Deleted member 8244
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I don’t care if this is personal and I shouldn’t be sharing this on an incel forum, but I literally have nobody to cope to so this is the next best thing, also this is a vent as you can tell from the tag, so itlong and irrational
My dad was an abused dog and gave me a sensitive soy personality and probably asd and he’s living across the country. And was so soy that he wouldn’t even let me play with nerf guns as a kid. And to top it off he’s an alcoholic, he didn’t beat me or verbally abuse me, but I know for a fact his mental genetics plus alchoholism is why I’m an incel. (Because of alchohol affecting pregnancy’s)
and my mom is a fucking retard that verbally abused me since I was a kid, not all the time, but the times when I messed up. Like one time when I was a little kid, I hit a girl, and my mom went off about how no girl would ever date me because of this, and how all men are evil, and when I was twelve and mad about something, she brought up how I called my preschool teacher “mrs fat” and how her problems are worse than mine so I don’t deserve to feel sad about them, she still fucking does this so I literally cant express anything to her and has emotionally numbed me, like I’d be crying and she’d belittle me into thinking I shouldn’t be allowed to be sad. And what’s annoying is that she is actually nice most of the time, but the times she does get mad it lingers with me and eats me up inside, like she’ll call me “retard” or “freak” when I piss her off by having bad grades or something.
She’s so fucking retarded she’ll ask “why don’t you have any friends” but then as soon as I try to practice my social skills on online games she’ll question me like a detective because she thinks I’m talking to pedophiles or some shit like everybody online is some 50yo pedo, and that I’m sub 40 iq. and to top it all off she looks 20 years younger her age and lived a perfect fucking life, besides “muh bullying” in fucking elementary school, but fails to mention that she was the Stacy in highschool and college, she’s too low iq to realize that I can’t just get friends by existing like her.
oh and she’s engaged to another fucking drunk who cares more about himself than me and my brothers, and I’m not even mad about that because I don’t like him either, but he’ll watch Netflix loudly at 2 am and then my mom will complain why I can’t wake up early enough.
My best friend before moving to a different school was aspie confirmed and was my only good friend but super high quality. He likes evangelion, and is chill when I do dark humor as a joke even though he’s a liberal. I moved to a different school in a different state a while ago so we can’t keep in touch that well so I decided to make another friend like him.
I go to the school and meet this one kid that is kinda similar because he’s aspie and nerdy, so we get along, but overtime I start to dislike him because he debates literally everything people say in class, like he is better than everybody else, and is overall weird, I avoided him for like a year and my life improved 200% but then I find out he tried to kill himself a couple years before I came to the school so I feel bad and try to be his friend again, also I felt more confident being his friend because he was aspie and socially awkward, I was socially awkward but people liked me and I was the class clown.
here’s where I start to hate this fucker, I find out he’s gay after like a year of being his friend. what the fuck. but he doesn’t act like a traditional faggot or speak with a gay voice, so I didn’t know, I just thought he couldn’t get a girl or had no interest. I was okay with it because he wasn’t like a traditional faggot and didn’t speak like one. (I wasn’t blackpilled yet). Just before covid hit I was showing him and others this funny pc game in school and I was laughing my ass off (literally howling with laughter) and this retard says to me in a quiet voice that he wishes I was gay…
this made me very uncomfortable because I wasn’t and am still not, but also gave me a little validation ngl. Just because I can’t get a girl doesn’t make me gay.
That year is when I started obsessing about looks before finding incels or the blackpill, and I asked these foids to only rate my face because they were doing a project about appearance and dating (very blackpilled) so I asked them to rate me and they said 4/10 I’m not mad because I respect honesty. One thing to note is that I used to make the entire class laugh, so my jestermaxxing carried me hard with not getting bullied or treated harsh.
anyways back to the friend, I was still okay being his friend because we mostly debated political stuff and that was the only gay thing he ever said to me and probably because I couldn’t get a better quality friend, because of my social anxiety because of my mom disliking everything I liked when I was a kid calling it “low iq” or stupid, probably why I still hide my phone when she randomly comes in my room even when I’m watching a iPhone review or something.
I’m okay with gay people (hating them more and more after browsing this forum and seeing pedophillia statistics (post some articles to make me hate gays more below btw)) but I despise trannies because of how they mutilate children and trick low iq people into having sex with them, and how they don’t disclose anything to people.
and then my friend who I was hating more and more tells me he’s trans, and I fucking hate him now, because he said that he got hit on by normal straight dudes like he was proud of it.
Oh and of course I can’t say anything to him about how much I disagree with what he’s doing because he’ll either kill himself which would be amazing but it would go on my permanent record, and I might get expelled of some shit if he tells a teacher. And because it would weigh on my conscious, because besides that, we were friends, but I despise trannies and now despising gays too so I gotta cut my losses and get better friends.
so far I’m actually connecting with people who I just thought were just acquaintances before by being more personal and not just spewing jokes, (normies to my knowledge) but they’re pretty cool and actually like the things I do. I haven’t told my trannie ex friend I’m not his friend anymore because I don’t want him to off himself and have it be my fault, so I’m avoiding talking to him In school and will ghost him by the time I’m in college. (Or should I be low inhib and get a kill from bullying him (in gta))
And if I go to college I can exist without my whore mother in my life as much so I can make real friends like I did with my best friend as a kid.
I’ve never had a therapist because of my mom downplaying my problems, but maybe that’s a good thing because I wasn’t jewed into being bluepilled by them. She’s not verbally abusive all the time, and things that I do deserve to be punished, but certain things that she said that I mentioned earlier, really messed with me.
I don’t want solutions, it just feels good to get this out there, and am genuinely glad for this website because of me having nobody to turn to.
My dad was an abused dog and gave me a sensitive soy personality and probably asd and he’s living across the country. And was so soy that he wouldn’t even let me play with nerf guns as a kid. And to top it off he’s an alcoholic, he didn’t beat me or verbally abuse me, but I know for a fact his mental genetics plus alchoholism is why I’m an incel. (Because of alchohol affecting pregnancy’s)
and my mom is a fucking retard that verbally abused me since I was a kid, not all the time, but the times when I messed up. Like one time when I was a little kid, I hit a girl, and my mom went off about how no girl would ever date me because of this, and how all men are evil, and when I was twelve and mad about something, she brought up how I called my preschool teacher “mrs fat” and how her problems are worse than mine so I don’t deserve to feel sad about them, she still fucking does this so I literally cant express anything to her and has emotionally numbed me, like I’d be crying and she’d belittle me into thinking I shouldn’t be allowed to be sad. And what’s annoying is that she is actually nice most of the time, but the times she does get mad it lingers with me and eats me up inside, like she’ll call me “retard” or “freak” when I piss her off by having bad grades or something.
She’s so fucking retarded she’ll ask “why don’t you have any friends” but then as soon as I try to practice my social skills on online games she’ll question me like a detective because she thinks I’m talking to pedophiles or some shit like everybody online is some 50yo pedo, and that I’m sub 40 iq. and to top it all off she looks 20 years younger her age and lived a perfect fucking life, besides “muh bullying” in fucking elementary school, but fails to mention that she was the Stacy in highschool and college, she’s too low iq to realize that I can’t just get friends by existing like her.
oh and she’s engaged to another fucking drunk who cares more about himself than me and my brothers, and I’m not even mad about that because I don’t like him either, but he’ll watch Netflix loudly at 2 am and then my mom will complain why I can’t wake up early enough.
My best friend before moving to a different school was aspie confirmed and was my only good friend but super high quality. He likes evangelion, and is chill when I do dark humor as a joke even though he’s a liberal. I moved to a different school in a different state a while ago so we can’t keep in touch that well so I decided to make another friend like him.
I go to the school and meet this one kid that is kinda similar because he’s aspie and nerdy, so we get along, but overtime I start to dislike him because he debates literally everything people say in class, like he is better than everybody else, and is overall weird, I avoided him for like a year and my life improved 200% but then I find out he tried to kill himself a couple years before I came to the school so I feel bad and try to be his friend again, also I felt more confident being his friend because he was aspie and socially awkward, I was socially awkward but people liked me and I was the class clown.
here’s where I start to hate this fucker, I find out he’s gay after like a year of being his friend. what the fuck. but he doesn’t act like a traditional faggot or speak with a gay voice, so I didn’t know, I just thought he couldn’t get a girl or had no interest. I was okay with it because he wasn’t like a traditional faggot and didn’t speak like one. (I wasn’t blackpilled yet). Just before covid hit I was showing him and others this funny pc game in school and I was laughing my ass off (literally howling with laughter) and this retard says to me in a quiet voice that he wishes I was gay…
this made me very uncomfortable because I wasn’t and am still not, but also gave me a little validation ngl. Just because I can’t get a girl doesn’t make me gay.
That year is when I started obsessing about looks before finding incels or the blackpill, and I asked these foids to only rate my face because they were doing a project about appearance and dating (very blackpilled) so I asked them to rate me and they said 4/10 I’m not mad because I respect honesty. One thing to note is that I used to make the entire class laugh, so my jestermaxxing carried me hard with not getting bullied or treated harsh.
anyways back to the friend, I was still okay being his friend because we mostly debated political stuff and that was the only gay thing he ever said to me and probably because I couldn’t get a better quality friend, because of my social anxiety because of my mom disliking everything I liked when I was a kid calling it “low iq” or stupid, probably why I still hide my phone when she randomly comes in my room even when I’m watching a iPhone review or something.
I’m okay with gay people (hating them more and more after browsing this forum and seeing pedophillia statistics (post some articles to make me hate gays more below btw)) but I despise trannies because of how they mutilate children and trick low iq people into having sex with them, and how they don’t disclose anything to people.
and then my friend who I was hating more and more tells me he’s trans, and I fucking hate him now, because he said that he got hit on by normal straight dudes like he was proud of it.
Oh and of course I can’t say anything to him about how much I disagree with what he’s doing because he’ll either kill himself which would be amazing but it would go on my permanent record, and I might get expelled of some shit if he tells a teacher. And because it would weigh on my conscious, because besides that, we were friends, but I despise trannies and now despising gays too so I gotta cut my losses and get better friends.
so far I’m actually connecting with people who I just thought were just acquaintances before by being more personal and not just spewing jokes, (normies to my knowledge) but they’re pretty cool and actually like the things I do. I haven’t told my trannie ex friend I’m not his friend anymore because I don’t want him to off himself and have it be my fault, so I’m avoiding talking to him In school and will ghost him by the time I’m in college. (Or should I be low inhib and get a kill from bullying him (in gta))
And if I go to college I can exist without my whore mother in my life as much so I can make real friends like I did with my best friend as a kid.
I’ve never had a therapist because of my mom downplaying my problems, but maybe that’s a good thing because I wasn’t jewed into being bluepilled by them. She’s not verbally abusive all the time, and things that I do deserve to be punished, but certain things that she said that I mentioned earlier, really messed with me.
I don’t want solutions, it just feels good to get this out there, and am genuinely glad for this website because of me having nobody to turn to.
