Esteban1997
Critical thinking
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2018
- Posts
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T
twoside
Iron
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2024
- Posts
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things seem like they are all already written. destiny. If I look at my life since I was a child I can see clear signs of a fucked up adult life coming my way. looks like a movie. everything went too well for it to all go wrong. I can't have anything, I can't do anything right. everything I have was given to me. given to me out of pity or pure luck.
I live with my parents but I can't see myself living alone and paying my bills. my self-esteem was brutally destroyed. I got a wage slave last year but it was gone in weeks. The experience was horrible and it's insane how much time it takes away from your life. I feel like I'm worthy of nothing. complete human trash. If everything continues like this for the next 5 years it hasn't been good, I don't see why I would continue to wake up and rot on the fourth day after day. maybe it's time to die.
Writing this right now I have just come out of a horrible experience. I had an idea to make my day better by rotting in my room like a wretch (which now I won't go into detail about the idea) which I failed. I have a friend who lives close to me and I'm thinking about calling him to help me but I don't think that will solve it either because nothing has ever worked. The feeling is that I have to go through the suffering alone. You know when people say "you're alone and need to create your own reality choose a struggle" that shit must be real.
However, I have a feeling that this part of suffering alone and making your own reality kills you inside. a small part of you dies in it. It's no wonder that many people are stressed or have super aggressive and individualistic behavior like "I'm not here to solve your problem, fuck you", they inherit this process of suffering and sacrifice with them. "I'm not helping you because nobody helped me, figure it out yourself". I had a plan to sleep early today so I could wake up early tomorrow and enjoy the day. but I think I'll end up sleeping late playing some snes games on this horrible day. Someone is living the opposite of me right now. every day for them is a good day, every day seems like a party. Every day is like their birthday. everything works well and naturally for them.
I live with my parents but I can't see myself living alone and paying my bills. my self-esteem was brutally destroyed. I got a wage slave last year but it was gone in weeks. The experience was horrible and it's insane how much time it takes away from your life. I feel like I'm worthy of nothing. complete human trash. If everything continues like this for the next 5 years it hasn't been good, I don't see why I would continue to wake up and rot on the fourth day after day. maybe it's time to die.
Writing this right now I have just come out of a horrible experience. I had an idea to make my day better by rotting in my room like a wretch (which now I won't go into detail about the idea) which I failed. I have a friend who lives close to me and I'm thinking about calling him to help me but I don't think that will solve it either because nothing has ever worked. The feeling is that I have to go through the suffering alone. You know when people say "you're alone and need to create your own reality choose a struggle" that shit must be real.
However, I have a feeling that this part of suffering alone and making your own reality kills you inside. a small part of you dies in it. It's no wonder that many people are stressed or have super aggressive and individualistic behavior like "I'm not here to solve your problem, fuck you", they inherit this process of suffering and sacrifice with them. "I'm not helping you because nobody helped me, figure it out yourself". I had a plan to sleep early today so I could wake up early tomorrow and enjoy the day. but I think I'll end up sleeping late playing some snes games on this horrible day. Someone is living the opposite of me right now. every day for them is a good day, every day seems like a party. Every day is like their birthday. everything works well and naturally for them.
