Feel like I'm not here

[Muttcel foid killer]

Alot of people irl think I'm high and although I've never done drugs in my life I do feel like I'm not myself I have felt this way for years especially when my eyesight started to go to shit my social life was always bad but it was around the time I discovered the bp that i started to feel like an alien i started questioning my actions why do I go through the motions just to wake up as myself a subhuman ethnic with no future maybe it's because I'm to scared of crippling myself while attempting to rope idk