Does not socializing whatsoever and being isolated at college make it much harder to find a partner or am I just not attractive enough?

enchanted_elixir

enchanted_elixir

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As a Low HTN/high MTN with shoe lifts to 5’11/6’0

I sometimes think that’s the case, but I don’t know if it’s just that I’m not attractive enough.

Sometimes I feel like I see that some women I encounter give me IOIs but they don’t seem to have a rush on me or anything. Not certain. These women are more attentive compared to the ones I’ll talk about below (almost exclusively MTBs and possibly low HTBs)

The ones I am certain of are always women with crushes on me (often for months or even semesters and years), and they give me stronger IOIs, and the sure usually less attractive (LTBs)
 
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been there bro, height can be a factor but it's not everything sounds like you gotta put yourself out there more to really know what women want from a guy.
 
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If you were way better looking you wouldn’t have trouble, you would be the cool and mysterious dude. You’re by no means ugly but you’re not gl enough to get away with it
 
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been there bro, height can be a factor but it's not everything sounds like you gotta put yourself out there more to really know what women want from a guy.
So I have to approach women to get more opportunities or else I’m cooked?
 
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If you were way better looking you wouldn’t have trouble, you would be the cool and mysterious dude. You’re by no means ugly but you’re not gl enough to get away with it
I intuited this.
 
As a Low HTN/high MTN with shoe lifts to 5’11/6’0

I sometimes think that’s the case, but I don’t know if it’s just that I’m not attractive enough.

Sometimes I feel like I see that some women I encounter give me IOIs but they don’t seem to have a rush on me or anything. Not certain. These women are more attentive compared to the ones I’ll talk about below (almost exclusively MTBs and possibly low HTBs)

The ones I am certain of are always women with crushes on me (often for months or even semesters and years), and they give me stronger IOIs, and the sure usually less attractive (LTBs)
Yes it will severely reduce your opportunities
 
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As a Low HTN/high MTN with shoe lifts to 5’11/6’0

I sometimes think that’s the case, but I don’t know if it’s just that I’m not attractive enough.

Sometimes I feel like I see that some women I encounter give me IOIs but they don’t seem to have a rush on me or anything. Not certain. These women are more attentive compared to the ones I’ll talk about below (almost exclusively MTBs and possibly low HTBs)

The ones I am certain of are always women with crushes on me (often for months or even semesters and years), and they give me stronger IOIs, and the sure usually less attractive (LTBs)
I feel like you ahould know the answer at 21000(twenty one thousand) posts!!!
 
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As a Low HTN/high MTN with shoe lifts to 5’11/6’0

I sometimes think that’s the case, but I don’t know if it’s just that I’m not attractive enough.

Sometimes I feel like I see that some women I encounter give me IOIs but they don’t seem to have a rush on me or anything. Not certain. These women are more attentive compared to the ones I’ll talk about below (almost exclusively MTBs and possibly low HTBs)

The ones I am certain of are always women with crushes on me (often for months or even semesters and years), and they give me stronger IOIs, and the sure usually less attractive (LTBs)
Even if you don't socialize a bunch you will still see women looking at you a lot. Attractive men will be dragged into situations e.g a girl will walk up to you and just start talking to you, people will tell you someone has a crush on you, etc. You will know for sure if you are attractive because you will ATTRACT people to you. You cannot avoid it.

Of course, there are so many variables to this and so many things that can throw you off and make you second-guess yourself. What is your phenotype? Describe a bit of what you look like, if you want.
 
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NT LTN in a frat has more SMV than a regular looksmaxxed HMTN. U should join a frat if you wanna get with a girl, HMTN is more than enough to cover for a shy personality.
 
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im surprised these bitches aren't dropping their panties immediately when they find out that you are THE elixir from org 😭

real tho, ummm yeah where are you supposed to be meeting these bitches if you are isolated. Like ybc said, trying to get bitches without first getting a social circle is like trying to buy a house before getting a bank account.

Are you gonna go up and approach girls alone? Might work but if they find out you have no friends they might cook you
 
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As a Low HTN/high MTN with shoe lifts to 5’11/6’0

I sometimes think that’s the case, but I don’t know if it’s just that I’m not attractive enough.

Sometimes I feel like I see that some women I encounter give me IOIs but they don’t seem to have a rush on me or anything. Not certain. These women are more attentive compared to the ones I’ll talk about below (almost exclusively MTBs and possibly low HTBs)

The ones I am certain of are always women with crushes on me (often for months or even semesters and years), and they give me stronger IOIs, and the sure usually less attractive (LTBs)
Such an aspie post, obviously
 
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Even if you don't socialize a bunch you will still see women looking at you a lot. Attractive men will be dragged into situations e.g a girl will walk up to you and just start talking to you, people will tell you someone has a crush on you, etc. You will know for sure if you are attractive because you will ATTRACT people to you. You cannot avoid it.

Of course, there are so many variables to this and so many things that can throw you off and make you second-guess yourself. What is your phenotype? Describe a bit of what you look like, if you want.
I’m not that good looking. I do get IOIs around school regularly (nothing insane but it is regular) and I do have women who have crushes on me I know of, (like a few, from the past and present) but I don’t get that kind of Chad treatment (women walking up to me and just start talking or someone telling me someone has a crush on me; I mean I have had a woman do this to me once and another woman talk about me and referred to me as their crush (I overheard their conversation, but it’s nothing insane)
 
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I’m not that good looking. I do get IOIs around school regularly (nothing insane but it is regular) and I do have women who have crushes on me I know of, (like a few, from the past and present) but I don’t get that kind of Chad treatment (women walking up to me and just start talking or someone telling me someone has a crush on me; I mean I have had a woman do this to me once and another woman talk about me and referred to me as their crush (I overheard their conversation, but it’s nothing insane)
Well, you're at least somewhat good-looking if you've had those experiences before. At worst, you're maybe high MTN. What are your failos?
 
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im surprised these bitches aren't dropping their panties immediately when they find out that you are THE elixir from org 😭

real tho, ummm yeah where are you supposed to be meeting these bitches if you are isolated. Like ybc said, trying to get bitches without first getting a social circle is like trying to buy a house before getting a bank account.

Are you gonna go up and approach girls alone? Might work but if they find out you have no friends they might cook you
Understood but I hesitate with approaching because I don’t want to approach without info but it seems like if I keep going the way I am going, I won’t get that many women approaching me.

This one girl almost two years ago who had an insane crush on me literally told me “I’ll be your friend!!😃” When I said I have no friends.
 
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Understood but I hesitate with approaching because I don’t want to approach without info but it seems like if I keep going the way I am going, I won’t get that many women approaching me.

This one girl almost two years ago who had an insane crush on me literally told me “I’ll be your friend!!😃” When I said I have no friends.
“Had a insane crush on me”

While saying “I’ll be your friend”

What a retarted post, a girl being nice to you doesn’t mean she had a crush you
 
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I wouldn't actively approach women like some PUA-scum.
I would just try to socializationmaxx, even tho tbh, i have no ideas where you would even start with that.

Do you know any of the ones who have a crush on you. Is there not one nice girl for you among them?
 
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the former you cant just losermaxx and hope women will bounce on your dick through IOI telepathy, if that was ever the goal in the first place
 
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Well, you're at least somewhat good-looking if you've had those experiences before. At worst, you're maybe high MTN. What are your failos?
Hair, bone structure, teeth (could be better), skinny, pheno, nose, eyebrows (I use an eyebrow pen), coloring could be better.

“Had a insane crush on me”

While saying “I’ll be your friend”

What a retarted post, a girl being nice to you doesn’t mean she had a crush you
Context: I was in the all way waiting for my professor to pen the door so I could go in.
She is in my class too and when she went to wait for the door to be opened she saw me and gave me a huge smile, I smiled back tk be friendly and she moved to stand like 5 ft away from me, she smiled when I looked at her do this and then she moved closer, with a smile, and then she said “are you really this serious” and I then said yeah, and she laughed and thought I was teasing her, and she then said you you have any friends? I said no, and then she said that…

This chick begged me to go to the beach with her family within 3 weeks of meeting her and would bring me cookies and would grab my arms…

I could say more but she REALLY wanted me.
Too bad she was a chubby LTB that didn’t really take care of herself.
 
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“Had a insane crush on me”

While saying “I’ll be your friend”

What a retarted post, a girl being nice to you doesn’t mean she had a crush you
Yup, Sub 5 behavior

1. Remembering random shit a foid said to you 2 YEARS ago when she forgot 1 day later
2. Misinterpreting niceness for interest

This is like the classic sub 5 oofy doofy thought process
 
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Understood but I hesitate with approaching because I don’t want to approach without info but it seems like if I keep going the way I am going, I won’t get that many women approaching me.

This one girl almost two years ago who had an insane crush on me literally told me “I’ll be your friend!!😃” When I said I have no friends.
damn having to curve the high interest LTB always hurts 😔

you gotta go find some lesbians to drink with, they will put u on game because they know you're not trying to smash
 
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I wouldn't actively approach women like some PUA-scum.
I would just try to socializationmaxx, even tho tbh, i have no ideas where you would even start with that.

Do you know any of the ones who have a crush on you. Is there not one nice girl for you among them?
I have tried to rationalize them in my head but no, I can’t justify being with them without not liking them back.

Actually, there one but she’s 28, looks 20, has an on and off boyfriend in Germany (long distance, but she calls him ber on and off bf) and she lived in San Francisco by herself for 4 years so idk if I should trust her (could be a hoe idk), she also goes to therapy and Has lip filers, so I’m just jot sure about her and I don’t want to take her away from her bf, despite the fact that I have the intuition that she would be willing to drop him for me, since she approached me (and that’s how we met) and she likes me and she always responds quickly to my messages. It’s been 1.5 years since the event so idk how she fees about me now But she still behaves that way and we talked in person a month ago. She’s mtb so she’s dateable solely off of physical attractiveness
 
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Yup, Sub 5 behavior

1. Remembering random shit a foid said to you 2 YEARS ago when she forgot 1 day later
2. Misinterpreting niceness for interest

This is like the classic sub 5 oofy doofy thought process
Please read…
Hair, bone structure, teeth (could be better), skinny, pheno, nose, eyebrows (I use an eyebrow pen), coloring could be better.


Context: I was in the all way waiting for my professor to pen the door so I could go in.
She is in my class too and when she went to wait for the door to be opened she saw me and gave me a huge smile, I smiled back to be friendly and she moved to stand like 5 ft away from me, she smiled when I looked at her do this and then she moved closer, with a smile, and then she said “are you really this serious” and I then said yeah, and she laughed and thought I was teasing her, and she then said you you have any friends? I said no, and then she said that…

This chick begged me to go to the beach with her family within 3 weeks of meeting her and would bring me cookies and would grab my arms…

I could say more but she REALLY wanted me.
Too bad she was a LTB.
 
damn having to curve the high interest LTB always hurts 😔

you gotta go find some lesbians to drink with, they will put u on game because they know you're not trying to smash
Lesbian friends… I don’t think I live in the city for that lol. I mean I could go to the new age kava restaurant and find them , but am not that social lol
 
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I can’t justify being with them without not liking them back.
Good, you shouldn't be in a ltr with someone you don't like and an ltr is the only type of relation with the opposite sex that is worth aiming for.
(could be a hoe idk)
Probably. I would not want to be with her tbh, sounds like she would dump you for someone better / more convenient at any given time just like she did with her bf.
(i am also a long distance boyfriend for germany :lul: not an "on and off" one tho :feelshah:)
Also pretty damn ran through at 28. Younger than you is law.
 
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Not socializing and being socially isolated is 100% a big factor, talking from experience. Even a high htn won't pull out of thin air if hes socially isolated and shitty at socializing.
 
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well i guess u just gotta take the L and shell out dues for clubs that you know drink a lot, or ascend with crispr and lock in on rush week 🤷‍♂️

like i said trying to attract women while having poor social cohesion is like extra nightmare mode for sub lite, u just rarely see antisocial htn+ because people are always trying to be around them
 
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Yup, Sub 5 behavior

1. Remembering random shit a foid said to you 2 YEARS ago when she forgot 1 day later
2. Misinterpreting niceness for interest

This is like the classic sub 5 oofy doofy thought process
It’s kind of funny how every single self proclaimed incel here has apparently got iois and intrest from every single girl they’ve talked to.
 
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Probably. I would not want to be with her tbh, sounds like she would dump you for someone better / more convenient at any given time just like she did with her bf.
(i am also a long distance boyfriend for germany :lul: not an "on and off" one tho :feelshah:)
Also pretty damn ran through at 28. Younger than you is law
I literally thought this woman was like 18 or 19 when I saw her, also, idk if it’s just me but she likes me and her bf only comes occasionally (like once every 3-6 months) and I guess when she sees someone she likes and she’s running out of time and doesn’t see a future with tbis guy she wanted to jump to me but my uncertainty about her probably made her think I didn’t like her me she withdrew and idk if trying to test her against her bf or even sniping her is a good idea.
 
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Not socializing and being socially isolated is 100% a big factor, talking from experience. Even a high htn won't pull out of thin air if hes socially isolated and shitty at socializing.
Really, that has been your experience? How? Has your dating life changed because you fixed this?
 
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Really, that has been your experience? How? Has your dating life changed because you fixed this?
Well, to be completly honest. I was already getting girls before good socializing skills (mostly apporoached to me). However i belive most of that was just cuz i had a couple good friends that made me super low inhib to hang around. I couldn't really get girls if i tried to, so only way for me to get them was for them to apporoach lol. Which didin't really matter to me cuz alot was doing it.

I would say that getting better chances on getting girls is not the only benefit, people respect me way more, i can land basicly any job or position i want. I can get myself wherever i want. In terms of dating i would say the succes ratio of when i'm apporoaching girls has went from 30% to 80%.

Something i've noticed that if you only try to be charismatic with girls, they will notice it and not be that intrested in you since it seems like you're "faking" it for them. However when you make act charismatic full-time, with everyone. Girls tend to be way more intrested in you since they will think that's just you naturally.
 
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Well, to be completly honest. I was already getting girls before good socializing skills (mostly apporoached to me). However i belive most of that was just cuz i had a couple good friends that made me super low inhib to hang around. I couldn't really get girls if i tried to, so only way for me to get them was for them to apporoach lol. Which didin't really matter to me cuz alot was doing it.

I would say that getting better chances on getting girls is not the only benefit, people respect me way more, i can land basicly any job or position i want. I can get myself wherever i want. In terms of dating i would say the succes ratio of when i'm apporoaching girls has went from 30% to 80%.

Something i've noticed that if you only try to be charismatic with girls, they will notice it and not be that intrested in you since it seems like you're "faking" it for them. However when you make act charismatic full-time, with everyone. Girls tend to be way more intrested in you since they will think that's just you naturally.
So the girls that approached you already were familiar with you?

Also, you’re saying that charisma is helping you to get jobs and a higher success rate (like they’re actually attracted?) with women?
 
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So the girls that approached you already were familiar with you?
Not really, no. Most of them i had never talked with before.

I live in a small city, so word goes around fast. And basicly everyone knows each other. (not me though, i moved here in my teenages.)

Also, you’re saying that charisma is helping you to get jobs and a higher success rate (like they’re actually attracted?) with women?
Yes, when it comes to getting girls. Especially if you're looking to get some in a envirioment where you see the girls often. e.g. school.

I think it all goes down to your presence. You can't really have a good presence, if you're not charismatic.
 
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Not really, no. Most of them i had never talked with before.

I live in a small city, so word goes around fast. And basicly everyone knows each other. (not me though, i moved here in my teenages.)


Yes, when it comes to getting girls. Especially if you're looking to get some in a envirioment where you see the girls often. e.g. school.

I think it all goes down to your presence. You can't really have a good presence, if you're not charismatic.
So you essentially became the cool (charismatic) guy and women started approaching, am I correct?
 
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So you essentially became the cool (charismatic) guy and women started approaching, am I correct?
Yes, women naturally tend to be more attracted to more charismatic personalities. Nowdays if you're charismatic you're going to stand out alot more than back in the days, due to the lack of social skills or high inhibition on a average individual.
 
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Yes, women naturally tend to be more attracted to more charismatic personalities. Nowdays if you're charismatic you're going to stand out alot more than back in the days, due to the lack of social skills or high inhibition on an average individual.
Thanks. By the way, how charismatic do you have to be to get tbis effect? What are the core sub traits of charisma matter the most? How would you go about doing that, becoming known as charismatic?
 
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Yes, women naturally tend to be more attracted to more charismatic personalities. Nowdays if you're charismatic you're going to stand out alot more than back in the days, due to the lack of social skills or high inhibition on a average individual.
Also, I have no motivation to talk to people lol so if I followed through, I’d be faking it so much. I think I’m kind of autistic.
 
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how charismatic do you have to be to get tbis effect? What are the core sub traits of charisma matter the most? How would you go about doing that, becoming known as charismatic?
In my personal experience, you start to see some kind of effects even in beginning of the process. Obviously not going to be anything huge in terms of what the end goal is, but i would say it's a huge leap towards the goal. Which is important.

There's a framework called Fun/Trust/Respect.
Fun: playful, light, engaging
Trust: authenticity, reliability, listening
Respect: demonstrate value naturally

Those are three diffrent features a charismatic person posesses. Also frameworks are super important when it comes to learning socializing and being charismatic later on in life if you've missed in in your early devolpment.

Even the small things as adapting a confident behaviour helps.
Also, I have no motivation to talk to people lol so if I followed through, I’d be faking it so much. I think I’m kind of autistic.
Yeah i get u man, i'm infact diagnosed jfl, so i have the same thing too. It's still fairly managable, i feel like many people think that it takes more than it actually does.

I started pretty small, to be honest. My main goal was to get out of my comfort zone and try to lower my inhibition. I would ask directions if i needed to, said hi to people. I would compliment people more openly. In the beginning i tried to experimient and trying to socialize. Afterwards later on the day i would observe how it felt and the response it generated. Later on i increased the amount, since it became more natural. Also i applied this "123 rule" that i heard from some video years ago. Basicly if i see somebody hot, i count from 1 to 3, and then i proceed to apporoach. Which doesn't give my brain enough time to overthink. Each time i did the excercise i would try to read the signals and adapt to the situation by the past responses i've received. Then later on i will go through it on my brains and analyze it, seeking for anything i could've done better.

Also something that i've noticed that your storytelling skills are important if you want to be a good socializer. I'm personally naturally decent one, since i talk to my self alot, telling diffrent stories. But of course it's not just the material, it's the way you speak. So i would record myself telling a story for 1-2 minutes and then listen to it / analyze it.

Also a concept i've came up with is doing alot of "micro-risks". e.g. smile at strangers, start small conversations. Afterwards observe feedback and iterate.
 
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In my personal experience, you start to see some kind of effects even in beginning of the process. Obviously not going to be anything huge in terms of what the end goal is, but i would say it's a huge leap towards the goal. Which is important.

There's a framework called Fun/Trust/Respect.
Fun: playful, light, engaging
Trust: authenticity, reliability, listening
Respect: demonstrate value naturally

Those are three diffrent features a charismatic person posesses. Also frameworks are super important when it comes to learning socializing and being charismatic later on in life if you've missed in in your early devolpment.

Even the small things as adapting a confident behaviour helps.

Yeah i get u man, i'm infact diagnosed jfl, so i have the same thing too. It's still fairly managable, i feel like many people think that it takes more than it actually does.

I started pretty small, to be honest. My main goal was to get out of my comfort zone and try to lower my inhibition. I would ask directions if i needed to, said hi to people. I would compliment people more openly. In the beginning i tried to experimient and trying to socialize. Afterwards later on the day i would observe how it felt and the response it generated. Later on i increased the amount, since it became more natural. Also i applied this "123 rule" that i heard from some video years ago. Basicly if i see somebody hot, i count from 1 to 3, and then i proceed to apporoach. Which doesn't give my brain enough time to overthink. Each time i did the excercise i would try to read the signals and adapt to the situation by the past responses i've received. Then later on i will go through it on my brains and analyze it, seeking for anything i could've done better.

Also something that i've noticed that your storytelling skills are important if you want to be a good socializer. I'm personally naturally decent one, since i talk to my self alot, telling diffrent stories. But of course it's not just the material, it's the way you speak. So i would record myself telling a story for 1-2 minutes and then listen to it / analyze it.

Also a concept i've came up with is doing alot of "micro-risks". e.g. smile at strangers, start small conversations. Afterwards observe feedback and iterate.
Nice, I just want to sincerely thank you for the high effort response by the way.
 
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In my personal experience, you start to see some kind of effects even in beginning of the process. Obviously not going to be anything huge in terms of what the end goal is, but i would say it's a huge leap towards the goal. Which is important.

There's a framework called Fun/Trust/Respect.
Fun: playful, light, engaging
Trust: authenticity, reliability, listening
Respect: demonstrate value naturally

Those are three diffrent features a charismatic person posesses. Also frameworks are super important when it comes to learning socializing and being charismatic later on in life if you've missed in in your early devolpment.

Even the small things as adapting a confident behaviour helps.

Yeah i get u man, i'm infact diagnosed jfl, so i have the same thing too. It's still fairly managable, i feel like many people think that it takes more than it actually does.

I started pretty small, to be honest. My main goal was to get out of my comfort zone and try to lower my inhibition. I would ask directions if i needed to, said hi to people. I would compliment people more openly. In the beginning i tried to experimient and trying to socialize. Afterwards later on the day i would observe how it felt and the response it generated. Later on i increased the amount, since it became more natural. Also i applied this "123 rule" that i heard from some video years ago. Basicly if i see somebody hot, i count from 1 to 3, and then i proceed to apporoach. Which doesn't give my brain enough time to overthink. Each time i did the excercise i would try to read the signals and adapt to the situation by the past responses i've received. Then later on i will go through it on my brains and analyze it, seeking for anything i could've done better.

Also something that i've noticed that your storytelling skills are important if you want to be a good socializer. I'm personally naturally decent one, since i talk to my self alot, telling diffrent stories. But of course it's not just the material, it's the way you speak. So i would record myself telling a story for 1-2 minutes and then listen to it / analyze it.

Also a concept i've came up with is doing alot of "micro-risks". e.g. smile at strangers, start small conversations. Afterwards observe feedback and iterate.
Not sure if i'm making sense, lmao. Really tired while typing this haha.

I made a thread about this a while ago, so if you want i can link it down.
 
No worries bro, if you have any questions about this topic, feel free to ask me anytime👌
I’m just trying to figure out the utility of this. My social cognition, particularly the connecting and the “taking interest in others” is underdeveloped so I just perceive people in a utilitarian fashion (within the bounds of dignity, using manners, etc.) so I see the benefits but I don’t know if I care enough to act.

Like, I see why being charismatic helps but I see in the sense that it makes me higher status and gives me more social opportunities. But I don’t actually care about the person, so I just think that doing this is just exploitative and unethical.
 
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Obviously if you socialize more you get will oppurunity if you have a 30% chance of slaying a girl and talk to ten girls it’s only 3 girls if you talk to 20 it’s 6 it’s just msth, and your in college who gives a fuck if a girl isn’t feeling you you will barely see her
 
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Obviously if you socialize more you get will oppurunity if you have a 30% chance of slaying a girl and talk to ten girls it’s only 3 girls if you talk to 20 it’s 6 it’s just msth, and your in college who gives a fuck if a girl isn’t feeling you you will barely see her
The ones I’d approach are the ones I’d see more often since they’re usually in my vicinity.
 
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I’m just trying to figure out the utility of this. My social cognition, particularly the connecting and the “taking interest in others” is underdeveloped so I just perceive people in a utilitarian fashion (within the bounds of dignity, using manners, etc.) so I see the benefits but I don’t know if I care enough to act.

Like, I see why being charismatic helps but I see in the sense that it makes me higher status and gives me more social opportunities. But I don’t actually care about the person, so I just think that doing this is just exploitative and unethical.
You mean that when you connect with somebody, you still don't think about them or really "care" about them. Kind of this out of sight, out of mind. Behaviour?

Also mirin your vocabulary.
 
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You mean that when you connect with somebody, you still don't think about them or really "care" about them. Kind of this out of sight, out of mind. Behaviour?

Also mirin your vocabulary.
Haha thanks 😅 I read a lot of “higher IQ” peoples work frequent, watch podcasts, etc. and always search the definitions and it’s been a habit for like a decade so it’s above average
 
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Reactions: Framem4xx and Arzenic

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