Easiest way to kys?

[Mansnob]

What's the quickest and most painless way to end your own life? Asking for a friend of course.

 

[Ritalincel]

Kill Yourself With A Brick

en.uncyclopedia.co

 

[Jagged0]

Hangman knot on door or standing up you’ll die within 30 seconds if done properly if you fuck up life time disable

 

[Mansnob]

Kill Yourself With A Brick

en.uncyclopedia.co

Thanks for the chuckle.

 

[TheMewingBBC]

You’re a terrible friend then. Be there for him rather than helping him rope

Spoiler

1.4 butanediol mix with vodka and orange juice. You fall into a deep asleep than die quietly

 

[Mansnob]

You’re a terrible friend then. Be there for him rather than helping him rope

Spoiler

1.4 butanediol mix with vodka and orange juice. You fall into a deep asleep than die quietly

You should know that I don't actually have friends, but thanks

 

[norwoodreaper]

probably rope or gunshot to the head.

but if its not you and its actually your friend dont tell him how to sui, talk him out of it

 

[left2die]

What's the quickest and most painless way to end your own life? Asking for a friend of course.

Might get banned for this but whatever

1: shotgun shot to the head
2: 45 acp to the head
3: 9mm (not sure if id trust anything lower or equal to this)
4: A deep web poison / alcohol mix I forgot
5: Helium exit bag
6: Rope from a high altitude
7: Jumping off a tall building (minimum 6 or 9 stories?)

Thankfully I got my ass working and I'm at my best right now. I wouldn't ever have guessed id sympathize with incels so much.

 

[Mansnob]

Might get banned for this but whatever

1: shotgun shot to the head
2: 45 acp to the head
3: 9mm (not sure if id trust anything lower or equal to this)
4: A deep web poison / alcohol mix I forgot
5: Helium exit bag
6: Rope from a high altitude
7: Jumping off a tall building (minimum 6 or 9 stories?)

Thankfully I got my ass working and I'm at my best right now. I wouldn't ever have guessed id sympathize with incels so much.

Thanks. Legit my biggest fear is failing and having to face the consequences

 

[left2die]

Thanks. Legit my biggest fear is failing and having to face the consequences

See you tomorrow

 

[xit]

You’re a terrible friend then. Be there for him rather than helping him rope

Spoiler

1.4 butanediol mix with vodka and orange juice. You fall into a deep asleep than die quietly

Heroin is better cause its pure bliss

 

[Deleted member 2756]

don't kys pls

 

[left2die]

Thanks. Legit my biggest fear is failing and having to face the consequences

One last thing, do you mind telling me why you're gonna do this?
Society standards? Bills?

 

[chadpreetcel123]

Stage One: Acquire A Brick

A common garden variety brick. Find one of these and you're home and dry.
Tip:
Scousers are useful for stealing bricks, just don't give them any money. They breed like mad with money. The last thing the world needs is more Scousers.
This is the most important stage of killing yourself with a brick. After all, you'd look pretty stupid killing yourself with a brick you don't have, now wouldn't you? Now, acquire a brick. They are quite hard to come by on their own, so you'll either have to employ a Scouser to steal one, or buy a house and knock a brick out of the wall with a sledgehammer. NO YOU CANNOT USE A BRICK FROM YOUR CURRENT HOUSE! This is because that hussy of an ex-wife stole it, remember? That's right.

Have you acquired a brick? No? Then what the hell have you been doing?!? No, actually, I don't want to know.

Here, let me help you. Bricks can be quite easily found. Try consulting a local building site. These places are a positive whorehouse for bricks. Bricks turn up all over these places, usually in neat piles to deceive people into thinking they are one huge brick.

Alternatively, as has been previously stated, every person you meet has a brick somewhere on their person. Why not mug someonegoing past for all you, or they, are worth and steal their precious brick off them? I mean, how dare they not give you the brick when you ask politely? I mean, you say 'please', right, and 'thankeesir', even when they give you nothing, right? Who died and made them Mr I-Have-A-Brick-And-You-Don't? WHY DOES EVERYONE CARRY BRICKS AROUND?!?

Ahem.

Once you have found a brick move on to stage two.

Stage Two: Kill Yourself
Tip:
You should be, more or less, dead.
Once having acquired a brick from a building site, a tumbledown house, a brickmakers company (make sure you are using a safety hat), or a passer-by's bloodsoaked pocket, follow carefully the method ascribed below.

You should probably take the cat off your head before the bricking.

• Grasp brick firmly in both hands.
• Are you sure you're holding the brick properly?
• Assume 'bricking' stance.
• The bricking stance denotes that you must stand with you feet slightly further apart than your shoulders, brick grasped firmly in your hands either hanging below you or raised above your head to the fullest extent of your arms.
• Raise the brick above your head.
• Check that the brick is still a brick, as bricks have tendencies to metamorphose into lepers without warning. Lepers will not kill you with a solid thwack round the head. More likely you will kill them, and then be charged with murder and locked up.
• Now, with the brick still raised above your head, it is time for your final words, or thoughts. Make them good ones. Something along the lines of 'I regret nothing' makes you sound like a loser, which patently you must be, since you are killing yourself with a brick, but if nothing else this moment should be your life's epitome. Make a good impression on the Lord (or Satan) with some stunning last words in this life and first ones in the next one. If that fails, show them the new brick wound at the base of your skull, that should impress them to no end.
• Utter your last words.
• Close your eyes, picture fairies, puppies and kittens. Picture yourself huffing those fairies, puppies and kittens.
• Violently smash the brick directly into the base of your skull. You should hear a swift sudden (satisfying) crack. Take consolation in the warm flow of blood down the nape of your neck, and the swelling blackness on the edges of your vision.

Stage Three: You survived
Oh dear, you're still alive. At least you've gotten rid of the cat on your head. Oh, you seem to be standing in it. Anyway, if your brain stem fails to respond to a good, old-fashioned bricking, it may be time to move on to more violent advanced techniques.

Stage Four: The Brick/Ocean Method
Tip:
If you are rescued, it is probably because you attempted this at a public pool, or a lifeguard training session. Try to find a more secluded location. If you are rescued again then you are being stalked by a lifeguard. Leave the country now.

• Proceed to the nearest coastal area. Oceans are preferred, but any body of water over six feet will do. Unless you play basketball. But if you were a basketball player, you wouldn't be here, would you?
• Walk to the edge of the water.
• Grasp brick firmly in both hands.
• Exhale.
• Jump in.
• Attempt to remain perfectly still. Counting sheep may be helpful, although fishes are more abundant.

Stage Five: The Brick/Pulley Method

• Purchase, steal, borrow, or otherwise acquire a common pulley.
• Affix the pulley to any high point, ceilings are to be preferred, but any lamppost will do.
• Attach the brick to the rope.
• Grasp your end of the rope firmly, and hoist the brick.
• Stand beneath the brick.
• Cease grasping the rope.

The Brick/Pulley method is useful for people who lack the fast-twitch muscles necessary for a normal bricking. However, it is highly dependent on the height of the pulley and the size of the brick. If a conventional brick fails, you might want to consider using a cinder block instead. As a last ditch you could probably make use of a girder. Girders are not bricks, but they will kill you.

While this method can potentially allow a user to generate the maximum amount of force with their brick, it is far from foolproof. It is fairly easy to break your collarbone, shoulder, or toes. Come to think of it, if you've managed to screw up the whole brick thing so far, this method probably has too many moving parts for you to deal with.

Stage Six: The Poisoning Method
Tip:
You may want to use water to help you swallow during this last step, mild irritation of the throat has been known to happen when swallowing bricks.
This method of killing yourself with a brick is only to be used as a last resort, as death or extreme humiliation will probably occur.

• Hold the brick with a firm (but not too firm) grip.
• Breathe normally as you would during any other situation.
• Place brick directly into mouth
• Swallow

Congratulations! When you are done completing these steps in the order which they appear you have successfully poisoned yourself with a brick.

Stage Seven: The Smash Your Face In With a Brick Method
The 'smash your face in' approach is the least subtle, but most effective. Should this method fail you should probably go back to fishing for eels or whatever you did before. God obviously abhors the idea of your company. Considering the long name, this is obviously the hardest and most complicated method

• Hold the brick firmly in your hand.
• Make sure you are holding the brick.

(NOTE: the following will not be possible without holding the brick)

• Smash your face in with said brick.
• Repeat as needed

Alternatively you could find a strawberry and hand a brick to the nearest mountainously muscled hill of manflesh, then punch him as hard as you can. In return he will smash your face in with the brick you gave him. Whilst not killing yourself with the brick, it is probably the most foolproof method.

Stage Eight: Brick Injection.
Tip:
Just go buy a fucking gun.
Contrary to popular belief, there ARE more advanced ways to end your miserable, pitiful existence with a brick then The Smash Your Fuckin' Face In with A Brick Method. Brick Injection provides a quick, painful demise, provided you aren't Leonard Cohen, a ninja or Bruce Campbell. The Steps are as followed:

• Get your brick.
• Get a Big Ass Needle, although a Mothafuckin Huge Needle will work too.
• Put the brick IN the the syringe.
• Inject yourself with the Brick, being sure to hit a vein or artery.
• Die.

 

[Mansnob]

Stage One: Acquire A Brick

A common garden variety brick. Find one of these and you're home and dry.
Tip:
Scousers are useful for stealing bricks, just don't give them any money. They breed like mad with money. The last thing the world needs is more Scousers.
This is the most important stage of killing yourself with a brick. After all, you'd look pretty stupid killing yourself with a brick you don't have, now wouldn't you? Now, acquire a brick. They are quite hard to come by on their own, so you'll either have to employ a Scouser to steal one, or buy a house and knock a brick out of the wall with a sledgehammer. NO YOU CANNOT USE A BRICK FROM YOUR CURRENT HOUSE! This is because that hussy of an ex-wife stole it, remember? That's right.

Have you acquired a brick? No? Then what the hell have you been doing?!? No, actually, I don't want to know.

Here, let me help you. Bricks can be quite easily found. Try consulting a local building site. These places are a positive whorehouse for bricks. Bricks turn up all over these places, usually in neat piles to deceive people into thinking they are one huge brick.

Alternatively, as has been previously stated, every person you meet has a brick somewhere on their person. Why not mug someonegoing past for all you, or they, are worth and steal their precious brick off them? I mean, how dare they not give you the brick when you ask politely? I mean, you say 'please', right, and 'thankeesir', even when they give you nothing, right? Who died and made them Mr I-Have-A-Brick-And-You-Don't? WHY DOES EVERYONE CARRY BRICKS AROUND?!?

Ahem.

Once you have found a brick move on to stage two.

Stage Two: Kill Yourself
Tip:
You should be, more or less, dead.
Once having acquired a brick from a building site, a tumbledown house, a brickmakers company (make sure you are using a safety hat), or a passer-by's bloodsoaked pocket, follow carefully the method ascribed below.

You should probably take the cat off your head before the bricking.

• Grasp brick firmly in both hands.
• Are you sure you're holding the brick properly?
• Assume 'bricking' stance.
• The bricking stance denotes that you must stand with you feet slightly further apart than your shoulders, brick grasped firmly in your hands either hanging below you or raised above your head to the fullest extent of your arms.
• Raise the brick above your head.
• Check that the brick is still a brick, as bricks have tendencies to metamorphose into lepers without warning. Lepers will not kill you with a solid thwack round the head. More likely you will kill them, and then be charged with murder and locked up.
• Now, with the brick still raised above your head, it is time for your final words, or thoughts. Make them good ones. Something along the lines of 'I regret nothing' makes you sound like a loser, which patently you must be, since you are killing yourself with a brick, but if nothing else this moment should be your life's epitome. Make a good impression on the Lord (or Satan) with some stunning last words in this life and first ones in the next one. If that fails, show them the new brick wound at the base of your skull, that should impress them to no end.
• Utter your last words.
• Close your eyes, picture fairies, puppies and kittens. Picture yourself huffing those fairies, puppies and kittens.
• Violently smash the brick directly into the base of your skull. You should hear a swift sudden (satisfying) crack. Take consolation in the warm flow of blood down the nape of your neck, and the swelling blackness on the edges of your vision.

Stage Three: You survived
Oh dear, you're still alive. At least you've gotten rid of the cat on your head. Oh, you seem to be standing in it. Anyway, if your brain stem fails to respond to a good, old-fashioned bricking, it may be time to move on to more violent advanced techniques.

Stage Four: The Brick/Ocean Method
Tip:
If you are rescued, it is probably because you attempted this at a public pool, or a lifeguard training session. Try to find a more secluded location. If you are rescued again then you are being stalked by a lifeguard. Leave the country now.

• Proceed to the nearest coastal area. Oceans are preferred, but any body of water over six feet will do. Unless you play basketball. But if you were a basketball player, you wouldn't be here, would you?
• Walk to the edge of the water.
• Grasp brick firmly in both hands.
• Exhale.
• Jump in.
• Attempt to remain perfectly still. Counting sheep may be helpful, although fishes are more abundant.

Stage Five: The Brick/Pulley Method

• Purchase, steal, borrow, or otherwise acquire a common pulley.
• Affix the pulley to any high point, ceilings are to be preferred, but any lamppost will do.
• Attach the brick to the rope.
• Grasp your end of the rope firmly, and hoist the brick.
• Stand beneath the brick.
• Cease grasping the rope.

The Brick/Pulley method is useful for people who lack the fast-twitch muscles necessary for a normal bricking. However, it is highly dependent on the height of the pulley and the size of the brick. If a conventional brick fails, you might want to consider using a cinder block instead. As a last ditch you could probably make use of a girder. Girders are not bricks, but they will kill you.

While this method can potentially allow a user to generate the maximum amount of force with their brick, it is far from foolproof. It is fairly easy to break your collarbone, shoulder, or toes. Come to think of it, if you've managed to screw up the whole brick thing so far, this method probably has too many moving parts for you to deal with.

Stage Six: The Poisoning Method
Tip:
You may want to use water to help you swallow during this last step, mild irritation of the throat has been known to happen when swallowing bricks.
This method of killing yourself with a brick is only to be used as a last resort, as death or extreme humiliation will probably occur.

• Hold the brick with a firm (but not too firm) grip.
• Breathe normally as you would during any other situation.
• Place brick directly into mouth
• Swallow

Congratulations! When you are done completing these steps in the order which they appear you have successfully poisoned yourself with a brick.

Stage Seven: The Smash Your Face In With a Brick Method
The 'smash your face in' approach is the least subtle, but most effective. Should this method fail you should probably go back to fishing for eels or whatever you did before. God obviously abhors the idea of your company. Considering the long name, this is obviously the hardest and most complicated method

• Hold the brick firmly in your hand.
• Make sure you are holding the brick.

(NOTE: the following will not be possible without holding the brick)

• Smash your face in with said brick.
• Repeat as needed

Alternatively you could find a strawberry and hand a brick to the nearest mountainously muscled hill of manflesh, then punch him as hard as you can. In return he will smash your face in with the brick you gave him. Whilst not killing yourself with the brick, it is probably the most foolproof method.

Stage Eight: Brick Injection.
Tip:
Just go buy a fucking gun.
Contrary to popular belief, there ARE more advanced ways to end your miserable, pitiful existence with a brick then The Smash Your Fuckin' Face In with A Brick Method. Brick Injection provides a quick, painful demise, provided you aren't Leonard Cohen, a ninja or Bruce Campbell. The Steps are as followed:

• Get your brick.
• Get a Big Ass Needle, although a Mothafuckin Huge Needle will work too.
• Put the brick IN the the syringe.
• Inject yourself with the Brick, being sure to hit a vein or artery.
• Die.

Not a word

One last thing, do you mind telling me why you're gonna do this?
Society standards? Bills?

Being incel, hating the way I look and no way to change it, losing all of my friends, now having the stress of a job, list goes on and honestly I'm just not built physically or mentally for modern society.

 

[framecel222]

 

[godsmistake]

just jump off a tall building > 7 stories.

 

[Redrighthand]

you won't need to ask once you're serious about it

 

[Jack Black]

painless death not assured