Its a categorization in todays time which twists ideals. You should only be as stoic as required to make a decision. Truth is, we live in a world of entropy. Everything is in motion. Our thoughts constantly change (grow), as well as our bodies and minds. Modern stoicism is basically the idea to ignore or resist the change/growth, and not move according to it. But like all things life, you can never truly ignore and resist. That becomes a choice in itself which determines your next trajectory. By definition, stoicism cannot exist as a permanent state of being. You can never be 'stoic' per modern definition.
You can try to hold the pain in, but IRL doing so will be a choice which will, in a lot of cases result in ignorance, or even trauma. You choosing to be "stoic" to your wife cheating for example, will only lead to further pain and even worst behavioral in the future. At a point, you will have to make a decision, even if that decision itself is to not make one.
Im sure the old philosophers made a better point of stoicism, but with all old age wisdom, words simply do not do the ideas the words categorized justice.
Especially stoicism, which is basically just general wisdom about the values and virtues of wisdom and temperance. Its turned into some ideology of a particular way of living when the general idea was supposed to be learning points of certain values. The world is way too fluid and complex than adopting one categorized way of living and ideology.
So at best, the word is best only considered as a easier path for the brain to remember the lessons taught which the early philosophers raised.
Aurelius probably needed the marriage to solidify his claim to the throne.
I'd be pretty pissed off if my wife was fucking sailors and gladiators on the daily, but if you made me emperor in exchange... then fuck it I'm cool being a cuck. I can fuck any woman I want anytime anyway.
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