Does the bitterness ever go away?

[Deleted member 11126]

People always say time heals any wound but as time goes on even after being removed from my humiliation it does improve. It rots like a piece of meat everyday the resentment gets worse not better the more removed I am the more disdain I feel thinking back on it.

Spite and hatred never seem to go away had lunch with some people from HS the other day they all forgot the shit they did to me but I can never forget. The seething does not go away despite my best efforts

 

[Vermilioncore]

Time heals nothing

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Time only seems to make it worse the longer it passes the more I realize how much I was fucked over. How much my teachers fucked me over and other kids in my class. Even my parents failed...

I really despise these people so much I need to move out of this place being here reminds me of this I hate it so much

 

[Gaygymmaxx]

youll need to get off ur ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself first probably

 

[Deleted member 4362]

Doubt

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Time heals nothing

If anything its made things worse. If something is bad in the moment you don't realize it you get used to the bad feeling. But after being removed from it I am aware of just how fucked I was.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

youll need to get off ur ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself first probably

I've channeled it into my studies with some effectiveness I probably won't feel better until I can one up these faggots.

I so want to go to some of my old teachers with a nice car or gf and tell them how much of an abject failure they are. Some of the worst people ever teachers and academia are fucked. I hate those fuckers so much...

 

[Danish_Retard]

Yes, don't forget, don't forgive, just accept and move on and be better yourself.

There are many realisations that lie behind my mindset on this and I don't want to write essays rn but here is one; as you say, they have already forgotten you, the best revenge you'll get is becoming happy despite what they've done to you. Now, don't let that stop you from pissing in their gas tank, what I'm trying to say is that being in a negative mindset, ruminating on the past all day will make you lose even more every day you do it. Being happy on the other hand you will have conquered their effect.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Yes, don't forget, don't forgive, just accept and move on and be better yourself.

There are many realisations that lie behind my mindset on this and I don't want to write essays rn but here is one; as you say, they have already forgotten you, the best revenge you'll get is becoming happy despite what they've done to you. Now, don't let that stop you from pissing in their gas tank, what I'm trying to say is that being in a negative mindset, ruminating on the past all day will make you lose even more every day you do it. Being happy on the other hand you will have conquered their effect.

Its not that I am unhappy just that I think of torturing people 24/7...

I just need to get the power to have control over other people.

 

[Danish_Retard]

Its not that I am unhappy just that I think of torturing people 24/7...

Well man, that phase will pass too. (as everything will)

I felt like this for a long time too. But after accepting and moving on I barely even think about the past anymore, at least not with the same cold rage, more just regret. Now if the opportunity came where I could get revenge with 0 consequences I'd take it, it's only fair.

But that opportunity will never come, and in terms of creating that opportunity, the ROI will never be there.

I just need to get the power to have control over other people.

I too have partly gone through this phase. IDK if I ever actually worked through what made me feel like this, I guess I just replaced it with self love.

I'd recommend getting an experienced psychologist if you can. I've went to an older male one and it has helped me tremendously in understanding why I feel what I feel and think what I think and has almost removed my anxiety. (I don't know the quality outside of Denmark, here they have 10+ years of education before they can practice. And mine has 10+ years of practice too)

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Well man, that phase will pass too. (as everything will)

I felt like this for a long time too. But after accepting and moving on I barely even think about the past anymore, at least not with the same cold rage, more just regret. Now if the opportunity came where I could get revenge with 0 consequences I'd take it, it's only fair.

But that opportunity will never come, and in terms of creating that opportunity, the ROI will never be there.


I too have partly gone through this phase. IDK if I ever actually worked through what made me feel like this, I guess I just replaced it with self love.

I'd recommend getting an experienced psychologist if you can. I've went to an older male one and it has helped me tremendously in understanding why I feel what I feel and think what I think and has almost removed my anxiety. (I don't know the quality outside of Denmark, here they have 10+ years of education before they can practice. And mine has 10+ years of practice too)

Sadly in the USA psych majors are just middle aged women mainly and there are bad reputations for these people.

I understand my mindset is not healthy but its the only relief I have from the anger. My brain creates these ideas to compensate for the humilation or precieved humiliation

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Well man, that phase will pass too. (as everything will)

I felt like this for a long time too. But after accepting and moving on I barely even think about the past anymore, at least not with the same cold rage, more just regret. Now if the opportunity came where I could get revenge with 0 consequences I'd take it, it's only fair.

But that opportunity will never come, and in terms of creating that opportunity, the ROI will never be there.


I too have partly gone through this phase. IDK if I ever actually worked through what made me feel like this, I guess I just replaced it with self love.

I'd recommend getting an experienced psychologist if you can. I've went to an older male one and it has helped me tremendously in understanding why I feel what I feel and think what I think and has almost removed my anxiety. (I don't know the quality outside of Denmark, here they have 10+ years of education before they can practice. And mine has 10+ years of practice too)

I just feel a constant need to make up for years of humiliation. Even if it means doing on to others what I hated at least I will feel in control. I just want to have control everytime I do it makes me feel better about my situation

 

[Danish_Retard]

Sadly in the USA psych majors are just middle aged women mainly and there are bad reputations for these people.

That's a shame. I got my time paid for by the healthcare system but I'd probably pay myself for a quality psychologist. At least I would if I still had the problems I had when I started.

I understand my mindset is not healthy but its the only relief I have from the anger.
My brain creates these ideas to compensate for the humilation or precieved humiliation

I feel you there man... I believe that in time you too will move on. In the meantime, know that it's basically mental masturbation, and that studies have shown that imaging failure provides more motivation than imagining success.

But do realise, that your identity is independent of others thoughts and actions towards you.

I just feel a constant need to make up for years of humiliation. Even if it means doing on to others what I hated at least I will feel in control. I just want to have control everytime I do it makes me feel better about my situation

I removed myself from most of the people 3 years ago, so I can't say much about a need for control, as the people that wronged me are too far away socially or physically for me to be able to exert any control even if I had the social dominance.

I've struggled a lot with whether or not I want to become evil and go for power (inevitably increasing suffering) or if I want to spend my time reducing suffering. I'm not sure yet tbh...

Can you elaborate on what you mean with "control"?

 

[Deleted member 11126]

That's a shame. I got my time paid for by the healthcare system but I'd probably pay myself for a quality psychologist. At least I would if I still had the problems I had when I started.


I feel you there man... I believe that in time you too will move on. In the meantime, know that it's basically mental masturbation, and that studies have shown that imaging failure provides more motivation than imagining success.

But do realise, that your identity is independent of others thoughts and actions towards you.


I removed myself from most of the people 3 years ago, so I can't say much about a need for control, as the people that wronged me are too far away socially or physically for me to be able to exert any control even if I had the social dominance.

I've struggled a lot with whether or not I want to become evil and go for power (inevitably increasing suffering) or if I want to spend my time reducing suffering. I'm not sure yet tbh...

Can you elaborate on what you mean with "control"?

By control I mean I just want to not feel weak. I was put in humiliating situations I want to never feel like that ever again

 

[TheAbyssinian]

People always say time heals any wound but as time goes on even after being removed from my humiliation it does improve. It rots like a piece of meat everyday the resentment gets worse not better the more removed I am the more disdain I feel thinking back on it.

Spite and hatred never seem to go away had lunch with some people from HS the other day they all forgot the shit they did to me but I can never forget. The seething does not go away despite my best efforts

time means nothing if you have nothing to distract you from your problems if you sit around brooding about them it will only get worse, im speaking from experience.

 

[Danish_Retard]

By control I mean I just want to not feel weak. I was put in humiliating situations I want to never feel like that ever again

Well that seems like a normal response.

Just make sure that you don't base the values upon which you judge yourself on whether or not you feel humiliated or slighted. Don't base values on things outside of your control.