AlexAP
Fuchsia
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2020
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I have this guy friend, and he is without question one of the greatest men I’ve ever met in life. In the four years or so since we became friends he has been nothing but strong, smart, selfless, and surprisingly charismatic (the type that ALWAYS knows the perfect thing to say). Two years into this friendship, I got a haircut that was much much shorter than I had wanted, and I was FURIOUS about it. It made me feel silly and extremely insecure, and my female friends are the type that want me to feel pretty, but never ever prettier than they are. I asked him what he thought about it, and he said, “Well, it is short, and that’s weird, but I can see your face better.” Then he grabbed my hands and said, “You should never, ever, hide your face.” These are the type of things I usually go bonkers for, and although he hadn’t yet declared his intentions, they seemed to be clear. Unfortunately (because without the caveat this would be too good to be true), I just didn’t find him attractive. Obese, didn’t care about how he dressed, not really a slob but not put together well. One of the last nights before he returned to law school, he asked me why we weren’t together, and because this was a friendship based on candor, I told him that I wasn’t attracted to him. I very easily could have said that the distance would be an issue (it would have been) or that I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship (I told everyone I wasn’t but would’ve abandoned that mantra for the right guy in a flash), but, for some reason, I wanted him to know the things that made him less than boyfriend material in my eyes. He laughed and said, “Good to know.”
Fast-forward a couple of years, and he is at least 125 pounds lighter, is on his way to finishing law school, and has really invested in his appearance. I’m talking stylists and manicures and $700 suits. I’ve been treading water financially (working my way through dental-assistant school) and mired in a relationship with NO FUTURE (guy has no ambition, no drive and is a jerk), and he has become the talk of our social circle. He really took what I said to heart, because literally days after we had our conversation I noticed a gym membership card on his keys.
Well, this transformation completely took me by surprise, but it definitely made me more interested. I expected him to become arrogant, and he was, in some of our mutual friends’ eyes, “the total package,” but it hadn’t changed his personality one bit. We spent more time together this summer than in summers past, usually with a few drinks in hand, and I decided that I would bring the subject up again. I asked (via text) if he still felt the same way as he did last year, and he said, “Nah not really. Kinda gave up on you.” I was furious. What had changed his mind? Was there another girl that had caught his eye? I went to the bar with a couple of female friends, but after a few drinks could not get him off of my mind. I called him and asked if he wanted to smoke, went to his apartment, and after sitting on the couch together just hanging out, he made a move. We had hours of amazing sex. I was certain we were going to take the relationship to the next level. The man who had embodied so many of the qualities I was looking for now pretty much had ALL of them. The next few days went the same way. I would get off work, he would text me telling (never asking, TELLING) me to come over after work, and I would end up spending the night. I expected to see him more, but after a few days the texts stopped. Several days passed and I didn’t see or text with him. Had I scared him away? We communicated practically every day for years until that point, so I was pretty shocked by his silence. I got onto Instagram and saw a dozen or so photos of him at a few different outings with a girl who is pretty much the younger, dumber version of me. Same body type, same hair, on the body of a 19-year-old cocktail waitress.
After almost a week, we finally spoke again, and I asked him if they were serious, to which he replied, “Of course not.” But after a conversation of vague, ambiguous answers, I finally blurted out everything that I was feeling. I wanted him, and I felt like he was punishing me for not being interested in him before. He started laughing, then called me shallow. Saying that he could never date me because he “would have to get on a scale every morning” to determine if he was worthy of me. That his personality had not changed, and that a small change in physical appearance shouldn’t take my interest level from 0 to 100. He then went into lawyer mode, showing me Facebook posts from his heavy days and now; the same clever Facebook status that had gotten 30 likes when he was overweight got over 100 now that he was thin. He then became upset, near tears even, and told me that the saddest part of losing weight was that people finally complimented him on qualities he’d always had. Then he kissed my forehead and told me that my first instincts on dating him were the right ones. I’m absolutely smitten, and want to prove to him that my intentions are genuine. But are they? Should I be punished for not wanting the ugly duckling, then falling for the beautiful swan? And is he really upset, or just using my feelings for him against me?
TL;DR:
Woman friendzones guy for 4 years, guy makes a move, she tells him she's not attracted to him. He loses weight and softmaxxes, becomes attractive and returns a few years later. They become FWB, but he refuses to enter a relationship with her, as he can't forget the past rejection.
Source:
Fast-forward a couple of years, and he is at least 125 pounds lighter, is on his way to finishing law school, and has really invested in his appearance. I’m talking stylists and manicures and $700 suits. I’ve been treading water financially (working my way through dental-assistant school) and mired in a relationship with NO FUTURE (guy has no ambition, no drive and is a jerk), and he has become the talk of our social circle. He really took what I said to heart, because literally days after we had our conversation I noticed a gym membership card on his keys.
Well, this transformation completely took me by surprise, but it definitely made me more interested. I expected him to become arrogant, and he was, in some of our mutual friends’ eyes, “the total package,” but it hadn’t changed his personality one bit. We spent more time together this summer than in summers past, usually with a few drinks in hand, and I decided that I would bring the subject up again. I asked (via text) if he still felt the same way as he did last year, and he said, “Nah not really. Kinda gave up on you.” I was furious. What had changed his mind? Was there another girl that had caught his eye? I went to the bar with a couple of female friends, but after a few drinks could not get him off of my mind. I called him and asked if he wanted to smoke, went to his apartment, and after sitting on the couch together just hanging out, he made a move. We had hours of amazing sex. I was certain we were going to take the relationship to the next level. The man who had embodied so many of the qualities I was looking for now pretty much had ALL of them. The next few days went the same way. I would get off work, he would text me telling (never asking, TELLING) me to come over after work, and I would end up spending the night. I expected to see him more, but after a few days the texts stopped. Several days passed and I didn’t see or text with him. Had I scared him away? We communicated practically every day for years until that point, so I was pretty shocked by his silence. I got onto Instagram and saw a dozen or so photos of him at a few different outings with a girl who is pretty much the younger, dumber version of me. Same body type, same hair, on the body of a 19-year-old cocktail waitress.
After almost a week, we finally spoke again, and I asked him if they were serious, to which he replied, “Of course not.” But after a conversation of vague, ambiguous answers, I finally blurted out everything that I was feeling. I wanted him, and I felt like he was punishing me for not being interested in him before. He started laughing, then called me shallow. Saying that he could never date me because he “would have to get on a scale every morning” to determine if he was worthy of me. That his personality had not changed, and that a small change in physical appearance shouldn’t take my interest level from 0 to 100. He then went into lawyer mode, showing me Facebook posts from his heavy days and now; the same clever Facebook status that had gotten 30 likes when he was overweight got over 100 now that he was thin. He then became upset, near tears even, and told me that the saddest part of losing weight was that people finally complimented him on qualities he’d always had. Then he kissed my forehead and told me that my first instincts on dating him were the right ones. I’m absolutely smitten, and want to prove to him that my intentions are genuine. But are they? Should I be punished for not wanting the ugly duckling, then falling for the beautiful swan? And is he really upset, or just using my feelings for him against me?
TL;DR:
Woman friendzones guy for 4 years, guy makes a move, she tells him she's not attracted to him. He loses weight and softmaxxes, becomes attractive and returns a few years later. They become FWB, but he refuses to enter a relationship with her, as he can't forget the past rejection.
Source:
