C
CiganskaČerga123
Iron
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2025
- Posts
- 6
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I made this account to laugh at all of you while i played minecraft with my friends back in november of last year. I barely use this site sometimes for laughs sometimes, more recently for advice and out of genuine interes for what you people do.
I am first year college and i have a month till classes start. Recently i came back from the coast to my home city and after a few days of going out and having fun i decided to stay in for two days while i get better. Now i feel so alone like i havent in a long long time. I cant even believe i made it my entire life untill junior year practically friendless. My situation compared to how i feel is laughably great but i just feel so goddam sad and unwanted. I am hugely extroverted to a point of being addicted to other people. I like to look at them, talk to them, i listen to them because they are interesting to me, one of the things i like most about intimacy with others is that i get to see them in this new light where they open themselves up to me and i revel in it so much. Certainly i am just makeing up for lost time when i was a child and unwanted by others. As i am writing this a pretty white night butterfly keeps climbing on me even after i tossed it out of my window. It makes me happy. I hugely see people as a means to other people. I try to collect as many as i can and i vlue the ones that i think can get me to as many other people more. I spent much of my time in highschool obsessing over my position in the school hierarchy being that i was at the bottom surely. How good my day was or wasnt was dictated almost entirely by the smallest interactions with people i considered higher up than me. How terrible it is, even subconciously i consider some of my closer friends less valuable than others just because they know less people. I fell so ashamed writing this now. I fell weak in the stomach thinking about the 2 years spent in this hell of other peoples whims, and my entire childhood spent unwanted. I cant even blame any of them for it, How were they supposed to know how terrible they made me fell? Regardless, it ist their resposibilty to make me happy. Now i feel so terrible and alone and miserbale, i had spent the whole day today on my phone or on my laptop or on tv, i hardly got any messages on ig reels or tt. Now that the people arnt phsically aroud me all the obsession has gone into their snap streaks and dms, i can seem to be rid of it. You should know i had diagnosed OCD and spent over a year on antidepressants, this is why i am so obsessive.
I am going to stop now, i am writing this to tell you that i am reasonably popular, more importaintly than that is that people like me, i am charismatic and i can make people like me, i have friends to go out with and i do, i am also reasonably handsome, you might well say im an MTN and i can get girls to like me too.
I have spent a huge amout of effort more than anything else in my entire life to become NT or at least pass for it. i have succeded and so can you. but it will always haunt you. All that time, maybe just the unpleasantness of the experiance, maybe the lost opportunities, maybe the envy to those who didnt have to go through it all. I find myself now full of hate for those who remember me as i was before. God maybe they dont even remember but i cant let go i just hope i will soon.
i hope none of you see this thread
I am first year college and i have a month till classes start. Recently i came back from the coast to my home city and after a few days of going out and having fun i decided to stay in for two days while i get better. Now i feel so alone like i havent in a long long time. I cant even believe i made it my entire life untill junior year practically friendless. My situation compared to how i feel is laughably great but i just feel so goddam sad and unwanted. I am hugely extroverted to a point of being addicted to other people. I like to look at them, talk to them, i listen to them because they are interesting to me, one of the things i like most about intimacy with others is that i get to see them in this new light where they open themselves up to me and i revel in it so much. Certainly i am just makeing up for lost time when i was a child and unwanted by others. As i am writing this a pretty white night butterfly keeps climbing on me even after i tossed it out of my window. It makes me happy. I hugely see people as a means to other people. I try to collect as many as i can and i vlue the ones that i think can get me to as many other people more. I spent much of my time in highschool obsessing over my position in the school hierarchy being that i was at the bottom surely. How good my day was or wasnt was dictated almost entirely by the smallest interactions with people i considered higher up than me. How terrible it is, even subconciously i consider some of my closer friends less valuable than others just because they know less people. I fell so ashamed writing this now. I fell weak in the stomach thinking about the 2 years spent in this hell of other peoples whims, and my entire childhood spent unwanted. I cant even blame any of them for it, How were they supposed to know how terrible they made me fell? Regardless, it ist their resposibilty to make me happy. Now i feel so terrible and alone and miserbale, i had spent the whole day today on my phone or on my laptop or on tv, i hardly got any messages on ig reels or tt. Now that the people arnt phsically aroud me all the obsession has gone into their snap streaks and dms, i can seem to be rid of it. You should know i had diagnosed OCD and spent over a year on antidepressants, this is why i am so obsessive.
I am going to stop now, i am writing this to tell you that i am reasonably popular, more importaintly than that is that people like me, i am charismatic and i can make people like me, i have friends to go out with and i do, i am also reasonably handsome, you might well say im an MTN and i can get girls to like me too.
I have spent a huge amout of effort more than anything else in my entire life to become NT or at least pass for it. i have succeded and so can you. but it will always haunt you. All that time, maybe just the unpleasantness of the experiance, maybe the lost opportunities, maybe the envy to those who didnt have to go through it all. I find myself now full of hate for those who remember me as i was before. God maybe they dont even remember but i cant let go i just hope i will soon.
i hope none of you see this thread
