I just need to essentially get after it rn.
