E
ElySioNs
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Dear Reddit, my girlfriend was raped on a holiday with friends and I literally don't know what to do or think.
First ever throwaway account for me... Shame its for something like this.
My girlfriend went away to a popular student destination with a lot of friends of hers, and I didn't hear from her all week until about 5pm today when she called me after getting back onto home soil and her phone would work again.
She asked me if I was alone and sitting down 'cause she had to tell me something; immediately I'm thinking 'oh shit what's happened, has she cheated on me? Has she lost something? Is she injured?' and my heart is racing. She says to me, 'something happened with someone and sex was involved but I didn't cheat on you. If you get what I mean'. Her voice was quivering at telling me this, so I could tell she was scared and shaken about it. So I just stayed calm and asked 'were you raped?' to which she said after a moment's silence, 'yes.'
I was immediately in shock. What the fuck? I asked her how it had happened, and from what she could manage to tell me through being all fucked up about it it seems that she had left something in her hotel room and told her friends to go ahead and she'd catch up after getting what it was she'd forgotten. She got back to the hotel and got into a lift along with a man who her friends only knew as 'the guy upstairs'. **CHECK THE EDIT PART AT THE BOTTOM FOR AN UPDATE ON THIS BIT** He was wasted, and made a move on her, she resisted and a struggle ensued. In the struggle her head was hit off the wall of the lift and she blacked out, waking up sometime later naked only with her shoes on next to this lad who had sobered up and was crying because he has a girlfriend and has only just realised what he's done.
She then started crying as the realisation of all that happened set in and she had just had sex with someone who isn't me. The guy then had the audacity to ask her if she could stay with him a while to comfort each other. She left, obviously, and went back to her room. This part's a bit sketchy because she was starting to cry down the phone so it either happened in her room, in the corridor or in his room, I don't know, but I'm not going to push for information.
When packing to come home she found a t-shirt of his and binned it along with all the clothes and shoes she wore at the time. Bad move, no DNA.
She doesn't know his name, and all there is is a photograph with him in it on her friend's camera. The police won't be able to do much without DNA and conclusive evidence, but getting them involved is not my place, she told me not to involve them so I'm not going to. That's her parent's job.
I'm just at a complete loss. I've sat here for the past two hours with a close friend just talking it through and I've decided to go home tomorrow to be with her and let her know that I'm here for her.
Has anyone else had this experience or any advice or anything at all? I want to find the guy and fuck him up something rotten but that would just make things worse... at the very least I want his girlfriend to know.
**tl;dr** My girlfriend got raped on holiday, I'm in shock. There is little evidence so a conviction will most likely not be made. Advice / anecdotes / proposed solutions would be awesome.
...
**EDIT** Just got off the phone with her, she's home safely now. She didn't really say much, she was crying in her room; I've never heard my girlfriend cry. This, to me, just proves more that this story is true... she's a hard knock and this is massive. Didn't really get much more information except that she was wearing a dress and it happened in her room (keycards are numbered in this hotel and she kept it in her clutch bag over her shoulder, easy place to find it). Going to suggest requesting CCTV from the hotel; lifts usually have cameras in nowadays.
...
**BIG EDIT** As I said, the ending of the story didn't really come across well; she was crying, phone signal and noise in the background weren't exactly helpful. I have spoken to her since and found that it wasn't in the elevator that she fell, the man followed her from the elevator to her room, which is where the struggle started. That is my bad for misunderstanding and posting that on here. This explains how he got to her room and into it and all that.
To all the people who are pointing out plot holes; let me trust my girlfriend. The signal on the phone wasn't the best, she was trying to be quiet so as not to tell everyone on the coach around her about it and there was a lot of chatter in the background. I should've cleared that up at the start, but my mind wasn't exactly thinking straight. I've filled in quite a big plot hole now, but please respect that I trust my girlfriend and will be sticking beside her during this, you have to be here to understand completely I suppose.
**Massive thanks to all the kind words from people who are trying to help!**
**MAJOR UPDATE!**
I've just got back from seeing her in person for the first time since she went on holiday, and I can confirm that this is a girl who is telling the truth. I arrived at her house and she was sat in the back garden scrubbing her shoes clean, she had been cleaning all her clothes all night - even ones she didn't take with her on holiday. She has injuries on her face and back, bite marks and a bruise which is very obviously from where a hand has held her too firmly.
**She told me the entire story again, and it checks out completely on my bullshit radar, she's telling the truth.**
We went and got her hair cut; she wants to get rid of how she was. She went for her third shower of the day. She sat and cried in front of me, which she has never done and said that she feels so dirty and like I shouldn't even be caring for her. She feels like she has cheated on me, but there is NO DOUBT IN MY MIND. She hasn't.
Going to the hospital first thing tomorrow for STI checks etc.
She's breaking the news to her parents as I type this, the police will most likely be informed after.
As for how she acts, she was very twitchy and flinched a lot at first if I just came near her, but I let her take complete control of everything. After a few hours of just sitting there comforting her when she needed it and talking to her she came to me and kissed me, then backed off, looked at me for a moment and said 'that wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be'. Before I left she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me, told me she loves me and thanked me for being there. She's going to be just fine, I think, given some time!
**UPDATE AGAIN**
Saw her again today, went to the hospital but the website hasn't been updated; they don't do drop in sessions on Tuesdays and there was no space free and no appointments until next week, so we're going again tomorrow. She's a lot less twitchy and was happier today.
As for people thinking this is all bullshit, fuck you. You're not here and you're not in this situation. If this ever happens to your girlfriend or someone close and you look for some help then you'll know exactly how I feel and how this all is. This is not an exercise in creative writing, that's just **fucked up**.
First ever throwaway account for me... Shame its for something like this.
My girlfriend went away to a popular student destination with a lot of friends of hers, and I didn't hear from her all week until about 5pm today when she called me after getting back onto home soil and her phone would work again.
She asked me if I was alone and sitting down 'cause she had to tell me something; immediately I'm thinking 'oh shit what's happened, has she cheated on me? Has she lost something? Is she injured?' and my heart is racing. She says to me, 'something happened with someone and sex was involved but I didn't cheat on you. If you get what I mean'. Her voice was quivering at telling me this, so I could tell she was scared and shaken about it. So I just stayed calm and asked 'were you raped?' to which she said after a moment's silence, 'yes.'
I was immediately in shock. What the fuck? I asked her how it had happened, and from what she could manage to tell me through being all fucked up about it it seems that she had left something in her hotel room and told her friends to go ahead and she'd catch up after getting what it was she'd forgotten. She got back to the hotel and got into a lift along with a man who her friends only knew as 'the guy upstairs'. **CHECK THE EDIT PART AT THE BOTTOM FOR AN UPDATE ON THIS BIT** He was wasted, and made a move on her, she resisted and a struggle ensued. In the struggle her head was hit off the wall of the lift and she blacked out, waking up sometime later naked only with her shoes on next to this lad who had sobered up and was crying because he has a girlfriend and has only just realised what he's done.
She then started crying as the realisation of all that happened set in and she had just had sex with someone who isn't me. The guy then had the audacity to ask her if she could stay with him a while to comfort each other. She left, obviously, and went back to her room. This part's a bit sketchy because she was starting to cry down the phone so it either happened in her room, in the corridor or in his room, I don't know, but I'm not going to push for information.
When packing to come home she found a t-shirt of his and binned it along with all the clothes and shoes she wore at the time. Bad move, no DNA.
She doesn't know his name, and all there is is a photograph with him in it on her friend's camera. The police won't be able to do much without DNA and conclusive evidence, but getting them involved is not my place, she told me not to involve them so I'm not going to. That's her parent's job.
I'm just at a complete loss. I've sat here for the past two hours with a close friend just talking it through and I've decided to go home tomorrow to be with her and let her know that I'm here for her.
Has anyone else had this experience or any advice or anything at all? I want to find the guy and fuck him up something rotten but that would just make things worse... at the very least I want his girlfriend to know.
**tl;dr** My girlfriend got raped on holiday, I'm in shock. There is little evidence so a conviction will most likely not be made. Advice / anecdotes / proposed solutions would be awesome.
...
**EDIT** Just got off the phone with her, she's home safely now. She didn't really say much, she was crying in her room; I've never heard my girlfriend cry. This, to me, just proves more that this story is true... she's a hard knock and this is massive. Didn't really get much more information except that she was wearing a dress and it happened in her room (keycards are numbered in this hotel and she kept it in her clutch bag over her shoulder, easy place to find it). Going to suggest requesting CCTV from the hotel; lifts usually have cameras in nowadays.
...
**BIG EDIT** As I said, the ending of the story didn't really come across well; she was crying, phone signal and noise in the background weren't exactly helpful. I have spoken to her since and found that it wasn't in the elevator that she fell, the man followed her from the elevator to her room, which is where the struggle started. That is my bad for misunderstanding and posting that on here. This explains how he got to her room and into it and all that.
To all the people who are pointing out plot holes; let me trust my girlfriend. The signal on the phone wasn't the best, she was trying to be quiet so as not to tell everyone on the coach around her about it and there was a lot of chatter in the background. I should've cleared that up at the start, but my mind wasn't exactly thinking straight. I've filled in quite a big plot hole now, but please respect that I trust my girlfriend and will be sticking beside her during this, you have to be here to understand completely I suppose.
**Massive thanks to all the kind words from people who are trying to help!**
**MAJOR UPDATE!**
I've just got back from seeing her in person for the first time since she went on holiday, and I can confirm that this is a girl who is telling the truth. I arrived at her house and she was sat in the back garden scrubbing her shoes clean, she had been cleaning all her clothes all night - even ones she didn't take with her on holiday. She has injuries on her face and back, bite marks and a bruise which is very obviously from where a hand has held her too firmly.
**She told me the entire story again, and it checks out completely on my bullshit radar, she's telling the truth.**
We went and got her hair cut; she wants to get rid of how she was. She went for her third shower of the day. She sat and cried in front of me, which she has never done and said that she feels so dirty and like I shouldn't even be caring for her. She feels like she has cheated on me, but there is NO DOUBT IN MY MIND. She hasn't.
Going to the hospital first thing tomorrow for STI checks etc.
She's breaking the news to her parents as I type this, the police will most likely be informed after.
As for how she acts, she was very twitchy and flinched a lot at first if I just came near her, but I let her take complete control of everything. After a few hours of just sitting there comforting her when she needed it and talking to her she came to me and kissed me, then backed off, looked at me for a moment and said 'that wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be'. Before I left she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me, told me she loves me and thanked me for being there. She's going to be just fine, I think, given some time!
**UPDATE AGAIN**
Saw her again today, went to the hospital but the website hasn't been updated; they don't do drop in sessions on Tuesdays and there was no space free and no appointments until next week, so we're going again tomorrow. She's a lot less twitchy and was happier today.
As for people thinking this is all bullshit, fuck you. You're not here and you're not in this situation. If this ever happens to your girlfriend or someone close and you look for some help then you'll know exactly how I feel and how this all is. This is not an exercise in creative writing, that's just **fucked up**.
