mewzilla
But all I hear is echo, echo, echo, echo, echo.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2025
- Posts
- 2,644
- Reputation
- 2,813
lately ive had less of a drive to do anything than i ever have.
I've never been an ambitious person, really. Since i was little, leading up to my teenage years, i've always attached myself to something for a period of time. Whether it be art for a month or two, skateboarding for a week, collecting cologne, etc. What im trying to say is that i've never really accomplished anything. My grades arent ideal, but they arent too bad either. I dont have any hobbies, im not looking for a girlfriend (as if i could get one), i dont workout and i don't "connect" with any of my school friends.
recently ive generally been worse. impending doom type shit, but more "eternal boredom" than doom.
i genuinely cannot be asked to do anything at all. i havent done homework or studied in months. the moment i start doing it i just get bored and do something else.
maybe im too sensitized to dopamine? i mean i have been jerking off a little more often that usual, didnt know it could lead to this sort of side effect though.
this new "level" of being a bum began a week or two ago, after a school play. every class had to make a play and i had the main role in my class's play.
i absolutely fucking nailed it and the entire school loved my performance (i was a FEMALE teacher and i acted very flamboyant n shit,the people found it absolutely hilarious and since im average in the looks department and kinda tall my performance wasnt embarassing, but very funny. im a little socially scared so it took alot out of me. im able to mask it well enough that people see me as a jester though so its all good. )
when the audience started clapping for me it was like the entire hall erupted, never have i felt so accomplished in my life. (because i havent accomplished anything prior to this lol, if you could even call this an accomplishment.) and since then ive been miserable.
the last five days ive been sleeping till like 4-5pm (no school), so like 12-13 hours of sleep and im still sleepy all day.
what do i do? its like ive been reliving the same day over and over and over again for months.
go to school
talk with friends i dont relate to at all
learn NOTHING
go home
scroll
sleep (due to not sleeping the night before)
game
sleep for 3-5 hours
repeat
and all the while im feeling subpar
as if im viewing myself in third person, its so weird.
and i dont want to mention how much worse the cycle is going to become now that summer vacation's approaching.
how do i fix this? again, ive always been like this (pathetic? driveless? i dont know what word to use) but lately its been making me restless also.
please dont dnr or tell me im low test (blood test proves im not so you cant call me low test! hah!)
i havent posted something like this before so im a little nervous and im supposed to be awake in four hours so idk if anything i wrote was even coherent, eh ill edit tomorrow.
also i dont have any psychological issue, but i havent been to a psychiatrist or psychologist or whatever so i wouldnt know even if i did.
mewzilla out! lipovela-v arriving this week! customs held it and i forgot to pay till today so it got delayed!!
I've never been an ambitious person, really. Since i was little, leading up to my teenage years, i've always attached myself to something for a period of time. Whether it be art for a month or two, skateboarding for a week, collecting cologne, etc. What im trying to say is that i've never really accomplished anything. My grades arent ideal, but they arent too bad either. I dont have any hobbies, im not looking for a girlfriend (as if i could get one), i dont workout and i don't "connect" with any of my school friends.
recently ive generally been worse. impending doom type shit, but more "eternal boredom" than doom.
i genuinely cannot be asked to do anything at all. i havent done homework or studied in months. the moment i start doing it i just get bored and do something else.
maybe im too sensitized to dopamine? i mean i have been jerking off a little more often that usual, didnt know it could lead to this sort of side effect though.
this new "level" of being a bum began a week or two ago, after a school play. every class had to make a play and i had the main role in my class's play.
i absolutely fucking nailed it and the entire school loved my performance (i was a FEMALE teacher and i acted very flamboyant n shit,the people found it absolutely hilarious and since im average in the looks department and kinda tall my performance wasnt embarassing, but very funny. im a little socially scared so it took alot out of me. im able to mask it well enough that people see me as a jester though so its all good. )
when the audience started clapping for me it was like the entire hall erupted, never have i felt so accomplished in my life. (because i havent accomplished anything prior to this lol, if you could even call this an accomplishment.) and since then ive been miserable.
the last five days ive been sleeping till like 4-5pm (no school), so like 12-13 hours of sleep and im still sleepy all day.
what do i do? its like ive been reliving the same day over and over and over again for months.
go to school
talk with friends i dont relate to at all
learn NOTHING
go home
scroll
sleep (due to not sleeping the night before)
game
sleep for 3-5 hours
repeat
and all the while im feeling subpar
as if im viewing myself in third person, its so weird.
and i dont want to mention how much worse the cycle is going to become now that summer vacation's approaching.
how do i fix this? again, ive always been like this (pathetic? driveless? i dont know what word to use) but lately its been making me restless also.
please dont dnr or tell me im low test (blood test proves im not so you cant call me low test! hah!)
i havent posted something like this before so im a little nervous and im supposed to be awake in four hours so idk if anything i wrote was even coherent, eh ill edit tomorrow.
also i dont have any psychological issue, but i havent been to a psychiatrist or psychologist or whatever so i wouldnt know even if i did.
mewzilla out! lipovela-v arriving this week! customs held it and i forgot to pay till today so it got delayed!!
