U
UtterFailureAnd5'5
Bronze
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2026
- Posts
- 373
- Reputation
- 391
As my name says, I am an utter failure and 5'5. I am currently 16, turning 17 in a couple of months, and genuinely fucking feel like I'm different from everyone else. Most my childhood I seemed normal, to fit in with people, but at some point I noticed that some kids in my primary school are in their groups always, playing without me but with other kids. I picked up football trying to fit in with them, but it just never seemed to work. It just continued like that... having "friends" but them having their own groups and me not really caring much, until I hit 14.
Middle school, 3rd grade. I joined a new class since I switched schools due to moving countries, and everyone there already knew eachother for 2 years or longer if they went to primary together. The only people I actually managed to get along with, were other new kids who just didn't belong. I didn't hang out after school because I didn't have anyone to do it with, didn't text with anyone after school because noone cared enough for it, only contact I had with people was at school, and that was only limited to my class. I barely knew people in my class, let alone people from neighbouring classes. At 14 I started going to the gym, I did it at first to just get bigger, as at that age I didn't think I cared for relationships etc. and that it will come at the right time, my opinion changed later very fast:
3rd and 4th grade passed, 2 months of summer holidays that lasted forever. Im 15 years old and it got to me, my summer holidays are spent with no friends or anything. It started creeping in, that feeling of everything seeming fine but empty. I just didn't know it yet. I started going to the calisthenics park every evening to get some calisthenic work in.
Summer holidays ended, started a new school. High school. I thought "new people/new class maybe I won't get cucked out of socializing with people and belonging to a group. Wrong. First day of school, already existant groups came into the class. Years of history behind them. I was onc again an outsider, additionally, my class was made up of 26 foids and 5 guys (counting me). I stuck with the guys because I had no other choice, most girls were at most being nice to me but avoiding me alot. First weeks of school when people were introducing themselves to eachother during break, I sat mostly quiet and just listened. I had zero social skills and observed how others behave with one another. Those that didn't know one another's names, spoke to eachother as if they were already acquainted months beforehand. I also then learned that "never judge a book by it's cover" is bullshit. I was 5'4 or so at 15, had a roundy face and skinny arms, long uncut hair, they weren't greasy or anything just unkept, glasses that were too small for my face, and my first impression was a fucking black turtle neck, yellowish/tan colored pants and black shoes because my parents told me "I need to look proper". The 2 taller guys that looked better, had more attention whereas I was just there. While foids asked for their names, they avoided mine entirely. Few months go by and they actually speak to me more since given that I'm there why not, and they actually get used to me and sometimes talk to me. The 2 foids that were ingrained into our "guys group" later became somewhat chill with me and they told me something that woke me up; "On the first day of school, I kind of thought you're a weird nerd, but you're actually pretty chill" and another one from a different foid "I thought you're gay". During that time however, I was already good with everyone, until late novemeber/early december, when 2 popular foids decided to make me their bullseye. Why not spread rumours about me yeah? December is when I started skipping. One day spiraled very quickly into 3x a week, and before I knew it I skipped entire weeks and months. In the second semester I still tried to go to school, but the fucking classmates, schoolmates, teachers, time table, stupid jokes about my appearance and just entire school pissed me off too bad and I was barely there. Any time I did come, the only people that actually cared were 2 dudes, who weren't part of the "cool kids" group that formed later in our fuckass class, other than that when I did appear people did talk to me but it's not like they missed me or something. I flew out of this school, and it wasn't just any school but one of the better business-focused highschools in my city/country, so I threw that out because of the fact my appearance made every single person around me project their evils on me. Summer holidays 2025 I didn't bother stressing, I tried to get an apprenticeship but didn't manage, my grades were awful and so noone wanted me, and before I knew it, school year began and I had nothing. Either I go to a pre-vocational school, or register as unemployed. At 16 I basically threw my shit away.
As of typing this, I'm currently almost done with the first semester of pre-vocational. I got 2 interviews for paid apprenticeships and if all goes well, September 2026 I start earning money. This is mostly just a text wall and rant, my memories are blurred as I spent alot of my days rotting in bed. I didn't bother mentioning stupid jokes from male schoolmates about for example school prom when they said "I should get blackout drunk and talk to girls, maybe I'll get one" or foids asking other foids if they like my appearance, to which they replied with "ugh". It should be self explanatory that me being here means I'm revolting, and a khhv loser. During the first semester, when I started skipping. I went through a weird stage where I just, felt empty I suppose. It's hard to explain, I was neither sad or happy, not bored nor excited or anything. I laughed and interacted but I didn't have an emotional opinion on my present situation or myself or anything.
Middle school, 3rd grade. I joined a new class since I switched schools due to moving countries, and everyone there already knew eachother for 2 years or longer if they went to primary together. The only people I actually managed to get along with, were other new kids who just didn't belong. I didn't hang out after school because I didn't have anyone to do it with, didn't text with anyone after school because noone cared enough for it, only contact I had with people was at school, and that was only limited to my class. I barely knew people in my class, let alone people from neighbouring classes. At 14 I started going to the gym, I did it at first to just get bigger, as at that age I didn't think I cared for relationships etc. and that it will come at the right time, my opinion changed later very fast:
3rd and 4th grade passed, 2 months of summer holidays that lasted forever. Im 15 years old and it got to me, my summer holidays are spent with no friends or anything. It started creeping in, that feeling of everything seeming fine but empty. I just didn't know it yet. I started going to the calisthenics park every evening to get some calisthenic work in.
Summer holidays ended, started a new school. High school. I thought "new people/new class maybe I won't get cucked out of socializing with people and belonging to a group. Wrong. First day of school, already existant groups came into the class. Years of history behind them. I was onc again an outsider, additionally, my class was made up of 26 foids and 5 guys (counting me). I stuck with the guys because I had no other choice, most girls were at most being nice to me but avoiding me alot. First weeks of school when people were introducing themselves to eachother during break, I sat mostly quiet and just listened. I had zero social skills and observed how others behave with one another. Those that didn't know one another's names, spoke to eachother as if they were already acquainted months beforehand. I also then learned that "never judge a book by it's cover" is bullshit. I was 5'4 or so at 15, had a roundy face and skinny arms, long uncut hair, they weren't greasy or anything just unkept, glasses that were too small for my face, and my first impression was a fucking black turtle neck, yellowish/tan colored pants and black shoes because my parents told me "I need to look proper". The 2 taller guys that looked better, had more attention whereas I was just there. While foids asked for their names, they avoided mine entirely. Few months go by and they actually speak to me more since given that I'm there why not, and they actually get used to me and sometimes talk to me. The 2 foids that were ingrained into our "guys group" later became somewhat chill with me and they told me something that woke me up; "On the first day of school, I kind of thought you're a weird nerd, but you're actually pretty chill" and another one from a different foid "I thought you're gay". During that time however, I was already good with everyone, until late novemeber/early december, when 2 popular foids decided to make me their bullseye. Why not spread rumours about me yeah? December is when I started skipping. One day spiraled very quickly into 3x a week, and before I knew it I skipped entire weeks and months. In the second semester I still tried to go to school, but the fucking classmates, schoolmates, teachers, time table, stupid jokes about my appearance and just entire school pissed me off too bad and I was barely there. Any time I did come, the only people that actually cared were 2 dudes, who weren't part of the "cool kids" group that formed later in our fuckass class, other than that when I did appear people did talk to me but it's not like they missed me or something. I flew out of this school, and it wasn't just any school but one of the better business-focused highschools in my city/country, so I threw that out because of the fact my appearance made every single person around me project their evils on me. Summer holidays 2025 I didn't bother stressing, I tried to get an apprenticeship but didn't manage, my grades were awful and so noone wanted me, and before I knew it, school year began and I had nothing. Either I go to a pre-vocational school, or register as unemployed. At 16 I basically threw my shit away.
As of typing this, I'm currently almost done with the first semester of pre-vocational. I got 2 interviews for paid apprenticeships and if all goes well, September 2026 I start earning money. This is mostly just a text wall and rant, my memories are blurred as I spent alot of my days rotting in bed. I didn't bother mentioning stupid jokes from male schoolmates about for example school prom when they said "I should get blackout drunk and talk to girls, maybe I'll get one" or foids asking other foids if they like my appearance, to which they replied with "ugh". It should be self explanatory that me being here means I'm revolting, and a khhv loser. During the first semester, when I started skipping. I went through a weird stage where I just, felt empty I suppose. It's hard to explain, I was neither sad or happy, not bored nor excited or anything. I laughed and interacted but I didn't have an emotional opinion on my present situation or myself or anything.
