Jmpace52
Gold
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2019
- Posts
- 859
- Reputation
- 826
Throughout the last 12 years of my life I have been living a Hellish existence with no end in sight to my misery. Throughout that time I have tried EVERYTHING. Counseling? Nope. I've been in counseling since 2013 and the only help I ever got was more recent when I finally found a new counselor who helped me wrestle my disability money out of my mom's greedy, selfish hands of hers so that now I have it and she's without a job when she used to make good money at the country club only to quit her job, figuring she could just live off me instead. But overall, counseling only made me so much worse. In 2013 the very first day of counseling, my social worker was some bitch named Emily (she doesn't work there anymore, but I still hate her enough to fucking kill her), and after my mom "spilled the beans" if you will, she sent me to a hospital for psych patients for nearly 3 weeks. During that stay I got bulliped, tranquilized, had constant anxiety attacks, looked for ways to escape and self-harmed. That experience to this day is the most traumatic I ever have to go through and it's probably I have certain problems with socializing and am too passive. However, this is not a problem that'll change simply by switching therapists, be it state run or private practitioners even (it's just how the law works), therefore I cannot trust them.
I've tried journaling but people can look through my shit, read it and throw it away or keep it (like my mom's dumbass). So that's not an option either.
I've tried online support but that never was enough, and many cases didn't end well either, thanks to trolls.
I've tried calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline but they either don't answer, are rude, will hang up on you, barely talk, they sound scripted and robotic everytime they respond, barely speak English, never gave me ANY solid advice whatsoever, and so on. So that was never a help.
I've even tried all kinds of psychotropic medications that don't work either because at the end of the day I'm still in that same environment that's causing the misery in the first place.
So that just leaves me with only two optionns: ECT or hypnosis. And if those two don't work, murder or suicide. Has anyone tried ECT? What did it do for you?
I've tried journaling but people can look through my shit, read it and throw it away or keep it (like my mom's dumbass). So that's not an option either.
I've tried online support but that never was enough, and many cases didn't end well either, thanks to trolls.
I've tried calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline but they either don't answer, are rude, will hang up on you, barely talk, they sound scripted and robotic everytime they respond, barely speak English, never gave me ANY solid advice whatsoever, and so on. So that was never a help.
I've even tried all kinds of psychotropic medications that don't work either because at the end of the day I'm still in that same environment that's causing the misery in the first place.
So that just leaves me with only two optionns: ECT or hypnosis. And if those two don't work, murder or suicide. Has anyone tried ECT? What did it do for you?
