Every single time I expressed myself I got shut down

[Prøphet]

Throughout my childhood and adolescence

By both normies and my own family there was no difference

Because I was too ugly for anything coming out of my mouth to have any value

This is probably a big reason I am so fucked up

I’ve seen people more aspie than me succeed in living a somewhat normal human experience probably because they were nurtured during their development and naturally entered a positive reinforcement loop

Being aspie is still my biggest problem don’t get me wrong but I think I’m also mentally stunted and just used to expressing absolutely nothing because there was never any right answer for me; it’s like no phrase or posture or script in the world would’ve been accepted as long as it was coming from me.

That’s also why I struggle with shame so badly

If I had even an mtn face, I would feel a lot less ashamed and corny about my very existence

But as a subhuman, even standing and breathing feels corny and shameful and wrong. So I just want to disappear. But this whole mindset of wanting to crawl under a rock, is exactly what will keep me in the same suffering. Because nothing will change until I change. But I never learned how to. I only learned how to close my eyes and my mouth.

@tansel

 

[trvechud]

Throughout my childhood and adolescence

By both normies and my own family there was no difference

Because I was too ugly for anything coming out of my mouth to have any value

This is probably a big reason I am so fucked up

I’ve seen people more aspie than me succeed in living a somewhat normal human experience probably because they were nurtured during their development

Being aspie is still my biggest problem don’t get me wrong but I think I’m also mentally stunted and just used to expressing absolutely nothing because there was never any right answer for me

I hold a great resentment for normies for this fucking reason I hate them

 

[cargo70]

Throughout my childhood and adolescence

By both normies and my own family there was no difference

Because I was too ugly for anything coming out of my mouth to have any value

This is probably a big reason I am so fucked up

I’ve seen people more aspie than me succeed in living a somewhat normal human experience probably because they were nurtured during their development and naturally entered a positive reinforcement loop

Being aspie is still my biggest problem don’t get me wrong but I think I’m also mentally stunted and just used to expressing absolutely nothing because there was never any right answer for me

Went through the same experience; it's the curse of being genuinely autistic.

 

[Prøphet]

Went through the same experience; it's the curse of being genuinely autistic.

Were you ugly too or average or what? I think looking better can compensate for some of the social effects of autism, but deep down I know it will never be enough to overcome every neurological disadvantage.

 

[Prøphet]

I hold a great resentment for normies for this fucking reason I hate them

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let go of it at this point

 

[Mansur]

Throughout my childhood and adolescence

By both normies and my own family there was no difference

Because I was too ugly for anything coming out of my mouth to have any value

This is probably a big reason I am so fucked up

I’ve seen people more aspie than me succeed in living a somewhat normal human experience probably because they were nurtured during their development and naturally entered a positive reinforcement loop

Being aspie is still my biggest problem don’t get me wrong but I think I’m also mentally stunted and just used to expressing absolutely nothing because there was never any right answer for me; it’s like no phrase or posture or script in the world would’ve been accepted as long as it was coming from me.

That’s also why I struggle with shame so badly

If I had even an mtn face, I would feel a lot less ashamed and corny about my very existence

But as a subhuman, even standing and breathing feels corny and shameful and wrong. So I just want to disappear. But this whole mindset of wanting to crawl under a rock, is exactly what will keep me in the same suffering. Because nothing will change until I change. But I never learned how to.

Real shit

One moment I stopped giving a fuck tho, just did what I wanted to

Bc the outcome wouldve been the same in the end

 

[Prøphet]

Real shit

One moment I stopped giving a fuck tho, just did what I wanted to

Bc the outcome wouldve been the same in the end

I don’t know why this is so insurmountable to me

It’s so simple and logical and every day it gets clearer and clearer to me that I need to stop caring so much and attaching so heavily to the outcome

But there’s this block in my head that prevents it

Low inhib shit helps in the moment but it always fades away once I’m sober

 

[Mansur]

I don’t know why this is so insurmountable to me

It’s so simple and logical and every day it gets clearer and clearer to me that I need to stop caring so much and attaching so heavily to the outcome

But there’s this block in my head that prevents it

Low inhib shit helps in the moment but it always fades away once I’m sober

Ive has this mindset but at one moment I just snapped, idgaf if Ill lay on the ground eating grass

Ive gotten different values in life since the humiliation, saw every human as an animal who wont do shit, is evil and Ill never encounter again

 

[thickbitch]

Probably cause you're retarded

 

[Prøphet]

Probably cause you're retarded

Shut up goo goo ga ga ass nigger